Disclaimer: Not mine, ever and never. Mashashi Kishimoto-san owns my SOUL also.
Warning: Yaoi. Fluff. Deadpan humor that rots your brain.
Pairing: SasuNaru mostly. Little tints of GaaNaru. LeeSaku, InoShika, and... maybe some IruKaka for flavor.

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So You're In Love With Your Best Friend?
Chapter One--Of Eyeliner and Flames of Death
Naruto's POV

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My name is Uzumaki Naruto, and I've got the most stubborn boyfriend in the entire world, ever. I mean, we've been together ever since we were twelve, and yet he seems to never want to admit that I'm his little love muffin. I swear, it's what he calls me in bed! The usually stoic Sasuke would throw everyone's idea off when you're alone in a very cozy little bathtub heehee. And I have pictures. Lots and lots. Bwhahah! Well okay, maybe love muffin is going a little too far...because I doubt I'd call someone that either, but you get the point.

Anyway, take this morning for example. He wasn't a very nice boyfriend at all. Kicking me in my face and then, hah, throwing my beloved uniform out the window. So I had to get it in my goddamn boxers! In front of the elderly neighbors who threw their old diet soda cans at me, for whatever reason I don't know.

I was a little upset, but I didn't try to kill him or anything serious like that kukuku...

That brings us to right now... he won't even walk me to class! Just laughing and pushing me outta the way, just so he can be all cool in front of everybody else. God, that pisses me off so bad! Thinks he's so freaking awesome.

"SASUKE-TEME!" Honestly, does he like it when I call him that? He seems to take sick pleasure when I scream my head off, just so he can ignore me like the bastard he is. Ugh.

"Go away dobe."

That's it. It's time to use the thing he hates most...

"But Sasuke-kun, don't you wanna kiss your wittle foxy Naruto g'bye?" I even coo with The Eyes. He looks back horrified, and maybe a little bit sweaty.

"Just shut the hell up idiot!" he hisses, everyone's faces trained to ours intently.

"Saaaaaaasukkkke," I grin and rub against him, not missing all the heat coming from the growing crowd, waiting. "I thought you said you liiiked when I moaned for you? I think I remember you--"

His hand is really unpleasant on my throat as he drags me away, into the boy's bathroom and slams me into the wall. Ow!

"You little punk!"

But he takes my breath away literally, 'cause my lips seem to be on his, and his tongue is pushing its way down my throat, and his hands are hot as they grab me and haul me up on his hips. Faintly, I hear the bell ring, but I don't think he cares much. This is definitely something we shouldn't do... definitely not. I can't help but clutch him closer, though, until he breaks away, laying his forehead against mine. Ewww, it's all sweaty! He must have some weird sweating disease or something.

I smile despite the sweat of doom, and he smiles, and I giggle, and he chuckles. Until I frown, and he glares.

"That wasn't funny, Naruchan," he says mockingly, though it makes my heart ache, so I kiss him again, chastely on the lips. I'm let down, but his hand is still possessively on my hip.

"Pfft, maybe you won't ignore me anymore. I hope I'm not just a plaything to the all mighty Uchiha Sasuke? Am I Sasuke?"

He grins that naughty grin that only I get to see and pushes our bodies closer, if humanly possible. "And if you are? Besides, I think you like it." He licks my ear, but it doesn't really feel good, just kinda slimy. Like him.

"Sasuke! Be serious or I'll have to beat you..."

He pulls away completely, staring at me with that horrible indifference of his. "I don't know. Let's go to class."

Asshole. That's his excuse for everything. Sasuke do you loooove me? Let's to class. Sasuuuuke will you give me head? Let's go to class. Sasuke I've got to peeeee! Let's go to class, idiot. IDIOT!

It's his solution to EVERYTHING!

"Fine."

We're at least twenty minutes late, but considering the teacher, it won't be a problem. Kakashi-sensei... to put it simply, misses half our classes anyway. But when he's actually there, woo boy, we're worked like dogs in heat.

"Good morning Sasuke-kun!" the girls all sing with annoyingly off tune voices. He barely grunts in acknowledgment, sitting down beside me. Gaara, who conveniently sits on my other side, turns his head and kinda... looks at me. I smile back, he blushes. Gaara's weird.

Now Sasuke's staring at Gaara... with evil eyes...

Man... Sasuke doesn't like Gaara. I wonder why? He's such a nice guy! Well once you get to know him at least.

"Why don't you gorge your eyes out, Gaara, because they're starting to drill a hole through Naruto's head."

"Why don't you blow me, Uchiha." Dude, Gaara is so cool.

But no! Sasuke is not to be outdone by some mere freak-of-nature! He must use his torturing powers of doom against the unsuspecting victim. Well Gaara is honestly equally torturous... so who knows.

"Secret fantasy? Sorry, I don't do requests."

Everyone collectively gasps. Gaara moves to stand, but thankfully, yours truly gets between him and Sasuke's mouthy ass face, holding back his fist with what I hope is a succulently deceiving smile just as Kakashi-sensei himself rolls in the room.

"Yo."

He waves and sits down, and starts reading his normal porn. I slink back down in my seat, and get the two peacocks to do the same. He reads only one thing. I think it's the only thing he's ever read.

Itcha Itcha Paradise is a wonderfully perverted book. It's seriously fucked up. He let me borrow it one day (well I sort of stole it while he was eating lunch in the bushes)... and oh man, let's just say me and Sasuke found some sick position to uh, try out for later. Heh.

"Good morning Kakashi-sensei," is the collective and quiet, dull response.

Sasuke is glaring at me. I can feel the heat from a mile away, and I'm starting to worry that my face will randomly set on fire or something ghastly like that. Oh no!

On another thought... Gaara has pretty hair...

"Oi! Naruto are you paying attention!" Kakashi mumbles in his monotone voice, narrowing his lone eye at me.

"But... you're not doing anything?" I reply innocently, hoping... just hoping he was only doing uh, nothing.

"Very good. It's nice to be awake, isn't it? Hah," and he scribbles a few assignments on the board before his nose is right back in his book.

"Na... Naruto-kun," Gaara whispers. There's that strange heat again...

Aw, he gave my name a 'kun!' Gyaa! That's so cool!

"What, Gaara-san?"

"Who are you going with to this 'formal' I keep hearing about?"

Formal! Heh heh heh...

"I don't know, Gaara-san," I draw, loving the fire erupting in onyx eyes to my left. I don't care if I can't see it. Oh, it's there. Kukuku, don't piss me off Uchiha bastard. "I'm not really dating anyone right now, I guess."

FUCK the paper exploded in vicious yellow flames! On my desk. And then it seems like everyone's desks are on fire.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI GAAAAH PUT IT OUT! What the FUCK!" Every one screams dramatically. I mean, c'mon... a little fire never killed anyone.

Kakashi's whole arm is engulfed in flame and he's ... COMING CLOSER AHHH!

Thankfully, Gaara is a trained fireman. Of course. He sacrafices his own body and puts mine out. With minor burns, of course. Sasuke just pushes me out of the way. How daring of him. Tch. Jerk.

"Okay, yeah... that was a, ah, bit random, ne?" Kakashi daringly put his hand on Gaara's shoulder, beathing out a lazy sigh of relief. "I, uh, think this little incident merits a day off, eh?" He says that for everything. But I guess no one should really complain.

The doorway is really too small for a whole class to bustle through, they should really get that looked at, hah. It's only like, every other day that Kakashi does something so cool like thus. Ew, I just said he was cool.

A hand yanks mine, and pulls me into the hall. Sasuke is staring at me with angry, slightly lustful (okay not really) eyes.

"You piss--"

"Sasuke-kun! ...Naruto, why are you two in the hallway?"

Sakura hops up to us with a sandwich in her hand, which she quickly hides with a blush. "It's my lunch period, but what are you up to?"

So... yeah, she's really talking to Sasuke. Notice the 'you' in the sentence. Even though she has a FUCKING boyfriend. Rock Lee, maybe you've heard of him. Freak of nature...

And well, it's not just Sakura, actually, every girl goes after Sasuke, married with children or not. Pregnant, poor... etc.

Feh. I hate women.

Fickle creatures. Really.

"Go away," Sasuke mumbles and pulls me along, leaving her in our DUST oh yeah!

"'Kay, have a lovely morning Sasuke-kun!" Her face falls as I stick out my tongue, grinning. We turn a corner and I'm pushed into total darkness.

NOT THE CLOSET. It's dark. And I think there's some sort of dead animal spread across the floor, because it smells terrible. Sasuke's hand goes to my cheek, nails digging in slightly. Not enough to hurt, maybe it's just because he's shaking... shaking?

"Now, that little stunt you pulled? Explain," he deadpans.

I roll my eyes. "Well we're not together, I can date who I want!"

Sasuke's eyes are sort of glowing... Like that can scare me, Uzumaki Naruto!

"And you pick that fucking... that fucking sand freak!"

Hey, Gaara's not that bad... "Fuck you Uchiha--"

"I don't think so. If you touch him, you're not sleeping in my bed."

GAH! Noo... my bed, it's... well, see...

It's trying to kill me.

And... Sasuke told me that a missing nin, AKA his long lost brother was out for my blood. Do I believe him, why yes, yes I do. Why? Because I know Sasuke.

"Whatever, but if you're so goddamn 'straight', no more sex." Oh this'll be sweet. Sasuke without sex? Bwhahah! Can't go a day! Well okay, we've never actually done "it" but we've definitely had a little fun down under, if you ask me.

"Done." He smirks.

SAY WHAT!

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TBC...

Hopefully, you'll get a bit of past in the next chapter. Like why they're living together...

CAN SASUKE LAST!

Find out...

But you have to review first...

Bwhahah!