CHAPTER FOUR

"Dr. Youngblood!"

Jack was on his feet faster than lightning, but the surgeon addressed Daniel.

"Ah, Dr. Jackson. How are you doing?"

"Alright. How's Sam?"

"No real difference today, I'm afraid."

Jack couldn't be quiet any longer. He burst into the conversation with the grace of an elephant. "Daniel, what's going on? This guy Carter's doc? How's she doing? When can I see her?"

Daniel tried to make apology to the doctor with his expression. "Dr. Youngblood, General Jack O'Neill. If you have a moment, could you give us an update to get me up to speed and fill in my friend here?"

The surgeon looked worried and nervous, but managed to eek out an answer. "Really, Dr. Jackson, I can't right now. I need to get up to OR 5 right away-perhaps later today? My apologies, General. I just really need to go now. Soon, I promise."

Soon ended up being five hours, and Jack was ready to explode. Daniel had managed to fall back into an uneasy sleep, but the General had only succeeded in picking off about half of his skin cells with his restless fidgeting. By the time Dr. Youngblood came around again, Jack was nearly ready to scream. He'd done this hospital vigil thing more times than he cared to count, but it never got any easier. And this was Carter. Something cold and dull ached inside of him when he thought about that.

It wasn't supposed to be this way.

What Jack had told Daniel earlier was true. After he'd transferred out of the SCG, he and Carter had gone out a few times. They'd played it off as just two friends having some fun, but they had really been testing the waters to see if they wanted to go down that road that had lain in front of them for a long, long time. A road that sometimes looked so tempting it made Jack ache, but that other times looked like a scary and complicated place that was more trouble than it was worth. Things hadn't exactly gone badly, but they had been awkward. It just felt too strange. Too complicated. Somehow there was too much history already there, in the way of making a new one. Jack didn't entirely understand why or how it happened, but slowly the phone calls became less frequent on both sides, starting with taking longer to return a message and ending with, well, six months of not talking. Sometimes he nearly broke the silence on a lonely night, but he didn't want to bother Carter. He didn't want to hold her back from her new SG team or her life. He didn't feel like it was his place.

Now, whatever reasons that had caused Jack and Sam to drift apart over these last months seemed trivial. Trite. Stupid. Even if they hadn't worked out as a couple, or decided not to try, Jack thought that they should have at least stayed friends. Close friends. Friendship was worth a little discomfort, wasn't it? Hadn't they stayed friends through more than a few awkward moments in the past? The idea that he'd failed Carter somehow was killing Jack O'Neill. Not that he could prevent a motorcycle accident, but dammit, he thought he should've at least known what was going on in Carter's life. So, when the surgeon finally returned, Jack was not in the best of moods, to say the least. The anger that had been slowly building up inside the General vented itself on the easiest target.

"You!" Jack nearly spat the word at the white-coated figure, who was looking a little worse for the wear himself. His last surgery must have taken a toll on him, but O'Neill barely noticed.

Fortunately, Daniel was there to provide a calmer voice. "Jack."

"Sit down, Daniel. I'm going to find out what's going on with Carter."

"Jack, let the man speak. He's just doing his job. You know how hospitals can be."

"Damn right I do, and I'm going to get in there to see Carter if I have to bowl this guy over myself to do it!"

"Jack, really."

At this point, Dr. Youngblood decided he'd had quite enough of watching these two men bicker, even though it was entertaining in a way. "Enough. Gentleman, if you'll come this way, I can arrange a visit to see Dr. Carter, and even introduce you to her primary physician now that she is officially post-op, not an emergency surgical case." He said this in a quiet voice, but nonetheless his words demanded respect. Both Daniel and Jack stopped speaking as if a switch had been thrown. They listened to the surgeon, then quietly followed him down the hall. Dr. Youngblood, his expression out of sight in the lead of the little group, had a small smile on his face. He was not at all sad to be giving these two visitors, especially the new one, over to a new doctor. He would still check in on his patient, but it was up to TICU and then the orthopedic and neuro types to deal with these two now. Dr. Youngblood couldn't help but wish his colleagues luck internally.

They would need it.

XXX

After what seemed to Jack to be an inordinately long series of introductions and greetings, during which Daniel was infuriatingly polite, they finally let him in to see Carter. He could barely see her underneath all the blankets, tubes, and various pieces of equipment hooked up to her. She was pale, but breathing steadily on her own. That alone eased Jack's mind a little bit. No ventilator. No obvious life support. Sam really was alive. Jack hadn't really believed it until he saw it. Daniel had stayed outside the room for this visit, which suited Jack just fine. He needed to digest this on his own for a few minutes. Besides, the TICU was a clean room type facility. The risk of post-operative infections in these patients was too great to allow just anyone in, and large numbers of people visiting at any one time was not allowed. Jack looked down the short row of beds and saw that the other patients were in the same boat. Family members looked in from outside through large windows on one wall while one representative held a hand or said a prayer.

Jack wasn't a religious man, but he lifted a few thoughts of his own on high today. As he made his way to Carter's bedside, he suddenly got an urge to turn and run. He'd never been comfortable in hospitals. Too much death. He felt like he had to get out of there, quickly. A panicked look flew across his face for a second, and his heart rate nearly doubled, but then he steeled himself for what he knew he had to do, and he continued forward. There was no way he could back out of this now.

Once he got to the bed, Jack fell into his usual role of protector and surveyed the damage. To him, it looked like Samantha Carter was just sleeping. He knew there were damages he couldn't see, but for now, Carter looked peaceful. He didn't want to wake her, but he needed some contact with her. So he sat in the little plastic chair by the bed and reached out a tentative hand to hold hers. After a moment, his head bowed down to rest on top of his hand, with hers on the bottom. His eyes closed and he just soaked in the touch. He'd been sitting there for what seemed a very long time, but altogether too short a time, when an older nurse with a kind face touched him on the shoulder. It was time to go. Sam hadn't stirred while he sat there, but her hand was warm, and he willed strength into it. Jack clung to it like an anchor in a maelstrom. He wasn't sure who was anchoring whom. He just knew he had to hold on. If someone had looked closely while he sat, they might have seen a single tear course down one cheek followed by a big swallow that signaled Jack O'Neill was trying not to cry. He had regained his composure by the time the nurse came for him, though, and he merely nodded to the woman before standing stiffly to leave the room. He took one last, long look at Carter over his shoulder and walked to the door. He thought no one had seen his weakness.

But Daniel Jackson had been watching very closely.