CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Jack O'Neill arrived on Samantha Carter's doorstep at just after 0900 the next day. He hesitated as his hand was about to knock on the door, but he did knock. The lead guts feeling from the previous night had not left him, but he had to make sure she was ok.

It took a long time for Carter to answer the door. Jack was just about to either leave or let himself in with his emergency key when Sam finally appeared. She opened the door only a crack, to see who was there. When she saw it was Jack, she did not open it any further. A blank but angry look came into her eyes and she just stared at him for about thirty seconds before finally offering a greeting, if it could be called that.

"General." She practically snarled at him.

Jack grimaced. He knew he was in for it now, and deservedly so. His greeting followed without any effort on his part. It came out of habit. "Colonel."

As soon as he said it, Jack regretted it. The usually strong Samantha Carter responded in a way Jack just didn't know how to handle. Her blue eyes slowly filled with tears at the brims, but none spilled out. Sam just stared at Jack with a mixture of anger, fear, and pain on her face. Their eyes met, and Jack thought he had never seen anything so heart wrenching in all his life. He wanted to make it all go away. A flood of emotions ran through him and he knew that all those old feelings surrounding Carter were not only far from gone, they were very much alive and well. Jack's mind screamed out to him to screw the now defunct regs…screw everyone…screw everything. Carter was hurting, and he needed to fix it. When Sam's eyes faltered and looked down…when one tear spilled over the lids…when she whispered 'not anymore', Jack couldn't take it. Something broke loose inside of him and he had to try to fix this. He reached up slowly and pushed the door open just a little more. Sam didn't fight him. Jack's other hand then came up to raise Carter's chin just enough that he could lower his head down to look her in the eye. He asked permission to come in with questioning eyes and a small sideways flick of his head. Despite everything that had happened between them in the last two years, words were still not needed for communication between these once close friends, and when Sam responded with a tiny nod and a slight opening of body posture achieved by moving her shoulders aside, Jack slipped inside the house.

His first words once inside were both familiar and strange to both people present. They were familiar because they seemed as natural as breathing and had been said before. They were strange because they carried so much meaning for such small words and because for so long they represented something so very complicated.

"Come 'ere."

Sam folded into Jack's arms like one of those air-filled holiday ornaments that had suddenly been turned off, and despite the circumstances, it felt right to Jack. Sam filled his arms and his heart completely. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed her. How wrong he'd been to leave her. How wrong they'd both been to not put a little more effort into seeing if they could be more than friends. He held her and made little soothing motions with his hands on her back, but said nothing. There was nothing to say.

Carter cried into Jack's shoulder. She couldn't help it. She had to let go with someone about this, and in spite of everything, she still felt closer to this man than any other person on the planet, and she knew he understood what this discharge meant to her. She also knew that she could count on him to be the strong one sometimes. He could pick her up when she faltered. He'd proven it before, and was doing so again now.

Sam's loss of control didn't last long. After a few minutes, she regained her composure and whispered, somewhat bashfully, as if she was embarrassed, against Jack's neck.

"Sorry, Sir."

Both Jack and Sam realized at the same time how incredibly silly the sir was, given the circumstances, and small chuckles escaped them both. Before long, the chuckles had given way to nervous laughter and then to all out belly laughs. Jack and Sam had to sit down to keep from falling down from their mirth. They still held onto each other, but they just couldn't stop laughing. It was one of those times when one knows they should stop, when laughing is completely inappropriate and one doesn't even know what is funny, but the giggles just keep coming. To see Colonel Sam Carter and General Jack O'Neill sitting on the floor behind a barely closed front door laughing like hyenas would have given many people quite a surprise, but as it was just the two of them, they carried on for as long as their bodies would let them.

When the fits of hysterics were finally over, Jack and Sam were left sitting on the floor, leaning on each other for support and completely out of breath. When Carter had recovered enough to speak, she shifted her head off Jack's shoulder just enough to murmur a single word into his ear.

"Thanks." Her whisper tickled the hair on Jack's neck, but it didn't make him laugh. It made him uncomfortable. Carter's next move only added to his discomfort.

She kissed him. A sweet, short, gentle kiss on the neck. The side of his neck, where it met his shoulder. Jack was wondering what on earth could have possessed Carter to do something like that when another kiss landed just above the place where the first had been. Jack was beginning to think he had entered a strange and terrifying land where things were not as they seemed.

The lead in Jack's gut had disappeared by now, but it was slowly being replaced by something else. Something warm and very pleasant. Something Jack had felt before for Sam Carter, but thought he'd never be able to act on. Carter continued her upward kisses on Jack's neck, and before long was just below his ear. The warm feeling in Jack was building, and Jack knew he had to stop this. He still couldn't figure out why it was happening, and part of him didn't care, but he knew it wasn't right.

"Carter." Jack's voice was barely a whisper.

"Carter." Jack called out a little louder this time, but his voice still got no response from Sam.

"Carter, you need to stop…unless…" Jack trailed off, ashamed he had even added that last word. He knew there should be no 'unless'. This couldn't happen. Not now, probably not ever. This needed to stop, period. Jack's brain couldn't even begin to wrap itself around what was happening, and this was NOT how he ever wanted anything to happen with Carter. But the next words Sam said changed everything.

"Shh…Jack…please." Carter breathed out.

General O'Neill could have probably resisted either the use of his given name or the 'please', but not both. The warm feeling in his gut burst into flame. He responded to Carter's touch with a vengeance. Jack shifted around from his position somewhat beside Sam to sit in front of her and kissed her back. He was slightly hesitant at first and but as she returned his kiss, Jack grew more bold and the kiss deepened. For the space of a few heartbeats, Jack was lost in pleasure, but it didn't last long. Suddenly, fireworks exploded in his brain, and he remembered why this was wrong. He broke off the kiss and just rested, forehead to forehead with Carter, for a moment. He still couldn't believe this was happening. Why now? He had waited for so long to be able to do this with Carter when one of them was out of the Air Force, but to have it happen like this, with Carter hurt and fragile, just didn't seem right. And things had changed. With all that had happened between them in the last two years, to do this seemed very wrong. Jack felt like he was on thin ice in the middle of a very large lake and if he moved at all he would go crashing though into the frigid waters below. He needed to know where to go. He looked to the only person he thought could help him.

Jack's forehead pushed Carter's upward gently, making her look at him. Jack was scared, nervous, excited, and unsure all at the same time. He had to know Sam was ok with this before anything more happened. Carter answered his unspoken query by softly whining as her contact with him was severed, and Jack nearly lost control again, but he had to know for sure. Hesitantly, with a small quaver in his voice, Jack O'Neill asked for confirmation.

"You sure? I need to stop if…"

One feminine hand came up to caress Jack's face, and Carter leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"Jack…please."

The last of the ice gave way, and Jack O'Neill plunged into the waters of an unknown lake with a tentative smile on his face, desperately hoping he wouldn't drown.