CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

They ate mostly in silence for about ten minutes, while sitting on opposite sides of Sam's kitchen table. It wasn't a comfortable silence, but they were both hungry, so the food made a good excuse not to talk. Finally, Carter broke the quiet.

"Sorry."

Jack looked up from the cardboard bucket that was serving as a bowl with a mouth half full of noodles. "Huh?"

"Sorry, sir."

Jack finished his mouthful and swallowed. He waved at Sam dismissively. "Don't worry about it. I would've thought the same thing in your shoes. It's not like I have a stellar track record when it comes to relationship etiquette. Oh, and Carter, drop the sir, ok?"

Carter chuckled a little at that. "I'll try. Ten years makes it a hard habit to break, but I'll try. Oh, and Jack, in the interest of fairness, it's Sam."

Now it was Jack's turn to laugh. "Alright. I'll try, too. You're right. It will be a hard habit to break, but maybe we'll have plenty of time to work on it?"

There was nervous hope in Jack's voice as he spoke, and his hand snuck across the table toward Sam's then. He turned it over, so that the palm was up. His eyes explored her face, looking for some sign of how she was feeling about everything. Inwardly, he prayed that she was ok, and that somehow, someway he would get another chance at being more than friends with Samantha Carter.

Privately, Carter was battling herself. On one hand she wanted nothing more than to take the offered hand and just see how things played out. On the other, she had no idea what she wanted. She was at a place in her life where so many choices were presenting themselves. Did she want to try to find a civilian position within the SGC? Or within the military at all? Or did she want to do something entirely different? Lab work? Teach? None of the above? Did she want to stay in Colorado Springs or go elsewhere? Did she want to try to lead a 'normal' life, with a family, a dog, and a minivan? That last thought made Sam shudder, and Jack took that as a rejection of his offer. He slowly turned his hand over and slid it back towards himself, as the hopeful light in his eyes died and his features fell.

"Sorry."

"No, sir…Jack. It's not you. It's just that I don't know which way is up right now. I'm so overwhelmed by everything. I have no idea where I'm going or how I'm going to get there. I don't want to mislead you. I don't want to get involved any deeper with you until I know that what I feel is what I feel. Until I'm sure that if you ask me what I want to do, I won't change my mind the next week. I'm not really in a good position to begin a relationship right now. I'm sorry for today. I'm sorry I screwed everything up."

"Ouch." O'Neill's eyes closed, and his head turned slightly to the side like he was trying not to flinch at the words he'd just heard.

Sam quickly began to backpedal. "No…I didn't mean it like that…really…I just…"

Jack interrupted her. "I know. I understand. And I'm not looking for anything here. I don't know where we go from here, either. I don't even know how I feel about everything. I just…tell you what. I'm going to go home. To my house here, in Colorado. When you feel up to it, you give me a call, and we can have dinner or something and try to see where this leads, ok? I know I haven't always been good on it before, and for that I apologize, but I said I would always be here for you, and I will be. No more running. I'm in this for the long haul, if we decide we want to explore this. If not, well, that will have to be ok, too. I don't want to lose you again."

Sam thought that she couldn't have heard Jack right. This was exactly what she wanted to hear. Take some time, maybe go out a bit again, see where things go. If they went well, cool. If not, ok, but no drifting apart again no matter what. No letting one event stand in the way of anything. It seemed idealistic, but Sam thought maybe they could pull it off. Maybe…

The phone rang. Suddenly, Sam realized it was nine o'clock at night. She wondered why no one else had called or come by. Since she had received her discharge papers, Daniel had practically been living at her house to make sure she was ok. Sam wondered why hadn't she heard from him today.

"That's probably Daniel. Let me get it real quick, ok? If I don't answer, he'll be over here before we can blink."

"I know that feeling. Go ahead." Jack waved her to the phone.

"Hello?" Sam nodded at Jack that it was indeed Daniel.

Jack heard only one side of the conversation, but it was enough. He knew why Daniel had called. He was checking up on Jack. "Um…no…he's here…we're fine…yeah…ok. Talk to you later."

When Sam hung up the phone, she looked at Jack for an explanation. "You told Daniel you were coming over and to let us be for a bit?"

"Yes. I did. I told him we had some things to work out and that I was coming to check on you so he didn't need to worry about it. I also apologized for being an ass these last few weeks."

"Wow. Two apologies in one day? I didn't know you had it in you."

"Carter, there's a lot you don't know about me. Just call me later, ok? Anytime."

With that, Jack got up and collected his jacket and other things. He made his way to the door before slowly turning back around. Sam was where he had left her, with a thoughtful look on her face. Jack couldn't resist returning to her, planting a quick kiss on her forehead and giving another good bye. "I mean it. Call me. Don't think too much. I'll see you later."

With that, Jack was gone, but this time he left with a smile on his face. Even if he didn't know where this was going, he felt good knowing that at least he'd made up his mind what he wanted. No more running. He was going to give this a shot, for real this time. He was also going to make amends with Daniel and T. This was where he belonged, and he thought that he just might give Washington those retirement papers after all.