CHAPTER NINETEEN

It was three agonizing days before Jack's doorbell rang. There had been no phone call first. There had been no messages, no e-mails, no faxes…nothing.

Jack had been on pins and needles, wanting to call Carter for the past forty-eight hours at least, but he'd resisted the urge. He wanted Sam to come to her own decision, with no interference from him or anyone else.

When the chime rang, Jack nearly jumped out of his skin. He chided himself inwardly, telling himself it could be anyone at the door, but deep down he knew who would be there as surely as he knew his name.

As he opened the door, Jack wasn't disappointed. Samantha Carter stood before him in the afternoon sunlight looking radiantly beautiful in jeans and a loose fitting top. At first, Jack smiled at the sight he had been longing to see for the past few days, but his grin quickly fled.

Something was wrong. O'Neill sensed it immediately. Sam was nervous. She was fidgeting with her hands and her eyes looked everywhere but at him. Jack felt his heart hit the soles of his feet like someone had just weighed it down with a thousand little lead sinkers.

Jack knew what was coming before Sam spoke. He closed his eyes briefly, looked down, and took a deep breath before acknowledging his guest.

"Carter."

"Hi, sir."

And so it was. They were back to titles and formalities. Jack snuffed a tiny breath out his nose and his head gave the slightest nod. He didn't invite Carter in. He knew he didn't have to. Sam's next words only confirmed what O'Neill already knew in his tattered heart.

"I'm leaving, sir."

'No shit,' thought Jack. He wanted to try to change Sam's mind, but his brain seemed incapable of functioning at the moment, and he didn't want to hold Carter back. If this is what she wanted, he would let her go, even if it meant that he had to endure the pain of losing her again.

He said the only thing that came to mind.

"Huh. Where you going?" Jack's voice was higher than usual, and there was a rough edge to it.

Sam's eyes got a little wide at his casual response, but she answered calmly.

"South Carolina."

Now it was Jack's turn to get wide-eyed. "Excuse me?"

"South Carolina. I have a friend there. I just need to get out of here for a while. It's too hard to see the mountain, to know what goes on there and not be a part of it. It's been a part of me too long…I just have to go. Just for a while, you know, to clear my head, try to make sense of everything. I don't want this to be good-bye, Jack…really…I just need some time."

Jack heard Carter's words, but a growing sense of disbelief and dread was overpowering everything else in his mind, making it hard for him to actually comprehend what was happening. He had assumed Carter would take some sort of civilian position within the SGC, or maybe head to Area 51, or…well, something other than take off halfway across the country to just take some time off! Hadn't she had enough time off lately? Jack was at an utter loss for words, and he just stood there for at least a minute, staring back at Carter.

Finally, Jack found something similar to his voice, and mumbled one word in response.

"Ok."

"Sir?"

"You gotta do what you gotta do, Carter. I'm not going to stop you."

"Jack, it's not what you think. Really. I just need some time."

"Whatever, Carter. Just go. Whatever." Jack refused to look at Sam as he spoke, and his voice was very thick-sounding. Had Carter been able to get a good look at his eyes, she would have seen a bright sheen of tears that Jack refused to allow to fall.

"Jack…"

"Carter! Just go already. I understand what you're saying. Call me if you decide you want some company, but don't expect me to wait forever. We've waited a long time, Sam, and I'm the first to admit I've really screwed up a few times, but this is the real deal. Sink or swim. We can't keep playing this game forever." Jack's tone went from hurt to angry to resigned as he spoke.

Carter stood silent in the doorway for what seemed like an eternity, just staring at Jack in shocked surprise. Open, honest communication was not their strong suit, and she wasn't sure how to handle it.

After a minute, Jack reached out a hand for Carter's. Sam hesitantly took it, and Jack pulled her into a tight embrace. His words were startlingly calm and kind, even if they seemed a little sad.

"Be safe, Sam. Maybe I'll see you around."

Jack uttered the words, but he didn't really believe them. He knew Samantha Carter was walking out of his life, most likely for good. It didn't matter, though. He had to let her go. He couldn't force her to stay. He slowly released Sam from what felt like the last hug they would ever share, and as his heart shattered into a thousand pieces, he bodily turned Sam around and gave her a slight shove to her already packed car. Sam took the hint, and after one long glance over her shoulder, she shuffled to the vehicle and drove off down the road.

Jack O'Neill stood on his porch for a long time after her car had disappeared before finally turning and going inside, shutting his front door with a grunt.