CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

Jack didn't mind the slow pace of the walk up the beach. It was beautiful here, and his company made it even more so. He was thoroughly enjoying being with Sam.

He hadn't realized that her mere presence was enough to calm him.

They walked in silence for a long time. Sam was lost in thought, and Jack was simply lost. The ocean, the sand, the woman beside him, the few low clouds in the sky, the sinking sun…all of it combined to overwhelm his senses. He had been to heaven and hell in the last two weeks, and he didn't know where to go next. He had no idea what, if anything, he wanted to say to Carter. He just knew that he was happy in the moment.

It was Carter who finally broke the silence, just as they reached the rocks of the point.

"You know, this place really has been good for me."

Jack's insides grew slightly chilly as he heard Sam's words, thinking she'd really been enjoying being alone here, but despite his worry, he couldn't deny that Sam seemed to be doing very well.

"I can see that. You look good."

"I feel good, sir."

'There's that 'sir' again,' thought Jack. 'That can't be good.' The chill in his gut got a little colder as he muttered a response.

"Oh."

The hurt and disappointment Jack was feeling must have come out in his voice, because Sam suddenly stopped walking and turned to face him.

"I meant what I said, you know."

Jack was confused. "What?"

"Before I left Colorado. I meant what I said. This isn't all about you."

Sam's voice was taking on an edge of anger again, and Jack was even more confused.

"What?"

"You think you can just show up and things will suddenly be ok? You think this is all about you? Or us? Well, it's not. I don't know what's going to happen here, Jack! I have a lot to think about! I have more than a few decisions to make right now! You and I are just one aspect of that! Come to think of it, how did you find me here?"

Jack had the good grace to look chagrined. "Emergency transponder?"

"You didn't."

Jack sortof smiled. At least he didn't have to take the blame himself on this one. "Actually, no. I didn't. Our friendly neighborhood Jaffa helped me out, or more accurately forced me out."

"Teal'c?"

"Yep. Although Daniel had a hand in it, too, and apparently I need to talk to a certain Sergeant about not using SGC equipment for personal use."

Sam put a hand to her forehead. "Walter."

"You got it."

Sam's anger had dissipated and she merely sighed. "What are we going to do with them?"

Jack sighed back. "I don't know, but I bet we can think of something. Come on, let's finish this walk. We can talk about that later."

"Ok."

Two sets of legs began moving again, returning their owners to the house. They were about halfway there when Sam spoke carefully.

"You know, I meant the rest of it, too."

"Huh?"

"The part about not wanting to say good-bye."

"Got a funny way of showing it."

"Jack, this really isn't about us. I simply don't know what to do right now…about anything."

Sam's voice was quiet and there was no trace of anger in it. There was only a melancholy so deep it was palpable. Jack didn't interrupt as Sam continued.

"I mean, everything I know is gone, Jack. Everything. I mean, I've been going through the gate for over a quarter of my life. I don't know if I can live without it. Before that, I was working on the information needed to get us through the gate. I know I can do the lab work now, but I just don't know if I can be around it, constantly being reminded of what I'm missing…what I've lost. When I was at Area 51 a few years ago, I went nuts. I couldn't take it there. I don't want to go back there. I've been in the Air Force since I was born, Jack…how can I live without it? When you add this thing with us to the mix…Jesus…what am I going to do?"

Sam's voice nearly broke several times while she talked, and her eyes threatened to spill tears at any moment, but she maintained control of her emotions. Jack was silent, ruminating on her words, when the pair came upon an empty set of beach chairs.

Jack sighed and slowed down a bit before finally stopping entirely. He looked out over the nearly calm sea for a moment before he leaned on the back of one of the chairs and spoke.

"Carter, I don't pretend to know where this is going. I'm not gonna lie to you and say that it's gonna to be easy for you to adjust to life on the outside or say that I'm sure you'd get used to a civilian position in time. You won't. I know you. You'll miss it. Probably for a long time. Maybe forever. It's gonna suck, Carter, especially at first, and I'm sorry…I really am…but all you can do is make the best of it and move on. Some days won't be so bad, and those days will get more and more frequent until before you know it, you're pretty much ok. Maybe I can help you with this, maybe I can't…but I'd like the chance to find out…if you'll let me."

Sam sat down on the empty chair next to Jack's as he finished his speech. She was floored by his honesty. This was the first time someone had acknowledged that her life was going to be different now, and Sam appreciated it. Jack wasn't feeding her some line about how things were going to be just fine and how before long it would be like nothing happened. She mumbled a response.

"It won't be easy…"

"Never said it would be, Carter. Most things that are worth anything aren't."

"I can't lose you again…as my friend…"

"Sam, I can't promise that won't happen, and you know that. Neither one of us has a stellar track record with relationships, and it's a risk, but it's one I'm finally willing to take. It's a big one, but anything is better than not knowing about this. We've danced around it too long. I can't do it anymore. Like I said the other night, sink or swim."

Jack came around the back of his chair and sat next to Sam, looking out past his bare toes to the sunset beyond. It was a beautiful evening, with the sun shooting red, pink, and purple fireworks across the horizon in a dazzling display of nature's flare for the dramatic.

When Sam didn't respond, Jack continued, looking at Carter out of the corner of his eye, knowing by the thoughtful look on her face that she was listening. And thinking way too much, as usual.

"I might hurt you, Carter. You might hurt me. This might not work out. We might hate each other forever, but I'm willing to take that risk to find out if we can make this work. I kept waiting for this to go away on it's own, but you know it won't. I'm tired of playing this game."

Sam snorted and agreed. "We do have some history, Jack."

"Carter, let's face it. We both have our issues. We both hide behind walls that we built up so long ago that it won't be easy to tear them down, but maybe we won't have to. Maybe we could find some way to go around them. Find our own way."

It was silent a long moment, and Jack began to think he'd said too much, when finally Sam's contemplative look was slowly replaced by a genuine smile and she spoke.

"We could decorate them, sir."

Jack shook his head and blinked, genuinely confused. "What?"

"The walls. We could decorate them."

There had been no romance movie declaration of love. There had been no running into each other's arms. There hadn't even been a kiss, but somewhere on the coast of Carolina, Sam's words began a cascade that made walls begin to fall. Those that wouldn't budge now might crumble with the passage of time, and those that were too fortified to ever be brought down could be gone around somehow, or made less ugly with the decoration of acceptance. The barriers would challenge the two souls that were now beginning to explore each other in earnest, but they were part of the deal, and both accepted the other's flaws without judgment.

Jack laughed out loud and reached out a hand to Sam. She took it, and two hands bridged the gap between two beach chairs naturally. As the sun slowly sank under the horizon, two minds wandered, wondering where the future would take them.

The simple truth was that they didn't know. Neither Jack nor Sam harbored any delusions that their lives would be all sunshine and rainbows now, but they'd take it one day at a time. That was all they could do. Problems like theirs didn't go away overnight, but today had been a good day. Maybe tomorrow would be, too.