Do not own the characters - Stephenie Meyer does!
The following days were better. I was able to get control of my emotions and was finally ready to see Edward. I was nervous and anxious to see him. We hadn't talked in two days and I missed him a lot. I needed to be firm and tell him how I felt no matter how much it was going to hurt him. It wasn't ok for him to treat me as a child. If this relationship was going to work he needed to see me as his equal.
I walked to my truck and shut the door taking a deep breath as I turned the key in the ignition. I can so this, I kept chanting to myself the entire ride over to the Cullen's. As I approached the house I started to feel sick to my stomach. My hands were shaking and I almost chickened out. I looked down grasping the steering wheel tightly and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Slowly I opened my eyes and exited my truck. I made my way to the front door and hesitated before I opened it. Maybe he wasn't home? I should have called first. Even if he wasn't home I could just wait in his room for him to show up.
I gingerly opened the front door and made my way to Edward's room, seemingly undetected. Either no one was home, or they were ignoring me. As I got closer to his room my breathing came faster. Suddenly I felt a calm come over me, Jasper must be home. I shook my head, secretly glad for the peaceful feeling filling my body.
I heard music coming from Edward's room and knew he was home. I knocked on his door waiting for him to answer. I didn't have to wait long. Within seconds he was standing before me. We stared at each other saying nothing. A few moments later Edward stepped aside-allowing me entrance to his room. I walked to his couch to sit, but decided I was much too nervous to sit still. I could feel his eyes on me as I paced around his room. He quietly made his was to his couch and sat down folding his hands in front of him. I didn't know how to start and I felt sick. I longed to have the calm feeling back Jasper had supplied me with earlier.
"Bella I…" I shot my hand up and turned to look at him silencing him. I needed to go first before I lost my nerve. Edward looked at me with pain filled eyes and nodded in agreement. I started passing again, biting the nails on my left hand. I could feel my hands starting to shake and I crossed my arms across my chest to hide them from Edward. I took a deep breath squaring my shoulders and went to the couch to it next to him. I kept my head down, jiggling my leg out of anticipation.
"Edward." He turned to me then listening intently to my every word.
I started biting my nails again afraid to meet his gaze. I just needed to do this now and swiftly.
"That night, well you hurt me." The words flowed quickly and effortlessly once I got that first sentence out. "I felt like you were treating me like a child not your partner. The way you looked at me and talked to me, I never want to feel like that again. I heard what you mumbled to yourself, well parts of what you mumbled. I heard you say that I was immature and childish. You have no idea how that stung and hurt me. I am sorry that I am weak and human. I just love you so much and want to be close to you. I know you have your boundaries, but Edward they are your boundaries not mine. Do you really not respect my opinion enough to ask how I feel about things? Do you really see me as just an immature childish little girl?" My voice broke then and I had to take a deep breath before I could continue.
"You can't make decisions about our relationship without me! You are not the only one in this relationship. If this is going to work then you have to trust me and treat me as your equal not a child. I don't want to ever feel like this again." I whispered. I looked up at him and saw anguish, and dismay in his eyes. I knew my words had hurt him but I had to tell him how I felt. It wasn't fair for me to hurt to protect him from pain.
He reached out and put one of his hands on my face and looked into my eyes.
"Bella I am so sorry." His voice seethed with sincerity. It looked like if he could cry he would be. "I never meant to hurt you. I loathe myself for the pain I have caused you. Please know that I was never really mad at you. I was upset with myself, and my weaknesses not yours. I know I was rough with you that night and talked to you harshly, and for that I apologize. It was uncalled for and unforgivable. I give you my word that I shall never speak to you like that again. I was frustrated with myself and took that frustration out on you. I am so sorry." I raised my hand up to my face resting it on his. He smiled weakly as he continued.
"I do not see you as a child. You are my partner in everyway. I love you. You are my best friend, my soul mate, my everything. These past few days have been hell without you, nothing I did not deserve. I respect your opinion above all others. What you think and feel mean more to me than anything. You are a beautiful intelligent women whom I love above all else. Please say that you can forgive me for what I have done?"
I suddenly felt tears silently flowing down my face. I didn't even know that I was crying. I stared into his eyes. I so wanted to forgive him, but I had to know that he would include me in all the decision-making before I could excuse him.
"Do you promise to treat me as your equal? Do you promise to include me in all the decision making from now on?" I asked pleadingly.
"I promise." His face was very somber and I could see the earnestness in his eyes.
"Okay, I forgive you."
He reached his other hand out to hold my face in his hands and smiled down at me. I smiled back filled with tranquility and contentment to be close to him again. He leaned into me pressing his lips to mine. Electricity flowed between us as the kiss intensified. I raised my arms to wrap them around his neck and pull myself closer to him. My breathing was coming in short gasps but I refused to let go. Just before I was about to faint he gently pushed me away. He picked me up into his arms and set me down on his lap. I laid my head against his chest waiting for my breathing to slow.
I looked up at Edward to see him smiling mischievously at me.
"What?" I asked quizzically.
"So about my boundaries, what exactly did you want to discuss?"
I blushed deep red and buried my head in his chest. "Well I just think that we should discuss where the lines should be drawn."
"Okay. Where do you think the lines should be drawn?" He was ginning wickedly at me.
"Well I mean you told me that your vampire desires are stronger and more powerful than your human desires so….I mean…I was just thinking….well…if you could resist my blood and drink of me without losing control….resisting my body shouldn't be that hard." I felt my face burn and couldn't make myself meet his gaze.
He put one finger under my chin and raised my face so that he could look into my eyes. His face was filled with love and his eyes were kind.
"Bella you underestimate the power your body has over me. You are a very beautiful and sexy women." I didn't think it was possible but I blushed even deeper. "It's not that I don't want you Bella, believe me there is nothing I want more." His eyes were full of lust and desire as he continued. "You are just so fragile. I could never forgive myself if I were to hurt you. I have to mind my every action when I am with you. If for one second I forgot and lost control…" He looked away from me then, but not before I saw the pain on his face.
"I do understand how careful you have to be. But I trust you Edward completely. I trust you with my life. I know you would never hurt me. We could try at least. If it became too much for you we can stop."
He turned to me and smiled raising his eyebrows, "What exactly did you want to try?" He said seductively.