-1The Step That Comes Next

"I didn't expect to see you again so soon."

Ryan fidgets in his seat. He knows why Kirsten is so surprised. He'd just been here a week ago, after all, telling her how everything was fine and how much better everyone's doing. Now here he is, two minutes after visiting hours have begun, obviously sleep-deprived and anxious.

"I know, I - I didn't think I'd be back." He sighs. "Or I thought I'd at least be bringing Seth. Don't think he's avoiding you, I, uh ... I didn't invite him this time."

Kirsten, her mother's instinct kicking in, tilts her head to the side. "Why not?"

"I didn't want him to know why I was here."

Now Kirsten sits up straight, worry etching itself into her features. "Ryan. What's wrong? Are you in trouble?"

"Not the kind of trouble I'm usually in." He laughs, more because he's miserably uncomfortable than anything else. "I ... okay. Hypothetically speaking, what would you do if Jimmy came back and you realized you still loved him?"

"Well, I don't," is Kirsten's pragmatic reply.

She's not making this any easier. Ryan sighs. "Hypothetically, though. You guys discovered you were still madly in love with each other. What would you do? If you act on it, you're hurting Sandy, Julie, everyone you care about. But ... you can't stop."

"Oh." Kirsten nods ass understanding dawns. "This must have something to do with Summer. Am I right?"

He gapes at her, his surprise evident. It's the first time she's ever been able to read his emotions plainly on his face. "How did you - what are you talking about?"

"Ryan." She smiles - more kindly than he'd expected, considering it's her son's girlfriend he's talking about. "I'm not entirely oblivious. I could tell something was going on from the way you two were acting last weekend."

"Well, that's not good." He hopes they haven't acted so transparently in front of everyone else they know. Then again, both Seth and Marissa are far more self-absorbed than Kirsten. "I mean, we haven't actually ... we haven't done anything awful. I don't want you to think that. I just - I don't know what to do. What should I do?"

Kirsten wishes she could savor this moment. The first time Ryan turns to her for advice, and it's about cheating on a longtime girlfriend, betraying a brother. Why couldn't he just need help choosing a college? "Well, Ryan, I can't really tell you where to go from here. No one can. It's something you have to decide for yourself."

He sighs again, leaning back in his chair. "I was afraid you might say that."

"But I can tell you," she continues, leaning forward just a little, "That when I first met Sandy, and I was still with Jimmy, I told myself no way. Wasn't gonna happen. I was with Jimmy and that was that. And, well, you can see how that ended up."

Ryan is silent for a long minute, digesting that information. "But ... I mean, obviously you and Sandy are happy. I know that. But do you ever regret your decision? Hurting Jimmy like that?"

"Oh, honey. People grow up. I know it doesn't feel like that right now, but it's the truth. Jimmy moved on. We all moved on." Kirsten shrugs. "It's just how life works. Look at Jimmy and Sandy and I. We're friends now. Things fell into place."

He'd like to think that it could be like that. Somehow, thinking of Seth's countless insecurities and Marissa's endless needs, he doesn't think it will be that easy. "So you're saying I should go for it?"

Here, Kirsten hesitates. "Ryan, it's not that I'm saying you should steal Summer away from Seth, or that I'm choosing sides. I love you both equally. But I saw how you and Summer were about each other. I think she could give you the kind of happiness I want for you. And, well, to be frank, I think she and Seth had a lovely high school relationship. I think she helped him be more sure of himself. But high school relationships usually end there."

"Do you think Marissa and I are a high school relationship, too?" He thinks he already knows the answer to that one, but a second opinion can't hurt.

Kirsten purses her lips. "Truthfully? I don't think she helped you very much at all. She brought a lot of stress into your life - and vice versa."

Ryan can't argue that. He doesn't even try.

"Whatever you do," Kirsten tells him, when it becomes clear he's not going to speak again. "Just remember that leading someone on is the worst thing you can do. Be honest - but be gentle. You all love each other. It might take some time, but I promise, things will eventually get back to normal."

He nods, taking all of this in, then stands up and leans to hug her. "Thank you," he whispers in her ear, as she returns the embrace. "Come home soon, okay?"

"Good luck," she says, and wishes the same for all of her family as he exits.

XXX

Summer can't understand anything Marissa is saying.

It's late, almost too late for a phone call to be acceptable, but she's still extremely awake. She feels like she's been on caffeine pills since kissing Ryan after their date last night. Sleep is impossible with all the things running through her head - When will she see him again? Should she tell Seth it's over? What is Ryan doing at this very instant?

"Coop, you've gotta slow down," Summer coaches, coming back to reality at the sound of her best friend's blubbering across the phone line. "I can't understand you. What's wrong?"

One big gasp, then another, and Marissa is composed enough to form a sentence. "It's Ryan," she begins, and Summer sits up so fast she almost falls off the bed.

"Is he okay? Did something happen?"

Summer's mind races with scenarios. With Ryan's penchant for heroism and his incredible tendency to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time, just about anything could have gone wrong. She's picturing breaking up gang fights and yanking little old ladies out of traffic when Marissa speaks again.

"He broke up with me."

Hallelujah.

She's a little bit ashamed that it's the first thing she thinks, but Summer cant really help herself. She's crazy about this boy, after all. In any normal situation, a crush dumping his girlfriend would be cause for celebration. But then, in any normal situation, she would be able to squeal with Marissa about it and they would spend all day choosing an outfit for her to wear next time she saw him.

"Oh, my God," is what Summer actually says. "Are you ... are you serious? Why? What did he say?"

"He said he was sorry, but he didn't feel the same way about me that he used to. He said everything was so different now, and it wasn't anyone's fault, he just ..." Here, Marissa's voice broke a little. "He just doesn't love me anymore."

Is it possible to pass out from sheer shock? For all her daydreaming and wishful thinking, Summer hadn't actually seen this coming. This isn't what she'd wanted. Yes, she's completely head-over-heels in love with Ryan, but her best friend is sobbing and her own boyfriend is probably playing video games right now, utterly clueless, and she doesn't want to hurt either of them.

"Oh, Coop, I'm so sorry," Summer sighs, and Marissa can't know just how much she means it. "He probably just ... wasn't thinking straight."

It's a poor excuse and they both know it. Ryan isn't exactly a spontaneous person. "I don't know, Sum," Marissa sniffs. "He seemed like he'd given it a lot of thought. And the worst part is, he was saying all this stuff, and in my head, I was agreeing with him. I knew he hadn't been the same since Trey. I should have seen this coming."

Summer doesn't know what to say. "Okay, Marissa, I'm going to come over, okay? Just ... give me a little bit, okay? I was in bed, I have to change and all that. But I'll be there soon, okay? Just stay put."

She hangs up, ignoring the little voice that is mockingly keeping track of how many times she's lied to her friends lately. Then she flips the phone back open and hits a button. "It's me," she says when Ryan answers. "Get over here. We need to talk."

She hits 'end' before he can reply, and wishes it was that easy in real life.