The Way We Were

Ryan makes one stop on his way to Summer's house.

He stands on the Cooper porch waiting to be let in and feels oddly nervous. It's probably the only time he's come calling in a proper manner and, as usual with Marissa, he's unsure how he'll be received. She'd taken the breakup well, all things considered, but now that the rest of the story has come to light, her feelings have probably changed.

"Ryan." Julie opens the door, her posture rigid, her face composed. "Marissa's not seeing guests at the mom –"

"Mom, it's fine." The girl in question appears, coming to his rescue for once. "Hi, Ryan."

"Marissa, are you sure?" Her mother speaks like he's not standing directly in front of them. "After everything he's put you –"

"Mom." Marissa shoots him an apologetic smile. "It's fine. Please."

With one last withering look in Ryan's direction, Julie relents. "Fine," she sighs, "But if you need me, I'll be in the kitchen."

"Sorry about that," Marissa says when the older woman has disappeared. Instead of inviting him in, she steps outside to join him, pulling the door shut behind her. He can just picture Julie leaning against it with a glass to her ear. "She's a little overprotective since … everything."

"Yeah." Ryan nods, shifts his weight uncomfortably. "Look, Marissa, I'm sure you've heard things lately. About me. And Summer."

Her blue eyes give away nothing. "I might have heard a rumor."

"I just wanted you to know that I … I wasn't choosing her over you." Ryan shrugs, at a loss. "It wasn't like that. What I said to you, when I ended things, that was all true. We just didn't … make sense anymore."

"I know," she surprises him by agreeing. "I was glad you did it, in a way. You've always had more guts than me."

He shakes his head. "That wasn't me being brave. I should've told you everything, should've … I wish I'd been more honest."

"Ryan. You were telling me you didn't love me. Any more honesty probably would have killed me." Marissa lays a hand on his shoulder, her touch as gentle as her tone. "You were right to end it. Don't get me wrong, I was heartbroken, but … it was time. We're not the same people we were a year ago. We shouldn't keep trying to be."

"But … Summer," he protests. "I shouldn't have –"

"Summer deserves to be happy," she cuts in. "And so do you, Ryan. Really. You're a good person. When I met you … you saved my life, okay? Probably more times than you should have had to. So I kind of owe you. And if letting you go is the only way to repay you, well, then, I'm going to do that. I want to that. Okay?"

Ryan takes a step back and studies her. The changes are subtle – the haunted look in her wide eyes is gone, there's more color in her cheeks – but there all the same. She looks … content, he decides. It's the first time he's ever seen her and not thought, That girl is lost. "You're different," he declares.

"So are you," she counters, a small smile playing at her lips. "The Ryan I know would never be able to go this long without punching something."

His own mouth curves upwards, albeit somewhat tentatively. "Guess we're growing up, huh?"

"Must be." Marissa lets a long moment slide by, then casts her eyes sideways at him. "Don't you have someplace else to be?"

Ryan chuckles at that. "Thank you," he tells her earnestly, heading to his car.

"Hey, Ryan," she calls after him and he stops, turns back to face her from the driveway. "Tell her to call me. Okay?"

"Will do," he promises, then climbs inside the SUV, glancing at the rearview mirror only once before turning his attention to the road that stretches out ahead of him.

XXX

Summer sees Ryan's car turn into her driveway and, despite herself, despite everything that's fallen to pieces between them, goes straight to her mirror. She's spent the last few weeks avoiding everyone she knows and trying not to cry and the stress is beginning to show. Her eyes are shadowed, her pallor ashen, but she has enough time to apply the essential makeup before the doorbell rings.

She's sorely tempted to pretend she's not home – in fact, the rational side of her brain is screaming at her to do just that – but a much bigger part of her just wants to see him. It's been three weeks since they last laid eyes on each other and even though it's stupid, even though she knows nothing can change drastically in so short a time span, she needs to assure herself that he's the same.

"Ryan." She greets him stiffly, unsure of what to do with her hands. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm here to see you," he replies automatically. He's waiting at the threshold to be invited in and she wonders briefly how long he'll stand there, half in and half out. "It's been awhile."

"Yeah." Twenty one days, eleven hours, and thirty seven minutes – not that she's counting. "How's Seth?"

Hurt flickers through his eyes, there and gone so fast that she thinks she must have imagined it. "He's better. Back to normal, actually."

"Really?" She finds that hard to believe, mostly because she doesn't remember what normal is or how it feels. "So … did you need something or …?"

Ryan tells himself not to be fooled. He knows Summer; has every inch of her face memorized; can tell from the smallest inflection whether she's sad or happy or scared. And he knows that she is only keeping herself at such a distance because she doesn't want things to go wrong again. "Actually, yeah. I needed to tell you something."

She waits. "What?"

"I love you, Summer." Her face registers shock and he shakes his head. "Don't do that, don't act like … like you forget everything that happened between us. Don't shut me out like that, Summer."

"I just – I can't –" she stutters, stops. Composes herself. "I just thought … things are different now. I mean, Seth got hurt – we all got hurt. I thought that changed …"

"How I feel about you?" Ryan shakes his head again. "Not gonna happen."

"But we still can't be together," Summer protests. Her heart clenches in her chest, whirls on her, demands to know why not. "There's … Seth, and Marissa, and … we made people miserable, Ryan."

"No. What happened to Seth was an accident, he knows that. And what happened between us, before that – that's real, Summer. You know it was real. We can't just let it go."

"We have to," she insists. "I can't … I don't want to hurt the people I care about."

"So you'd rather be miserable instead?" he questions. "Summer, don't do that to yourself, okay? To us. Trust me, I speak from experience. It's no fun to always be the one who gives things up for the good of everyone else."

Summer falters. "But how – how can we face everybody? Seth, Marissa, your parents? We're … we messed everything up."

"We didn't." Ryan takes a chance and steps closer, so there's not an inch of space between them. "I talked to Seth and Marissa; they understand. They get it. We didn't mess anything up, we just … changed things. We changed."

"I think …" Summer bites her lip, still hesitating, but her fingers are tangling with the tips of his. "God. We really have changed, huh? Who would've ever thought – you and me? But … I think you're right. We've changed. And … I think we might be good for each other."

"Yeah?" He feels hopeful for the first time in weeks. "For real?"

Their hands are clasped now, fingers fitting together like they're meant to, and she doesn't look away as she says, "I like how I am when I'm with you. You make me feel like … like myself. I've never felt that way with Seth or anyone else."

"I've never felt like this before either," he murmurs, bringing her knuckles to his lips in a chaste kiss. "I feel like I belong with you."

The light sensation of his mouth brushing her skin, the way his blue eyes stare into hers and shine with a brightness she's never seen, everything about the moment is just a hint; a promise of what's to come. Knowing this, she removes her hand from his, instead wrapping both arms around his neck and pulling him closer for a taste of the real thing.

Just before their lips meet, hers curve upwards. "We belong together," she corrects him. The words pass from her mouth to his, barely a whisper, but the truth all the same. They are, finally, right where they should be.

XXX

The End! Thanks for reading and don't forget to leave your final thoughts!