"Truth is not relative, our understanding of it is."

Teacher's Pet

by Blue Jeans

She bought lilies from a stall two blocks down from her roof-top. It was not the same as Ino's flower shop, but Sakura really didn't want to see the blonde, not with her face still red from tears and her inner-self in turmoil. The civilian woman in the little stand looked at her a bit weird but noticed her shuriken holster and didn't ask any questions after. For a brief moment of feminine vanity, Sakura wished she were one of those women who looked more beautiful sad. It wasn't going to happen, but a girl could hope, Sakura reasoned.

For someone who had such a tragic love-story already in the works by the age of twelve, Sakura always thought that whoever wrote the script of her life could have at least been considerate enough to make her a beautiful crier. After all, in her earlier years she had cried quite a bit, and despite having grown stronger, she still fell prey to tears easily. Tears of anger, tears of frustration, and tears of pain, she had cried them all. If they were going to make a crier out of her, at least don't make her skin so sensitive that the mere hint of the salty liquid would leave red blossoms on her face, condemning evidence of the emotions she had never had a good grip on hiding. The fact that her nose became a faucet in these situations made the act even less appealing, though that never stopped the crying before.

Sakura really hated crying.

A few blocks down with the paid for flowers in her hands, Sakura entered Team 7's old training ground. There was the cenotaph with the names of dead heroes who went down in the line of duty. Sakura headed there first and respectfully sat her flowers by the stone of names. She paused, eyes tracing familiar and unfamiliar names and wondered which one was the "best-friend" Kakashi referred to when they had first met in battle here. Their bell-test those years ago, it was nostalgic to think of it now. She prayed that Naruto and Sasuke's names will not be on there for a long, long time. If Sasuke ever died when he was no longer considered a Missing-nin, that is.

"Even though your name would never be on this," Sakura murmured and sent a small prayer up to the dead. The boy who had gone in the night with a cute name of strawberries and a smile that would have been like Sasuke's at that age, if Sasuke had ever really smiled... This was the least she could do to atone.

"Sakura?"

She stilled as she turned around slowly and found a familiar face greeting her own. "Kakashi-sensei," she blurted out in surprise before she could stop herself. The elation quickly was smothered by the fact that this was the first time she's spoken to him in two years, outside of a casual wave or a "Yo" in passing (if even that). Not that she had gone out of her way after the first few months to track him down, she had been too hurt and too angry to breach the gap that grew between them.

Now, standing awkwardly before the memorial stone where they first became teammates, Sakura could not help but feel the hunger for companionship. Yet, caution gave her pause. She wasn't twelve anymore, not just because she grew up but because those people that once mattered had a history with her now. Happiness and disappointment, success and sorrow, they colored the conversation with what was underneath the underneath. And Kakashi's history with her was that he abandoned her, even when he was the one who taught her that nothing was more important than her teammates.

"Yo!" he crinkled his eye with a familiar wave. Then, as the silence stretched, he looked passed her shoulder at the stone and ignored her accusing stare. "Visiting someone?" he asked casually. Maybe he was surprised that she may have known anyone at all on that stone, which she didn't, but he didn't show it. Kakashi, despite his penchant for lateness, was a master ninja. He followed rule 25 flawlessly and many of the other ones Sakura had memorized but had as hard a time being true to. He was also her former teacher, but it only made things more weird.

"No, I was just paying my respects," she answered at last. "And, saying goodbye to a dream."

Her teacher studied her, as if her face would reveal the secret to her cryptic answer. It was either that or he was trying to make her feel uncomfortable. "Want to go for Ichiraku's with me? Old times sake." he asked and Sakura felt her eyes widen as she studied his slouched and casual form.

"Why are you here, Kakashi-sensei?" she asked carefully. He hadn't so much as bothered to comment on the weather with her in the last two years and suddenly he's inviting her to eat-out? Something was wrong here. Pry underneath the underneath, Sakura thought, and you'd find meddling mentors who wanted to be the bad-cop while sending the good-cop covertly to her aid. Sakura also thought that one of these days she was going to have to write a memo to Tsunade that Kakashi failed being the good-cop long ago, when he left her behind as soon as he was the only one she thought she could depend on.

"Coincidentally meeting you here," he answered as casually as his earlier remark, though nothing was ever really casual about Kakashi. "Didn't want to be rude and not say hi to a former student," he added. He had always been a liar. If he really cared about her or didn't want to be rude, he would have done this long ago. However, while she seethed at his reply, Kakashi's hand was reaching into his pocket and Sakura had a sinking feeling she knew what he was going to pull out next.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said softly, stilling his movement as her gaze was even and unwavering upon him. "You haven't spoken to me in two years. Why are you really here?" And all the pain and all the accusations she didn't have the courage to voice was laid bare in that second as they stood on the training grounds. In between the words, she put forth every disappointed hope, every casual passing he gave her without pausing to find out why she had walked away from him when Sasuke left, and most of all, never explaining to her why she had not even warranted a helping hand when she had no one but him to depend on. Two years, had it really been that long? Another year and Sasuke may lose his body, if he hadn't lost his mind already, and all this time she had barely got passed hello with her former sensei until now.

Kakashi looked back at her blankly and whatever thoughts he had, he never showed it to her. "You've really grown up, Sakura." He said instead, and the matter-of-fact way he said it made her blink. There was no claim to the pride for her growth, he had no right to it, but for the first time, maybe Kakashi was seeing her too. Maybe, for a moment there, he saw that she wasn't just the squealing girl who thought nothing but being by Sasuke's side.

A smile spread onto Sakura's lips, sad and triumphant. It should have been awkward, Sakura thought. After all this time we are practically strangers and he owes me nothing and so much. But, he was here now and surely, soon Naruto and Sasuke would come back to her as well. They may never apologize for leaving, but that was not what she wanted from them in the end, anyway. "And you," Sakura said with a nostalgic tilt of her lips as she walked up to her former sensei who wasn't as tall or as big as she remembered him being, but still managed to effortlessly tower over her. "You haven't changed at all."

Kakashi raised a brow at her and Sakura flashed teeth at his amused stare. "I'll take you up on the ramen," she finally said after a pause. "But only if you pay for it," she folded her arms and shot her teacher a challenging look.

Kakashi scratched the side of his mask-covered face sheepishly at her words. "You really have no faith in me, Sakura," he noted as they turned to go.

"Not at all," Sakura answered, crossing her arms over her chest for emphasis before laughing.

Kakashi cast a look over his shoulder at the memorial stone before turning to look down at his former student. "Did the dead have anything good to tell you, today?" he asked.

Sakura paused and studied him. There was something shrewd in her gaze, a clarity that had been missing when he had first met the girl. "Did Shizune send you?" Sakura asked point-blank.

Kakashi almost faltered but hid his reaction well. Sakura was never this direct in the past, at least, not the way he remembered her. "Are you avoiding my question?" he asked casually.

"You've been avoiding mine," she remarked back evenly.

"Hm," he hummed. "A little bird told me," he said vaguely.

"Well, I'm sure that your little bird will tell you what the dead had to say as well. It's very well informed, after all." So maybe she was still a little bitter about being left behind. She'll get over it. For a long time they were silent. Kakashi flipped a page in his Icha Icha book that he had finally and expectantly taken out of his side-pouch, wisely keeping his peace when Sakura didn't berate him for it. She really had changed, perhaps more than he had expected her capable. "Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said, this time sounding a little less confident and a little bit more like the young girl he remembered her being. He hummed a response and waited her out. "Were you disappointed with me?"

Raising a brow, he glanced to her sideways. She had been nice enough to be walking on his right but she wasn't looking at him now or looking down. Sakura was staring straight ahead, but her expression was thoughtful. He didn't know why she was asking such a thing, but she also didn't look the way he thought people would look when saying such things. "I was," she finally said, "really angry at you for a long time. Even now," she confessed as she turned to him then and her eyes for a moment blazed with the emotion. Its intensity surprised him, but she had always been more passionate than he was comfortable with, even if that passion was more tied up with Sasuke in the past than aimed at anything else. She wasn't that girl anymore, it seemed. "But, maybe, I wasn't the only one disappointed. I thought," she paused and bit her lip self-consciously. "Maybe... I disappointed you, too."

Kakashi felt a bit awkward. Not only was Sakura a girl, and he never related to girls very well, but she was the type that talked about how she felt. She had been one of his three former students, the only ones he'd ever passed, and though he had viewed both Naruto and Sasuke as soldiers, potential tools for the future of Konoha, he had never treated Sakura like that. He had never really gave it a thought but he was far more surprised that not only did she notice but that she may have been hurt by it. Kakashi silently sighed, he had never been good with women and girls were even worse.

"I never thought of it like that," he answered honestly.

She almost looked a little relieved but then another look came over her face. "Never thought of it like that? Then, what did you think of me, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi did not survive this long as a shinobi or become one of the best if he did not learn tact. If there was ever a loaded question, this was it. Somehow, Kakashi doubted that there was a right answer or, at least, an answer where he would come out of it the good-guy. "Why do you need to know, Sakura? If you have truly grown up, you must realize that what others think of you matters very little."

Sakura looked to him, and he wondered why Tsunade had gone and asked him to talk to his former student. They had never been close. This relationship never was one that went past the teacher-student stage. But, he was not in a position to refuse the Hokage and treating this like a mission made little difference. He hadn't talked to Sakura for awhile and despite their previous relationship, or perhaps because of it, he did still care about her well-being. The delicacy of their interactions was not something he was used to though. Lie or tell the truth, Kakashi found that to always be a dilemma when he spoke to Sakura and neither option was ever life-threatening, though life-altering may not have been much better of a difference.

The pink-haired kunoichi looked away again and thankfully they arrived at Ichiraku's before the awkwardness could stretch too long. The pair sat and waited for their orders, Sakura lost in thought and Kakashi lost in his book. It was not like the old times, he realized that when their food came. Sakura was not loud like Naruto nor did she brood, desperately pretending not to care, like Sasuke. She didn't try to fill the gaps her teammates left behind, as if she truly expected them to return someday to fill it themselves. She kept a conversation going nonetheless, occasionally asking him questions here and there about where he had been and what had he been up to since they had last seen each other. She wasn't bad company, though he did keep quite a bit of detail out of the things he mentioned to her in passing.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura murmured tentatively at last. And Kakashi thinks, 'Ah, she will ask me now.'

"Hm?" Kakashi answered. His chin shifted in his hand as he looked up from his book. As expected, he had finished his bowl in a flash, distracting Sakura with an off-handed remark. By the time she looked back, with a sense of suspicion and dread, his ramen was already gone. It annoyed her that he would still do such a thing, even now, but it was also one of Kakashi's quirks.

"If... If someone failed a mission," Sakura paused and wondered how far she could go from here without confessing, which might as well have been spilling her guts out for Kakashi to inspect. "Would that make them... worse than trash?" As Kakashi watched her fidget, Sakura got the distinct impression that she was ridiculously bare in her remark. Obviously, he must have an inkling why she was asking this. When she had put it out there with such a voice, even if Shizune or Tsunade hadn't sent him, Kakashi was too sharp to miss what she was really saying.

He was, after all, the one who taught her to look underneath the underneath.

"Hm," Kakashi hummed a little again, and finally looked away. He closed his book and turned to face Sakura, hands on his knees. Now it finally made a little sense on why he was the one who was sent, even if he thought Tsunade was being less than subtle in revealing how much she knew of his past. "Only if he didn't try his best, Sakura. Even Ninja have their limits and exceeding such limits are not always within our means." Kakashi studied her surprised profile. This was a lot easier than Sakura thought it would be. But when she said nothing, too shocked to react, he sighed. "That is," he added softly, "what you wanted to hear, right?"

Sakura widened her eyes and quickly turned to see Kakashi's eyes turned down to his clasped fingers. "As one shinobi to another, Sakura," Kakashi continued, slower and softer and more intimate this time, as if he did not notice her jerking movement, "we are responsible for lives, our own and the lives of others. Sometimes we succeed in protecting them and sometimes we don't and sometimes we have to choose between the mission and our teammates. Who is at fault and who is to blame when we fail, in the end, it doesn't bring the person back nor does it prevent the consequences of the choices we make." Kakashi looked up to meet Sakura's trembling gaze. Now there was nothing she could say. It hurt to listen, to hear so much helplessness spoken so plainly. It was not because the truth hurt, which it did, but that the entire complex, twisted things that boiled inside of her were described like this. Sakura thought, if she had been a better ninja, she wouldn't need someone to explain this to her, again and again. Kakashi, on the other hand, was surprised he was saying all this at all and to the person he least expected, even if she did not understand how much his words came from Kakashi's own past. "The only disservice we can do for the dead, Sakura, is to let their death stop us from moving forward and helping others, don't you think?"

Sakura couldn't find it within herself to answer, but her gaze softened. The words of reprimand that she had been expecting, the accusing looks... none of that manifested itself on Kakashi's familiar face. The false comforts that he had given her earlier had not made her feel any better. In the end, Kakashi's version of the truth couldn't do that for her either. Sakura smiled sadly to herself as she looked to the remains of her dinner. What Kakashi said to her was not what she had expected, but he was also right in the sense that what she was doing now did not help the boy who died and it definitely did not help the people who were still alive. Even if the next step she took was burdened and filled with regret, she had other people who she had also made promises too and breaking that promise was not an option.

Her current actions won't bring back the dead, but not moving on won't amend the wrongs done either.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura spoke at last as the two of them were about to go their separated ways. "Thank you for today. I didn't realize how much I had missed this and I didn't think there would have been anyone here to talk to, but you came." And Kakashi felt a slow rising panic as a glimmer at the corner of Sakura's eyes began to spread. This was why the female species baffled him. On the battle-field with kunai and death nipping at his heels and everything made sense, but before Sakura's tearing form Kakashi felt rather clueless on how to handle the situation. Tell lies or tell the truth, Kakashi only knew the direct way and comforting falsehoods only seemed to work for him when they were employed in assassinations. "When it really mattered, Kakashi-sensei, you surprised me." She confessed softly with a smile, much to his chagrin. He hadn't tried to be nice and what he said was a bit painful, but perhaps Sakura had grown up from that girl who needed protection, even if it was the truth she had been unwilling to face. In her eyes, though, there was still the trust of a child's that looked back up at him.

This was why he was never good with girls.

Kakashi awkwardly patted her on her head. "Anytime," he said smoothly, though he felt anything but smooth since he had nothing else better to say. He sincerely hoped she never went to him for things like this again, but it could not be helped. Well, Icha Icha always had been a source of inspiration for such things...

Sakura grinned and wiped her eyes a little, much to Kakashi's horror as he quickly drew his hand back, hoping she didn't notice his slight flinch. The pink-haired kunoichi giggled a bit girlishly, but was oblivious to Kakashi's discomfort. "I can't believe I'm crying again," she chided to herself. "I guess, I really did miss you." Kakashi remained silent, not quite sure how to respond to that or half the things she's already said to him. Did he matter this much to his former student? He hadn't realized it nor expected it. He felt an apology on the tip of his tongue though he wasn't quite sure what he was apologizing to her for. Luckily, she cut him off before he could dig himself into a deep, dark hole. "I'll get stronger, Kakashi-sensei. I won't disappoint you anymore!" With a swift nod of her head at her former teacher, Sakura turned on her heels to go.

"Sakura," Kakashi called after her and she paused, looking at him curiously over her shoulder as he hid his surprise at his own actions. "You have never disappointed me," he finally said a little stiffly. She smiled at him as if she thought he was finally being kind or lying to her, or a combination of both. But Kakashi never told lies for kindness' sake. He just never thought that she had the potential to grow this strong or this quickly. He just never thought that he slipped up enough for someone to depend on him this much again. Even with his eye, in the end, there were a lot of things he was blind to and Sakura had exceeded every expectation he had ever had for her.

"Good night, Kakashi-sensei," she said instead. He waved silently his farewell. Whether or not she accepted it, he was proud of her, even if he had nothing to do with how she had grown. Perhaps, that was why he felt this way, he reasoned as he turned the other way towards his own apartment. She had grown up all on her own, without his or anybody's prompting or help.

"Kakashi-sensei," he paused at the call and turned back in time to see Sakura waving at him vigorously down the street. "I forgive you!" she shouted with a grin before disappearing into the night.

Girls, Kakashi thought as he scratched his head in confusion. He was never going to figure them out.