Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Boo hoo.

Chapter 12

"Moony, you haven't talked for the past five minutes. You've just been sitting...playing with your thumbs... Do you want to play thumb war?"

Remus realized his thumb fidgeting was distracting Sirius and quickly stopped moving them, putting his hands in his lap.

"I'm just going to cut to the chase," Remus paused before carrying on, "I had another dream."

Sirius groaned and made an exaggerated roll of the eyes. "Oh God, not this again," he complained. "Haven't we been through this already? The dreams mean nothing. Christ, if I had a dream where I offended a hippopotamus, do you think I'd go around acting like a paranoid tit?"

"How in Merlin's name could you offend a hip—never mind." Remus got back on track. "These dreams are really starting to get serious-"

"What could be any more serious than us having a shag territory?" Sirius said, reminding him of that specific dream.

"I'm not talking about the seriousness of the dream, I'm referring to the seriousness of what it's doing to me," Remus rectified. "And me being in a wedding dress could compete with the shag territory one."

"You in a what?"

"James wore one too!"

"Moony, you're being extremely vague again." Sirius watched Remus sigh and position his head in his hands. "I really have no clue to where this conversation is going, but do hurry it up a bit; I want to put this priest costume to good use."

"I thought you would've learnt your lesson with Shiny He—I mean, Kingsley." Remus frowned at the nickname that had nearly rolled off his lips. "These dreams...they're starting to affect my life, Sirius. I'm not getting enough sleep; I'm behind in my school work-"

"Bollocks," Sirius scoffed.

"I handed in my Arithmancy homework a day late, Sirius," Remus said with wide eyes, "A day."

"One can only imagine the daily horrors of Remus Lupin," Sirius smiled, teasing him about his late homework woe.

PADFOOT DAYDREAM
Remus Lupin sat on the loo -otherwise known as a toilet, otherwise known as the 'thing that eats up your poop' by one Sirius Black- humming the Alphabet song...in Latin.
He reached out for his trusty encyclopedia toilet roll (the handy toilet roll of two purposes - to use and amuse) when he discovered...there was none.
Remus pressed his hands to his face and screamed, "Nooooooo!"
END OF PADFOOT DAYDREAM

"Sirius?" Remus clicked his fingers again. "Sirius!"

The boy snapped out of his daze on the thirteenth click with a "Hmm?"

"What happened just then?" Remus asked, observing him with an odd look. "You kind of spaced out."

"Oh, er, just thinking of the agenda for tomorrow..." Sirius stroked his chin, as though he had an invisible Dumbledore beard. "Yes, I think I will wear those red socks." He eyed Remus with sudden curiosity. "Do you wipe your bum with encyclopedia sheets?"

Remus slammed the table in outburst. "How many times must you ask me this question? I do not use encyclopedia sheets to wipe my buttocks. I did not use encyclopedia sheets to wipe my buttocks the last time you asked me. I have not suddenly used encyclopedia sheets to wipe my bottom in the existing period. I didn't even know they were produced!"

"Oh ho," Sirius raised his brow, "Trust me, they do."

Remus noticed his expression and stopped Sirius before he asked another familiar question. "And I don't bloody sing the Alphabet song, in Latin, on the toilet!"

"Really?" Sirius looked quite disappointed.

"Do you know how hard it is to have a conversation with you?" Remus asked, trying very hard not to strangle the boy in front of him. "I try and focus on one objective but before I know it, you've brought up something completely irrelevant! We babble on about that for a while, and then something linking to that irrelevant topic sparks up another random statement of yours. We discuss that until it's out of your system; I get annoyed and rant using long words you don't understand. I have to explain them. By then, it's six in the morning, we're too tired to talk about the objective, and we're discussing loo roll again."

"Isn't 'loo' a lovely word?" Sirius sighed blissfully, leaning his chin on his hand. "Only the British could create such a lovely word..."

"You're doing it again," Remus stated, drumming his fingers on the table. "I swear, if you ask me again why people who aren't from England call our trousers 'pants', I will tighten that dog collar so hard-"

"I've got enough constriction on the balls with these tight trousers, thanks," Sirius butted in, patting his crotch. The threat of cutting off his air supply by gripping his dog collar reminded Sirius of his current costume. "Are we done here yet? I want to try and bump into Georgina in the kitchens again."

Remus held a slightly nauseated expression. "Please don't tell me you've been kissing Georgina in front of the house elves."

"You'd think that, wouldn't you. But we haven't." Sirius was abashed. Remus stopped him before he went on his theory on how Georgina had secretly turned into a nun.

"I want these dreams to stop." Remus' voice wavered uncomfortably.

Sirius shook his head. "Moony, the dreams will go away eventually. It's just some weird phase you're going through," he reassured, leaning on the back legs of his chair, "Too much chocolate before bed, I'd say. I tried helping you before-"

"You fell asleep, moron!"

Sirius gasped, looking highly affronted. "It's the thought that counts!"

"That was a brainless saying made up by hopeless husbands who give their wives dog excrement after forgetting their anniversary."

"That was a rather revolting example you used, Moony. Especially for you."

Remus nodded, wincing at his own description. "It's your influence," he insisted. "I think," he paused awkwardly and Sirius urged him to go on with some wild hand gestures, "I think I should...stop hanging around with you guys," he said as gently as possible, and finished with a shrug as he gazed at the floor.

"Erm..." Sirius chewed on his tongue, trying to grasp what Remus was saying, and not. "...What?"

"Well, not so much as the guys as in James and Peter," Remus carried on, not looking him in the eye," Just...you know, mainly..."

"Me?" Sirius finished for him, his tone hollow.

"Yeah," Remus said quietly, making a small nod. He'd expected some means of laughter, and was not at all surprised when he watched Sirius let off a few exuberant ones as he slapped his knees.

"What, you're breaking up with me?" Sirius teased, putting on a girly voice.

"Don't," Remus shook his head, narrowing his eyes, "I'm not kidding around." Sirius, up until now, thought Remus had been.

"Moony, mate, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm saying, maybe I'm having these very, very wrong and peculiar dreams," Remus stressed with wide eyes, "because I'm spending too much time with, well...with you. You and James have always been close, but he's spent less time with you ever since he's been dating Lily." At this statement, Sirius looked considerably annoyed at its truth and began grumbling obscurities under his breath. "And no offence to Peter, but I've been the next person for you to cling on as a friend. I think...I think the dreams will go away if I see less of you."

Sirius couldn't believe his ears. "What, so you're just gonna stop hanging around with me?"

"I think that would be for the best."

"No, it wouldn't be you stupid nob!" Sirius exploded, jumping up from his seat. "What the hell are you thinking? You're breaking the Marauders up!" His uproar made Remus shrink back in his seat. "We're already bloody falling apart! Prongs has already buggered off with his tortoise partner Evans!" Remus mouthed the word 'tortoise partner' confusedly. "Peter goes off with those sodding fuchsia plants he probably masturbates to! And now you!" His breathing was heavy from bellowing and he tried to calm himself down. "Our seventh year isn't supposed to be like this, Moony. We're supposed to stick together. We're the Marauders-"

"Maybe we're too old for gang names now," Remus said solemnly, but regretted the comment after witnessing Sirius' stare.

"I cannot..." Sirius had to physically turn away, and ran a hand through his hair. "I cannot believe you just fucking said that."

"It hadn't meant to come out that way. Look, Sirius, my absence probably won't be for long. I just need it to clear my head, and hopefully these dreams will stop and-"

"You know what?" Sirius cut in bitterly, "Why don't you just say away forever? I mean, a true friend wouldn't abandon another if their friendship actually meant something, right? Right, so why don't just you piss off forever, leave me with Pete, and I'll just sit back and watch Professor Cockett's prediction take its course."

Remus looked surprised. "I thought you were over that 'dying alone' incident," he said concernedly.

"Well, looks like you just opened up some new wounds." Sirius ripped off his dog collar and slapped it on the table. "Bye, Remus."

Sirius stalked off through the portrait, and Remus, knowing he'd truly struck a nerve as Sirius had called him by his first name, merely watched him exit.

------------

Despite the fact that Lily enjoyed the warmth she was receiving from James holding her hand by her bedside at the Hospital wing, not even letting go of her grasped fingers when he went to scratch his head or a particularly itchy spot on his nose, she couldn't bear him sitting uncomfortably on the chair any longer.

"Go to back to the tower and go to bed." Lily nudged their clasped hands into his cheek which was resting on the bed, and he blinked awake from his slight doziness. "I mean it, James."

"Madam Pomfrey said you're allowed out tomorrow though, right?" he asked hopefully, though was pouting because of Lily's urge to send him away.

"Yes," she reassured.

James looked happy at Lily's answer, and let off a chuckle at a particular memory. "Hey, remember the last time you were in here because Sirius pushed you in the Great Lake, and you, er...nearly drowned?" He realized this wasn't such a cheerful memory after all, regretting bringing it up.

"Oh, of course I do! And then after, I had a conversation with you, where you lied about being Remus and completely disobeyed my trust! That was bloody hilarious!"

James cringed, shrinking in his seat. "I'd be stupid not to notice the Sarcasm Monster completely devoured those sentences, right?"

"I am the Sarcasm Monster," Lily informed, a smile tugging at her lips.

"Well, you can devour me any time, dear."

"You did not just say that."

"Oh God, I'm sorry," James covered his open mouth in hope to shut himself up, "That was just an automatic answer. I've been spending too much time with Sirius," he excused himself.

Lily cooed nonetheless. "You're so adorable when you're afraid of me ripping the hair off your scalp and using it to cover Kingsley's head." She bent down to kiss his cheek which made him much more alert.

"Trust me, I am afraid of you all the time," he stressed, hoping to receive more pecks. "And I imagine Kingsley's head would be thankful for something to keep it warm at night, but you know my hair is my asset." He shoved his head on front of Lily's face, displaying his tresses. "You know you love it when run your nails through this. Come on."

"No, you love it when I run my nails through it," Lily corrected him.

"...Oh yeah."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Come on, Madam Pomfrey is guaranteed to catch you," she nudged him in the cheek again, "Bed. Now."

Pouting still, James stood up. "Yes, mother," he joked, and paused, frowning, "...actually, I don't want to be saying that after thoughts of doing ungodly things to you in that bed."

"James," she put up her hand to signal him to stop, "you are treading on very thin ice."

He nodded, and with a devious look on is face, leant forward to sneak a soft kiss on the lips. After finishing the kiss, he still leant over her, gazing at her face.

"James, why are you looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" he asked her innocently, still holding her hand, and in such close proximities to her face, blew her fringe upwards.

"Like you just ran over my dog and plan to replace it with a koala, hoping I don't notice."

"I really look like that?" James queried, alarmed.

"No," Lily said, "but don't you think I was being amazingly creative?"

James touched noses with hers. "You're amazing," he murmured.

Lily gave him a look which said, 'Of course', eyeing his perfectly shaped nostrils. "How about the creative part?" she asked.

"That's just you being loopy." When he noticed Lily's serious expression, he sighed and sat back down on the seat, looking solemn. "I feel like a prick," he revealed.

Lily furrowed her brow, not expecting that particular statement. "Why?"

"Because I basically caused you enough stress to put you in the Hospital wing." He clearly looked worried. "I made you so stressed to the point of putting you in a critical condition, Lily. God knows what will happen in the future!" He threw up his hands. "Next I'll be putting you into therapy, giving you cancer..."

"James, you're not a seer," Lily pointed out plainly, "and not every disturbing thing that happens in your dreams will come true. Stop acting like Remus." James chuckled at that remark, and Lily gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. "You weren't the cause of putting me under stress."

James brightened. "Really?"

"You weren't the main one."

"Oh." He slumped back in his seat.

Lily debated whether to carry on. "It was...er, other stuff too," she said vaguely.

"Other stuff?" James echoed, furrowing his brow. "Other stuff like what?"

Lily shrugged lamely. "Stuff."

"Stuff I don't need to know about?" James guessed, secretly concerned inside.

"Stuff you don't need to know about," Lily confirmed. She put on an unperturbed smile to calm his nerves. "See you in the morning."

Taking this as a suggestion to leave, James gave her a final kiss and peck on the nose. "You know I love you right?" he said.

Lily smiled. "Exceedingly," she replied. She sneaked her foot out from under the bed covers and lightly booted his backside on the way of his departure, making him look back with an eyebrow raise. "Go on. Get to bed."

Just when James was about to leave, he hesitated at the doors. "I'll try harder, you know," he told her.

"...I'm vaguely wondering if that was a perverted assertion, but you do that."

"I'll try harder as Head Boy," James clarified. "I know I said I would last time and I didn't. But I promise I will. No more pissing about and being a twat…"

"No more pranks?" Lily said, with a glint in her eye.

James coughed on his own phlegm. "Er, I wasn't actually going to propose that..." He cowered at Lily narrowed her eyes. "But, um, I'm sure I can do that!" He nodded reassuringly to himself. "No more pranks," he repeated, with newfound vigor.

"I'll hold you to that," Lily smirked, and turned on her side, feigning sleep.

The second James left the Hospital Wing and returned to the Head Tower, he realized the full magnitude of what he had just agreed to.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on blackening the telescope eye pieces in the Astronomy tower so everyone who looked through the telescope would have a permanent black circle around their eye.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on charming the bowls of Alphabet spaghetti soup in the great hall at lunch to spell out the Chinese proverb: 'man who go to bed with itchy bottom wake up with smelly finger.'

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on gluing a galleon to the corridor floor and witnessing people try to unpeel the coin for an hour.

Earlier that day he'd planned tomorrow on sewing the legs of all the underwear in the Slytherin boys' dormitory.

All plans had been made with Sirius.

Sirius was going to murder him.

"Oh bloody effing shite."

-------------

Meanwhile, Sirius had decided to cool off after his upset with Remus and bother the house elves in the kitchens. With the usual fruit portrait tickling, Sirius had entered the kitchens, bombarded by the small creatures, and had summoned meringue pie. He'd been on quite a strict diet of salad to regain his abs which he'd apparently lost, according to Hot Georgina, but the diet plan was completely brushed aside in his mood of angst and depression. Besides, what was good about having abs when you couldn't boast about them to a studious werewolf?

Sirius now sat at one of the empty long tables, a spoon clutched in hand, as he stared at the pie in front of him. A crowd of house elves surrounding him watched as Sirius hadn't hungrily devoured it yet, something which the house elves normally witnessed in a matter of seconds, splashed with food crumbs flying from the boy's mouth.

Expressionless, he used his spoon and drew an unhappy face in the fluffy cream of meringue pie topping.

"Do you not like the pie, Mr. Black, sir?" Poppet the house elf asked, peering at him.

"Moony liked pie," Sirius mumbled dejectedly. Poppet nodded, pretending to know who he was on about. "If you squint really, really hard," Sirius did the action to demonstrate, "the pie kind of looks like...Moony. You can see the Remus Lupin Frown Wrinkles and everything." Poppet nodded again, and Sirius discarded his spoon to the table with a clang, suddenly not hungry.

He stood up, making the house elves who'd been crowding round him shuffle away. He took one look at the meringue pie, balanced it on the palm of his hand, and hurled at the nearest kitchen wall. With a look of satisfaction, he watched the creamy lemon pie slowly slide down the wall, along with the house elves who were looking at Sirius as though he would hurl one of them at the wall next.

"Flinging pies is an anger relief," Sirius acknowledged, with a pleased nod. He heard the sound of the kitchen portrait open, but didn't turn around to acknowledge the person who'd entered.

"Hey, Priest Boy, you've taken the whole concept of flinging pies into peoples faces to a new level."

Sirius didn't have to turn around to learn whose comment that belonged to.

"Hey Georgie," he said, still examining the creamy wall. He heard her footsteps echo down the kitchen as she neared him.

"What in Merlin's name did you just call me?" Georgina demanded.

"Georgie," Sirius said again. "Short for Georgina. I think it's rather cute." He strained a smile at her as she stood by his side, struggling to put on a happy appearance in his disheartened mood. "It's either that pet name or the other one."

"And what's that exactly?" she asked with dread.

"Hot Georgina," he revealed, obviously too depressed to be ashamed. "The boys and I like to call you it when we're alone."

"Please don't tell me the four of you are naked together while doing it."

"We're not."

Georgina was glad, yet not so joyful about her title. "Is the word 'hot' compulsory?"

"'Fraid so."

She sighed. "Georgie it shall be, then. And I suppose I shall call you Priest Boy in return," she examined his black, religious get-up with a nod. "You're missing a dog collar," she stated.

"I know," Sirius replied. "This is the third night this week we've bumped into each other here," he said suspiciously, "Does that sound remotely fishy to you?"

"Well, it is Wednesday."

"Well now it certainly smells of tuna."

Georgina placed her hand on her hip and stroked her chin. "Care to explain why you just afflicted cream onto that wall?"

"Anger relief," Sirius explained in simple terms. "Haven't you ever wanted to fling a pie?"

Georgina blinked, holding back from teasing him. "Can't say I have. Is that considered odd?"

"Yes."

"May I try?"

"Please do."

Georgina took a meringue pie from a passing house elf, tested the weight of the pie on the palm of her hand, and then hurled it at the wall. The two of them observed the two trails of creamy pie slowly slide down the surface.

"Either I'm feeling a sense of stress relief," Georgina said, trying to decipher her inner feelings, "...or it's wind."

"Let's hope it's not the latter, suffocating the house elves and starving the entire population of Hogwarts."

Georgina covered her mouth in fake admiration. "My, you are on the ball with jokes, Mr. Black!" she said in a professor-like voice.

He responded with a despondent stare.

Georgina scowled at such a response. "What bit you on the buttocks?"

"Remus," Sirius answered speedily, and Georgina raised a brow. "Not literally, of course," he laughed tensely, "Feels like he did though."

"Do you want me to check the bite marks to see if they're not infected?" Georgina asked, rolling up the sleeves of her robe. "My dad is a muggle doctor. I know all the signs and everything. Trousers down and bend over."

"I wonder how many times you've used that line on a guy—OW, WOMAN!" Sirius rubbed his recently injured shoulder that was quickly developing a bruise.

"Can't wait to write home and tell my dad I hit a priest," Georgina grinned, shaking her powerful knuckles.

Sirius grunted, continuing to rub his arm. "I'm not sure if I prefer this new you."

"How so?" Georgina asked.

"I liked tart you," Sirius said, quite daringly. "This new you is rather funny and likes to hold normal conversations. The old you would be humping my leg or sticking your tongue down my throat by now."

Georgina grinded her teeth, holding back from a definite anger outburst. "I would certainly not be humping your leg."

Sirius laughed, slightly cheering up. "Funny how you didn't correct the snogging," he snickered.

"There was no need to point that out." She crossed her arms in a huff.

Sirius took a seat on one of the long empty tables and Georgina followed in sync, taking the opposite seat, crossing her legs and positioning them on the table with ease.

"What's on your mind, Priest Boy?"

Sirius debated whether to answer, fiddling with his thumbs and looking oddly like Remus an hour earlier. "What I'm about to say is going to make me sound a bit like a poof," he warned her.

"So my earlier speculation of you won't change, Mr. Black," Georgina smiled, leaning in closer, "Do go on. Tell your agony cousin all about it."

Sirius furrowed his brow. "Isn't it the term 'agony aunt'?"

"That makes me sound old," Georgina complained, leaning back again more comfortably, "and whenever I think of an aunt, I think of my aunt Muriel who likes to steal cans of tuna and suffocates my head in her breasts when she hugs me."

"Wow, I only know about one of your family members and already know that I don't want to be a part of that messed up family," Sirius quipped. He eyed Georgina warily before going on. "Remus...dropped me."

"On your head?"

"No, you know, like, broke up with me-"

"I was never aware you were dating, but carry on."

"No," Sirius was getting embarrassingly frustrated on how this conversation was going, "I mean, broke up with me as in dropped me as a friend."

Georgina frowned, forming the surprised word of, "Oh," while she examined Sirius who was across from her. Judging by his dejected mood, she decided to keep the conversation light-hearted. "The mighty Black and Lupin separated! How will the both of you cope?" She paused. "Actually, I can imagine Lupin coping just fine. You're probably very annoying to spend a day with-"

"Hey!"

She noticed Sirius' hurt expression.

"Oh, sorry," she patted his arm, "it's just...you are likable, but should only be handled in small doses, like...gravy."

"I killed Remus' owl once by ingesting too much gravy," Sirius revealed wistfully, resting his head on the table with a sigh.

"Well then, I'm not surprised he dropped your friendship, you owl murderer."

"Oh, no, that was a long time ago. He forgives me for that. Trust me, I've done worst things to him," Sirius laughed, and Georgina didn't join in, more worried than finding it humorous, "Remus doesn't want to hang around with me because of these...erm...dreams involving yours truly."

Georgina suddenly looked more interested, but disguised it by fiddling with the blonde strands of hair tied in a bun. "We're talking intimate dreams, are we?" Sirius nodded. "They're just dreams though."

"That's what I said!"

"I have dreams about my mother getting eaten by sharks, but I'm not going round acting like a paranoid tit."

"I know, what's what I said as well! But I said offending a hippo instead of a shark." Sirius was a little worried how she had echoed his words so similarly. "Remus is completely freaked out by the dreams though. I mean, come on. I haven't offended a hippo and your mum was eaten by sharks--"

"No, it was a whale," Georgina cut in.

Sirius froze, turning pale. "Oh my God, are you serious?"

"No."

Sirius breathed a deep sigh of relief, the color returning back to his cheeks. "Thank Merlin! You have no idea how awkward the conversation would've gotten if that were true--"

"She is dead though."

Sirius coughed on his own phlegm. "Geez, are you trying to kill me here?" He pushed his hair out of his eyes, looking purely horrified. "I'm really, really sorry-" he began to apologize.

"Don't worry about it," Georgina butted in. Sirius remained panic stricken, indeed worrying about it. "Honestly, I'm fine. She died when I was toddler. I dealt with it a long time ago."

The two sat in silence for a bit, except for the sounds of house elves eyeing them whilst scurrying around the kitchen.

"It's wonderful how awkward this conversation has gotten, eh?" Sirius fiddled nervously with the collar of his shirt "I have a talent of buggering conversations up."

Georgina laughed, and Sirius gave her an outrageous look. "Sorry, for a second I thought you said 'I have a talent of buggery'."

Sirius chuckled. "Dirty bint," he remarked. "It was the Hippo's fault."

"Come again?"

Sirius realized he'd been unclear. "The Hippo. I brought up the hippo and suddenly the conversation turned uncomfortable. Coincidence? I think not. The Hippo is unlucky."

"You mean unlucky like putting your elbows on the table?"

Sirius removed his elbows from the table.

"Your friend is silly, you know," Georgina referred to Remus, and narrowed her eyes as Sirius snorted. "What's so funny, Priest Boy?"

Sirius tried to compose himself. "It's hard to take people seriously when they say 'silly'..." he giggled.

"Fine, I will say it in more simple, vulgar words that you will understand," Georgina said, and Sirius quickly stopped giggling. "He is being a nob-head." Sadly, Sirius couldn't help but nod. "He's obviously just confused, the poor rabbit. Just give him the space he needs." She felt oddly like a guidance counselor; an old guidance counselor, and shuddered. "He's awfully mysterious, that friend of yours."

"Moony?" Sirius queried.

"I'd rather not right now. But back to talking about your friend; he seems very...closed off." Sirius nodded again in agreement. "You know, angsty, bottles up his feelings, holds secrets..." She smiled. "They're probably not secret to you though, right?"

"No," Sirius breathed, staring at the table.

Georgina guessed the exchange was going down hill again, and swiftly changed the subject, focusing on Sirius' chest. "How're those abs coming along, then?" she asked amusedly, reaching out.

"Wait, what the--" Sirius shrieked as the girl lifted up his shirt, examining his chest with a magnifying glass while patting his stomach. "What are you doing? You can't just lift up peoples shirts, woman!"

Georgina smirked. "You insist on making the girls on the Quidditch team lift their shirts in the victory laps of the pitch," she scoffed, "Funny how they decline."

"Honestly, they wouldn't be naked underneath. They wear those funny sport bras."

"And you'd know all about bras, wouldn't you."

"I am quite the achiever."

"At wearing bras?"

"At taking them off!"

"Yeah, whatever. I'd like to see you try."

"Go on, then."

"Pardon?"

"I'm quite sure that was bra invitation."

The banter was stopped as they stared each other heatedly, heads close together. Sirius' eyes slowly traveled down to Georgina's hands which were still holding up his shirt, though she wasn't searching for abs anymore, more intent on quirking an eyebrow dangerously.

"Lifting up boys' shirts, Georgie? Maybe you haven't changed at all."

Suddenly she looked embarrassed, blushing in the face. "Maybe you're right." She released his shirt and clasped her hands.

"You didn't have to stop," Sirius said disappointedly. "The devil claws you call hands felt oddly soothing against my chest."

Georgina shook her head, chuckling. "I should go." She stood up and made her way toward the portrait.

"Hey," Sirius also stood up, "Hey, wait! Don't leave me."

Georgina whipped round, crossing her arms with a staggered expression. "Oh God, are you comparing me to Remus abandoning you?" She shook her head. "Pathetic doesn't suit you, Sirius."

"I know," he agreed. "I look highly unattractive. See, look at me frown?" He pointed to his face. "I'll get Remus Lupin frown wrinkles."

"He'll come back eventually, you know." Georgina froze at the portrait and shot him a smile. "They always do."

"What'll come back? Cardigans in fashion?"

"True friends."

"Wow," Sirius said with surprise, physically taking a step back, "a nice comment by the she-devil...Own up, Polyjuice potion impostor."

"Goodnight, Priest Boy." Georgina waved.

"Ta-ta, Georgie."

-------------------

Lily literally gripped her bed sheets and let off a silent scream when she opened her eyes the next morning to the Hospital wing surroundings, and more importantly, to a new Half Blood Prince letter on her bed sheet.

"Madam Pomfrey," she sat up further in her bed, addressing the witch across the room that was tidying beds, "Did you see who put this here?" She wagged the letter in her hand.

"No, I'm sorry, Miss Evans," the woman smiled weakly, before continuing her job.

Lily cursed inwardly and rubbed her eyelids as a way to soothe herself. Breathing out a ragged breath, she opened the letter as she did with all the others, and began to read.

The magic of first love
Is our ignorance
That it can never end.

She reread over the words again until a headache started to form on the tip of her temple. The letter was so short, yet what was it so strongly implying? That her and James' love was ignorant? That it was doomed to end? Was this Half Blood Prince going to sweep her off her feet and steal her away from James? Who was the Half Blood Prince, for heavens sake?

There was so many questions left unanswered and she gripped the bed sheet again in frustration. She scrunched up the small piece of parchment and slipped it into her pocket. She sighed, rubbing traces of Goosebumps on her arms.

"Anything wrong?" Madam Pomfrey raised her brow, standing at her bedside.

Everything was wrong.

"No, no, everything's fine," Lily reassured her.

Madam Pomfrey noticed her disgruntled face. "Cheer up, Miss Evans. You're allowed to leave today."

Somehow this wasn't happy news to Lily. She rather liked the Hospital wing; staying there had been a method of getting away from problems of life.

Unfortunately, the problem had still reached her, evidence shown from the parchment in her pocket. It was unbelievable to her how simple words on parchment could cause so much difficulty for her.

As Madam Pomfrey looked satisfied at her answer, she resumed folding bed sheets with her wand.

Lily looked up when she heard the opening of the oak doors, expecting James. At the unwanted guest, she pulled her bed sheets further up and shot the person a glare. "What are you doing here?"

It was Derrick.

She eyed the flowers in his hand he was gesturing to with odd shyness. "I heard you were in here, and I just came to see how you are and drop these off-"

"I don't want your flowers, and I don't want you here," Lily snapped, all frustration from the Half Blood Prince's taken out on him. Madam Pomfrey stopped folding the sheets, watching at the sidelines with a probing look.

Derrick stepped forward, putting the flowers on her bedside. "I'll just leave them here, then." He eyed her with concern. "Are you o-"

"Get out."

Derrick's mouth opened a little in injury. "But, Lily-"

"I said, get out!" Lily shouted. She looked at Madam Pomfrey for help. "Madam Pomfrey, I don't want him here."

"Boy, I suggest you leave," the witch more than ordered.

Derrick stood his stance.

The three looked to sound of the oak doors opening once more, where James walked through looking obliviously happy, but not for long. Pleasure was instantly wiped away and replaced with fume as he came across Derrick and the upset look upon Lily's face. Storming across the room, Lily let out a, "No, James!" as he pinned Derrick against a wall with a loud slam.

"Get. Out," he hissed, tightening his grip around Derrick's neck.

"Mr. Potter!" Madam Pomfrey hurried forward, while Lily also whipped the bed sheet off herself and rushed toward the boys.

"I can't...exactly leave...when you're strangling me..." Derrick managed to say in between breaths, turning red in the face.

"Mr. Potter, release him!" Madam Pomfrey commanded, pointing her wand threateningly. "Now!"

"James!"

Grudgingly, he let go of Derrick and the boy heaved for breath, feeling at his neck that had turned a violent purple. Worried, Madam Pomfrey stepped forwards to see if he was alright, but Derrick had automatically recoiled and left the room in urgency.

---------------------

"You're mad at me."

"No I'm not."

James rolled his eyes as he followed Lily down the corridor, trying to keep up with her fast pace. Since Lily had just been released from the Hospital wing after the strangling occurrence, she had been shooting him a displeased stare all the way back to Head Tower, while muttering, "Un-believe-able..."

Grabbing her by the waist, he stopped Lily from walking any further and steered her to face him. "If you're not angry, then kiss me," he said, closing his eyes.

Lily turned away from him. "Don't feel like it," she said childishly, crossing her arms.

"Please tell me why you're angry at me so we can make up again and snog."

Clearly that was the wrong thing to say.

"Is that all I am to you?" Lily exploded, putting her hands onto her hips. "Some sort of FLOOZY?"

James chuckled at the word usage, partly because 'floozy' sounded funny and because Lily has used such a peculiar word. "Orange peel, your vocabulary is so cute sometimes-"

Lily hit him in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for! I was complimenting you!"

"Only for canoodling!"

James tried to keep a straight face but erupted into chortles again. "I'm sorry," he put up his hands, struggling not to laugh, "Give me a second..."

Lily hit him again.

"Ow! Merlin, please file your nails..." James rubbed the scram marks on his arm.

"I'm sorry, alright," she apologized with great difficulty, "it's just you didn't exactly handle the situation very well back there."

"I admit that maybe I overreacted a little-"

"You nearly killed him!" Lily butted in.

James couldn't understand her irritation. "Why are you sticking up for him, Lily?"

"I'm not!" she insisted. "It's just...when I see you like that, you know, Potential Death Eater mode," she said with a frightened look, "it kind of...scares me."

"Lily..."

"No, don't 'Lily' me."

"C'mere," he said softly.

Not needing telling twice, she stepped into his embrace.

"You don't seriously think I'd ever strangle you, do you?" he asked her, almost laughing. "You know how much I hate Derrick, and you know how much I love...your lovely bottom."

"That's...that's charming, James," Lily rolled her eyes at him for ruining such a moment, but nonetheless hungrily kissed him on the lips. "You know," she pulled away with a mischievous smile, "After all this arguing and me staying in the Hospital Wing for so long, I'm feeling oddly..." she paused, raising her eyebrows. "You know?"

"Eh?"

She raised her brow again, winking. "You know."

"Eh?"

"Excited," Lily tried again, hoping he'd get the message.

"...Eh?"

"Libido, James."

He blinked. Blinked again. And blinked once more. "Oh! Oh...wait, here?"

"Thin. Ice," she warned.

"Empty Head Tower?" James guessed correctly for once.

"Love to."

After some fast walking -or to some extent, jogging- the couple were nearing the Head Tower when suddenly Lily stopped in her tracks, making James stop in addition looking exceedingly confused.

"What?" he queried.

Lily pointed to the wall where a portrait was currently suffocated by the sign bearing the words, "REMUS LUPIN REPLACEMENT AUDTIONS, THIS WAY," followed by an arrow.

"That's Sirius' writing, isn't it?"

Lily nodded.

James massaged his head, shutting his eyes. "Where is it pointing to, Lily?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

"The Head Tower."

"You have got to be kidding me," James groaned.

"Excuse me," a passing boy in the corridor accidentally bumped into James' back, "Sorry, I'm in a hurry."

The two examined the light haired boy, wearing a sweater vest, carrying a bar of chocolate and a dictionary in his hand.

"I'm on my way to the auditions," the boy smiled. "Wish me good luck!" He put his thumbs up before disappearing down the corridor.

"That was Frank Longbottom, wasn't it?"

"Yes."

"Fantastic."

----------------

"Wormtail," Sirius sighed, resting his elbows on the table that had been positioned in the Head Tower for The Remus Lupin Marauder Replacement auditions, and basically because Sirius couldn't survive without leaning on some kind of surface. Peter, sitting beside him, raised an eyebrow at the call of his name. "We've been seeing guys all morning and we haven't found one good replacement for Moony!" Sirius flicked through the pages of his clipboard, glancing at a few headshots of the applicants, before groaning and slapping the clipboard back on the table. "I need coffee," he publicized. "Fetch me some coffee, Wormtail."

"Fetch it yourself."

Sirius gawked at his friend. "When did you grow a pair of balls?"

Peter shrugged, chewing on the end of his quill as he wrote a few notes on his own clipboard.

Eventually giving in to his thirsty throat, Sirius swished his wand and made a mug of coffee appear, with the saying, "Friends are like bras: close to your heart and there for support" printed across it.

"Ready for the next one?" Sirius asked Peter, sipping his hot drink. Peter nodded in return. "Fat man," Sirius addressed the Head Tower portrait, and the portrait opened in slightly to listen to what Sirius had to say, albeit with a scowl. "Send the next one in!"

"You know, I'm only supposed to follow orders of the Head Boy or Girl-" the Fat Man started.

"Don't make me come over there!"

"For the love of Merlin..." The Fat Man flicked Sirius off before addressing the long queue lined up outside. "Next!"

"I hope he's better than the last one," Sirius grumbled, rubbing a coffee stain on his notes. "Did you see the size of that mole, Wormtail? He can't have a mole. Moony didn't have a mole." The portrait swung open and a boy stepped inside, standing in front of Sirius and Peter who hadn't looked up to acknowledge him yet. It became quite apparent that he was not going to stand around all day, and he coughed a rude, "AHEM."

Sirius hadn't looked up yet, doodling butterflies on his parchment. "Please state your name, age and—KINGSLEY?" He stared, wide-eyed.

The tall Kingsley Shacklebolt stood with his chin held high, looking at the boys with a blank expression. "Carry on, Black," he urged.

"Er..." Sirius was rather fazed by Kingsley's appearance, shuffling parchment nervously. "Er, please state your, er, name, age and...whether or not you're here to kill me."

Kingsley barked a laugh, and Sirius and Peter exchanged edgy looks.

"I'm completely over that incident where you imposed on my privacy," Kingsley insisted, recalling the broom closet interruption. "But when we get out of Hogwarts, I will follow you, and I will be watching you." He pointed to his eyes with his forefingers, and then pointed them at Sirius.

Sirius gulped. "Right... Lets get this audition started then, shall we?" he pushed on. "As you can see, only two Marauders are present this morning," he gestured to himself and Peter, "James not being here obviously because...he doesn't really know we're doing this...let's not tell him, shall we? Harharharhar, ANYWAY, moving on...Wormtail, please continue."

"I'd like to begin with some questions." Peter peeked at his notes. "We want you to answer in the mind of Remus Lupin."

Kingsley nodded.

"What is your favourite word?" Sirius asked the first inquiry.

Kingsley scratched his chin. "Ooo, that's a tricky one," he commented. "Is it...logical? Rational?"

"Close, but no banana, I'm afraid. The correct answer was: grammatical," Sirius answered like a game show host.

"What's your favourite food?" Peter asked.

"Chocolate."

"The answer we were looking for is Shepherd's pie, as a meal. We'll give you half a point as he does have a chocolate fetish." Sirius went on to question three, "If you won the lottery, what would you spend the money on?"

"I'd probably save all of it, or buy a giant library with a chocolate fountain."

Sirius looked impressed. "Very good, Kingsley! Ticks for truth and originality!" He jotted down on his parchment.

"What being do you think you were in a past life?" Peter questioned.

"I don't believe in past lives. That's a ludicrous theory that cannot be scientifically proved. However, if I were forced to chose, I would be a book."

"Good answer. Now, what is your secret weapon?"

"Er..." Kingsley fumbled. "Giving people dead legs?"

"Incorrect! The right answer is: nipple crippling."

Kingsley muttered, "Damn, I should've known that one!"

"If you had six months to live, what would you spend it doing?" Peter asked.

"Reading any important books I haven't already read -which isn't many- and writing directions to Sirius on post-its on how to live and use a Muggle microwave, and sticking them to his fridge."

"Correct," Sirius nodded, sipping his coffee. "Some great answers there, Kingsley. Now for a few general knowledge questions about Remus. What is his middle name?"

"...Joanne?"

"Incorrect. Who is Remus' role model?"

"Albert Einstein."

"Correct. What is Remus' favourite beverage?"

"Tea."

"Correct. Who's more attractive, me or Peter?"

Kingsley blinked. "What kind of question is that? What has that got anything to do with-"

Sirius slammed his mug down on the table. "Answer the question, dammit!"

"Pettigrew."

Sirius was floored by such an answer. "Bollocks," he said low under his breath, writing down definite crosses under Kingsley's name. The candidate saw this and panicked.

"I take that last answer back."

"Too late," Sirius said snootily, moving onto the next question. "What is Remus' dream job?"

"Teacher or librarian."

"Correct. Now, finish these song lyrics: cause baby there ain't no mountain..."

Kingsley blinked again, thoroughly confused and again wondering how on earth this was relating to the subject of Remus Lupin. He hadn't known Remus as a singer. "...High enough?" he finished uncertainly.

"Ain't no valley...?"

"...Low enough."

"Ain't no river...?" Sirius sang with much enthusiasm, most probably the coffee kicking in.

"...Wide enough."

"To keep me from getting you, babe! NO WIND, NO RAI-"

"Padfoot, I think that's enough of the song lyrics question," Peter butted in, looking embarrassed for Sirius' actions in front of Kingsley, the scary boy he was.

"Oh alright, then," Sirius said disappointedly, sitting back down as he'd been currently been doing the 'walk like an Egyptian dance' on the table.

"Well, Mr. Shacklebolt, I think this audition has come to an end. We'll mail you by owl if we're interested in you," Peter informed him.

Kingsley stepped forward to shake their hands, more strongly with Sirius who let out a whimper at his manly handshake.

"I quite liked him," Peter said once Kingsley had disappeared through the portrait.

"Definite no-no." Sirius scoffed, drawing a giant cross on Kingsley's headshot and scrunching up his profile on parchment, tossing it to the other side of the room.

Peter looked confused. "What was wrong with him?"

"Too tall," Sirius said dismissively.

"You're much too fussy, Padfoot."

"Moony is a hard person to replace," Sirius mumbled, continuing to doodle butterflies.

"I know, and I don't even fully understand why Remus has left us," Peter said in sad tone.

"Neither do I, to be honest," Sirius admitted. He sighed, took a final sip of his coffee, and summoned the portrait of the Fat Man again. "Next!"

"Next!" the Fat Man echoed outside.

Immediately, Sirius started grinning at the person who entered. "Frankie, mate!" he greeted Frank Longbottom.

"Hullo," he said, quite nervously.

"There's no need to be nervous, Mr. Longbottom," Peter reassured him. "We're all professionals here."

Sirius didn't quite understand what Peter had said, but instead took in Frank's appearance. "You dressed in character too, Frank! Definite bonus points for you," Sirius said, scribbling some ticks on to parchment. "I see you're wearing a knitted sweater vest?" Frank nodded. "And I can also spot some chocolate in your hand. Bribing is permitted here." He gestured to hand over the chocolate and Frank distributed it obediently. "And you're carrying a dictionary too!" Sirius said, in between munching on chocolate he shared with Peter. "Very Remus Lupin."

"You really like it?" Frank said excitedly. "My mum makes me these knitted sweater vests every season." He turned round, displaying the back of his jumper. "I'm wearing Autumn, see?" He pointed to the knitted leaves.

"That's lovely," Peter commented. "Now, tell me Mr. Longbottom," he clasped his hands together in front of him, "why do you want to be the replacement Remus Lupin?"

Frank thought for a second, looking upwards. "Well, I've always wanted to be a m-...moo..." He reddened embarrassingly. "Er, what are you guys called again?"

"The Marauders," Sirius prompted with an eye roll. "Honestly, how can you forget a name like that? We're famous in Hogwarts. Our names are practically plastered across the walls."

"No they're not."

"Mentally," Sirius added.

There were sounds of a commotion going on outside as furious shouts were directed at the Fat Man.

"Let us in, you flabby man!"

"I'm not allowed, stupid girl with...vagina blood hair! It's a private audition only--OI, don't prod me with that wand!"

"Let us in! We're Head Boy and Girl! This is our tower!"

"I'm under strict orders by Mr. Black to only let applicants come in one at a time and—ow, OW! Alright!"

The portrait swung open and James and Lily stormed in, both with furious faces. Sirius was oblivious to their anger, despite their teeth gnashing.

"Glad you're here, Prongsie mate. I was just gonna ask Frank to finish some Diana Ross lyrics-"

"Padfoot, what the hell are you doing?"

Sirius was rather shocked by his shrill and angry voice. "Do you not know? Didn't you read the signs? I put up quite a few around the castle-"

"I'm not going to ask right now why exactly you're replacing Moony, I'm going to ask why you're holding these stupid auditions here," James said furiously.

"It's roomy."

"R-...ro...ROOMY?" James exploded. "I WAS GOING TO HAVE SEX, PADFOOT. SEX. WITH A GIRL!"

"James!" Lily punched him in the arm and James actually stumbled embarrassedly at such a hit. "Don't broadcast it to the whole wizarding world, you bloody idiot!"

She heated thoroughly in the face as Sirius cocked an eyebrow, smirking cheekily, "Oh ruh-heally?"

Peter also attempted the same facial expressions. "Oh really?" he repeated to the couple, accompanied by a wink.

Frank also joined in on the act. "Oh-"

"FRANK LONGBOTTOM!"

"-Poo," he finished, grimacing at the sound of Alice's voice as she stepped through the portrait.

"Sorry, mate," the Fat Man apologized, "I couldn't stop her."

Though Frank tried to shuffle away, Alice quickly grabbed him by the back of the sweater vest, and he whimpered.

"What are you doing here, Frank? I cannot believe you came to these stupid auditions after I specifically told you not to!"

Frank pouted. "But I want to be a Marauder, Al..."

"There's nothing good about being a Marauder, Frank," Alice insisted. "The four of them bum each other-"

"HEY!" the three boys shouted.

"-And there's no way I'm going to marry a Marauder either-"

"Hey," Lily said, looking affronted as she held James' arm.

"Sorry, Lily," Alice apologized, forgetting she was present. "Come on, Frank. We're leaving." She gave no option for the boy as she grasped his arm and dragged him towards the portrait hole.

"Owl me!" Frank mouthed to Sirius and Peter on his exit.