Yes, I know. Integra is not a "smiley" person. I knew there would be problems with her, but hey, I do what I can. Anyway, here's the next chapter.
And I still don't own Hellsing, Resident Evil, or anything else for that matter. I own no copyrights. End of story.
"Well, that interview was a fiasco!" H let out an exhasperated sigh as he spun around in his chair. After a few more spins, he slowed down and stopped to let his vision clear. "Wooooo, and that was a bad idea..." He suddenly noticed the camera was trained on him yet again. "Dang, don't you people knock or anything? Hahah, I'm just joking!" H chuckled. He went through his desk until he came across his notebook. "Hmmmm... Our next guest is... Seras Victoria!"
A clap of hands and flash of light later, Seras Victoria was sitting on the couch next to H's desk. "Huh?!" she looked around. "Oh no!"
"Don't tell me... Alucard and Integra told you about me?" H propped his elbows on the desk and held his head in his hands.
"Yeah..." Seras was visibly nervous. She slowly inched further down the couch to get away from the author.
"What did they tell you? You're acting like I'm a mon... uh... maniac," H didn't want to offend the Draculina. Even without her gun, she could still kill him easily.
"They said you are a madman and that you know things you shouldn't..." Seras had run out of room on the couch.
"What, you mean the Van Helsing thing? It is obvious that Alucard is Dracula," H shrugged.
Seras stared at H blankly. "Huh?"
H didn't move a muscle nor say a word. After a few seconds of awkward silence, he spoke up. "Okkkaaaaaay, I guess it isn't that obvious." Seras continued to stare at him blankly.
"Are you psychic or something?" Seras asked him.
"If by something you mean psycho..." he muttered. "Nah, I'm just kidding. Relax, I won't bite. Eh..." H noticed Seras frown. "My apologies..."
"Master said you ask a lot of questions," Seras continued to frown.
"Nothing serious, just a few simple ones..." H explained. "Are you ready to begin?"
"Did that count as a question?" Seras asked.
"No," H replied. "What is your name?"
"Seras Victoria. And before you ask, the answers are: To destroy all vampires in the name of God, Queen, and Country, as well as to serve Master and Sir Hellsing with undying loyalty, blue, and Ninevah. And before you ask the question about swallows, African or European?" Once finished, Seras flashed a triumphant grin.
H sat there staring at her, unable to formulate an answer. "Uhhhh... Well..."
"And Sir Hellsing says you still owe her donuts," she added.
"Donuts, right..." H nodded his head. "Um... Back to the questions. Why does Alucard call you Police Girl?"
"Because he's a jerk," she snapped. "Other then that, I dunno..."
"Perhaps it is because you are yet to be a true Nosforatu, ergo he refuses to use your true name?" H explained.
After another awkward silence, they both shook their heads. "Nah..." they stated in unison.
"Next question..." H returned to the topic at hand. "What do you thin about Alucard?"
After feigning concentration, Seras replied, "He's a jerk."
"Yes, that is true..." H nodded his head. "Integra?"
"What about her?" Seras replied.
"Is she a good boss?" H asked.
"I suppose so," Seras answered. "Why wouldn't she be?"
H shrugged. "I dunno, you work for her! Anyway... How 'bout Walter?"
"He's nice. Quite friendly. The whole "Angel of Death" thing kinda scares me..." Seras explained.
"Understandable..." H scribbled something down in his notebook. "Now, tell me what you think about Captain Bernadette?"
Seras frowned. "He's an ignorant, perverse fool who would kill his own family to make a buck."
"You love him don't you?" H casually asked.
"Huh?!" Seras was caught off guard by that question. "What are you talking about?!"
"Oh, I dunno... Just a hunch that you weren't saying everything you wanted to say..." H shrugged.
"Are you psychic?" Seras asked again.
"No," H laughed. "In fact that was a wild guess, but it seems I was right!"
Seras blushed at her own stupidity. "Ehhhh... Why do you care, anyway?"
"Oh, I dunno..." H replied. "I'm interviewing him later, though. So I may see how he feels about a vampire having a crush on him."
"You wouldn't dare!" Seras gasped.
H removed a tape recorder from his belt. "Wouldn't I?"
"You bloody-" Seras snarled and lept at him.
"OH SNAP!" H yelled as he was tackled to the floor. The author and the vampire wrestled around for several minutes behind the desk, before Seras finally emerged victorious.
"Haha!" she raised her trophy into the air. Then, without much effort, she crushed the tape recorder into dust.
"That wasn't very nice..." H moaned from behind the desk. He stood up shakily, his bullet proof vest covered in claw marks and the left lense of his goggles cracked. "Not nice at all..."
"Oh shut up," Seras growled. "You were going to blackmail me!"
"You tried to kill me!" H shouted.
"I barely scratched you!" Seras barked. H pointed at the deep gouges in his body armor. "That's barely for me, at least..."
"Note to self, stop messing with vampires," H grumbled.
"That is a bit obvious," Seras smirked.
"Much like Alucard being Dracula?" H retorted. Seras didn't say a word. "Yeah... Anyway, back to asking questions... What do you think of Anderson?"
Seras stared at him blankly. "ARE YOU MAD?!" she screamed. "HE TRIED TO KILL ME! REPEATEDLY!"
"Yes, well..." H muttered. "Moving on. What about that Schrodinger guy?"
"Who?" Seras raised an eyebrow.
"You know, the German dude you shared the awkward greeting with," H shrugged.
"I would have killed him if Master hadn't beaten me to it..." she shrugged.
"Hm... Well, I can't think of anything else to ask at the moment," he stated. "So I suppose you can go now. Oh," H snapped his fingers, and a box of donuts appeared on his desk. "Give these to Integra," he handed them to Seras.
"Um... bye?" Seras waved.
"See ya!" H clapped his hands together, and she was gone. "Wow, that could have actually gone a whole lot worse... I need a new job. Perhaps... Vampire Physiology?"
Next chapter: The doctor is in...