Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own Xiaolin Showdown or the characters it contains. All are the intellectual property of Christy Hui and Cartoonnetwork/WB. I do not make any profit off of this story, and write it only for enjoyment and to pass the time. However, I do claim ownership to the writing itself, and hope that those who read this can respect that as well.
Warning(s): Some foul language is used, and there are some light jokes toward Jack's dubious sexuality. These are teenagers, people. MAY CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FOR SEASONS 1-3. So, if that's going to shatter your entire world, you might want to skip this.
(See Chapter One for further information)
Additional Notes: I'd like to take this section to thank Agent47Rulz, averaria, and chickens for the reviews. Really, it made my day when I found them. Internet hugs and snuggles for all of you.
As a side note, technically, the whole story is finished; I'm just posting it in sections that seem appropriate, and making a rather pathetic attempt at editing it into legibility. Thus, unfortunately, the supposed chapters are rather short – apologies all around.
Jack is such an ass in this chapter; thus, I find it amusing. Though I find it is rather poorly written; my original idea was far, far different from how it turned out, and though I prefer this method, it isn't quite up to snuff. Omi was added simply for the sake of the word 'abstruse'. …Just say it once, I dare you. It rolls off the tongue like wooden blocks. English nerd. XD
Anyhow, the Ying-Yang world 'time' comment was made up purely on the spot– I mean, how else could G!Jack and Hannibal survive in the world? Sorry if it seems contrived – it was the only way to cover the plot hole. At least, the only idea I could have so early in the morning.
So, enjoy. Adieu.
EDIT: I fixed some glaring errors. Sorry 'bout that.
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Criticism is greatly appreciated, and I would love to hear your thoughts on how this could improve. Seeking reliable beta/editor.
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Part Two:
An Unwanted Ally
The monks had not yet gone abed.
They lounged about in their separate cubicles, in various states of repose, talking about everything and nothing. It was a close camaraderie; a group of people bonded by a common goal and common pains, the very closest sort of friendship, battle hardened and trial forged.
Morons.
Their voices were the perfect cover.
The 'secret' trap door slid downward as the tintinnabulation of the chimes receded, grating sagaciously, if rock were capable of such a thing, against each fellow.
You'd think they would have some sort of security by now. I again wondered at how remarkably easy it was to get in and out of their vault. Maybe they just weren't worried about it; confident that they would get whatever was stolen back with ease. After all, I was the only one who stole from them, it seemed.
I blushed at the thought that I was so easily brushed off.
Well, they'll learn eventually. Everybody will. With a renewed sense of purpose, I descended into the spiraling cache, eyes darting quickly left and right, very nearly salivating in avaricious ambition. It was so very tempting to grab every Wu in sight, but it was best to not get greedy – first I would finish my goal, then we could see about gathering more. After I get really good, after I beat those stupid monks, we'll see who's abandoning who. They'll all be clambering to be on my side. The mere idea of such a victory sent my nerves a-tingling, a sappy grin plastered upon my face. Oh, I knew exactly what I was going to say to each one, and how their faces would look when I—
Well, best not to get ahead of ourselves.
Still, I all but pranced to my destination, mind buzzing with images of the other Heylin in various states of humiliation.
"And here we are," Quietly, so different from my usual flair, I opened up the drawer, wincing at the raucous grate of stone on stone. Casting a nervous glance up at the still empty staircase, I reached inside, feeling about until I encountered my target. The grin was unstoppable, and hey, why not indulge myself in a little gloat?
If no one was going to stand by me, I might as well stand by myself, right?
"Ring of Nine Dragons," Whispering, I held the Shen Gong Wu aloft, shivering as I felt the magic of the ancients wrap around me. It was addictive, really.
Only one more figure joined me, since previous experience had taught me to not go overboard, and we regarded each other, pleased. Desperate is as desperate does, I thought ruefully, eyeing my double. Wow, I am skinny. "Well, you know the drill." I handed him the Ring of Nine Dragons flippantly, all but tossing it into his hands. He promptly pocketed the item, smirking.
We snagged a handful from the open drawer. I saw the Ying Yo-Yo in my double's hands, but it was pretty much useless without its sister as well. Ah, well, at least it was something. "Grab the Yang too, and try to get some of the better ones before—"
"Jack Spicer, stop, or face a most humiliating defeat!"
At the same moment, we rolled our eyes. "Think of something original, for crimony's sake."
I grabbed the first Wu I could, the Silk Spitter, and shouted its name, pointing it at the plainly tired monks, internally praying for a tidbit of lady Luck's favor. Despite my silent entreaty, they effortlessly dodged to the sides, avoiding the obvious attack by a relatively wide margin, though Raimundo and Kimiko clunked into each other in the restricted space.
"Watch it!" They spat at each other, losing focus for but a moment. It was all I needed.
"Silk Spitter!"
Both fell to the floor, wrapped up in sticky threads of spider rope. Their furious eyes glared down at me, whilst a much-hampered duo by the names of Omi and Clay struggled to work around them.
"Come on now, Jack, just put the Wu back and we can all go on all nice like," the large blonde endeavored to reason with me, as if I were a suicide jumper, putting up both of his massive hands.
"Nah, don't think so." My double responded superciliously, before shouting, "Ju-Ju Flytrap!" pointing it at the surprised cowboy. Bailey staggered back, shouting out in indignant discomfort as the biting insects swarmed around him.
Omi sighed, as if he were greatly burdened, and directed his melancholy gaze upon none other than myself. It was a curious sensation, having the monk looking down to see me – a rare experience for the midget, no doubt. "Must I perform more of the kicking of butts this late?"
"The only butt getting kicked will be yours, cheese ball," I snarled, aiming the Silk Spitter at his large head.
"You have questioned it, Jack Spicer!" Omi cried out, hurling himself downward in some obscure martial arts move.
My mind lapsed, trying to work around what he meant. "Wha-?" I yelped as he collided with my chest, sending me bouncing, painfully, down the stairs.
"He meant, 'you asked for it'," My double supplied helpfully as I tumbled past, pulling out another Shen Gong Wu. "Eye of Dashi!"
Omi sprang high once again (the disproportionate creature was remarkably agile), narrowly avoiding the deadly bolt of electricity. He landed in a crouch, grinning annoyingly. "Ha, you have missed me!" Crowing, the miniscule boy rose up, placing his hands on his hips. The double-me glowered peevishly, eye twitching.
"Duh," I said, then, "Tangle Web Comb!"
"Bu--!" Omi's protest was cut off in a wave of tangled…hair. Not exactly a very heroic or intimidating Shen Gong Wu, but it had its advantages.
"Ha, go me." Elated in the underhanded victory the double and I high-fived, pockets filled with Wu. It was nice to have an actual reason to gloat; a rare experience indeed. I took an eyeful of the dumbfounded monks, committing the scene to memory. Unfortunately, it was time to get out of there, since they would most likely escape at any moment.
"Let's skeedaddle while our luck is holding," I advised, hurrying up the steps. Gingerly moving around the struggling, bound Xiaolin apprentices, and narrowly avoiding a frantic hick, I at last gained the top, ready to depart with the Golden Tiger Claws.
The second me hesitated at the top, glancing back down at something.
Omi had somehow broken free of the hair trap, displeasure radiating off of his diminutive form in waves. The monk flew forward in a series of rapid blows, sending my double soaring across the small chamber. Wu from loose scattered about his route, leaving a trail of potentially deadly objects.
Diving forward, Omi seized the Ring of Nine Dragons, and pointed it right at me. "Sto-" but the sciurophobic had already activated the Wu. I felt myself lifted, a brief sensation of being…pulled and pushed at the same time – and then we were a single person again. Body trembling violently, I fell to my knees, reeling as the sensations of being two people resettled into one.
Omi shook his gigantic head slowly, slipping the Ring into wherever he usually hid such things. "Jack Spicer, you should learn that two wrongs do not make a left." The abstruse statement left me gaping for a few moments, ferociously working my mind over it, before I groaned petulantly, slapping a hand over my face.
"That isn't even applicable to this situation!" I snapped at him, groaning at a sudden bout of perspective slip, blinking rapidly.
"Regardless," He flapped his hands disarmingly, "you should know that evil will never triumph. If you choose this path of…." I lost interest right about there, and began to scan the Wu, seeing if any were small enough to grab and run.
Then, a particular one caught my eye, prompting a malicious sneer.
Covertly, I eyed Omi, figuring he was pretty much wrapped up in his own magniloquent little speech. Absolutely dead to the world.
Before I could properly even consider the course of action, I had seized the coveted Wu, its name already rolling off my tongue as I tackled the flummoxed monk. "Ying Yo-Yo!" Let the little bastard come out evil—
Ah. Right.
I hadn't really considered momentum in my complex equations. Or much of anything else, for that matter.
Thus, we both toppled toward the churning vortex, Omi indignantly complaining of the interruption, myself trying to haul ass backward. However, in a moment, we had gone completely over, surrounded by the eerie 'landscape' that was the Ying-Yang World.
For a time, we were inert, a living pile of shocked teenaged confusion.
"…that was very stupid of you, Jack Spicer." Came the very quiet voice beneath me. I grimaced at the obvious statement, gingerly rising off of the annoying twerp.
"Yeah, well, tell me something I don't know." I scanned the surrounding area, half hoping the portal was still open.
As luck would have it-
It wasn't.
"I think I have some hair in my mouth from earlier," as if to prove his honesty, Omi thrust one finger into his mouth, digging about for said irritation. I quickly made a disgusted face, sliding away from the drooling child.
"You take things far too literally."
After finding the hair, it was quickly wiped off on a pant leg, left there in a perverse sense of scandalized nature. "Well, now you must take us home," Omi sighed eloquently, folding his saliva-covered hand into his sleeve.
Note to self; do not let Omi touch you. Thusly perturbed, I stuck my tongue out of my mouth, shuddering at his lack of cleanliness. I unthinkingly responded to his demand, still held in awe of the sheer horror that was evident in a single hair. "Can't, genius; not without the Yang Yo-Yo. We'd come out all opposite."
For a time, we sat in silence, staring at each other. Then, slowly but surely, the realization dawned on the diminutive cretin, working its way through his wax-choked ears and into his smug little brain. It was like seeing one of those excessively gory Nile crocodile specials on Discovery; horrified, yet unable to look away, I watched the birth of thought bloom in a primitive mind. Expressive brows drew low over dark eyes, strange freckle-dots brightening into violent life. "What?!"
"You already knew that!" I shrieked, catching the human projectile before he could reach my face. Thankfully stubby arms flailed wildly, forming into an odd blur of yellow and red. "Don't hurt me – I'm fragile! Fragile I say!"
"You trapped us in the Ying-Yang World? How could you do such a stupid thing?" Omi ripped himself free, allowing me to scoot away, cowering, and resettled himself into a cross-legged pose. "This is completely punched."
Lapsing into an old habit, I pondered for a moment, sitting up again, though much further away from my unpredictable companion. "…You mean, 'this is totally whack', right?"
Fixing me with a steady look, Omi sighed. "That makes no sense."
"That's pretty lame by itself, y'know. Retro-eighties lingo." For the sake of conversation, I tried again.
"I am not gimpy, nor old." The twerp seemed genuinely insulted.
"I meant- oh, never mind." Huffing, I crossed my arms in front of my chest, glowering at the strange world. It was a rather creepy place. Weird lighting – it looked like something out of a 'Nightmare on Elm Street'. The red highlight was surreal, at best. Where was it coming from, anyhow?
…It's quite dark in here, too.
Arms tightening abruptly, I hunkered down, deeper into the fog that never abated. My eyes darted wildly; I could swear something was watching us. "Uh, Omi, I think that, uh, we, um, should, uhh, well…eep." I trailed off ineffectually, catching sight of something I honestly wish I had never seen.
The fog had swirled.
Swirled.
Moved on its own.
Screaming in horror, I leapt to my feet, much to a certain monk's surprise. "Ohmyfreakinggawd-there's-something-out-there!" I had somehow ended up cringing in a tiny ball behind a suddenly very heroic, impressive looking Omi. "Don't let it eat me. I'm not very eatable. It doesn't agree with me."
"Where?" The monk, ignoring my trembling and whining, scanned the area attentively.
"How should I know? It all looks the same out here," Nonetheless, I peeked over his gargantuan head – thinking it would be an excellent shield – and pointed to where it had moved. "Right there, I think."
"Very well; I must investigate." Omi started forward, but I quickly clutched hold of his rather tiny legs.
"No!" In the face of his annoyance, I changed my plea. "Er…don't leave me back here…alone." With a hopeful grin, I googly-eyed him, terribly afraid of being left to my own devices in this awful world.
After giving his eyes a good roll, the monk turned away. "Come along then," Sighing, as if a great burden had been placed upon his shoulders, Omi started forward, all but dragging me behind him.
The fog swirled once more, deathly silent. The air seemed very still, as if all were held in baited rapture, waiting for the outcome of this mystery.
I'm pretty sure, given the look Omi cast me, that I whimpered pathetically at this point.
"Show yourself," The monk, bolstering his own courage, demanded, infinitesimal body tensed. In answer, the mist moved, stirred, rippled, and exploded upward, something dark looming from the shroud of strange fog. Both myself and the monk screamed, clutching each other.
It lunged, psychotically grinning, arms flung wide to ensnare us both—
"Hug!" He seized Omi and myself in a bone-shattering embrace, as if attempting to smother us with affection. "Awww, I missed you guys." Snuggling alternatively into our captured chests, he clenched down once more, undoubtedly causing internal trauma, before releasing us to drop to the loosely termed 'ground'.
"…not…you…again…." I gasped from a crumpled heap on the floor, twitching weakly. Good-Jack beamed down at me, waving slightly.
"Yuppity-doodles!" He cried in a singsong voice, radiating happy-good-good feelings. Nearby, a certain yellow monk smothered a giggle.
"…There's no way in hell you are a part of me." At last, grunting, I lurched to my feet, swaying unsteadily. Good Jack was there in an instant, supporting my weight. I growled at his assistance, shoving him away, hard. Or at least, trying to.
"Aww, just like a giraffe baby," He tittered maddeningly, hugging me once again.
"Hey, hey! Leggo!" I struggled against his hold, frustrated beyond belief that my day had gone so terribly awry.
"I am most gladdened that it was you, and not the Chi monster, that found us." Omi patted Good Jack on the arm, a smirk spitting his melon of a face. I've never wanted to punch that self-righteous little brat more that in that moment…which I guess is saying quite a bit, because I pretty much want to punch him every time I see him.
"I get that a lot," the most unwelcome freak 'tee-hee'd, of all things, returning the smile. "I mean, whenever I see anybody. Which is like, never. But if I did, I'm sure people would say that." He eyed me fondly while speaking, only occasionally beaming at Omi.
Finding this disturbing, I took measures to make certain his joy was squashed as much as my pride was. "Shouldn't you be dead?" I asked spitefully, slinking out of range of his arms.
"Nope," Brightening, he scuttled closer, ignoring my unimpressive attempt at escape. "Time doesn't work the same here, I guess. That's probably why Hannibal lived so long here, but what do I know?" Giggling, the horrible apparition reached out, trying to fiddle with my goggles. I darted aside, making sure he got an eyeful of how much I detested him simply by expression.
However, his words soon caught up with my consciousness.
"How marvelous," I groaned, face palming. "Eternity with you two." My face is starting to sting.
Reminded of our predicament, Omi looked again to my second self, sheepish. "Ah, yes. Unfortunately, Good Jack, we, too, are trapped here," I was thankful that the Twinkie didn't go into details. I don't think my pride could have handled it.
"Oh yay!" Exclaiming with unrequited joy, my good half leaped up, nearly dancing with his elation. However, that was soon deflated as he caught the expressions that were writ across both my own and Omi's faces. "I mean…that's terrible." Ever optimistic, despite his words, the freak continued grinning. "But this'll be great! We can…uh…stare at the fog. Yeah! I do that a lot. Not much else to do. Swirly!"
"I'd never have guessed." Drawling, I watched as he excitedly pointed at a particularly curly fog tendril. "Well, I'm going to go find a rock to bash my head in with. Later, losers."
As I strode past the pair, one leaned forward abruptly, snagging hold of the frayed end of my coat. "Oh, what's that?" Good Jack flicked a side of my trench coat, giggling. "Is it a ball in your pocket?"
Omi's face deadpanned.
I thrust one hand up to the halfway mark of my forearm within the said pocket, nearly shuddering with hope. Dark eyes met and held mine; we both took a deep breath, and I pulled out the round object, barely daring to hope.
"Oh, thank God." I breathed out, giddy with relief. It was the Yang Yo-Yo.
"You've had it all this time?" the monk was torn between resentment and delight, resulting in an amusing vibration of eyebrows.
"The double must've pocketed it," reasoning out the inexplicable favor fate had finally forked over; I glanced up at my compatriots.
"Now, quickly, take us home." Omi commanded, every word radiating authority. To spite him, I flicked the Yo-Yo slowly, despite my sincere wish to leave. Then, a second time, grinning.
Meanwhile, Good Jack's face could have melted glaciers.
"Already?" He whined, lower lip quivering.
I snorted, not caring a jot for his apparent desolation; glad to not have to endure another moment more of his company. "Duh. As soon as…" I paused, stomach doing a back flip as a thought crossed me. "…Where's the Ying?" Alarmed, I blinked rapidly, blanking out as the realization hit me.
Again, the tiny monk's face went slack.
"You did not drop it, did you?" With rising apprehension, I patted down my trench coat, hoping, praying, and wishing for an enchanted child's toy to be in there somewhere.
"I-I-I just had it, I swear I did!" Panicking, I fell to the ground, feeling about where we had been…uh-oh. "Where did we come in at?" Catching up with my train of thought, Omi looked about, an expression of horror settling upon his features.
"I do not know!" His breathing hitched slightly. Around us, the featureless landscape offered nothing more than gently undulating fog.
"Look over there, then," I pointed in the direction I thought we had come from, still giving the clammy ground a pat down. "It has to be nearby; we didn't go very far. We just need to keep calm." Despite the words, my voice was pitched high, as it always was when I was about to give in to hysterics completely. "Oh man, oh man, where is that stupid thing?"
"I believe we came from over there," Omi pointed to a vague location to the left, trudging toward it immediately.
In a rare moment of rational thought, I stopped Omi's search, flinging out one hand. "Hey, wait. We could get even further away if we just keep running around pell-mell. We'll never find it at this rate."
"Then what should we do?" Irritated, he turned to face me, arms waving as if he thought he could fly away.
"Uhh, um, lemme think a minute, will ya?" Biting my lower lip, a habit when deeply in thought. It seemed like my mind couldn't handle the pressure. Then, as I stared at the massive circle that was Omi's face, inspiration struck. "Okay, uh…one of us needs to stay in one place at a time, like a marker, and we can have the other spiral outward, until we find it. I mean, it can't be very far off, right?"
"Do not count your eggs before the chickens are present," Said the puffball ominously.
I wasn't even going to try.
"Get your pessimistic toosh over here and start looking!" I demanded, still vainly scanning the placid surface of the unnatural mist. What a way to end the week.
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It could have been hours by the time we gave up.
Of course, no physical time passed at all. It was rather disappointing; at that rate, I'd never starve to death.
"Do not despair; it has to be somewhere nearby," Omi sighed into his hands, sitting back to back with myself as we rested. Good Jack had wandered away some time ago, probably bored with the hopeless search. "If anything, we could go back…and the others could restore our chi afterward." Optimistic, the dragon of water glanced back to gauge my response.
After a brief pause of consideration, I cast aside the idea. "Nah, it'd be a continuous cycle without the Ying; pointless, unless you want to go Heylin." I felt a twinge of guilt at his crestfallen frown.
Sighing again, the young monk lapsed into silence.
"You seem pretty down."
I shrieked at the unexpected voice, throwing my arms over my head and begging for it to not to eat me. My other half regarded the spectacle with a smirk, waiting until I belatedly recognized him. Humiliated far beyond reasonable levels, I looked away, not meeting his open smile. "Go jump off a cliff," Huffing, I arched my shoulders, burying my head in the collar of my trench coat to hide my stark blush.
"That doesn't work here, silly goose." Without asking, he joined our little gathering, plopping down right next to Omi. "It's really not all that bad. It could be much, much worse." Warming to his subject, he continued blithely onward, seemingly indifferent to his company's mutual misery. "Well, you have this pretty red color on everything. It could be completely dark; that'd be bad. And there is the fog, I'm sure it'd be just dandy for tag and games like that. Oh, and there's Hannibal's freaky prison, that's always fun. And—"
"Yeah, yeah; the glass is half-full, blah, blah, blah," I gave him a sideways glance. "Don't you ever say anything useful?"
"I told you about the Yo-Yo in your pocket," Defensive, he nonetheless managed a grin. "Does that count? 'Cause I could go on."
"No, that doesn't 'count'," Archly responding, I, very maturely, turned my back on him, crossing my arms over my chest. After a moment's thought, I added, "I would have found it eventually anyways."
It seemed he was going to let sleeping dogs lie, but then he just had to add on. "Well, considering how absent minded you are…" He trailed off, shrugging.
Very slowly, I went back around to face him. "…What?" drawing out the word into a sharpness not unlike a knife, I regarded him with something akin to outrage on my face.
Unaware or unwilling to acknowledge the sheer malice in my voice, he cheerfully continued. "I said, 'considering how absent minded you are'." Then, elaborating, "You're always losing things, anyway. I suppose because you're so scatter-brained. ADD, even." He rambled on, oblivious. "It could also explain why you never win." Thus explaining his reasoning, he decided to go on for a bit longer, seeming as his audience was so rapt. "I think you're losing your hearing, too. It's probably from all those loud explosions whenever you go to a Showdown— did you know your eye is twitching?"
I lunged forward; reaching out to strangle the little freakazoid into oblivion. However, such an act was foiled as my foot landed on something that was not quite as flat as the surrounding area. With an 'umph' and a yip, I landed on my face, legs splayed awkwardly, knees aching. "…son of a—"
Good Jack slapped his hands over Omi's ears as I fell into a rather lengthy rant of Very Bad Words, shouting, "Watch your language! There are children present."
After a time, partially satiated and thoroughly out of words, I felt around the ground for the object that had been my undoing, making ready to hurl it into the void. "I'll show you who—" Cocking back my arm, I took careful aim at the distance.
"Stop!" Omi cried out, tearing free of the double's hold to latch on to my own arm, stopping it before it could hurl what I had grabbed into the oblivion that was the sky.
"What, are you…ah." Deciding it was worth a look at what I had accidentally tripped over, I nearly jumped with surprise. The Ying Yo-Yo was innocuously cupped in my gloved hand. "There it is." I felt vaguely uneasy about the quirky happenstance.
Sitting back in shock of what I had almost done, I stared blankly at the object, incredulous. It was so…so absurd, so coincidental, that I abruptly became incensed over it, clenching the Yo-Yo as hard as I could. That wasn't right at all. I had painstakingly combed the area; there was no way it could have escaped my notice. "That's…so stupid. It was right there the whole time? That's ridiculous. I would have found it!" I looked to the monk for support, absolutely certain that I had checked that spot.
Omi pulled something out from his sleeve, regarding me with that haughty stare he so often wore, rebuking me silently. "At least you found it at all, Jack Spicer. Take a lesson from this incompetence and improve your searching abilities." Chiding in his tone, Omi further reprimanded me, causing a red blush to spread across my face. Trust that pompous little…
My eyes struck upon what he was holding, jaw dropping.
Waitaminute.
"You took the Yang? You stole from me?" I slapped the pocket it had been in, as if it would have been there, glaring at the rapscallion that had so desecrated the laws of Good and Evil. "That's my job!" I lurched at him, snatching at the Wu, but he easily dipped away, holding the object close to his chest.
"You could not be trusted with it," He warned me sagely, utterly calm in the face of my wrath. "Obviously."
"I—it - argh, you're so irritating." Harrumphing, I stood up, ready to really lay into him. But then, an idea manifested itself deep within my mind. Easing into an more relaxed pose, I acted as if I let go of the insult, emanating insouciance. Suspicious, Omi backed away, eyeing me doubtfully. I tried all the harder to appear casual, allowing a sigh. "Well, no use crying over spilled milk. Hand over the Yang and we'll get out of here."
He almost moved for it.
"I do not trust you alone to command the Wu, Jack Spicer. I should do it, since I am most likely to keep their oaths here." Cagey little runt.
"Oh, please. You'd leave me here in an instant." I clutched the Ying closer, protective. Smiling warmly, "I promise to not leave you behind." Ah, that was believable.
Stubborn, Omi shook his wide head, not in the least fooled. "Your word is as a cup for the distilled liquid grapes of whine," He waved off the promise, chortling. "No; I am a Xiaolin monk. Therefore, I am the most trustworthy." One little hand came out, demanding to be filled with the sister of his Wu.
I considered it. It was true; he did have a tendency to keep his word, no matter the circumstances; the escapade with Chase and the original source of Good Jack had proven that. An idiotic child, but still an honest one. However, I decided to be obstinate, and slapped the proffered limb away. "Nuh-uh!" I stuck my tongue out at him, keeping the Ying far out of his reach.
"Yes-huh!"
"Like I can trust someone with a head that big."
"The size of my head has nothing to do with it!"
What followed was a litany of maturity. Eventually, however, we soon came to the realization that neither of us was going to back down, and gave up on the argument.
"This will get us nowhere, swiftly." Omi sat back down, fiddling with the Yo-Yo.
"We're already nowhere," I muttered, pausing long enough to assert my dominance of height, then flopping back down again, realizing it was futile, chin in my palm. "Well, isn't this just peachy." We stared at each other, trying to work out how to go about our mutual escape without giving in. It was a silly debate, really- but I was nothing if not stubborn.
Maybe I should just let him do it. Unhappy, I opened my mouth to reluctantly concede, when I was interrupted by a forgotten third of our trio.
"I can do it." Good Jack quietly piped up, glancing between us.
"And why should you be the one?" I asked him dryly. I thought it was quite clear from my tone that I expected little of his answer, and was certain to scoff at it the moment it was uttered. He didn't seem to understand the subtlety, instead perking at the acknowledgement.
"Well, I'm effectively neutral between you two; being on the side of good, and part of you as well." Pleased with his logic, he preened. "So I have no reason to betray either side." As much as I hated to admit it, he was right. I glowered darkly at his beaming countenance, not yet willing to give up the battle, but not seeing how I could really argue without coming across as silly.
"Ah, a most excellent solution." Omi sprang to his feet, grinning brightly as he handed the vested wonder his Wu. "Jack, hand over the Ying."
I eyed the duo carefully, not in the least pleased, but shrugged and tossed the Yo-Yo to them, sulking. "Whatever."
Omi made an admonishing gesture, then handed Good Jack the captured artifact. "Now, open the portal." What, did we need step-by-step instructions on everything?
Holding both the Wu, he turned to face the emptiness, and flicked out both at once, activating them as he did so. The purple haze that was the rift between the worlds opened itself as a torn maw of some beast. Uncomfortable with the imagery, I nonetheless shoved Omi through first, since the moron was standing in the way, and ducked in after him, half-hoping that it would close after us. Unfortunately, a certain uninvited someone followed.
"Oh, wow; would ya look at that." Good Jack tipped his head back to stare in apparent wonderment at the bedazzling stars above. "It's been a while since I've see those. Hello!" He waved jubilantly at the sky, dopey grin plastered on his face.
"Hey, how 'bout you go for another whirl through the portal?" I waggled a brow suggestively, pointing to the Wu as he tore his enraptured eyes away from the sky. "It'd be pretty fun, huh? Go to see the swirly fog again." It was rather callous of me, but hey, that's why I'm on the evil side.
"But this belongs to the monks," He informed me, seeming as if the very notion had upset him greatly. Jumping back, Good Jack quickly removed the twin set of Wu from his person, handing it to a broadly grinning Omi. "Here you go, lil' fella. You have fun with that now, okay?" He even patted the itty-bitty eyesore on the head warmly, the very image of a goody-two-shoes.
I wanted to vomit.
"That's it, I'm outta here," I announced to no one in particular, throwing up my hands in exasperation. "You can keep him, Twinkie – later, losers."
Stalking out of the temple, making certain I really stomped down, just so they could know exactly how I felt about the whole situation, I prepared to take off. However, someone leaping upon my back foiled even that simple act, sending me stumbling forward.
"Don't leave yet! I just got here," Good Jack wailed morosely, arms wrapping around my throat, legs around my waist. "We haven't even caught up yet."
"Egack!" I choked, staggering under the added weight. "Ge'off!"
"You smell like shampoo," He said warmly to my demand, nuzzling into my head. "And motor oil!" Excited, he smoothed out my hair, much to my irritation. It was supposed to be messy; an essential part of my look.
I felt the tic start up in my left eye again.
"I'm going to murder you," Snarling, I tried to reach back, to fling him off of me, but the crafty little bastard wriggled out of reach. "Come here, so I can give you a hug."
"Aw, I know you don't mean that," Good Jack pouted, thankfully sliding off my shoulders. I turned to face him, warily eyeballing his dejected form. It was petrifying when he abruptly brightened, that too-sweet grin unexpectedly exposed. I started to backpedal, dreading what was coming next, but it was too late, far too late. "But I'll give you one anyways!"
"Don—!" I wheezed as all the air was squished from my lungs again. I think some of my organs collapsed under the strain. "You're…gonna kill me...with this." Gasping, I fought for every breath, blushing hard at the idea of the spectacle we undoubtedly made. "PDA! PDA!" Trying to reason with the beast that was my better half, I pushed out with my arms, wanting nothing more than to run far, far away.
Giggling, Good Jack released me again, straightening my shoulders and dusting off my front, despite my attempts at slapping him away. "Dying of hugs, how absurd." He smiled up at me (had I really grown taller since we last met?) hands clasping in front of his rather silly vest. "You're funny."
"Oh, yeah, a regular stand-up act." I looked up at the sky, shaking an angry fist. "Ha-ha! I hope you're laughing, you crazy bastard!"
Good Jack was still grinning.
Greatly disturbed, I looked for an excuse to get him to leave my presence. "Y'know, the Xiaolin lo- I mean, the monks are much more funny. And they are good, after all. So, why don't you go back and help them up, because it'd be, y'know, the good thing to do." Sidling out of range of those horrible, clingy hands, I prepared to take off as soon as his back was turned.
But, life threw another hardball, for sheer amusement.
"Nah, we're alright up here." Raimundo was practically shaking from holding in his laughter, disentangling himself from the last of the web. "Besides, good and evil are relative terms."
Eagerly taking up this train of logic, the oddball nodded, adding "And we're two peas in a pod!" Good Jack leaped up, and I stuck out my arms on instinct, hating myself more than ever when I caught him. Glaring in abhorrence, I let the prancing nincompoop drop to the ground, fixing the monks an evil eye.
"But good belongs with the Xiaolin side, whereas I am clearly Heylin. Therefore, I make the motion that it is here that he truly belongs." I nodded sagely, refusing to look down at the puppy eyes I was being pinned with. There was no way in hell he was coming with me. "Besides, he's all…too happy. And what's with that vest?" My face burned at the superior looks the Xiaolin dragons had adopted. It seemed they were ever making such faces.
"I belong with you, though," the unbearable little goblin grabbed my knees, eyes wide and shining. "Think of the peas! And the pods!"
"Let go!" I shoved his whole head back with one hand, brusquely wrenching my legs away. "You're like a leech."
"Someone has to show you the way of goodness," Omi hurriedly called out from the temple steps, his eyes bright with inspiration. My head jerked up at the sound, dreading where it was leading to. "And who better than your good half!"
"But I'm not good, I have no intention of being good; I'm evil! Evil I say!" Swiftly, I attempted to dislodge the seed of an idea germinating in Good Jack's head. His eyes sparkled with a surely wicked intent, biting his lip in glee as he sat upright. I waved my hands frantically in the universal sign for 'cease and desist', backing away. "No, no, and no! Evil boy genius; it'd ruin the phrase. Think of the balance of life – evil!" I protested as he rose up onto his feet, hands clasping each other in his joy.
"Wee!" He sprang forward again, hurtling with arms outstretched, only to fly over my ducked head. "I'm not leaving until you're nice and good." He rolled to his feet, springing after me as I made a frenetic attempt at to run away.
I gasped raggedly as he again seized my chest, embracing me warmly. Pleadingly, I looked to the monks, who were all (save Omi, who didn't realize what was so amusing) cracking up, slapping each other on the back at my expense. "Kill me now, please."
"Aw, that wouldn't be very nice, now would it?" He snuggled me again, inducing a moan of protest and disgust. "You're all wiggly." Giggling, he crushed my ribcage again, delighted.
At last, I gave in, slumping in his inescapable grasp. He had made up his mind, and I was far too weak-willed to fight anymore.
"Don't worry; you'll be good sooner than you think." Good Jack struck a pose, whirling me around to face him. "Now, to the Lair of Cuddliness!" Squeaking in his delight, the annoying figure pranced about, as evil as a care-bear on ecstasy.
The Xiaolin dragons sniggered wickedly.
"…Don't ever call it that again." Feeling weariness far beyond my years, I groaned, grabbing my other half's arm, and dragging him from the temple, the mirth of the monks ringing in my burning ears.
---
"You need to clean up more often," Good Jack told me sternly, dusting one of the many generators. A pink apron from god-knows-where was tied around his waist, though his entire trademark outfit was still present. In response, I shoved my head lower, trying to drown him out in a sea of machinery. However, it was not to be, as he continued. "It's absolutely filthy in here. A clean Lair is a happy Lair!" Amused by something in the silly sentence, he put a hand over his mouth, chortling.
I did not get the humor.
"It's not supposed to be a 'happy' Lair," I at last turned to face him. "It's an Evil Lair – a place of where havoc, chaos, and suffering is planned, not happy-snuggly-cuddly time."
"Is it three already?!" Good Jack hurriedly looked down at his acquired watch (he apparently believed deeply in punctuality) and guffawed nervously. "Silly goose, it's only eleven." The feather duster was waved in my face, inducing a fit of sneezing.
"Pfft, whatever." I shrugged him off, batting the duster aside. "I have work to do." Thus clearly stating my wish to be alone, I slouched back over my oh-so-precious project, refocusing on the doom-bot I had recently begun on. Namely, early the previous morning. But, I was ever dedicated to my task. Coffee is a godsend. Mulishly, I poked at the long-cold cup, wondering if I should make a fresher batch.
Good Jack didn't get the hint. "What are you building?" He asked quietly, obviously fascinated.
Sighing, hoping that by my very reluctance he would get the point, I very slowly and grudgingly turned to face him. "It's a robot. You should know; you are – unfortunately – a part of me."
"But not all. I have no idea how any of that fits together," He gestured toward the mass of wiring. "It's amazing that you can keep all of that straight."
I realized that, for the first time in a very long time, I had been given an honest compliment. Uncomfortable, I eyed him askance. "Yeah, well, evil genius isn't just a whimsical title." It was awkward, to say the least. There was a long silence between us, as I tried to figure out the best way to further respond to the praise. However, due to lack of experience, I had no idea, and opted to do what I had done to Wuya when she had first returned.
I went as cold as possible, deciding to ignore him completely, again welding the wires together.
Not one to be brushed off, Good Jack leaned closer, looking inside the outer husk of the soon-to-be Doom-bot. "What does it do?" His voice broke my concentration into little pieces once more.
…Still, it was kind of nice to be acknowledged by someone…even if it was just another me.
Uncomfortable, I again went for what I knew.
"It's gonna blow things up," I answered sassily, falling back on sarcasm for the sake of security. "Hopefully I can test it out on you."
I felt his wounded emotions digging into my rather small conscience, but chose to delve deeper into my work rather than face actually having to apologize. Mercifully silent, he withdrew, continuing on with his cleaning, and leaving me without interruption nor distraction.
After fighting back an uncharacteristic bout of guilt, I again immersed myself in the one thing that I knew exactly where to stand, and forgot all about my unwanted guest.
---