Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for Pip Bernadotte...
Agent HUNK was sitting at his desk, his feet propped up on the desk and a magazine in his hands. Narbe was sitting on the sofa reading a book. Apparently, both of them had decided to become bums. It was much safer. "I suppose we should do another interview..." H grumbled as he flipped through the magazine.
"Ja..." Narbe replied stoicly. "Ze fans vill get angry if we take too long again..."
"Who's the victim for today?" H continued to read, not really caring about his "job".
"I think its ze Frenchie... Mr. Bernadotte," Narbe answered him dully. He was more concerned with his book, too.
"Pip?" H put his feet on the floor and stuffed the magazine into his desk. "Cap'n Ponytail? Oh goodie!"
"Hmph, I'm not fond of ze French..." Narbe grumbled.
"Well duh, you're a Nazi vampire," H chuckled. "You'd best go do something else for awhile. Where's that STG-44?"
"I'll get on it," Narbe sighed as he walked out of the room.
"And now to revive the dead!" H smiled once Narbe had left the room. He clapped his hands together, and there was a bright flash of light.
"I'M ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!" Pip was sprawled out on the floor, a look of sheer joy upon his face.
"For now, at least..." H muttered.
"Who are you?" Pip looked up at the guy in the funky clothes.
"The name's Agent HUNK," H waved at the Frenchman on the floor. "I brought you back from the dead to ask a few questions..."
"You're not going to make me dead again, are you?" Pip narrowed his eye at the man behind the desk.
"Oh no, no, no, no, no!" H shook his head. "I wouldn't dream of killing you... again..."
"Where's Seras? Is she alright?" Pip looked around at his surroundings. "Wait, where am I?"
"Don't worry, she's fine. And you're in my office. Room. Place. Thing. Yeah..." H didn't know how to describe it.
"Okay zen..." Pip plopped down on the sofa and stretched his legs. "What did you say about interviewing me?"
"Right, I just need to ask some questions..." H pulled a notebook out of his desk. "Ready?"
"Oui," Pip nodded.
"What is your name, your quest, and the location of the Holy Grail?" H asked.
"Pip Bernadotte, to do whatever I'm paid to do, and how the heck should I know!" Pip shrugged.
"Well, you're French! The French guys own the castle in the movie..." H grumbled. "Why do you wear your hair in a braid?"
"Because it's easier than a loose ponytail," Pip replied with a sly grin.
"Okay, what's with the hat?" H pointed at his Brittanica Cowboy hat.
"It looks cool," Pip smirked.
"Good answer," H scribbled something down. "How did you end up working for Hellsing?"
"I answered ze wrong phone call..." Pip replied sarcastically.
"Oh hah hah hah," H rocked his head side to side, feigning laughter. "What was you're first thought when you were told you'd be killing vampires?"
"Ze boss is looney," Pip smirked.
"And when you saw a vampire?" H asked.
"Merde, zat is one hot monster," Pip flashed a devilish smirk.
"I'm not suprised..." H sighed. "And when you got your butt whooped by said hot monster?"
"Ow, ze hot monster can hit hard..." Pip rubbed his jaw.
"So you gave your life in order to save the hot monster?" H found calling Seras that kinda funny.
"Oui oui..." Pip nodded his head. "And I got a kiss!"
"Hm, you got a kiss for getting shot, stabbed, and then munched on? How... fair..." H wrote down a few notes.
"Hey, in my mind, it was worth it," Pip grinned.
"You're like the Jack Sparrow of anime..." H chuckled.
"Who?" Pip arched his brow.
"Nobody..." H shook his head. "Its kinda funny that you smoke so much, and yet cancer is the last thing you need to... had to... worry about."
"Meh, why worry?" Pip pulled a cigarrette from his jacket. "I'm already dead, anyway..."
"Why do all the cool characters die?" H sighed.
"Hah, you think I'm cool?" Pip laughed.
"Well yeah. You're a chain-smoking, smart-mouthed, cocky, perverted, idiotic, easy-going, gun-wielding, battle-hardened, one-eyed, long-haired, sharply-dressed French mercenary. What isn't cool about that?" H replied.
"Yeah, okay, I'll go with that..." Pip blinked dumbly.
"Well, I guess that covers the interview..." H stuck his notebook back in his desk.
"Am I going back to being dead?" Pip frowned.
"Why would I kill my favorite character... again?" H shrugged. "Just head out that door, and don't mess with the Nazi vampire outside..."
"Um... okay..." Pip didn't want to know much about that last part.
"Benjour!" H waved him goodbye.
"Zat's hello, idiot..." Pip laughed at him as he walked out the door.
"Funny..." H stretched out in his chair. "I had the feeling something bizarre or bad would happen..."
After a few seconds of sitting there, H suddenly jumped to his feet. "MY WALLET IS GONE!!!"
That was the only twist I could think of... sorry... Next chapter: The Quest for the Stolen Wallet!
Er... I'm low on ideas. Please give me some suggestions...