Gutten tag, mein freunds! I've defeated my writer's block at long last. I've still got whatever disease I've contracted. First it was bronchitis, then it was pneumonia, and now its just a mild mix of the two or something. Yeah, that's why I've been gone for a week and a half. I've been pretty much bedridden all day every day for 2 weeks. Fun.

Anyway, I'm feeling pretty good today. So now that I can think clearly and every inch of my body doesn't hurt, I'm capable of writing again! Huzzah!

Now lets get the funny going, shall we?

Interview: Incognito

"Gutten tag!" Agent HUNK bellowed as he barged back into his office. Wearing his usual outfit, sans gas mask, he had a rather large smile on his face. It faded quickly, of course. "What the?"

His office was a wreck. Narbe was sprawled out on the sofa asleep, and Dr. Insane-O was sleeping in H's chair. Playing cards, pizza boxes, and soda cans littered the room. Needless to say, H wasn't pleased. "Yo... Narbe..." he poked his assistant with a stale pizza crust. "Wake up..."

"Was? Was ist das?" Narbe sleepily blinked his eyes. He then rolled off the sofa and hit the ground with a dull thud. "Ergh!"

"What have you guys been doing while I was sick?" H swept some soda cans off the top of his desk.

"Partying!" Dr. Insane-O sat up for a split-second and then went back to sleep.

"I see. Well, I've got to get back to work," H shrugged.

"Be my guest," Dr. Insane-O staggered to his feet.

"Are you drunk?" H stared at his friend.

"Not. Drunk. Enough..." Dr. Insane-O replied in the most serious manner. An awkward silence followed. "Nah, I'm joking. Lemme get out of your way..." he laughed as he headed for the door. "Oh, we got your wallet back!"

"Ja, here you go," Narbe tossed his boss his missing wallet.

"Sweet! Who had it?" H smiled as he checked to make sure everything was still in it.

"Uh..." Dr. Insane-O shifted his eyes from side to side. "The Jesus of Knives..."

"Anderson? Hm..." H shrugged. "Oh well, I won't question it."

"See ya!" Dr. Insane-O strolled out of the room casually.

"He took the money out of it, didn't he?" H sighed.

"Ja, he did..." Narbe smiled meekly. "Vell, I'll go do some random task while you do your job."

"I won't stop you..." H said as he kicked some trash out of the way. "What a mess..."

Ten minutes later, H had managed to clean up the room rather well. Once everything was back in order, he down in his chair and let out a deep sigh. "Its good to be back... Well, time to get to work." He then turned to face the camera that was, as always, sitting in the corner of the room. "Hello readers! Did you miss me? I bet you did," H smiled brightly. "Yeah right... Anyway, its time for an interview! Today's guest... INCOGNITO!!!" H exclaimed in an Alucard-esque manner. He then smirked and clapped his hands together.

There was a bright flash of light and a puff of smoke. Now sitting on the sofa next to H's desk was the dreaded, fearsome, diabolical, rather pathetic in actuallity, and absolute evil Incognito! He was wearing his usual trench coat and sunglasses, as well as a confused expression on his face. "Where am I?"

"You're on my show! Fic! Thing! Yeah!" H exclaimed happily. Incognito suddenly pulled a grenade launcher out of his jacket and pointed it at H. "Okay, maybe we got off on the wrong foot..."

"You're rather annoying, human..." Incognito's voice seethed with disdain.

"And you're rather odd, compared to most vampires. Anyway, I'm hoping you'll be patient enough to do an interview..." H smirked meekly, hoping Incognito wouldn't paint the walls with his internal organs.

"An interview?" Incognito arched a brow.

"Yes, an interview. You know... I ask questions, you give me answers..." H tried to explain the concept to him.

"I know what an interview is, fool," Incognito hissed. "I suppose you may..."

"I understand you come from the heart of the Dark Continent?" H asked.

"That is correct," Incognito nodded.

"And you use African magic in your weapons," H pulled his clipboard out of his desk.

"Yes, it fires curses instead of bullets," Incognito held up his grenade launcher.

"I see. So how did it feel to get wasted by Alucard?" H smirked.

Incognito growled at him. "Hold your tongue before I tear it out of your mouth."

"Big words for a guy with no gender," H taunted the vampire.

"I will kill you, mortal!" Incognito aimed his grenade launcher threateningly at H.

"Like you killed Alucard and Seras? Oh right, they got right back up!" H laughed in his face.

"You're trying my patience! I can bring the rage of Set against you!" Incognito was seriously getting angry.

"Set? Oh right, the ancient Egyptian god of death whom Alucard smoked. Yeah, my God's better than yours..." H smirked.

"How dare you..." Incognito narrowed his eyes.

"How dare I? How dare I? How dare YOU!!!" H pointed at Incognito.

"How dare I what?" Incognito stared at him curiously.

"Where do I begin? You tried to destroy England, you insulted my religeon several times, you attempted and failed to kill alucard, you tried to rape Integra with your non-existant genitalia, and you're just a sorry excuse for a vampire! So HA!!!" H laughed in his face.

"I've had enough. DIE HUMAN!!!" Incognito raised his grenade launcher to fire, but H was faster. With the clap of his hands, the murderous vampire was gone.

"Wow, that was fun..." H smirked. "I'll have to interview him again some time..."

Special thanks to Darthjag for giving me advice on Incognito's interview, and to all my other readers and reviews for doing what they do best: Reading and reviewing! If you're happy, I'm happy.