Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form own Xiaolin Showdown or the characters it contains. All are the intellectual property of Christy Hui and Cartoonnetwork/WB. I do not make any profit off of this story, and write it only for enjoyment and to pass the time. However, I do claim ownership to the writing itself, and hope that those who read this can respect that as well.

Warning(s): Some foul language is used, and there are some light jokes toward Jack's dubious sexuality. These are teenagers, people. MAY CONTAIN SOME SPOILERS FOR SEASONS 1-3.So, if that's going to shatter your entire world, you might want to skip this.

(See Chapter One for further information)

Additional Notes: I have an intense craving for pretzels. Just thought I'd share that.

Ha, I love it when Jack swears. Is that weird? It is, isn't it? Oh well, whatever.

Hmmm… I've listened to an inordinate amount of techno / alternative rock recently. Perhaps this effects the writing? That would explain so many things.

This is incredibly late. Uh… whoops? Unfortunately, writing comes second to life. It might even be a third, in some situations. As baffled as I am by the response to this, it is welcome. Thanks for all the feedback! And again, apologies all around for my blatant, erm, misinformation with the 'expect updates during Spring Break' thing. Unfortunately, the institutes of learning have deemed fit to metaphorically beat me with a sack full of oranges. Ouchies.

So. This chapter is the worst yet – which is one reason I wasn't so gung ho to post it up. But, rather than let it rot deep within the confines of my documents, I'm just going to toss it to the wolves, so to speak. Hopefully, I'll be motivated enough to actually finish the second half of the chapter in less time than has been previously displayed. Remember, however, that this is only the first half. Thus, it is short. Short, short, short.

This chapter is irritating as no other. Argh.

(-Dances- Oh, god, I love this song.) Enjoy.

Part 5:

Good and Evil – It's All Relative to Perspective

(section one)

The annoying, high pitched beeping seemed to fill the Lair with its reverberation, rebounding from wall to wall, intensely reminiscent of a terrified scream. My breath caught at the sound of it; held between the usual excitement and the sudden gut clenching horror. The screwdriver fell from my strangely numb hands, clattering across the floor to roll to a stop underneath the lip of the counter, the barest edge of it gleaming like a half-hidden eye.

Before I could topple over, I snatched the edge of the counter, bracing against it. Vividly, I recalled the monks' expressions – and the horror sprang up anew.

Oh, god, when I showed up…

But I don't have to show up.

I stooped down to grab the fallen tool, nodding to myself vehemently. The thought was like a revelation; I'd just turn off the detector, and nobody would have to know. It would all blow over. Yeah, I mean, come on, they were beat up weekly by somebody. Why would my transgression be any different? If I just waited it out, everything would be all right.

It really is amazing what things you can convince yourself are true.

Before I could even straighten fully, Gack was bounding down the stairs, excitedly dancing about.

"Finally, another Showdown!" He took a flying leap, swooping in for a nearly fatal hug. Luckily, with him randomly popping up around corners every day, my reflexes were top notch. He passed harmlessly over my sudden huddle, and I scuttled out of range, arms partially raised in a feeble defense. Gack didn't seem to notice the cowering at all, bouncing on his toes, radiating elated glee. "Let's go already!"

"Uh, I think I'll sit this one out," Cautiously, I lowered my insufficient defenses, straightening up. "I mean, it's a Saturday. I never go out on Saturdays. It's like the evil-doers day off."

He seemed to crumple, jaw dropping in disbelief. "But—"

I had to cut him off before anything logical could spew forth. "And there's so much to do!" I gestured broadly at the expanse of my (very nearly empty) worktable, desperately ignoring that cheery little fact. "Yeah, we'll just have to do the next one. It's not that big a deal, anyways. I mean, there are like… a billion of these things anyways."

"We can't just not do it," Gack whined, eyes doing that weird… googly puppy-eyed thing. His hands slapped together in a pleading gesture, lower lip trembling dramatically. "Please?" The word was drawn out for ridiculously long time, ending on a high note. "Pretty please with lots 'n' lots of sugary things on top?"

"No," I told him sternly. "And that's final." To close off the chance for further discussion, I pivoted back around, putting up the pretense of intense study as I stared at the mass of random screws and parts.

I was surprised by a sudden stomp, and a very firm grip whipping me bodily around. I flinched away at the harsh look on his face, prepared to duck if it came to a fight. "Now listen here," my younger reflection growled, wagging a stern finger. "I've been very patiently waiting for a new Wu to appear for weeks. Weeks, I say. There is no way we're going to back out of this now. What you are going to do is get your gear and get your butt into one of these… vehicle thingies, right now and we are going to go, and that's final."

Flabbergasted for but a moment, I surged up at his snide, commanding tone, agitated by the sheer impertinence. "Or what?" Before I got any further, he gave the singularly most evil grin I had ever seen in my rather short life.

His hand grabbed my side firmly, and wiggled.

I shrieked with laughter, throwing myself aside to get away from the horribly deft fingers. "Not fair, not fair!" When he advanced again, I whirled around, sprinting for the door. Maybe ten steps in, the lights flickered, and died.

"… eep." The jagged breath caught in my abruptly tightened throat. Despite my sincere wish to run, I couldn't move a muscle, frozen as absolutely as a fly in resin. "T-turn b-b-b-back on t-t-the lights, already!" I hated the way my voice quavered, ricocheting around me in taunting circles.

"Are we going?" Quite calmly, Gack inquired from the opaque sheet of darkness.

I was about to snarl and rudely inquire why he wasn't crumpling over in insensate terror, but paused. Of course he wouldn't be – he'd been living in nearly total darkness for the last two years. So, instead, I went for bluntness. "Hell n-no."

He sighed eloquently. "You force me to drastic measures."

"Drastic-?" I squirmed wildly, shrieking again, when he wiggled his fingers into my side again. "Hey, s-stop it!" I slapped at his hands, backing into the elevated staircase. But it was relentless. With nowhere else to flee, I hugged my waist tightly, shielding my oh-so-sensitive sides. "Fine! Fine, we'll go, you crazy bastard!"

"Huzzah!"

---

The dense underbrush of the Amazon River Basin clung tight to the edges of the aircraft, leaves spreading as like strange green hands against the glass. I nervously eyed the foliage, not at all looking forward to wandering in that oppressively humid mess that was often (mistakenly) called a beautiful piece of nature.

A rather fat insect slapped onto the window right next to my head, eliciting a quick jerking motion away from the transparent roof.

"Well, here we are," Gack cheerfully swung his legs back and forth, beaming at the bug. "How cute, it's saying hello."

"You know, we could leave now and no one would ever have to know," Eyeing the creature with far too many appendages, I squirmed uncomfortably. Somewhere, out in that dense jungle, the Xiaolin monks were waiting. I suddenly realized how a lame antelope must feel as it watches the lions approach, inexorably drawn toward a certainly messy death.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun." Gack laughed, popping open the hatch. Immediately, the humidity clamped down upon us. It was like the air itself had become a physical being, absolutely still despite our mutual gasps. Something thunked solidly into my lap.

"Ew!" I slapped the intruding arthropod, sending it on a high arc into the surrounding brush. "Gah, I hate nature."

I glanced up as Gack slid out of his seat, hitting the thickly padded forest floor with a soft crunch. "Hurry up, slow poke," Giggling, he set off, disappearing into the greenery within moments.

"Hey, wait up," I scrambled out of craft, landing with much less grace on my knees. The heady scent of mulch overwhelmed me; a vibrant tapestry of insects scattered at the surprise of my visit, shining dully in the filtered light as they relocated to other hiding places. With a shudder, I stood back up, dusting off my knees in hurried swipes. "Yucky bugs."

There was a long, long pause as I waited for some sort of response.

Unsurprisingly, given how little lady luck has come to my aid, there was no human reply.

"…Hello?" Meekly, I called out, the trees and their seemingly unnatural largeness becoming quite intimidating with a startling abruptness. Something called back in a raucous scream from the canopy. A dark form leapt across the narrow divide of trees, limbs spread wide. That was all it took. "Yeah, okay, running wildly now, bye."

I took off as fast as I could, bolting into the never-ending underbrush. Claustaphobia spurred me to greater speeds as the foliage seemed to lean inward, thick leaves and branches smacking into my face and arms. By the strange, asinine reasoning of hysterical panic, I thought if I ran far enough, I'd come to the edge of the forest. It's funny how a mind can desert you right when you need it most.

However hard I was trying, it was inevitable that I would soon run out of breath in such a thick atmosphere. Gasping for air, I slumped against the rough bark of a tree, hands bracing on my knees. After doing the best I could to regain my dubiously termed composure, I stood upright again, apprehensively eyeing my surroundings. I had absolutely no idea where I was. None.

"…Ah. Well. Maybe that wasn't the wisest course of action." I remarked to my besieging enemy of leaf and bough, half expecting some sort of sentient response.

Carefully, I disentangled myself from the brush that had somehow wrapped around my ankle, looking every which way for some sort of familiarity. Why do trees all look the same? I could almost see where I had come in, in the way that the leaves were inelegantly bent, their pale, fibrous innards bared to the wan sunlight. But there was no way I could follow that all the way back, with my limited tracking skills.

Ignoring any and all advice I had ever been given regarding forests of any sort, I began walking back, flinching at every sound. Who would have thought forests were so loud? They usually seemed so…peaceful, quiet. But no, this one just had to be different.

"When I rule the world, I'm cutting this all down, Green House Effect or not," I mulishly grumbled, shoving hard on a rather thick branch to get it out of my way. I didn't recall passing such a limb before, but who knew. The mind can play all kinds of tricks when someone is frenetically rushing about in strange forests.

I gave some flowers a wide berth, remembering a Discovery special about giant bird-eating spiders that sometimes resided in such places. The last thing I needed was another giant spider to haunt my already frightful dreams.

"Why, hello there."

I yelped in startled shock, whirling around fast enough to send me staggering into the nearest trunk. Stabilizing myself once more, I looked at who had sneaked up on me so quietly. My stomach dropped, and proceeded to wriggle distressingly somewhere in the region of my feet.

Kimiko.

"Oh snap," I groaned, sidling around to put the tree between us.

"Ah, Jack, I'm hurt," The diminutive Japanese girl advanced leisurely, a beguilingly sweet little grin perched on her glossed lips. "You weren't trying to avoid me, were you?" She paused in the sauntering little pursuit, placing her tiny hand against an outthrust hip. The smile fell from her mouth, eyes narrowing in distaste. "Because, you and me, we have something to settle."

"I'm sure I have no idea what you are talking about," I babbled quickly, keeping that godsend of a tree between us. "I mean, what could we possibly talk about? Differential equations? Yeah, it'd be so very boring, yeah, and we should, oh my god, trees burn! Trees burn!" Shrieking as flame eagerly leapt from her fingers, as enthusiastic as any hound on the scent of the wounded deer, I dove off into the brush, struggling against the clinging vines that impeded my progress.

"Hold still!" She shrieked, tearing off after me.

Oh yeah. Like I was really going to do that.

Wrenching free of the prison of vines, I tore through the flimsy growth, not at all caring where I ended up. Behind me, I could hear plants whooshing as they went up in flames – the flames intended for yours truly.

I'm pretty sure I was jabbering something in the vain attempt to dissuade the crazy wench from her warpath, but I'm also pretty sure, whatever it was, made absolutely no sense. Still, it was better than trying to stand and calmly rationalize with her – there is no logical way dealing with an angry fire-wielding midget.

Hitting a root, I stumbled forward, barely catching myself in time to avoid a low Judolette flip. Rolling aside, I took off in a new direction, screaming for the love of all that was holy for someone to save me.

Unsurprisingly, no one did.

Rationalizing that I wouldn't be able to keep up this rabid game of murderous tag much longer, I took to the thing I knew best: loosing the enemy. After all, I'm practically a professional when it comes to running away-

Let's just say I get a lot of practice.

Putting on a burst of speed, I made it look as if I intended to continue on the clearest path, avoiding the thick shrubbery on either side. When I heard Kimiko going in for a second Judolette flip, I flung out one arm, hooking it around a narrow sapling, and allowed centripetal force to do its thing.

"Hey!" The lone monk shouted, her attack for nothing as she dove past the narrow opening I had hurled myself into.

Panting, I risked a gander back to see what my handiwork had done. Upon reflection, I realized this was very stupid.

"Umph!" I grunted as I, at full tilt, collided something unbearably solid, legs flying out from underneath me. My lungs seemed incapable of drawing vital breath, leaving me a choking wreck on the ground. Still, ever curious, I looked up to what I had hit, and that's when it came tumbling down.

I yelped as a decidedly solid, heavy object collided with my abused noggin, instinctively raising up my hands to cradle the site of pain. But what I clutched was definitely not the top of my head.

A tiny hand abruptly slapped down over mine. "Jack Spicer, I challenge you to a Xiaolin Showdown."

"… Huh?" I very intelligently responded squinting at the bright light that poured from the top of my head. Tentatively, I craned back, blinking at the eclipse that was Omi's cranium. Though my mind screamed a thousand things to say, the most I could manage was a subdued, "Ah. Okay."

"The game is King of the Treetop. First one knocked down loses." Omi dictated with an unusual seriousness, stiff and formal at best- cold and condescending at reality. "My Lotus Twister against your Mask of Janus."

"Uh, okay," That seemed to be the only response I could generate, and I decided to roll with it. "I accept."

From behind me, Kimiko snarled in thwarted wrath, huffily slumping against a tree even as the others of our respective parties trickled in. I knew Raimundo was nearby, probably by the crazed fire-happy wench, and made a point to not look back.

Damn conscience.

"Let's go, Xiaolin Showdown," Omi began, and I found myself joining him on reflex. A pity, really, that I had too much pride to just turn tail and rush away screaming.

This was not going to be a pleasant experience.

---

Gack frowned as he watched his evil counterpart accept the challenge. He had been so looking forward to a Showdown for weeks – and now he wasn't even going to participate. What a jip.

Still, it promised some entertainment, at the very least. Better than staring at the myriad of robots all day – forbidden to touch, naturally.

Accidentally explode one robot and it just loomed over your head forever. The world was so unfair.

One pale hand slapped against a tree trunk as the immediate area decided to warp reality – becoming one of the usual, spectacular arenas of the Showdown. Detachedly, he watched the two combatants rise up, high into the treetop, not stopping the petulant sulk that slapped across his achromatic features. Oh, that looked like such fun, way up there. He loved such dazzling heights – the giddiness of it appealed to him.

Thinking on previous experiences, he smiled hesitantly.

"Gong Yi Tanpai!"

The smile crashed, the corners of his mouth drawing low. It really wasn't at all fair; Jack hadn't even wanted to go, after all.

Sighing, he watched as Omi, predictably, made the first move, legs and arms expanding to bat at the trench-coated form of Jack. The goth, to his credit, managed to dip out of the way, though he gracelessly tripped not three steps into his evasion, landing in a sprawl across one thick branch. The tiny monk slapped at his recumbent form, and missed spectacularly, not at all used to the Wu that he rarely relied upon.

It gave Jack enough opening to sidle away, shimming down to the basin of the tree, clearly uncertain as he put on the Mask. He was probably experiencing intense déjà vu, given how closely the situation resembled a past Showdown.

Gack eyed the spot where his older half had disappeared. It certainly wouldn't do if Jack was still standing there; he should be moving, fully employing the deceptive nature of his Wu—

Someone touched his arm, drawing his attention away from the ensuing battle above.

"Hello," Kimiko said cheerfully, offering a congenial smile. "I think we should have a little chat – it's been so long, after all." Her eyes glinted briefly – rather ominously, if one were so inclined to think on it.

Gack's returning grin was wholly unreserved. "Sure," He replied blithely, being not in the least observant of the subtleties of the female face. Kimiko's crooked grin widened, lips curling high enough to bare the bare pink edges of her gums. A predatory smile, honestly.

Childishly, Gack overlooked the obvious. Kimiko, as he remembered, was a nice person. Nice, and always interestingly garbed.

Maybe this wouldn't be so very boring, after all.

---