AN: Reviews are nice. Feeding all of the monkey's that help write these stories, well, they like a little appreciation every now and then. Honestly it's a bit hostile when they don't get any comments and i'm left all alone to try and expalin that that doesn't mean people aren't reading, and then trying to calm them down, well, let's just say there are reasons I stay away from banana's and keep a careful eye out for any and all projectiles and/or traps when around. Enjoy.
-The Secret's In the Telling-
Brooke woke up the next morning feeling slightly confused. At first she didn't know where she was, and became slightly panicked. Then she recognized the room, and after wondering what she was doing there, the previous day's events all came back to her.
Peyton had asked Brooke to sleep in her room with her, in the same bed, just like they used to do. She was hesitant, but the other girl seemed like she really wanted her to, needed her to, so she gave in. Despite the tension and uncertainty between them, they decided to put everything aside and pretend like it was just like it had always once been. This proved harder than expected.
"Peyton, we're never going to be able to get to sleep like this."
"Yeah, I know. I just don't know what else to do, I mean you're here, and I feel like my heart is going to either beat out of my chest or wither and die if I let you leave. I can't lose you again Brooke, I just can't. But I don't even know if we can be friends again, there's just so much to talk through, and so much that has happened. I just wanted to leave, and then you showed up, and now I don't know anything."
"Okay, listen to me. I'm not going anywhere, I already told you that, and neither are you. I'm going to scoot closer to you, and you to me, and we're going to sleep like we used to. I'm going to hold you, and you're going to let me. I know you need it, so do I, and even though we have everything to sort through, everything to lose or gain, right now, despite that, we have each other. You need to believe that, so come over here, and try and sleep. I'll be right here when you wake up, I promise."
And somewhat reluctantly and awkwardly they got comfortable, then let everything go finally relaxing with each other. Sleep came eventually, both still on edge with the unknown concerning them, but both seemingly determined not to lose the other again.
When Brooke sat up in bed, taking in the fact that Peyton was no where in sight, she became slightly unnerved yet again. She didn't think she would run, she had made her promise, but she didn't really know, she had hoped. So getting out of bed, Brooke went downstairs to prove herself wrong, to make sure Peyton was still there. Only she was nowhere to be found. Walking back up to the room, sitting back in the chair, she wondered if she had lost her best friend again. Then scaring her out of her thoughts the bathroom door flung open and Peyton stepped out.
"Jesus Peyton! You sacred the shit out of me, I thought you took off."
"A good morning to you too. As much as I really wanted to leave, I didn't, I promised you, so I didn't go. I was just washing up."
"Well now that my heart attack is over, do you want to get breakfast or something, or maybe you want to spend some time alone? I need to get back to my car and get some stuff, figure out a place to stay, for how long, all that sort of stuff."
"Food sounds good. I'll give you a ride to your car after we eat. Then you can decide if you want to stay in a hotel for a while, or if you want to stay here for a while, for as long as you need. I can fix up one of the other rooms or something."
"I think about it while we eat okay?"
"Sure."
A short while later they were ready to go. Deciding they didn't want to run into anyone they know they went a little out of town to eat.
After being seated and giving the waitress at the IHOP their drink orders both girls set about perusing the menu to find something for breakfast.
"What are you getting?"
"I'm thinking maybe just some toast with my coffee."
"Peyton, have you looked in the mirror lately? You're too skinny; you need to eat something more, please?"
"Thanks for the compliment Brooke, you just made my day."
"Lose the sarcasm Blondie; I'm serious, get pancakes or something, as long as it's more than toast okay?"
"Yes mom."
The meal continued on through mostly silence, only a few short sentences of no real relevance as they both ate their pancakes and sipped coffee. Though agreeing to eat more that just toast, Peyton wasn't doing a very good job, and Brooke noticed but decided she would bring it up later.
After they left the restaurant, Peyton dropped Brooke at her car and they both made their way back to Peyton's house, knowing what was coming next. Sitting idly across from one another in the living room both avoiding the inevitable, Brooke decided to speak up.
"So how come you don't eat that much? You've lost a lot of weight, you're not sick are you?"
"No, I'm not sick, not really anyway. I guess I lost most of the weight when I was using, and then I don't think I ever really got my appetite back after that. I just didn't care enough I think."
"Can I ask why you started? I mean I think I know, after the fight, I know how I felt, so I can only imagine what you went through."
"I think that was probably the biggest part of it. I was so lost, and in so much pain, and so confused, I just wanted it all to go away."
"I'm so sorry I did that to you."
"It's more my fault than yours. You know what I said and then I couldn't deal with how it all went to hell so damn fast."
"Tell me what you had originally intended to say."
"Are you sure you want to do this now?"
"We're already doing it; please just tell me, we have to do this Peyton. We can't run form this anymore."
"I don't remember exactly what I was going to say, but I'll give you the rundown of it. I meant to say that I love you, that I've been in love with you for a while, and somewhere along the way of our friendship, my feelings changed into something more. You were always important to me, but I needed to tell you that even if you didn't return my feelings. I don't even think I considered things turning out as bad as they did if I told you the truth. But that killed me so much, I have been terrified of it ever since."
"Peyton, like I said earlier, I felt the same way. Though I didn't actually realize it until yesterday, I know that's what I felt. And I told you why I reacted why I did, I felt betrayed and jealous. So I guess the basics of it are that you wanted to say you loved me, I did love you but didn't know it, and we were both so stubborn and screwed up to fix the mess, to try and deal with it, that we both ended up worse off."
"Do you, I mean, how do you feel now, that you know, what now?"
"I have loved you in some way since as long as I can remember, and I always will. But now, despite the time apart and the anger we both have had, with us getting things cleared, I still love you. Peyton, I am in love with you. I don't ever want to leave you again, and I know we still have a lot to say to each other but know that I do love you."
"Oh thank God. I don't think I could have taken you leaving again, even if it was just to stay here and try and be friends. I still love you too Brooke, it never went away, I prayed for it too, it was eating me up, but I never faded."
"Okay, this is good progress. You are in love with me, and I am in love with you. So now what?"
"I don't know."
"Well I think we should just take things as they come, and go incredibly slow. We need to get back on track, get to know each other again. And we need to get you healthy. Why don't we rest for a little while, and then I need you to fill me in on these fake-Brookes and anything else pertaining to your health? I'm not taking any chance of losing you."
"Umm, okay I guess, although that is another thing I am not looking forward to. I'm so tired Brooke, I've been so tired. I missed you so much."
"I know Peyt, I know. Come on, let's get you to lay down."
Brooke let Peyton sleep for nearly two hours before she woke her up from what appeared to be a nightmare. It was now late afternoon, and she had settled into the idea of staying here, maybe for good. As she took care of some menial tasks, then walking back up stairs to check on her friend, she heard barely audible whimpering. Upon entering the room, she took in what seemed to be a struggle of some sorts playing out within the slumbering girls mind.
"Peyton, hey wake up, you're safe. Come on, wake up, it's okay."
Brooke continued to shake the girl until she sat bolt upright in bed struggling to catch her breath.
"Hey, calm down, it was just a dream, I'm right here. Shhh, it's okay. You're safe, it's okay."
She continued to speak softly into Peyton's ear as she rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back as her breathing restored to normal.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine. Nightmares, had them for a while, I'll be fine. What time is it?"
"Around five, are you sure you're okay you look pretty shaken up?"
"Shit."
"What? What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just had some stuff to do today, what with me not actually leaving, but I guess it can wait, it's not anything super important."
"Do you want to try and get some more sleep? Or do you want to just go hang out for a while, or by yourself, whatever?"
"No more sleep for now, I couldn't get back to bed even if I wanted to after that dream. Why don't we just hang downstairs tonight, I'm not up for anything strenuous."
"Deal, I'll make you some food, you missed lunch."
"You don't have to do that, I'm not really hungry."
"I'm making you something and you are going to eat it."
"Fine. I guess we'll be having that talk about my health then too?"
"Yes, we will. Get cleaned up, meet me in the kitchen."
Making her way downstairs as painfully slowly as possible, Peyton eventually entered the kitchen waiting for the firing squad a la Brooke to begin. Upon seeing her sitting at the counter she was slightly relieved that she didn't look like she would be torturing anything out of her, instead she was idly waiting with a bowl of soup in front of her and one in place next to her. Shuffling over to the stool, Peyton quietly sat down and began to sip her meal, despite the fact that she wasn't the slightest bit hungry.
"Is it warm enough?"
"Yes, thank you."
"Aren't we polite?"
"I can be polite, just because I have never been around you doesn't mean I can't be."
"Oh, sarcasm is out in full force today I see?"
"Eat your soup Brooke."
"As you wish Goldilocks."
After Brooke finished her soup she glanced over noticing Peyton had long been done, though her bowl was still slightly full. Accepting defeat not wanting to pressure her to finish off the last of it, she grabbed both bowls and put them in the sick. Making her way back over to her blonde friend, she saw the faraway look she had and wondered what was going on inside that head of hers. After staring for a few minutes she was pulled out of her own trance when she realized Peyton was now starring at her. As a slight hint of red made it's way across her face she decided to move past the sudden blush and awkwardness.
"Let's go sit down and relax, we have some things to talk about."
"Ugh, do we have to?"
"Why are you so stubborn? And yes, we are doing this, no more running remember?"
"Fine, fine, but I'm not the only stubborn one, remember that."
After sitting awkwardly for a moment, then relaxing and letting the silence stretch on, Peyton finally spoke thinking it better to get this mess over with sooner rather than later.
"So what do you want to know, as much as I hate this, I'd rather get it over with. God knows Brooke Davis won't let me get away with ignoring it, so let's just get on with it already."
"Good. I'm glad to see you've finally succumbed to my powers."
"Whatever."
"How long have you been 'seeing' me?"
A long silence stretched out as Peyton struggled for the words to answer the previous question. How do you admit to someone, let alone someone you are head over heals in love with who you haven't seen in a year and didn't think you would ever see again and then just came back into each others lives, that you might be a little crazy? And what if you are crazy, hallucinating may constitute that, but maybe it was just the loneliness and guilt, yeah, much better excuse.
"Right, well, I guess since about a month or so before I quit coke. So that's like less than a year. Do you think I'm crazy?"
"No, sure I'm kind of worried, but after you tell me more, maybe I'll understand better. And even if you were crazy, I wouldn't love you any less."
"That actually doesn't help much, but anyway. So yeah, I think the faux-you was one of the main reasons I got myself clean. There have been plenty of times I have thought I was nuts, but I guess most of the times I saw 'you' I just tried not to think about that whole aspect. It was like you were taunting me, haunting me and yelling at me. Then sometimes you would act like your old self, like we were still friends, and then there were some times when you said some things I'd rather not repeat. But hopefully that will stop now that you're here and we've cleared the air somewhat. Come to think of it, I haven't actually had a fake-Brooke encounter in over a month now, so maybe that's progress."
"How did 'I' get you to quit drugs?"
"Oh, well, you yelled at me a lot about falling that far. Sometimes you told me how worthless I was, and that this was the reason you left. But mostly seeing you scared the hell out of me, when it started happening I didn't know what to think, still don't really know. And then something happened and I couldn't take disappointing you anymore, even if it wasn't really you. And you were supportive the next few times when I was kicking it, but then you were gone again for a while."
"Huh, well, yeah that's odd, but I guess I understand it. When's the last time you went to a doctor Peyton?"
"Probably before the fight, so a good year and some change would be my guess."
"You're so thin, I just don't want to risk anything happening because of that. We need to get you healthy, okay? Will you let me take you to a doctor, just for a check up? You don't have to say anything about seeing stuff or whatever you don't want to, just to make sure that you're fine physically."
"Damn your persistence. I don't even have the energy to attempt to fight you on this, so I'm just going to give in now. But know it's filled with reluctance."
"Thank you. We can go back to bed now, it's late, and you've had a long day. Come on, I'll tuck you in."
Tiredly climbing the stairs, Peyton wasn't sure whether or not Brooke would be staying with her. She didn't know quite how to broach the subject, but her fear of being alone won out so she finally decided to say something.
"Where are you going?"
"What do you mean?"
"You said you would tuck me in, which implies that you weren't going to stay with me."
Brooke understood where she was going with this. She was still very vulnerable and didn't want to be left alone, though she had no intention of ever doing so, not now, not ever.
"Don't worry, I'm not leaving you. I just have to get some stuff out of my car, since I plan on staying here for a while. I just need to grab some stuff and take care of a few calls, then I'll be back okay?"
"Okay, promise you won't be long?"
"Yeah, I'll be quick. Now try and get back to sleep okay? No more nightmares, I'll be right here in a little bit, I promise."
"Wake me when you come up."
"Okay, rest now P. Sawyer, everything's going to be fine."
With that Brooke headed down the stairs to get some stuff from her car, essentially moving a few things in. If she allowed herself to think rationally and truthfully, she knew that she could never leave Peyton again. So she wasn't going to delude herself, unless Peyton told her to go, or they decided at some point they would be better off as friends, Brooke was going to stay here, in Peyton's house, with her, for as long as they were both there. This thought made a small smile creep upon Brooke's mouth. She was moving in with Peyton, she felt a wave of love wash over her, she knew she was meant to be here, this really was where she belonged.