-The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows-
The additional tests had consisted of more blood work, some scans, and some other things Brooke had no idea what they were for. She was becoming slightly more worried with they way Peyton was reacting to all of this. It was like she wasn't affected in the slightest. She barely said two words about it and seemed to be off in her own little world since the few hours they had been home. Despite wanting to know what was on her mind, Brooke knew that Peyton was dealing in her own way, and pushing wasn't going to help her right now. She would just have to be strong for her, be patient that she would come to her in her own time. Though this was especially difficult, Brooke Davis was not a particularly patient person.
The rest of the day progressed as if nothing was looming over them, they both knew it, but neither talked about it. Peyton didn't want to and Brooke didn't know how. All either of them could do was be there for the other and continue on with their day as best they could. So with no jobs to go to, nowhere to be, they decided to just lounge about and watch bad daytime TV. It's just too easy to make fun of and just what they needed to lighten the mood. They soon fell asleep after they had some dinner and settled in for some movies, drifting off peacefully despite all that loomed over them.
As Peyton slightly stirred, tried to fall back asleep to no avail, and reached around the bed for Brooke, she finally woke up completely. Slowly opening her eyes and resting herself on her elbows she looked around her room for the brunette and found her sitting directly in front of her, small grin placed on her face as she just stared lovingly back at the wakening blonde.
"Good morning babe."
"Morning, what's with the smile?"
"Well, I realized something when I woke up."
"Yeah, what's that?"
"It's all going to be okay."
"And how do you know that?"
"I woke up about an hour ago, and you were snuggled up really close to me, and I was cradling you in my arm. When I opened my eyes some more, I noticed your hand was on my boob."
This got the desired blush Brooke had been going for. The blonde only smiled sheepishly and nodded for Brooke to continue on.
"So there I am, holding a beautiful you in my arms, and you've got your hand on my breast. And I just knew, that everything would be okay."
"How did you get to that conclusion, you don't know that."
"I do. You were sleeping so peacefully, like nothing in this world could touch you, and I just wanted to hold you forever. So with all of my warm fuzzy thoughts, and you groping me, it just dawned on me. You are going to be okay. There is no way anything is going to happen to you."
"You got all that out of me copping a feel in my sleep?"
"Yes, you were holding on to me so possessively and it made my heart swell, and I knew, I just knew."
"I believe you, and I really hope you're right. Now why don't you come back to bed so I can grope you while I'm actually awake?"
"As you wish Blondie."
Brooke crawled back over to Peyton, both feeling more at ease with each other than they had in the past few days. The continued to fool around the rest of the morning, making out and getting to know each others bodies a bit before they finally dragged themselves out of bed. They were the most content either had been in a long time. With Brooke's new found optimism, Peyton too tried to wish for the best. But seriously, who has an epiphany from a hand on their boob? Only Brooke Davis could manage that.
Newfound giddiness and flirting occupied the next few days. The girls took it easy, not really having anything of importance to do, so they just hung out together, and continued their mutual acquaintance of each others bodies. The others were still in New York, taking their time, wandering around the city some, and other than Karen, there was really no one else they felt the need to see. And so it was three days later, after a pretty heavy make out session, that they received the phone call they had been trying to ignore.
"Hello?"
"Is this Peyton Sawyer?"
"No, I'll go get her for you, may I ask who is calling?"
"This is Dr. Bell, I assume I'm talking to Brooke?"
"Yes."
"We have gotten Peyton's test results back. I would like to schedule an appointment for her to come in to see me so we can discuss them. When is a good time for the two of you?"
"Um…we, we don't really have anything planned for anytime soon, so I guess whenever is good for you is good for us. Is it, is it bad?"
"I can't really discuss it over the phone with you Brooke, but I will say that it's not the worst case scenario and we're going to get her better okay? She's going to be just fine."
"O-Okay."
"I'll see you both tomorrow at 10:00 am okay?"
"Sure, we'll be there."
"You'll both be fine Brooke, I'll see you tomorrow, have a good evening."
Despite hearing the vague explanation that Peyton was going to be fine, Brooke was still very worried. But she still had to believe everything would be okay, if not for herself, than for Peyton. Dr. Bell didn't go into any detail, but she did say she would be okay, so then she had to be, right? Right. Now where did Peyton run off to? Brooke didn't really want to break the news to her girlfriend, but she knew she had to tell her who called, and she hoped that their newly established good moods didn't completely go away.
"Hey, what are you doing in here?"
"Well, I thought I should probably clear some space for your stuff. My room's not big enough for the both of us, so I'm cleaning out this closet and getting rid of some of this junk."
"Oh."
"Later you can help me move some of my crap in here to make room for some of your clothes. God knows both of our wardrobes aren't going to fit into my closet no matter how big, so we'll just have to decide what we want where."
"Oh! Yeah, no problem. You know, we could totally turn one of the extra bedrooms in this house into one gigantic closet, think of all the shoe space!"
"That definitely has to be one of your better ideas. After we see what all you have and go through it all, we should do that. Hell, there's enough space in this house where we could have one room for shoes alone."
"Ah, a woman after my own heart."
"You're such a goof, but I love you anyway.
"Mmmm, I love you too."
"So who was on the phone?"
Brooke's face fell and she untangled herself from around the blonde she had just moments before wrapped up in her arms. She was uneasy how to go about this, so she just decided to be straight forward. Stepping back a little to gain composure and strength, Brooke wrapped her arms around herself and began to speak.
"Dr. Bell. She wants to see us tomorrow at ten."
"Oh. Did she say, I mean, did she tell you anything?"
"No. She only said it wasn't as bad as the worse case scenario I pried out of her. And that you would be fine. But there was a tone in her voice, I know she meant it, and she was being truthful when she said you were going to be okay, but I can't get over that tone. She wasn't telling me everything; she said she couldn't over the phone. But I believe her Peyton and my boob-realization stands, you are going to be okay, I know it."
"Okay, so we'll just wait and see what she says, it can't be that bad if she said I'll be fine. Wait, what's this worst case stuff you're talking about?"
"Right, well the other day when I said I was going to the bathroom, I actually went to talk to Dr. Bell some more. I didn't want to upset you, I didn't know how you would react if I got all worried and started asking a bunch of questions."
"It's okay Brooke, you're just worried, I understand. And you're right; I didn't really want to hear anymore then. So what, um, what did she say."
"She assured me that they would do everything to find out what was making you sick. And that there was a good chance that it was just some virus like she told you. But I needed to know everything I guess, just not the best chances. She told me worst case you might have leukemia or something similar, but she highly doubted that was the case. Then she reassured me they would find out soon and that the best thing for me to do was be supportive to you and that you were already starting to look better. I kind of broke down a little. I can't lose you Peyton and I don't want you to have to go through anymore shit in your life. So she told me everything would be fine, to just be strong, and that's it."
"Brooke, why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't want to worry you; I had to be strong for you. You're the one who's sick, and if I broke down than who would be there for you?"
"Come here. Look at me and listen carefully. I can't, won't, lose you either. We'll get through this. But you don't have to be so strong all the time. You've been carrying around the knowledge that I might have cancer for days now. I can't imagine how that has been for you. We can both break down, and both be there to catch each other when we fall. Just because I may or may not be seriously sick doesn't mean I still can't be there for you, okay?"
"Okay, I just didn't want to even think of the possibility. I just can't, Peyton, I just got you back, I can't…"
"You won't. Don't cry, I'll always hold you when you need me to, I'm not going anywhere."
"Thank God. I couldn't bear it."
"Me neither."
Meanwhile, in the Big Apple…
"You know, we've been here, what two days already? And we have barely even started packing. Maybe we should concentrate on that today, then get back to the sight seeing and what not tomorrow."
"Haley, total buzz kill."
"Shut it Luke. Haley does have a point though, I hate to admit. But I have to side with her, she's my wife."
"Alright then, who wants to tackle the bedroom?"
"Neither one of you are doing that. A girl's bedroom is like her sanctuary, and I will not have either one of you perv's snooping through her things."
"Aw, come on sweetie, I'll help you."
"No, you won't, you and Lucas will work on the rest of this place, I will take care of the bedroom."
"Fine, fine, as you wish."
"Man, you are so whipped."
"Ow Haley! You didn't have to hit me!"
"Looks like I'm not the only one Lucas."
"Ugh, boys."
They parted ways at the couch, the boys trudging over to get the boxes, and Haley to Brooke's bedroom to start packing.
"Hey Hales, here's some more boxes, you'll probably need them, if only for the shoes alone."
"Yeah, she does have a lot of stuff in here."
"You need any help just shout."
"Hey, Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"You think they'll finally be okay?"
"Who?"
"Peyton and Brooke you dense idiot."
"Oh, um, how do you mean."
"Listen even though neither came out and told me, I know they are in love with each other. I could just tell, and now with Brooke back, and the way she's taking care of Peyton, it's just obvious to me that they have finally told each other the truth. I told Brooke I was happy for her when we left, and just by the slightly shocked look she had and then that huge smile, that only confirmed what I already knew. So do you think they'll be alright?"
"Wow. Okay, I knew Peyton was gay, 'cause she told me, well more like yelled it at me, last summer, but anyway. Man, how could I have missed this? Brooke and Peyton, it all fits so much more clearly now. And to answer your question now that I'm not such a dense idiot and understand what you meant, yes, I really hope they can be happy now, they deserve to be."
"I'm sorry, Luke, I thought you knew. But I'm glad you're okay with them being together."
"I really am, Haley. I still can't believe I was so blind though. So, back to packing. Wait, does Nathan know?"
"Shoot, no, I don't think so. Should we tell him, or just let them break the news?"
"We might as well, I don't think the girls would mind too much, I think they already have a lot to deal with as it is. Plus I think the sooner the better, and since we're here, if he doesn't take it too well, at least we're a good distance away for him to deal."
"Alright, you're right. NATHAN! Come in here!"
"What is it Hales?"
"We need to tell you something."
"Okay…"
"Well um…it's about Peyton."
"Did you hear from her, is she okay?"
"No, we haven't heard anything. This more has to deal with her and Brooke."
"Okay, so what is it?"
"Well, okay, so last year Peyton told me she was gay."
"So?"
"That doesn't bother you?"
"No. But why are you telling me, shouldn't she be the one doing this if she wanted me to know?"
"Probably, but we don't think she'll mind considering everything else that's going on. So um, she and Brooke, they you know have been friends for a while."
"Dude, save yourself the trouble, I'm not completely stupid. I know they've had some kind of thing for each other for a while now. You could see it in the way they looked at each other. I assume that they have finally figured whatever the hell happened out, and that they're like together or whatever now."
"Yeah, see Lucas, not everyone is as blind as you."
"Of all people I thought you would have figured it out before anyone else. Oh well, just proves I'm smarter than you."
"Right…anyway on with the packing."
"Oh come on, just admit that it. It's okay Lucas, no one is going to think any less of you just because I'm smarter."
"Leave him alone Nathan. I expect at least one room to be finished by the next time I come out there."
"Yes m'am, tutor-wife sir."
"Again, boys!"
"Where do I know this song from?"
"It's Jimmy Eat World. You remember the last night at Tric before you had to leave and spend the summer with your parents in California? This is the song they played after you introduced them."
"Oh, right. Yeah, I remember I couldn't find you. And when I finally did you were outside crying as Jake sped off on his motorcycle."
"Yeah. I wasn't crying so much because I was going to miss him and Jenny. I mean I was, and I did. I was more upset because his leaving only meant I couldn't continue to try and distract my feelings with him. I would be alone again, and with you leaving, I was a total mess."
"You knew before then how you felt about me?"
"Yeah. I guess I wasn't ready to admit it; I still tried to convince myself otherwise. But then you weren't going to be around, and it all hit me so hard that I would eventually lose you. So I was crying."
"I wish we had been able to realize everything a whole lot sooner. It would have saved us so much pain."
"Yeah, but I guess all the drama and detours brought us to this point for a reason. I'm just glad we got here at all Brooke, I'm still in shock."
"Me too, I think I'll be thankful for you and us every moment for the rest of my life."
"I just hope we get this, you know? I really want to not be so sick that I do end up losing you, or you me. And I hope neither of us fuck this up either. Brooke, no matter what happens, with my health or anything else, just know that I love you with everything I have, and this past week or so with you, has been the happiest I think I have ever been. Even if it's all we get, I'll be happy with just knowing what we had and could have had."
"Peyton, don't talk like that, we have all the time in the world. But I get where you're coming from, and I feel the same way. I really don't want to lose you and I don't intend to. And no matter what, I will always love you too, and I will always be here, you make me so happy."
"Before we make each other cry even more maybe we should just go get some food and then go to bed. Tomorrow is probably going to be stressful we should rest up."
"Come on Blondie, I'll make you my specialty."
"Cereal?"
"I'll have you know I can make eggs, anything to do with a toaster or a microwave, I am very skilled."
"I know you are. Just don't make too much, I think I'm even less hungry than I have been, what with the nervousness and all."
"I feel it too, but you have to eat something. So just a little bit, for me okay?"
"Anything for you."
As they sat after finishing their small meal, both emotionally drained from the day and the day to come, silence filled the room. A thought occurred to Peyton, the second letter she had left for Brooke in her room, did she leave it out, did she ever get it? Did she understand?
"Did you get that second letter?"
"What? Oh the one with the lyrics, yeah."
"So you read it, and you still stayed. You haven't really said anything about what I wrote in those letters."
"Well, I think the first one pretty much has all been explained more or less. And this second one…"
Brooke pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket, carefully unfolding it. She glanced over it, then looked up at Peyton.
"…this second one I think I can figure out too. I mean it's so full of pain and regret, which I totally understand."
"You keep it with you?"
"Maybe someday you'll write me another letter, one that wasn't written because you thought you would never see me again. One full of love, not pain."
"Yeah."
"I keep it, I guess, because it's a piece of you. It so clearly conveys who you are, so giving, even in your own pain putting others before yourself. I know the regret, the heartache, the want to move past it but can't. I know all of that when I read this, and I can feel it too, because it's exactly what I was feeling."
"I meant it. Every word. Though I feel more, I don't know, at peace with myself I guess than I did before. It's not much, but I feel more complete, like I had lost a big part of me, and it's slowly coming back. You're fixing me Brooke. If all else fails…"
"If all else fails…"
The looked each other in the eyes so sincerely, so lovingly, that there was no doubting the truth behind their words. This was how it was always supposed to be. Brooke could always remember feeling a million times better in any aspect when she was with Peyton as apposed to anyone else, no matter what she was doing. It just took her a hell of a long time to realize why. And now that they had finally found their way back to each other, found each other really, she felt even more complete than she ever thought she could. She really was home.
As the next morning came, neither Brooke nor Peyton wanted to get out of bed, let alone wake up, to face the day they knew was coming. It just wasn't something to look forward to, and they wished they could avoid it all together. But unfortunately, the desire to finally know once and for all got the better of Brooke and she grudgingly got out of bed, somewhat ready to face the day, or at least a nice long shower.
As she was beginning to undress for her shower Brooke heard the creak of the door and instantly spun around after jumping nearly a foot in the air.
"PEYTON! You scared the hell out of me. What are you doing?"
"Showering with a friend, conserving water?"
"You just want to see me naked."
"Well that too, but honestly Brooke, I think the environment could use a break, we really should conserve more water."
"You do huh? Well strictly in the interest of the environment, you are welcome to join me in the shower Peyton Sawyer."
"Why thank you Brooke Davis, I'm so glad you're eco-friendly. I just don't think I could stay with a person who wasn't willing to share a shower in the interest of making the earth a better place."
"Honestly, what is the world coming to?"
They both burst out laughing as they could no longer continue on with their charade. Sobering up quickly to the fact that they would both need to undress to actually get into the shower, the laughter died down to a silence as all that could be heard was the steady stream of the water pouring down. Capturing Peyton's eyes with her own, Brooke took a step forward and captured the blonde's lips with her own in a slow, reassuring kiss. As they broke apart, eyes still locked, Brooke slowly removed her top, followed by her shorts. Blushing slightly at the fact that the only remains of her sleep clothes left was her underwear bottoms, Brooke ducked her head momentarily before looking up to see Peyton's reaction.
Peyton looked on in awe. She knew Brooke had a beautiful body. They had seen each other in various forms of undress and nudity plenty of times over the years, but this was very different. Standing before her, topless, Brooke was breathtaking. And Peyton made her feelings known as she gasped and smiled at Brooke, telling her how beautiful she truly was.
"You're gorgeous, you know that?"
This caused more blushing, which was to be expected. Brooke walked closer to Peyton, resting her hands on the hips of the blonde.
"If you're not ready, you don't have to do this."
"It's okay. Want to help me out of these clothes?"
Grinning like an idiot, Brooke began to lift the shirt of her girlfriend, taking in the sight of her topless. Staring back into her eyes she spoke in a breathy whisper.
"You, P. Sawyer, are stunning."
Receiving a sheepish grin in response, Brooke slowly removed the pajama pants from the blonde. After thoroughly kissing her, she snaked her hands down Peyton's sides, looping her thumbs in the girl's underwear and slowly removing it. After being helped out of her last article of clothing, Peyton then returned to kissing the brunette as she aided the girl in getting rid of her own panties. Completely naked, lost in each other, the girls somehow managed to make it into the shower never breaking contact. Their 'activities' progressed and by the time they were finally finished in the shower, the water had long been cold.
"Okay, shower sex is officially my new favorite thing in the world, ever."
"I can't believe our first time together was in the shower. But I do have to agree Brooke, that was beyond amazing."
"We will definitely be doing that again."
"Count on it."
"How much time do we have?"
"Um…shit! Like a half hour before we have to be there. We better get a move on it. And Brooke?"
"Yes babe?"
"You are a goddess."
"Go get dressed Blondie before I'm forced to attack you."
"You know you want to."
"Quit being a tease, we have to get ready."
"I know, I just wanted this to last a littler longer. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for what's to come, the suspense is killing me. But you know just how to take care of that, don't you? Show me that thing you do with your tongue again."
"Peyton, stop! I'm getting dressed before you corrupt me."
"Corrupt you? Fat chance!"
"Go. Get. Dressed."
Peyton just laughed to herself as she knew she was getting Brooke all worked up. That shower would live on in her memory forever. It was amazing, to say the least. But now she had to get her mind out of the very appealing and satisfying gutter and see if she had a future to face.