-Skeptics And True Believers-
The girls awoke sometime in the early afternoon. After cleaning themselves up and getting dressed for a day both thought was never going to progress outside of the house, they went into the kitchen to grab some food.
Each having finished their respective bowls of cereal, they sat in silence sipping their coffee, lost in their own thoughts. Once Brooke pushed her musings about some new clothing design she was contemplating out of her head she looked over at Peyton, concerned by the slightly glazed look in her eyes.
"You still with me Goldilocks?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah just thinking."
She stood up and motioned for the blonde to follow her, settling themselves down on the couch in the other room.
"Anything you want to talk about?"
Peyton gave a small shrug and took another sip of her drink before putting it down on the coffee table in front of her. Turning to face the brunette, she didn't quite know what to say, so she just stayed silent. Reaching out to tuck a few strands of curly blonde hair behind the girl's ear, Brooke then caressed her cheek before softly speaking.
"I know you miss her Pey, I know you miss both of them. I just wish I could make all the pain go away."
"I wish you could too. If only…"
"Stop. Do not continue with that sentence. Your mom's death wasn't you're fault, neither was Ellie's, so stop blaming yourself. I know how much losing both of them has hurt you, but you need to understand that it wasn't you're fault."
"I know, I know, but knowing doesn't stop me from feeling guilty."
"Maybe all of this has been like piling up. The guilt you hold over both of your mom's, all the pain and crap from the two of us, and now your illness. You hold so much inside Peyton, you need an outlet. Maybe it's all just hit the breaking point and something had to happen."
"Maybe. I don't know what to do Brooke. I don't know how to react or deal with this. The only thing I know is that I love you, and I don't want to lose you. But I'm so afraid that I will."
"Never, I will never let that happen."
"I really, really hope you're right."
"Have you talked to the girls lately Hales?"
Haley, Nathan, and Lucas all sat in the café enjoying some lunch on a lazy Friday afternoon, with nothing else to do.
"Brooke called me yesterday. She said they'd probably stay at home for a few days, that we could drop by this weekend. Apparently Peyton's been doing fine with her medication and all, but she's been taking some other things kind of hard and it's taking its toll."
"What do you mean?"
"You know how she can be Nathan, she barely lets anyone in, and even if you get that far, there are still walls up every turn you take. Brooke didn't go into too much detail, she didn't know much herself, but I guess the basics of it was that the emotional stuff was just overflowing. But she's fine now. She has another doctor's appointment on Monday. If we see them before then Brooke said not to mention it, touchy subject, but that she seemed to be in somewhat better spirits."
"Well that's good I guess. You guys want to come with me tomorrow to hang out there?"
"Sure Luke, just give us a call in the morning and we'll decide when to head over. I got to get back to work, you boys going to the river court?"
"We don't have to be at work, we have no plans, where else would we be?"
"Good point, see you at home Nathan, go easy on him Lucas."
"Please, I could so take him with one hand behind my back."
"Whatever Nate, later Hales."
"P. Sawyer! Get your skinny ass out of bed, right now!"
"Mhmmn, NO! Don't want to!"
"Now! If I have to come in there you are so going to regret it."
"Ha! Right, I'm not coming."
Mere seconds later she felt the bed sag just before all of the breath was knocked out of her as Brooke jumped on top of her. Quickly opening her eyes in shock, she caught the silent glare of warning from the brunette but still remained defiant and shook her head refusing to move.
"That's it, I warned you, now you only have yourself to blame."
Before she could even think about replying, Peyton was immediately attacked by fingers tickling at her sides, unrelenting, unforgiving.
"Brooke! No, please, stop!"
These words were barely managed out through gritted teeth and bursts of laughter as she tried to squirm away from the tickle attack.
"Are you going to get up?"
"Please! I'm sorry!"
"Is that a yes, I won't stop Peyton, I could tickle you all day."
"Yes, yes! Please, I'll get up, I'll get up!"
Brooke stopped her assault, still straddling the blonde and just looked down at her with a self satisfied grin on her face. Peyton was desperately trying to catch her breath and regain composure as she lay back.
"Good. That should teach you to talk back to your girlfriend."
"Brooke, shut up…just kiss me."
And she did, hard, passionate, and agonizingly slow. A heated make-out session began before Brooke reluctantly pulled away.
"Baby, as much as I would love to continue this, there was actually a reason why I came to get you out of bed."
"Since when are you one to hold back B. Davis?"
"Don't tempt me P. Sawyer, I am not in the mood to scar or arouse any of our friends when they come over in…fifteen minuets to find us having wild monkey sex up here when we are supposed to be meeting them downstairs to hang out."
"Wild monkey sex huh? Can I at least get a rain check on that?"
"Only if you get your ass out of bed, now."
"Fine, I'll be down in a few, I promise, and I'm holding you to that rain check!"
"Hurry up Blondie!"
Brooke smiled to herself as she was walking down the stairs, thoroughly looking forward to the 'rain check' that would be cashed in sometime in the near future. Now she just had to endure the afternoon with her girlfriend and friends knowing what was waiting for her. Damn those hormones and damn Peyton for being so damn hot. Who was she kidding, she was in heaven every time she saw the girl, she could die happy, just knowing that she had the love of her P. Sawyer. But alas, company awaited the brunette with only minutes to spare.
"Hey guys, come on in, Peyton's still getting dressed, she'll be down in a minute."
A round of silent nods followed as Brooke looked on some what suspiciously.
"What is up with you guys? Tutor-wife, what did you tell them to make you all silent?"
"Sorry, we just didn't know what to say."
"Whatever Broody, everything's fine, so act like it damn it!"
"Brooke, calm down, we're all good, okay? So, are you going to feed us or what?"
"Nathan, I swear you're always hungry, don't I feed you enough?"
"Of course you do Hales, we're just growing boys that are always in need of food."
"Food's in the kitchen, help yourselves."
As the boys made their way to scavenge through the refrigerator, Haley took Brooke's hand and led her over to the couch and they both sat down. After a few moments silence, Haley finally spoke.
"So how are you holding up Brooke? With everything going on, I feel like no one's taken the time to just check on you."
"You're a good friend Haley, I've missed that. But I'm fine, really. Sure, I'm stressed and worried, what with all that's been going on, but all that aside, I'm really okay. I'm happy with Peyton, really happy, and I just want her to get better, so she can be happy too."
"She is happy. I can tell, just the way she looks at you when you're in the same room. All things aside, she's much happier than she was a month ago. You really are what is best for her, she really is happier with you here."
"Thanks Tutor-wife."
"You know I'm here if you ever need to talk. Whatever you need, if you have to vent about Peyton or the doctors or how you broke a heel, anything at all, I'm here."
"I know, come on, we should probably grab some food before the boys eat it all."
"So Peyton…how's the medicine stuff?"
"Nathan!"
"What, geeze Haley, you didn't have to hit me."
"No, no, guys, it's okay. Uh, the meds are fine, I'm feeling better already, honest."
"Well you certainly look better, you don't look as deathly skinny anymore."
"Um, thanks Luke, I think?"
"Really, you're looking so much healthier."
"I agree, Peyton you do look much better. Brooke's must be taking good care of you."
"The best, you do know you don't have to do everything for me right Brooke?"
"Whatever, B. Davis looks after her girlfriends, no questions."
"Okay, one, don't ever refer to yourself in the third person, two, you only have one girlfriend."
"That you know of…"
"Brooke!"
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. You're the only one for me P. Sawyer, the only one."
"Okay! On that note, it's getting a little late, don't you think Nathan? Nathan!"
"What? Oh yeah, sorry, I was just distracted…"
"How can one kiss distract you so much?"
"Sorry Haley, we'll try and reign in our hormones around your husband…and guys in general. Lucas! Snap out of it already!"
"Boys…we'll see you later, thanks for the food girls, later"
"Bye Brooke, Peyton, call if you need anything."
"Later Broody, bye Tutor-wife, Nathan…"
"Yeah, sorry, bye."
As soon as the three left the girls burst out laughing. Who knew one little kiss between two girls could do so much to the males of the species?
Later on in the evening, as the day was coming to a close, Brooke found Peyton lounging on the front porch, looking up at the stars.
"There you are Blondie."
"Sorry…I didn't mean to worry you, I've just been here, sitting, searching."
"What for?"
"Answers. I have so many questions, for so many things, but mostly, I'm content with the lack of answers I have. Like no matter what the unanswered question is, having no answer doesn't bother me so much. But lately, some things just need endings, you know?"
Not really following, Brooke just nodded her head as she sat down next to Peyton and wrapped an arm around her, leaning her head against the blonde's shoulder.
"What's bothering you Peyt? What do you need a solution to?"
"I don't know, I just know that I do…"
Still, the brunette wasn't quite following. As much as she knew Peyton, as much as she could read the girl, there was a still a part that she could never quite reach, a part that was as big a mystery to her as why people watched American Idol. Well, honestly, that part of Peyton was a bigger mystery than that of the TV show; some people would watch almost anything.
Slightly concerned Brooke sat in silence for a few more minutes as the blonde continued her star gazing, trying to figure out the mysteries of her mind. Then out of seemingly nowhere, Peyton began to talk again, as if continuing a conversation from a moment ago.
"It feels like Jell-O sometimes. I have this picture in my mind. Like my brain is this cohesive whole, Jell-O, but something is breaking through it, ripping it apart, causing disjointed fragments to slip away. And then things just fade…and I forget things. I'll be doing something, washing my hands, and I don't know why. I need to check the levels, but I can't get into the control room."
What do you say to that? Brooke was speechless, she couldn't formulate a thing to say at that moment.
"Sometimes, I realize what I was just thinking, or what I said, and I have no idea where it comes from. It doesn't make any sense, but at the time, it made all the sense in the world. And it scares me, because a lot of the time, I find that I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's happening to me Brooke, I feel like I'm slipping away and there's nothing to pull me back."
"Never, I will never let you slip away from me Peyton. I'll be your anchor. We'll figure this out Peyt, we'll get you the help you need."
"Looking at the stars, I can't help but feel insignificant. There seems like there is always so much drama going on, not only in Tree Hill. But what does it mean? Nothing. In a hundred years, no one will remember us, or what happened here. Our issues won't matter. So what's the point, of anything? But the stars…the one's we see, they've already died, we stare at death every night. But then again, they live on, for all time, dieing and more being reborn, but they are always there. The whole world is moving and I'm standing still. I'm tired, can we go to bed?"
"Sure Blondie, let's get you inside."
After assuring Peyton that everything would be just fine Brooke tucked her in and watched her girlfriend fall into a light, fitful sleep. She sat up, stroking the blonde locks, using the simple action to sooth the girl into a more restful sleep.
Once she was sure Peyton was fast asleep, Brooke got out of bed to change. Resting her hands on the sink, the brunette stared at herself in the mirror for a moment before she looked away and started to softly cry. Everything was so overwhelming, just when she thought things were going to be okay, when things started to look up, a new curveball was thrown her way. She felt like there was nothing she could do, she was at a loss of how to help Peyton with the newest obstacle, and that hurt so much. But, this was Peyton, after all. So she would find a way.