A/N: Hey ladies! I loved the reviews for the last chapter! But to be quite honest, I was a little surprised by those of you who really don't give a crap what those two loser boys had to think: ) Since I so love to please EVERYONE, I'm going to write a split chapter. The first half will be Hawk's pov, the second half Elliot's. That way those of you who DID want to see it, get it, and those of you who didn't, well you don't have to read as much! Hope you like! XO, KJ

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I never had any intention of cheating on my wife. But what man does? What man in his right mind wakes up next to his wife one morning and thinks "maybe I'll have an affair today?" In my defense, I was already involved with the woman I had – am having – an affair with before I even met my wife. I just… chose to see them both. I also chose to marry Olivia. I would have loved to marry Kathy, but she was already married. To my partner. Now before you think I'm a total schmuck, he wasn't my partner until I'd already been dating his wife for about six months. Wow. That sounds pretty bad – dating his wife.

At any rate, I used to work in the homicide unit of the New York Police Department. One night on a run up to the hospital, I met an angel. She came to me in the form of the charge nurse in the emergency room. She had this amazing curtain of blonde hair and the bluest eyes I'd ever had the pleasure of looking into. Her name was Kathy Stabler. I knew she was married, but I couldn't help but become infatuated with her. Finally, I convinced her to look past her wedding vows and meet me for coffee. That night, she poured her heart out to me, about how her husband was always so busy, too busy for her, and how she didn't even feel married anymore. She felt like he was a roommate she occasionally had sex with. I told her that was no way to live. We talked for a couple hours, and when we left the coffee shop, I kissed her. I couldn't help myself. I also couldn't help that she kissed me back. We met several times over the next few months and I gradually fell in love with her. If you knew me, you'd know what a big deal that is. John J. Hawkins doesn't fall in love. But Kathy… she just captivated me.

About six months into our relationship, I put in for a transfer. I was tired of Homicide, tired of feeling like I wasn't doing any good – the vics were already dead. My captain said Don Cragen over at Special Victims owed him a favor, so he got me in there. I knew Kathy's husband was a cop, I even knew he worked in the SVU, which put us in great danger of being found out, since I'd be working in the same unit as him. I just never dreamed that we'd end up partners.

I left it up to Kathy. If she wanted to be with me, I was willing to take the risk. If she wanted to call it off because it was too dangerous, well I'd lick my wounds and try to deal with it. She was a married woman, after all. I had no claim to her.

Lucky – unlucky? – for me, she chose to take the risk, which only served to make me love her more. She wanted to be with me so badly, she was willing to stay with me even when I worked side by side with her husband. I wanted to be with her even more.

When I met the woman who would become my wife, she was still a wet-behind-the-ears agent at the FBI. She took my class at the police academy to use it as leverage to get a promotion. I don't know if she ever expected to get a proposal with her promotion. Olivia Benson captivated me from day one. Her eyes traced my every move in class every day that week, and by the end, I had to know her outside of work. I asked for her phone number, took her on a string of dates, and the next thing I knew I was asking her to go to Hawaii and become my wife. The whole time we dated, I kept seeing Kathy. When I asked Olivia to marry me, Kathy was the first one I told. Even before my family. I wanted to give her the chance to back out of our relationship again, but I explained to her that I still loved her. I have always loved her and Olivia. I'm sure the department shrink would love to take a run at me for that one, but I really can't explain it. They're so different, yet I can't let go of either one of them.

After Olivia and I had been married for a year, she decided it was high time she met my partner and his wife. She asked me to invite them to dinner on a Friday night so she could meet this Elliot Stabler character I talked so much about.

I still remember the night Kathy found out about the dinner invite Olivia had issued.. She called my cell phone at midnight the night before, absolutely frantic. I'd never seen her like that, and to tell the truth, the fact that she was in such a panic about us being caught turned me on like I'd never been before. I told her to relax, that it would all be fine, and to just play it cool. I figured out that night at dinner that we could have damn near had sex on the table and our spouses never would have noticed, they were so infatuated with each other. When I introduced Olivia to Elliot, I instantly recognized the look in her eye. It was the same one I'd seen aimed at me so many times.

The thought of cheating on my wife had never crossed my mind. Until I met my partner's wife. She was such a contrast to the woman I'd spent the last sixteen years married to that she just intrigued the hell out of me. I wanted to know everything about her. She was so beautiful, with this olive toned skin, the biggest brown eyes, and the greatest smile I'd ever seen. Not to mention her legs. I'm a sucker for a nice pair of legs, and she had the nicest ones I'd ever seen. The red dress and high heels didn't hurt her cause one damn bit. Maybe I was a terrible person for the fantasy I was allowing myself to have, but hell. As long as I didn't act on it, right?

I'd been married to Kathy since I was a kid. She got pregnant with our oldest daughter Maureen when we were seniors in high school. I hope our girls don't ever buy into the story that you can't get knocked up the first time. And that my son doesn't believe anyone who tells him he can't get a girl pregnant his first time. Kathy is the only woman I've ever been with and vice versa. We were both raised in incredibly strict Catholic homes; maybe that was part of the reason for our rebellion as kids. As soon as she found out she was pregnant with Maureen, we decided to get married. Don't get me wrong, I loved her more than anything in the world, and I planned to ask her to marry me after graduation anyway. Maureen just hurried things along.

Three more great kids came out of our marriage, three years in we had another daughter, Kathleen, and then about eight years ago, we had twins, a boy and a girl, Elizabeth and Richard. My family is my whole life. But when I met Olivia, I couldn't help but want to make her a part of it, somehow, if only in my fantasies.

I'd been partners with John Hawkins for about four years when he came in to the office one day with a gold band on his left hand.

"How was your weekend?" I'd asked dryly.

"Went to Hawaii and married Olivia," he'd responded just as nonchalantly.

"Good for you. Congratulations."

And that was all we said about it. He talked about her often, she sounded like a pretty special woman. She was an agent with the FBI, which was how Hawk had met her – she took his class at the academy. He had a picture on his desk and I'd always thought she was a pretty girl. But nothing prepared me for the night I met her in person. Only one word can describe a woman like Olivia: breathtaking.

She and John had invited Kathy and me out for dinner one Friday night. John said she wanted to meet my wife, thought maybe they could be friends. I was all for it, with the long hours we work, it would be good for both of them to have a friend who understood. I told Kathy about it and she agreed to go. We met them at the restaurant and when Olivia walked in, a little part of me shut itself off from Kathy and tuned in to Olivia. Like I said, she was a stunner. The dress, the heels, the hair, the eyes, the smile, the whole package. She has this smile that lights up her entire face. I can't even begin to describe it. Besides that, she's just so damn beautiful it leaves me at a loss.

All through dinner, I couldn't help but compare her to my wife. Kathy worked long hours as a charge nurse in the emergency room, and she was constantly on her feet, which served to make her constantly tired, not to mention the fatigue from chasing four kids. She was beginning to look her age. She was average height, blue eyes and blonde hair always pulled back into a ponytail. The only time she ever took it down was when she was in the shower. She even wore that ponytail when she slept. Nothing for me to play with while we watched TV on the couch, nothing for me to run my fingers through when we made love. Just that damn ponytail. Olivia's hair was shorter than Kathy's, but she wore it in a style that made me think of sifting it through my fingers when I kissed her. One particularly interesting fantasy I allowed myself about her hair was tugging on it slightly while she was on her knees sucking me off. She'd look up at me and I'd stop, and then she'd give me a look of encouragement, those big brown eyes shining. Another contrast was the height thing. Like I said, I've always been a sucker for long legs, and I've had endless fantasies about Olivia's wrapped around my hips while I pounded into her, or wrapped around my head while I went down on her. No matter the fantasy, it always ended with her coming and screaming out to God. Or screaming "El," the nickname my wife had given me so many years ago, that I no longer wanted to hear from her lips half as much as I wanted to hear it from Olivia's. While I was wrapped in the first few of these fantasies at dinner, I barely noticed my wife getting totally sauced at dinner. When we left, I was a little embarrassed at her actions. In the car on the way home, she was drunk enough to say she thought Olivia wanted me. Right. Like I could ever get that lucky. If only I had known my wife's secret.

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Okay, so for those of you who didn't wanna know what the boys thought, what did you think? And for those who did, same question! Ha! Damn that dirty Elliot and his naughty fantasies! Just a little taste of the smut to come! Love you guys! XO, KJ