Chapter Sixteen
Harry stayed in Madam Pomphrey's hospital wing for a week after returning to Hogwarts. He spent time sitting in a comfortable lounge chair talking to Nadya and Jolie, Hermione and Ron, Neville and other friends. He hadn't seen Snape since he left the wagon days before, nor had he seen Dumbledore. He was just packing a few of his personal belongings in a sack to transfer them to his dorm room when Dumbledore wandered in through the open door and down the narrow aisle of beds.
Harry looked up and waited. The older man smiled as he always did and joined him at his bedside. "I see you are ready to join your friends again, Harry."
"Yes, Professor," Harry said, finishing his chore.
"Do you have something you wish to discuss with me, Harry?" Dumbledore asked and took the vacated lounge chair. He was now in the habit of using a cane to walk. He sat this aside and gazed out of the window. The day was bright and sunny, one of the first that foretold of spring.
Harry looked over at the man. He had to shake his head. Albus always managed to show up when he was in a quandary. "I don't know, Professor," he answered, wandering over to the window. He had recovered completely from his injuries but not emotionally. He still felt despondent and nervous.
Dumbledore waited patiently.
"I had a talk with Professor Snape, Professor," Harry said and turned to the man. Dumbledore nodded as if giving his assent to go on. "I think I finally understand him." Harry looked out the window again and watched as students crisscrossed the lawns. The snow was gone and green grass was beginning to cover the hillsides.
"And now you are feeling despair," Dumbledore said. "He often has that effect on people Harry. You shouldn't let it upset you too much."
Harry glanced over. Dumbledore wasn't smiling, he wasn't joking. "Professor, he told me I must stay at Hogwarts, that it is my duty as Protector." He kept his voice low. "And yet I have this…this… thing hanging over my head. And I have a wife and soon a child." He couldn't continue.
"You are burdened by the Prophecy, Harry?" Dumbledore finished for him. "Our fates are not sealed by prophecy and perhaps that is why I hesitated so long in revealing it to you." He slowly got to his feet and walked over to stand by him. "How can I make you understand? It seems I have done a very poor job of explaining things to you."
"Professor, Professor Snape said my father left Hogwarts and it was a mistake. He made it sound like my father was being irresponsible and didn't take the threat of Voldemort seriously. As…as if he put my mother and me in danger on purpose and that he abandoned his duties as Guardian, whatever those were." Harry let it pour out. "And…and I think he thinks I will do the same."
"Well Harry, Severus does take things a bit too serious sometimes doesn't he?" This time Dumbledore managed a weak smile.
Harry looked at him in surprise. How can you look at it any differently? he thought.
"Harry, you do not have to stay here against your will," Dumbledore said gazing out the window, "never against your will. Most of your kind…" he stopped and touched Harry lightly on the shoulder, "choose to stay because they love it. It is their home. Your father went out into the world, explored it and came back. He never really abandoned us. And he loved Hogwarts. He gave his life protecting it all. He did not fail in his duties."
Harry was vaguely reminded of the elf and how he spoke. "Why didn't you tell me he taught here? Why didn't you tell me about the attachment to Hogwarts and to the Guardian?"
Dumbledore's piercing blue eyes peered into his face, "Harry, you were not ready." He raised his hand, "Before you accuse me of keeping secrets, let me finish. I have erred in the past and regretfully I have lost your trust and hurt you. But this time, keeping this information from you was intentional. Everything happens in its' own time, you see. You are now older and wiser and matured. You can now make the choices that were available to your father."
"Some choices!" Harry said in anger. "My wife is in hiding with Jolie and the Kumpania. Every time I go to see her I put her in jeopardy. I have this curse on me, this stinking prophecy. Now, I have learned that I can't leave the Guardian."
"Harry, calm yourself," Dumbledore murmured, holding up both hands as if to ward off the words. "All of these things will be resolved. When times are safer, then you and your wife and your child can live a very normal life. Evil has a way of defeating itself. Voldemort has lost many trusted, loyal companions. The more greedy he becomes the more he risks losing it all. He cannot use his magic, you and Severus made sure of that. Even his most trusted servant, Lucius Malfoy has betrayed him." Dumbledore stared out the window again. "I said it once and now I will repeat myself. You have a power that he does not have. You have the love and trust of many people and friends. They came to your aid, they pledge their loyalties to you. Soon you will be ready to face him."
"Will you tell me how to do that?" Harry asked.
"You will know. You already have the skill and in your own way you will find the means." Dumbledore looked at him again, this time with a look Harry had never seen in his face. "We will all be there to help." Turning away and slowly walking back down the rows of beds he said, "As for the other. Hogwarts will always be a part of you whether you come back to her or not. It is the mother of us all."
Harry joined Ron and Hermione on the lawn. They were headed down to Hagrid's.
"What have you decided to do after you leave Hogwarts, Harry?" Hermione was without her usual satchel and book-free.
"I don't know, Hermione." He was still feeling low and disinterested in discussing it. "What have you two decided?"
They stopped and Harry halted a few feet ahead and turned around to them. Ron was blushing and Hermione was looking suddenly very shy.
"What is it?" he asked.
Ron cleared his throat, "Well you see Harry…"He didn't finish.
"We're to be married, Harry just after school ends," Hermione said.
Harry stood in shock and then went back and grabbed Ron's hand and hugged Hermione at the same time. "Wonderful! That's wonderful!" They all stood grinning at one another for a minute.
"Well, that's not all of course," Hermione continued. "I've gotten a letter of acceptance. I'm entering the Ministry of Magic, in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and so has Ron. His father has gotten him an apprenticeship in the Department of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts."
"What? You're going to work with your dad?" Harry said, excited. They both nodded.
"Of course, it all depends," Ron said. "Everything is so up in the air these days, you know. They haven't replaced Fudge, just got Ethan in there and Delores Umbridge was ousted- thank goodness," Ron's blush was slowly receding.
"I think it's wonderful," Harry said again.
They continued their walk towards Hagrid's.
"So what do you think you'll do, Harry?" Hermione asked once again.
"I'll join the Kumpania of course," Harry said. "It's safe there if we're careful."
"Is Jonas still with them?" Ron asked.
"Yes." Harry stopped and said thoughtfully, "There's just not enough to connect him to the imposter. He was too careful. Because he's one of them, Jolie's people aren't going to go against him unless he does something pretty terrible. There's just nothing I can do."
"That's terrible," Hermione said.
"The worst of it is, is that he staying with Nadya's camp," Harry said and shook his head.
"He's right there and I have to be around him."
The three went for tea and stayed until the sun started to set. Hagrid was overjoyed at their company. They took turns telling him what happened at the ball and Harry's escape. They carefully forgot to talk about Neville and his part in all of it.
"It's jus' amazing Harry!" Hagrid said with a stern expression. "You getting' yourself chased by an assassin. Yer lucky to be alive. 'Course, I've said it a dozen times before now." He shook his head. "And who'll be looking' after you when you all leave." He suddenly broke down, sobbing. Great big tears rolled down into his beard and he drew them all together in one big bear hug. "I'll be missin' ya somethin' awful."
"Hagrid," Harry began, gently slipping out from under the gigantic arm. "It's all right. I have a feeling we'll be back quite often."
"It's true, Hagrid," Hermione said quickly, also was struggling in the grip. "We'll come every summer." Ron was nodding vigorously.
"I'll hold ya to it, I will," Hagrid finally managed. "An' if you run into trouble- course there's always the meeting's and such to keep us all informed." Harry knew he was referring to the meetings of the Order of the Phoenix.
They spent an enjoyable visit, although somewhat sad with Hagrid and then returned to the Gryffindor Common room. The three studied and talked periodically until dinner time. All the time Harry thought about leaving Hogwarts. It will feel strange, he thought, not seeing Hermione and Ron every day, not walking the halls, attending classes, seeing his teachers. It looked like Hermione and Ron had been planning their lives, had started to think about the future when he had been stuck living from day-to-day. He felt the gloom settling over him as they headed for the Great Hall.
Professor McGonagall caught him as they were entering, "Mr. Potter," she called. "May I have a word?"
"Yes, professor, what is it?" he asked stopping.
"Would you mind stopping by my office after your supper? I have something I'd like to discuss with you," she asked smiling.
"Of course, Professor. In about forty five minutes, if that's all right?"
"That'll will be fine." She left him and walked to the head table.
Harry ate in silence as Hermione and Ron were busy talking to people that had heard about their wedding. He slipped away when he saw McGonagall had finished her own supper.
He entered the classroom and walked to the front of the room very slowly. He thought the room would be etched in his mind forever. It felt like he was saying goodbye even though he had almost two months to go before graduation. All he could feel was a tightness in his chest, an ache and longing that he could do nothing about.
McGonagall looked up and waved him into a chair she had placed at her desk. "Come sit, Harry."
He slipped into the seat and she handed him a letter.
"Read this," she looked like the cat that had swallowed the canary.
He unrolled the parchment and read:
Ministry of Magic
Department of Law Enforcement
Auror Training
Dear Mr. Potter,
We are pleased to accept your application for admission to the Auror training program which will begin July 1. Your application was among the few which received the highest of recommendations from all of your teachers.
Please send your acknowledgements and the standard fee for admission as indicated in your orientation paperwork attached.
Sincerely,
Porter McGee
Minister of Department of Law Enforcement
Morgan Ethan
Acting Minister of Magic
Harry read it again and looked at McGonagall in shock. "Application for admission?"
McGonagall smiled and handed him another parchment, "I took the liberty of applying on your behalf, Harry. I knew you were...occupied, shall we say. Here is a copy of your application, your marks for the term, and the signatures of the instructors recommending you."
Harry looked at the pages and his eyes rested on the signatures of all of the teachers. These included Dumbledore and McGonagall, plus that of Flitwick, Sprout, and even Hagrid's illegible scratch. What surprised him the most was the very precise neat signature in curving curly S's of Professor Severus Snape.
"Professor," Harry looked up, his heart suddenly full, and exclaimed, "Professor Snape signed it."
She smiled. "He insisted."
"But…but," Harry stuttered, "I… well, thank you!"
"I hope I did not make a mistake or was premature?" She frowned slightly as she watched him. "That was what you said you wanted to do." She was looking at him with a concerned expression.
"Oh no, Professor," Harry gasped. "That's just fine. Really!" He was on his feet and she stood with him. He towered over her by just a few inches. "Thank you!" He gave her a hug. There had been several intimate moments when he thought of her as a friend. She smiled at him. "I'd like to go and show Ron and Hermione."
"Yes, yes, of course. Go!" she laughed and shooed him off.
Harry raced to the Great Hall and saw that the two were gone. He hurried back through the halls up the staircase and in through the portrait hole. He found them at their studies.
"Ron! Hermione!" he shouted. People stopped and stared.
"What is it, Harry?" Hermione looked frightened.
"Here! Look!" He shoved the papers in her hands. Ron leaned in.
"Wow, Harry!" Her eyes grew larger and she began to smile. "That is super."
Ron's eyes were even larger, "Auror training! Congratulations, mate. I mean that is wonderful! Nobody ever gets in unless they do really well. We haven't even taken our N.E.W.T.S."
"How'd you do it do you suppose? We are two months from our exams?"" Hermione asked.
Harry gave her the paper with his marks. "McGonagall sent my marks in. They have to have them early. That's why the teachers have to make the recommendations. Look," he pointed to the list of teachers signatures.
"Harry," Ron studied it. "Every teacher signed, even Snape."
Harry nodded. "Don't know how that happened."
Hermione gave him a quick hug." Is it what you wanted?"
"Oh yeah." Harry said, grinning for the first time in weeks. "It's great." He suddenly began to feel slightly better than he had the whole day. "You know I haven't seen him since I got hurt. I think it might be good to go and have a talk with him."
"Hey Harry," Ron was grinning. "We're all going to be working at the same place. Aurors train at the Ministry."
"Ooh, that's right," Hermione said.
"I'm going to see if he's in his study. Talk to you later." Harry was on his feet and on his way out the door.
"You still have to study, Harry," Hermione shouted after him.
He waved his hand at her and left the room.
He knocked on the door to Snape's private quarters. Snape answered and opened the door wider to let him enter.
"Could I talk to you for a moment?" Harry asked.
Snape settled in a chair and nodded to a chair across from him. Harry glanced around the room. It was the first time he had been in it during the daylight hours. It was a beautiful room with rich wooden paneled walls. The orange late evening light gleamed on every polished surface. The oriental carpets with rich red and blues accented the leather covered chairs and sofas. Harry had a momentary thought that he wouldn't mind having a room like this for himself.
"Yes, Mr. Potter?" Snape asked with his usual coolness.
"Professor, I've just come from Professor McGonagall and received the news that I've been accepted for Auror training. I noticed your signature was on the recommendation," Harry began. "I thought… given our last conversation…" he stopped, trying to decide how to proceed.
"That I would be the last person to make such a recommendation?" Snape asked.
"Well, yes," Harry answered.
Snape stood and wandered around the room, his hand caressing the smooth surfaces of a table or a chair. He stopped to stare out of a window and then turned with a strange expression on his face.
Harry watched.
"There are certain preparations, training, whatever, that will be of benefit to you," Snape said quietly.
"I thought you said I couldn't leave Hogwarts," Harry said. "Professor Dumbledore told me that it wasn't true. I can leave."
Snape studied him. Five minutes passed in silence as Snape stood still and they stared at one another. "Over the past few days, have you noticed… felt something…" his voice died to a whisper, "a craving, a pull…" he didn't finish.
Harry could tell he struggled for the words to express what he wanted to say. He'd seen the man in a half a dozen instances in which his emotions surfaced quite out of his control. He wasn't trying to conceal them now, but he struggled to put words to what he was feeling.
Harry stood, and started towards him. "Professor?"
"At first it feels like you're saying goodbye. It's very natural. Your leaving a place that has been a home, a familiar and safe place. You feel excited…and nervous. The world lays in front of you, a world full of choices and decisions. It can feel like… a banquet." Snape walked slowly towards Harry as if he were almost in a trance. He kept speaking as he moved, "The closer you get to the end, the more you feel dissatisfied, unhappy… and you can't understand why."
"What are you telling me, Professor?" Harry was whispering, mesmerized by the man's state. They were feet apart. Snape was putting into words the feelings he'd experienced himself and it scared him.
"To leave, is to tear away, as if you pull yourself up by the roots. Sometimes, it feels like she calls to you like a lover and you turn away in agony because you don't want to leave her." Snape spoke as if Harry wasn't present. "You stay away and you ache for her."
"Professor?" Harry said aloud. The words he spoke seemed to bounce around in Harry's mind.
His voice startled the man who snapped out of his trance state and stared at Harry. The familiar frown wrinkled his brow. "Yes, Potter? What were we talking about? Oh, yes." Snape relaxed, "I will be here doing my duty as Protector, Potter. For some years to come I would imagine. I think you will have plenty of time to make up your mind about what you want to do. In the meantime, the training and preparations of an Auror will be good for you."
"I want to thank you, for your support," Harry said. He couldn't understand what had just happened but he was relieved to see the old Snape back.
"Sit!" Snape demanded and returned to his chair. "You're welcome. Was there something else?" Snape crossed his legs and folded his hands in his lap.
"Yes, there was," Harry said, "now that you mention it. When I saw Nadya, she talked about you." Snape looked at him with a questioning expression and Harry continued, "I've often wondered what it was between the two of you? She spoke of you, said that she thought you were a wonderful and kind man. I… I wanted to thank you also for protecting and taking care of her, especially since she thinks so much of you. I just wanted to let you know."
Snape's face softened perceptibly and Harry watched a faint pink flush wash over it. "Nadya is a very special girl, Mr. Potter."
"Why is that?" Harry asked. He didn't think the man was going to answer but he was curious.
"She reminds me of my wife," Snape said. He stood and walked to a bureau, opened a drawer and pulled a photograph from it. It was the type of photograph normally displayed on a table, like his own photo of his parents. Snape looked at it and then handed it to him.
Harry studied the photo of the woman. She was exceptionally beautiful, with raven black hair and dark eyes. She had a brilliant smile and was smiling in the picture as if she was having a wonderful time. Harry could see the similarity between Nadya and this woman. Harry knew she was dead.
He handed the picture back and nodded, "She's beautiful."
Snape replaced the picture.
"Professor Snape, I know that you think I'm making the wrong decision to leave Hogwarts… that Nadya will be in danger." Harry began and Snape cut him off.
"You must live your life the way you think fit." He turned a key in the lock of the drawer and pocketed it.
"Will you let us visit you?" Harry asked.
Snape looked at him, this time he wore an almost bewildered expression on his face.
There was a swoosh of green flame in the fireplace and Snape turned to it, still wearing the look. Dumbledore's head popped into view. "Severus. Ah Harry, I see you're here too. Good! Come to my office promptly." The head disappeared.
Snape immediately straightened, his face smoothed and he was on his way to the door before Harry could react. "Come on," he exclaimed. They rushed from the room, up the stairs from the dungeon and through the maze of stairs and hallways to Dumbledore's office.
Dumbledore was sitting at his desk when they entered, Fawkes, his phoenix, was perched behind him. In the glare of several lamps, the red and yellow feathers seemed to Harry like fire. Harry had seen the Phoenix go up in flames before. This was different. The bird gave off a luminous glow, as if it emanated from within. For a moment, Harry wondered what was making it happen. Then he turned to Dumbledore and forgot the bird and focused on Dumbledore's face.
"What is it, Albus?" Severus asked with alarm, taking a step around the desk. His hand was on Dumbledore's wrist and he was looking into the man's face. "Should I fetch Poppy?" he asked, very concerned.
"No, no Severus," Dumbledore said. "I'm quite al right." He patted Snape's hand. "But we have very little time. Neville Longbottom has gone missing and we must find him."
"Missing?" Harry gasped.
Dumbledore turned to him. "Yes. "I'm afraid we were mistaken in thinking that the imposter left the castle. He's here and he's kidnapped the boy."