The True Holder of Shikon
Disclaimer - Don't own Inuyasha.
Chapter 30 - The Reason
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Sango and Inuyasha slid into camp after a little while of running. The taiji-ya was able to catch her breath before she was face-to-chest with Sesshoumaru. He stared down at her with an expression lost somewhere between anger and relief.
"Why did you wander off alone like that?" The one way he could tell was by the guilty look on her face. She found that she couldn't get the words out. All she could do was turn her gaze to Kagome. The miko looked upset and also guilty. "Answer me."
"I needed to be alone. I did not feel like talking to anyone." Her hands were clenched at her sides and she was staring at the Taiyoukai with firm resolve. "All of you have every right to be angry with me. What I did was foolish and could have endangered my life as well as yours." Everyone was silent and just stared at her with wide eyes. Sesshoumaru sighed and pulled her into his arms, exhausted after worrying, searching, and fearing that something happened. She let out a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry..."
"We are only concerned for your safety." He said softly as he ran his fingers through her hair. She pulled away from him and looked at Kagome before taking a deep breath.
"Since I'm back, I guess we should move on. Why get even more behind?" Kirara transformed when Sango gave her the signal. After quickly getting everything together, they began their trek. The taiji-ya gestured to Kagome that she wanted to talk to her. As soon as the miko was securely behind her, she leaned forward. "Go on, Kirara." They flew high into the air so that the others wouldn't eavesdrop. "Kagome, I know what I did to you and I've been thinking about it ever since our conversation."
"Sango, you didn't do anything to me. I was wrong to think of it like that. You didn't steal anything from me. You didn't even want those powers." The miko tightened her grip around her best friend's waist before leaning her head on the taiji-ya's shoulder. "I should be thankful that you care so much about me. I mean, imagine if you didn't. I'm really sorry that I even had those horrible thoughts."
"I understand, even if you didn't mean it. I mean, you love him so much and I practically ripped your reason for coming to shreds." She paused. "I thought about the reason...last night and even now. Your reason... Do you know it?"
"Not really. I wasn't thinking about it." Kagome sighed. "I was too worried about you." Sango looked back at her and smiled.
"How much do you hate Naraku?" The miko frowned and gave the taiji-ya a confused look.
"When it comes to him, hate isn't a strong enough word." She leaned forward. "Why?" Her friend didn't answer. "Is that my reason? That I hate Naraku bad enough to want to see him defeated?"
"After you found out all about him, did you really care about the Shikon no Tama?" Sango asked quietly. "If you think about it, all of us only wanted the Shikon shards because we did not want them to fall into Naraku's hands." Kagome gasped and her eyes lit up with excitement.
"I really still have a reason to be here!"
"That and you do not really need one. We're your friends. We do not care if you have a reason to come and see us." The miko hugged her tightly and thanked her profusely. "But you really should talk to Inuyasha. He is the main reason you like it here so much."
"I guess you're right. Thank you, Sango. You really are a good friend. You always were. I wish I was as good a friend to you..."
"Don't be so hard on yourself. Now that all of this is through, we can put all of our attention on fighting Naraku and gathering more shards. I could use an extra pair of senses."
"You got them."
Inuyasha looked up every once in a while to check on them and make sure they were talking. He noticed that they were both smiling at each other after a while. It was good to see that they wouldn't have any more problems in that category. But he really needed to talk to Kagome. He knew all about the situation with Kikyou. Sesshoumaru glanced up sometimes, too.
"What was the problem, little brother?" The Taiyoukai asked curiously.
"There was a little thing with her and Kagome. I think it was some sort of misunderstanding." Miroku blinked.
"What did Sango tell you?" Inuyasha frowned. He didn't know whether or not to say anything about the 'misunderstanding' to either of them. Then he figured that there could be no harm in it.
"She said that Kagome asked about the shards and why she couldn't purify them anymore. Sango answered and I guess it seemed to Kagome like she wasn't needed. She began wonderin' if there was a reason to come back here anymore." He glanced up and smirked. "By the looks of things, they worked it out."
"Did Sango blame herself, then?" The houshi asked; earning a nod from his hanyou friend. "Why?"
"Because she tainted the jewel. Her powers have to be stronger than Kagome's...or something like that." Sesshoumaru nodded.
"Yes, that would be the case. Naraku did use Sango's blood to taint it so it is possible that only she can purify it." He stated in a thoughtful tone. "Some magic goes that way. Even youki does it. It is possible that the young miko, Kagome's, powers are strong enough. However, it would not matter if Midoriko's powers have to be used to purify what she tainted. The powers were dormant in Sango's body; therefore, in her blood." Miroku nodded.
"That makes a lot of sense. In my studies as a houshi, I read something like that. I think most of what you said is true and it explains it quite simply. However, powers within humans vary. It could be that Kagome's potential does not match Sango's. It has nothing to do with how powerful they are right now. Sango is Midoriko's successor and that priestess was the most poweful one. Kagome has a lot of potential but she is not a priestess by ceremony or by birth. She is just a priestess because Kikyou's soul resides in her body." The houshi explained. "However, mixing the two sides, it would seem that both provide truth but what you said would hold more." The Taiyoukai looked up at the two women.
"Blood is pure and holds the true power." He muttered. "Sango's potential may very well be higher than Kagome's. But it was not Kagome's blood that tainted it, therefore it is not within her limits to purify it." The theories explained everything for Inuyasha and Jaken. Rin and Shippou had stopped listening and began talking about other things.
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Stopping was the first thing that was debatable. Without a reasonable place to rest in, they would be in some trouble of continuing on in the dark. Sango and Kagome had joined the others on the ground. The taiji-ya took the little Kirara and went on ahead. Inuyasha went a separate way to scout out a different area. Sesshoumaru was left with the right and after he was gone only Kagome, Miroku, the children, and Jaken remained.
"What are we going to do if they can't find anything?" Kagome asked; looking at her companions. "Will we keep going until we do or just settle for something?"
"We certainly cannot sleep on a path. That would be hazardous as well as stupid." Miroku said softly. "What do you think?" He looked at Jaken. The toad youkai blinked before nodding his head.
"Paths are out of the question. We would just continue on with the moonlight to guide us." He coughed. "Hopefully, it will not be a new moon." Kagome and Miroku froze. "I doubt it will be, though. Probably just a crescent."
"Will that be enough?" The miko asked doubtfully. "We've never traveled by moonlight before."
"We were more prepared back when Naraku was not as persistent." The houshi pointed out. "Sunset is still a few hours away. I am certain that they will find suitable refuge." After ten more minutes of aimless walking, Inuyasha found them and took them to a place that he found.
"I'll get the others. You should all set up camp." With that, he took off to find Sango and Sesshoumaru. Kagome set her pack down.
"That reminds me... What did the youkai pack for us from the castle?" She opened it and peeked inside.
"I checked everything over so it is all right to eat. They gave us goods that travel well. Meat, unfortunately, is not one of them so do not hope to find it." She nodded at Jaken's words.
"That is understandable. Usually, either Sango or Inuyasha did hunting anyway." She began to take stuff out. "What do you feel like? If I ask Inuyasha, we'll get ramen again."
"Hmm..." The houshi sat down next to her and helped her go through it. "How about vegetables and herbs? Those things are good for us and we have plenty."
"I could make a stew with them...except it won't have any meat. I doubt if there's time left for either of those two to hunt." A few moments after deciding that a vegetable and herb stew would be made, the four appeared in the campsite. Sango had her arms full of wood for a fire. "Oh, Sango! Good thinking!" The taiji-ya blushed and set it all in a pile by the place where she figured a fire would be best set.
"Thanks." She grinned. "I knew the other wood never made it with us so I figured we would need it. Tomorrow morning is a time to get some that we could tie together and take with us. I remember a rainstorm that soaked the wood through and it didn't go very far." Then she set to starting one.
"What are we eating tonight?" The hanyou asked eagerly. Kagome looked up at him and grinned.
"Vegetable and herb stew. I could use some help so if Sango wouldn't mind..." Sango looked up and shook her head.
"I would be happy to."
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After dinner, Kagome approached Inuyasha. She looked at him shyly for a moment before taking a deep breath.
"Inuyasha, can...we talk?" The hanyou knew what was coming and sort of looked forward to it. They had to sort things out. He nodded and got up before grabbing her wrist to lead her away from the campsite. She followed him wordlessly, wondering how in the world she was going to tell him how she felt. When he stopped, he turned around to face her. "I...wanted to get some things straight. I know all about your past with Kikyou. I know I'm not her replacement and that makes me feel better but...I can't stand around without saying anything anymore." She paused to clear her throat and looked deep into his amber eyes. "I'm not going to make you choose between us. I would never put you through that." He sighed.
"Kagome, I know the only reason we're having this conversation is because I was too foolish to realize my feelings. I didn't trust Kikyou in the beginning, just like I didn't trust you. But...you're not the same. I can't compare either of you. It wouldn't be right." He looked down. "I made really bad mistakes with her. It was the first time someone treated me like I was actually a person. She smiled at me and I felt my heart race. I was ready to become human for her; to spend the rest of eternity by her side." Tears glittered in his eyes but they never fell.
"Inuyasha..." She took a step forward. "I know you can't forget her and I would never ask you to do that. But...what is your decision for after Naraku is defeated?" He looked up at her. "Will you go with her to hell?" She asked softly; pain shining in her eyes. He was silent for a few moments.
"I've been thinking about it off and on for a while." He met her gaze steadily. "I'm not ready to die. I'm not going to fight to stay alive just to die at the end." She felt relieved at those words. "Once Naraku is defeated and Kikyou's death is avenged, I will talk to her about it." She closed her eyes and let the pain ease somewhat. "What will you do? Your decision must be harder than that."
"I..." She was never expecting him to ask that question. "Once the jewel is purified, it is useless...isn't it?" She felt the pain full force again. The only reason she would stay behind were her friends. But it was mostly based on what Inuyasha was going to do. "I still need to think about it. The only reason I'm here at all is because of Naraku."
"That's it, huh? You need a reason to come and see us? To come here and see me?" She bit her lip.
"I need a reason to be here. Otherwise, I will just be in the way." He frowned. "I need a reason because I want to keep seeing you. If the well never let me through again to this side...I would be lost. There are so many regrets that I would have." Her voice grew soft. "I told you once that I would stay with you. I made a promise to myself that no matter how much it hurt, I wouldn't back out."
"Are you hurting now?" He asked quietly. She looked away from him.
"Yes." She smiled sadly. "In a way, both Kikyou and I are the same." He stared at her in confusion. "We both have strong feelings for you." His eyes went wide. "But...even if you betrayed me, I would never find it in my heart to kill you. Kikyou must have thought that the only way to be with you was to die with you. She loved you enough to die instead of wishing to live." She felt her tears begin to slide down her face. "She didn't want to live without you." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't know what I would've done in her place..."
"Kagome...we've both been through a lot together and I explained all about why I can't forget Kikyou." He sighed. "It is true that I loved her. But...after what happened between us, it is pretty obvious that we rushed into it. She didn't know me enough to tell that it wasn't me who wounded her and I didn't know her enough to tell that it wasn't her that betrayed me." Her eyes widened. "I should have known better. None of this would've happened if I hadn't been such a fool."
"Inuyasha, it wasn't your fault. What happened...maybe there was another reason for it. I hate to think of it this way but...if Kikyou never died when she did, I wouldn't be here right now. In fact, I never would've met you if her soul hadn't been reincarnated." She said as she walked over him. Then she put her hands on his shoulders and smiled. "I...I really...love you." He stared at her in shock.
"Y-You do?" He asked softly. He had never heard those words before. Well...except from his mother but that was different. She nodded and looked away from him.
"It's okay if you don't feel that way about me. But...I just wanted you to know. We've been through so much together and I thought that...you deserve the truth." He smiled and put a hand on her shoulder, turning her around.
"No one's ever said that to me before. Kikyou and I...never said it to one another. You're the first one to ever tell me that." He put his arms around her waist and pulled her into a tender embrace. She put her arms up around his neck, feeling content with being so close to him. "I thought about my feelings for you so many times before. I know why I get jealous when you're around Kouga. I know why I hate it so much when someone hurts you. I know why it hurts to see you cry. It's because...I love you, too." Her eyes went wide. She looked up at him and felt hot tears run down her face. He leaned down and kissed her hesitantly.
"Inuyasha..." She whispered when she pulled away from him. "There is something that I have to do. It just...isn't right." Her hands dropped to the rosary beads. Before she had a chance to lift them from around his neck, his clawed hands wrapped around her wrists.
"No." He said sternly. "Don't take these off. They...tie us together. These beads...let me go through the well."
"Yes, but...these were put on you because you were going to kill me. It isn't right." He growled at her.
"Listen to me, Kagome. Do not take these off until Naraku is dead. I can...still transform. These will stop me from hurting you. They did before, remember? I could hurt you." Her grip on the beads loosened. "These are your only protection from my transformation." She completely let go of them, feeling upset that those cursed things had to remain around his neck. But...he was right. If she couldn't sit him anymore, then all of them would be in trouble against his youkai transformation.
"All right, Inuyasha. If you want them to stay there then I won't argue with you. But...they will come off someday." He smiled.
"Someday."
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This is all for chapter 30. I think we're going to have a bit more action to come. This is about to get very exciting!