Mistress Monster snickered, "Oh… Taang, this is going to be good."
Mai and Haru stood on stage glaring at them. Ty Lee looked at them, "They're… they're singing about me?"
Taang nodded.
"We don't have all day, you two," Mistress Monster said, picking up the tazer.
Haru and Mai cringed and began the song.
MAI
Mark?
HARU
Hi.
MAI
I told her not to call you
HARU
That's Maureen
But can I help since I'm here
MAI
I hired and engineer. . .
HARU
Great!
Well, nice to have met you
MAI
Wait!
She's three hours late
The samples won't delay
But the cable -
HARU
There's another way
Say something - Anything
MAI
Test - One, two, three. . .
HARU
Anything but that
MAI
This is weird
HARU
It's weird
MAI
Very weird
HARU
Fuckin' weird
MAI
I'm so mad
That I don't know what to do
Fighting with microphones
Freezing down to my bones
And to top it all off
I'm with you
HARU
Feel like going insane?
Got a fire in your brain?
And you're thinking of drinking gasoline?
MAI
As a matter of fact -
HARU
Honey, I know the act
It's called, the 'Tango Maureen'
The Tango Maureen
It's a dark, dizzy
merry-go-round
As she keeps you dangling
MAI
You're wrong
HARU
Your heart she is mangling
MAI
It's different with me
HARU
And you toss and you turn
'Cause her cold eyes can burn
Yet you yearn and you churn and rebound
MAI
I think I know what you mean
BOTH
The Tango Maureen
HARU
Has she ever
Pouted her lips
And called you 'Pookie'
MAI
Never
HARU
Have you ever doubted a kiss or two?
MAI
This is spooky
Did you swoon
When she walked through the door?
HARU
Every time - so be cautious
MAI
Did she moon over other boys--?
HARU
More than moon--
MAI
I'm getting nauseous
HARU
It's hard to do this backwards.
MAI
You should try it in heels!
She cheated
HARU
She cheated
MAI
Maureen cheated
HARU
Fuckin' cheated
MAI
I'm defeated
I should give up right now
HARU
Gotta loko on the bright side
With all of your might
MAI
I'd fall for her still anyhow
BOTH
When you're dancing her dance
You don't stand a chance
Her grip of romance
Makes you fall
HARU
So you think, 'might as well'
MAI
'Dance the Tango to Hell'
BOTH
'At least I'll have Tangoed at all'
The tango Maureen
Gotta dance til your diva is through
You pretend to believe her
Cause in the end - you can't leave her
But the end it wil come
Still you have to play dumb
Til you're glum and you bum
And turn blue
HARU
Why do we love when she's mean?
MAI
And she can be so obscene
HARU
Try the mike
MAI
My Maureen (een, een, een. . .)
HARU
Patched
MAI
Thanks
HARU
You know - I feel great now!
MAI
I feel lousy
BOTH
The Tango: Maureen!
Mai jumped down, "No way, I am NOT a lesbian."
"I know," Mistress Monster replied.
Toph Monster