The Squad had gathered in Haggerty's after the parade. After all, you could only get green beer one day a year. It was crowded, but that didn't stop them a bit.

"To St. Patty's Day!" Lombardo said as he raised his glass.

The rest of the Squad joined in unison "Here, here!"

Their glasses clinked together and then they swallowed gulps of their brew. DK sat his glass on the bar.

"This ain't right." He said

"What's wrong?" Walsh asked

"Taylor's not here." DK said

"Yeah it is a little…" Jimmy paused, "Quiet!"

They all laughed for a few moments, then suddenly returned to their thoughts. Jimmy stared at his beer. Walsh tapped his fingers on the bar. It was a few moments before they began talking again.

The conversation turned to sports and the lack of winter weather, but it turned back to Taylor.

"I'm going to go see if there's any change." Walsh said as he got up and paid his tab.

"They'll call us." Jimmy said

"What like they did when she got put back in the ICU?" Walsh asked

"He's right." DK admitted

Soon they all got up and headed towards Mercy.

Adam brought Beth a cup of coffee.

"Black just like you like." He smiled

"Thanks." Beth said

"This watching and waiting is hard." Adam added

"Tell me about it." Beth replied

"Is this how it felt to you after the towers collapsed?" Adam asked

"No, that was a totally different feeling. Your dad wasn't lying in front of me not able to talk to me or open his eyes. This actually feels worse." Beth said

"I'm sorry I brought it up." Adam replied as he watched a tear fall down his mother's face.

She put her hand on his, "No, it's okay." She smiled. "Each day it hurts a little more than the last. But I realized that I have to move on with my life and that helps me get through. When they called me and told me that Alex had been hurt, that was the sharpest pain that I could have ever felt. I know that it's the nature of the job, but to realize that I lost my husband, and now almost my daughter- it scares me to death."

Adam hadn't realized how much it hurt until his mother said those words. It was a sudden realization, almost a hatred that he felt that Alex had followed their father into firefighting.

The nurse walked out into the waiting room.

"Mrs. Taylor." She said tentatively

"Yes?" Beth asked as she stood up

The nurse smiled. "Your daughter is awake."

Beth almost jumped for joy, it was great news. She rushed back the hallway to see Taylor awake in the bed. They had removed the ventilator.

"Hey." Taylor said hoarsely

"You had me so scared." Beth said as she hugged her daughter

"What happened?" Taylor asked

"Well dear, you had a seizure and you fell and then you ended up in the ICU." Beth said

Taylor didn't remember any of it. She barely remembered that she was paralyzed as she tried to move her hand to touch her mother's. She looked down in discouragement.

Beth held back her emotions.

"I guess this is something I have to get used to." Taylor resigned

"You can get better. That officer, what was her name?" Beth asked

"Yokas" Taylor replied

"Yeah, she regained the ability to walk." Beth said

"But she also could use her arms." Taylor snapped

"It's normal to be angry honey." Beth replied

"Angry? This isn't anger… its frustration." Taylor replied, "I'll probably never walk again, or be able to feed myself, or use the bathroom myself, all my independence is gone. I'll never be a firefighter again… Pardon me for not being happy about the situation."

Beth was speechless. Her daughter had never spoken out to her like that before. And she never even thought of some of the points that Alex had brought up.

"I'm sorry." Beth said

"I don't want people to feel sorry for me." Taylor said. "It only makes it worse."

Beth looked down.

"Oh, and tell the guys, that I appreciate their support, but I'd like to be left alone right now. I can't take them seeing me like this." Taylor said

"They're your family." Beth reminded her

"I know, but I have to get used to this myself before I can see them. It hurts more than you know mom. It hurts." Taylor said, "In all honesty, I'd rather be dead."

"I'm sorry you feel that way." Beth said, "But you said it yourself. You'll have to get used to it."

Beth was angry at her daughter for the comment. It was very selfish in her opinion. Each member of her Squad would give anything to see Taylor be okay, but Taylor was turning her back on them. Beth just hoped that they would understand.