Chapter 24: I fought the law, and the law won.
FN: First all of I have a few things to say. I'd like to appologize for the slow rate of updates. I would also like to thank all of you who are still reading, because I happen to remeber when all I had was an Alphasmart, some free time, and a bong full of catnip, I really love you guys, sorry that's the roman blue talking, I really appreciate you guys. So that makes it just that much harder to post this, much like chapter 17, I just don't feel like I've done as much with this chapter as I could have, in fact if I thought hard I might have been able to do something better. Don't worry the next chapter is going to make it all good.
OWAN: God, his spelling is horrendous. You see what I go through.
Mirri looked at the situation. It was hopeless beyond all tactical doctrine. So when you got right down to it, there was only one thing to follow, Mirri's motto. "Audacity, always audacity." "F you Shinra!" There they were, standing on the cusp of a giant pulsating green pool of Lifestream. There was nowhere to run, they were trapped between the Valar and a huge neon-green cesspool.
This was probably going to be it for them, Aeris and Vincent shocked into a stupor by Sephiroth's fall. Alex and Niro looking all too ready to expire in a blaze of pyrotechnic glory. Melkore was hesitantly tuning his guitar, twisting the knob back and forth. James and Mirri however, were both serenity personified, one of them by nature, and the other by need.
Even cursing, Mirri managed to sound considerably less then flustered. "Surrender? Don't make me laugh." Rufus glared at her, but Mirri was quite sure he would look considerably less stoic if he didn't have his score of bodyguards. "You don't have any other choice. If you refuse, we'll slaughter you like sheep." Like sheep he said? Mirri calmly leaned over to James and whispered a few words.
James pressed down on his gloves, similar to how Mirri had done many times, and a few moments later he had strands of wire between his hands. "President Shinra, you forget one of the more important rules of war. Having nothing to lose is a powerful advantage. I remember having a similar conversation with your father, and he barely got out of it with his life. You may be able to kill us but you won't survive it yourself, and I think you want to live more then you want to kill us. But then, let's have a demonstration, I find they work very well with James."
At the word "James" he acted. The lashed out in a flicker of light. The SOLDIER who had been standing directly between Mirri and Rufus suddenly found himself tossed aside with several small cuts along almost every inch of his body. If he hadn't been a first class SOLDIER the sheer volume of wounds probably would have killed him.
As soon as James acted, Mirri leapt at Rufus, driving him to the ground with her blades at his throat. Before Rufus could speak, Mirri silenced him by tracing a hand along the left side of his chest over his heart. It would have taken a true idiot to believe the gesture was even remotely affectionate.
"Go ahead Mr. President, tell them to shoot. Don't you know the story about what female SOLDIERs wear under their armor? I like to keep tradition, and no amount of training will make my body hard enough to stop armor-piercing ammunition. So if you tell your men to shoot me, those powerful mako bullets will rip me to shreds… right before they do the same to you."
Everyone stayed perfectly still waiting to see what would happen next. Eventually Rufus spoke after managing to regain his self composure. "You realize you'll never get out of this alive." Mirri's voice didn't waver in the slightest. "Oh I have no intention of getting out of this alive President Shirna. Nobody gets out of SOLDIER alive, but we all have a vested interest in making our deaths our far off as possible. So here is the deal, pay attention and listen well, and remember if you disagree with my conditions, it's your life that ends.
We are going to surrender, and we are going to be treated like human beings who have surrendered fighting in a war. We are going to be escorted onto that ship, and confined, and we'll give up all of our weapons, except for James and myself. Me, because I'm going to be staying with you to make sure that you fulfill my conditions understand?" Rufus was nodding madly, the man had no spine, stomach, guts, or other resistance granting organs of any kind.
"James is going to keep his weapons because he has to look after Aeris. The boys can look after themselves, but frankly, I don't trust your men as far as I can throw them. James look after Aeris and make sure none of them touch her before you die." James nodded and saluted Mirri even as she lay on top of Rufus Shinra, a soldier ready to fulfill his mission, Mirri trusted that James would perform expertly.
"You are going to take us to Junon Mr. President, not to Midgar as I'm sure you want to. We are going to be tried in Junon by a military court, because we are all SOLDIERs appointed by General Sephiroth, before his, well, we'll call what we all just saw 'death' for simplicity's sake. You are going to give us all military trials, which will be scrupulously fair and short to find us all guilty of treason. The sentence will be death.
Then there will be no long, showy executions, no gas chambers, no fatal injections, no electric chairs, no hangings, no beheadings, no torturing. The day after we are found guilty, we will be marched in a single file line to a suitable location with our backs to the sea, and seven first class SOLDIERs will step forward. Seven guns will put to seven heads, and at the command, all seven of us will fall backwards into our watery graves with a smoking hole in each of our heads. An end befitting SOLDIERs."
For a few moments, there was complete and total silence. "Your insane! You're wanted terrorists, and I'm going to make you all beg me to kill you!" A single blade landed in the snow very close to Rufus. "You can't do that Mr. President, because I'm already willing to die. Now, you have two choices Mr. President, and you determine how we act. If you call us terrorists one more time, then we will start acing like them.
We will give up all value of our lives, and fight to the last man, woman, or miscellaneous! You will die, a great many of your men will die, and the Shinra company will be swallowed into a black hole as your subordinates fight each other. Don't think they won't. The Shinra company will fall to dust, the world will be consumed in flames, humanity will be reduced to barbarianism for centuries to come.
I'm almost tempted to kill you just for that Mr. President. Because I love chaos, and your death would spread it like a wildfire. Your other choice is to call us prisoners of war, and treat us as such. We were all made part of the army by Sephiroth, so we will have a military trial and execution. We will not be made animals, with our trials being a circus; we will die as human beings. Because Mr. President, one thing that has never changed in the world, the army looks after it own."
Niro handed over his gun, as did Melkore reluctantly hand over Sylvia. James kept close to Aeris as she gave up her staff, and Vincent didn't resist or even move as his guns were removed from him. Alex, of course had no weapons to be removed from him. Thus was the group lead onto the Valar, Mirri leading the way like a queen acceding to her throne.
----
Aeris had managed to get her despair at the possibility of Sephiroth's death down and get a reasonable sense of the situation. Once she had a grasp of the situation, she instantly envied James who clearly had no such thing, no desire to achieve one, and no inner drive that would make him gain one out of habit. He was currently lying on the floor of the single room that the two of them had in the Valar. The other's had been sent to the ships brig, but Aeris and James had a modicum more of comfort.
James didn't at all mind the prospect of sharing a bed with Mirri, but with Aeris he had a job to do, and would do it from the floor. Sadly for James, lying on the floor made him look something like a throw rug, between his ears and his solid red color pattern, he looked like a red cat throw rug.
Of course, most throw rugs didn't pack the "wirepower" to go through several first class SOLDIERs. So James stayed where he was on the floor, ready to come alive at the slightest threat and do whatever proved necessary to protect Aeris. "Don't worry about it Aeris. Just like I said before, let the river carry you along." The concept of letting the river carry you along was no longer quite as appetizing when she knew she was headed straight for a waterfall.
However before she could give voice to her thoughts, it happened. The door opened, and a familiar enough looking SOLDIER was on the other side of the door. He was the one who James had tossed aside with his wires allowing Mirri to get at Rufus Shinra. He took one look at Aeris, and then took one truly hateful look at James on the floor. "FREAK!" Before he got a chance to say anything else, James acted. He went from throw rug to lethal weapon in the blink of an eye.
He spun around, shot hands out, and used them to push himself into the air. In the air he spun around, and pressed the right places on his gloves. Stands of wire were between his hands before his feet hit the ground. Then he stretched his wires between his hands as he looked at the SOLDIER. "I wouldn't suggest that you take another step into this room. Mirri told me to protect this room, and that's what I'm going to do!"
The two locked eyes, and James continued to stretch the wires between his hands. "Listen you freak I'm going to kick your balls up between those fing cat ears of yours!" "No." The SOLDIER went for his blade, but the strands of white were faster. The sword dropped from the SOLDIER's shoulders as the strap connecting him to it, was severed.
"I'm sorry about that, but if I get hurt, there won't be anyone left to protect Aeris." The SOLDIER looked ready to do with his hands what he wanted to do with his sword, but James didn't care. "Oh, and by the way, I should warn you I'm not that good with these things really. I mean, as you can see I'm a good 'shot', but there are some things I'm just no good at with them.
I can aim them just fine, but being able to control how much pressure I apply is sort of up to chance. If I'm not careful, I may accidentally do more damage then I intend to. I mean if I slice at your bones, well your first class, but if I accidentally keep going, I could take your hole hand off!"
No one but James could have delivered that line with honesty and concern and not a hint of threat. The SOLDIER backed down at the sight of the wire fluctuating around James like a living being taking time to pick up his sword.
----
"What do you hope to achieve by this?" Mirri and Rufus where seated on opposite side of the presidents luxurious room. The chair Mirri was currently was lounging was of a material befitting a president, or was comfortable as sin to the less enlightened. The chair also happened to clearly be the one that Rufus had sat in on his way up, which made it all the more fun to sit in.
Rufus sat on the other side of the room and looked considerably less comfortable then Mirri. By his seat was a double barreled shotgun, but both of them knew that the instant Rufus went for that shotgun his life would be forfeit. Along with the shotgun, Rufus had one other weapon with him. It was a black dog he called Dark Nation who was almost as big as Alex was as a wolf.
He clearly did not appreciate anyone ordering his master around, but he apparently realized that Mirri could take both him and his master without much trouble. Mirri lay languidly for a moment and then answered Rufus' question. "Simple, just following what Sephiroth taught me. When you win, get as much out of it as you can, drive your foes to the ground and crush their skulls as your march over their bodies.
When you lose, get as much out of it as possible. Die raking blood stained claws across the body of your foe, fall forward so that your corpse might pin him to the ground dooming him to the same fate as you. I'm going for everything I can get before it's time for me to die." Rufus glared at her with anger, but his words proved him a coward. "You seem to be fairly ready to die."
Mirri crossed her legs in irritation, some people would never understand. "Oh, I'm not ready to die just yet. The chief advantage of this plan is that it buys us time." "Time for what? Don't tell me you expect Sephiroth to come and rescue you like a knight in shining armor?"
"Mr. President, I haven't believed in knights in shining armor for a very long time. I believe in myself, not to mention the fact that very soon you'll realize you have much greater problems then us. To be exact, I anticipate, you'll have problems so great that your going to need every kind of help you can get. Particularly from experts like us who have kicked you ass up one side if the mountain and then back down it." "Is that a threat?" "No Mr. President, it's a promise."
----
"Reno, we're picking up something, big." Elena, Rude, and Reno had the dubious honor of being in charge of Junon's defense system. As Junon wasn't about to be attacked any time soon, Reno and Rude were currently more or less sloshed, with Elena the only one doing any actual working.
Reno looked up from the floor where he had been resting, and cocked an eyebrow at Elena (thankfully it rose high enough to make it visible even with his sunglasses on) in question. "Do we have any visual conformation?" Elena scrolled over facts and figures, taking slightly longer then normal because she was doing a job that had been meant to be done by three people.
Not to mention certain parts of her body hadn't fully recovered, magic and Jenova cells had eradicated all major signs of her wounds by the time the helicopter had taken her to Junon, but her entire body was still twinging with pain now and then. "No visual confirmation yet, but sheer size says it has to be the Valar."
With speed that belied how much he had been slacking off previously Reno was instantly at Elena's shoulder. "Isn't it supposed to go to Midgar first?" "Yes" Other men who knew what Reno knew would have been frightened, but Reno had nerves of steel and a brain diluted with liquor, the courage that so many found when stinking drunk had become part of his personality at all times.
"Elena step aside! I'm gonna need control of every single base defense gun we have, prepare to fire at the Valar!" Rude, took another sip from his bottle of beer and did nothing. Elena spun her chair around and took a very long look at Reno as if wondering how he could be so drunk yet still standing.
"Reno the President is on that ship! We can't blow it out of the sky!" Reno delivered a swift kick to Elena's wheeled chair to send it, and her along with it, sliding across the room so he could stand before the control panel. "Elena listen to me, there is only one reason the Valar could be coming here, and that's because the President isn't in control. If he is even on that thing, he's a hostage. And Turk's don't deal with people who take hostages!
We've got one chance Elena, and only one chance to stop Mirri before she lands that ship right on top of us, and deploys and army of northern amazons armed with modern weapons and smashes this entire base like a rotten log! Sure you can defect but what about me? This is for the sake of free men everywhere! FIRE ONE!" Reno thrust forward a finger at the first button that caught his eye. It was a big red one, and it was marked "SAM".
----
A single missile left Juno Base heading towards the Valar. If the ship had been on alert, or even slightly expecting some kind of attack it probably wouldn't have been hit. However, as it was, the ships crew was currently relaxing: what did they have to worry about?
They were headed towards the second strongest Shinra Mako and Electric Power Company presence on the Planet, who was going to attack them? As it was, they didn't realize the missile was headed for them until it was too late to stop it by any means.
The missile slammed into the underside of the Valar and exploded, doing very little real damage but making the entire ship shudder.
----
The President's private room was by no means immune to the fact that the rest of the ship had been hit. The shudder that ran through it tossed Mirri from her chair, and even though Rufus found himself in a similar situation he knew now was the time to act. "GET HER DARK NATION!" Rufus reached for his shotgun, which had been tossed about just like him as the dark hound bounded for Mirri.
Sadly for him, Mirri may was only slightly disturbed by the entire event. She was thrown into the air, but she landed on her feet and even as Dark Nation charged at her blades sprang from her gloves. Dark Nation was huge, but Mirri easily dealt with him in one smooth blow, slicing his head off with a strike from her right hand.
She raised her left hand at fired at where Rufus' Shinra should have been, but from the sound of metal blades into metal ship, she missed. Then Dark Nation's headless corpse hit her, and the transfer of momentum sent her sprawling. She fell to the ground, using her right hand to slice Dark Nation's body apart down the middle. The beast's body fell away from her and she fired her right hand glove's blades at where Rufus should have been, and missed again.
She loaded new blades into her gloves, but before she could use them she felt something hard and metallic slam across the back of her head
End Chapter.
FN 2: Yea, you've been cliff hangered. So to make it up to you, I give you this..
From
http/ 4 Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
Sephiroth: Rufus, do you know what a sword is?
Rufus: It's a tool.
Sephiroth: No, it's a friend, Masamune is my friend, and quite frankly I'm not going to get your disgusting "blue blood" all over her. (Picks up Rufus' shotgun) Now I'm not very good with these things, but I assume I point the end the bullets come out at you and pull the trigger.
(Fires both barrels at Rufus at point blank range)
#12 One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
James: Great plan, but one question.
Sephiroth: Yes?
James: Why don't we just knock out a janitor, he'll need to have keys to every room in the building.
Sephiroth: ...
#29 I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
Sephiroth: (In bright pink version of uniform) This had better work.
# 61 If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
Mirri: Why the hell are we going to save Midgar?
Sephiroth: We're not saving Midgar, we're saving James.
# 64 I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
Mirri: Well congratulations I think I've managed to free you from an obsessive fear of needles and the smell of sterile rooms.
Sephiroth: Good. Next, can we work on the inferiority complex I have about my superiority complex?
Mirri: Fine repeat after me. "Jenova Uber Alles!"
Sephiroth: Jenova Uber Alles.
Mirri: I can't here you, put some effort into it!
Sephiroth: Jenova Uber Alles!
Mirri: Good, now do it with the little double dots on top.
Sephiroth: Jenova Über Alles!
Mirri: Now you're in the spirit!
# 73 I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
Sephiroth: Rufus Shinra, you can go free, (kicks him into Valar's engine) to the incinerator.
# 78 I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
Mirri: Hey I think we found the guy you wanted. (Tosses broken body of Hojo in front of Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Well it will soothe my soul to know that he suffered as he went..
# 83 If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
Rufus: So the question is did you put the poison in your glass or my glass? But I know you're a brave man, so you would put in your glass, let us drink from our glasses.
(Sephiroth and Rufus both drink)
Sephiroth: You guessed wrong.
Rufus: What?
Sephiroth: My immune system makes you look like a bubble boy: I poisoned both glasses. Thanks for playing.
(Rufus falls over dead)
# 84 I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
Reno: Hey.
James: Hey.
Reno: You know if you were Catwarrior this would be the part where I take my clothes off.
James: Bummer
Reno: Yep.
# 102 I will not waste time making my enemy's death look like an accident, I'm not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn't believe it.
(Shot of Hojo leaning over desk with Masamune planted in his back and the words "Sephiroth was here" written in blood along wall)
Reno: I just might have an idea who did this...
# 120 Since nothing is more irritating than a hero defeating you with basic math skills, all of my personal weapons will be modified to fire one more shot than the standard issue.
SOLDIER: I just heard two shotgun blasts, he's all out of ammo!
(Runs round corner)
Vincent: (Holding Cerberus) (Three barreled shotgun) Guess again!
(SOLDIER's head explodes)
# 130 All members of my Legions of Terror will have professionally tailored uniforms. If the hero knocks a soldier unconscious and steals the uniform, the poor fit will give him away.
Sephiroth: Reno, did you really think this would work?
Reno: (With pony tail cut off, in James' outfit) Well, I was very drunk at the time.
# 147 I will classify my lieutenants in three categories: untrusted, trusted, and completely trusted. Promotion to the third category will be awarded posthumously.
Sephiroth: Alas, Zack, I hardly knew you.
# 153 My Legions of Terror will be an equal-opportunity employer. Conversely, when it is prophesied that no man can defeat me, I will keep in mind the increasing number of non-traditional gender roles.
Sephiroth: You know the job of psychotic second in command is usually given to some tall guy who doesn't say much.
Mirri: And men who try to conquer the world usually are bald.
Sephiroth: Touché.
# 178 If I have the hero cornered and am about to finish him off and he says "Look out behind you!" I will not laugh and say "You don't expect me to fall for that old trick, do you?" Instead I will take a step to the side and half turn. That way I can still keep my weapon trained on the hero, I can scan the area behind me, and if anything was heading for me it will now be heading for him.
Rufus: What you don't realize is that even as we speak one of my men has a gun to your head.
Sephiroth: (With Masamune to Rufus' neck) Well then, let's see who's faster.
Rufus: Don't just stand there, Reno; shoot him!
(Reno with gun to Sephiroth's head pulls trigger)
(Sephiroth whips head around, and bullet goes through Rufus' eye while Sephiroth knocks Reno's gun out of his hand)
Reno: (With Masamune to his throat) Oops.
Sephiroth: I'm tempted to let you go just because you accidentally did something that just benefited humanity in general.
# 184 I will hire a drama coach. The hero will think it must be a case of mistaken identity when confronted by my Minnesota accent (if everyone sounds American) or my Cornwall accent (if everyone sounds British).
Reno: We're in Wutai, it can't be that freaking hard to find Sephiroth! How many people with silver hair and green eyes are we going to find in this city, much less ones who don't speak fluent Wutain?
Random guy with black hair and sunglasses: (In Wutain) I doubt you'll find any!
Reno: (Pause) (In Wutian) Where...I drink... much... ghosts?
(Random guy points)
Reno: We'll start looking in taverns you to follow me!
(They walk off)
Random guy: (Tilts back glasses, revealing green cat eyes) I so do treasure the way that Reno is so easily derailed by the prospect of a beer.
Mirri: Yeah, and that was some good dye Melkore got you.
Sephiroth: (Formerly Random guy) Yeah, though I'll never understand why I have these freakily Wutian facial structure...
# 196 I will hire an expert marksman to stand by the entrance to my fortress. His job will be to shoot anyone who rides up to challenge me.
Reno: (On chocobo back with binoculars) Is that the airship we're looking for?
(Bullet hits Reno's chocobo and it drops out from under him)
(Reno looks through binoculars, and see's Vincent holding sniper riffle waving at him)
Reno: That's the one all right.
# 207 Employees will have conjugal visit trailers which they may use provided they call in a replacement and sign out on the timesheet. Given this, anyone caught making out in a closet while leaving their station unmonitored will be shot.
Sephiroth: Aeris, where's James?
Aeris: On break.
Sephiroth: Where's Mirri.
Aeris: On James.
# 208 Members of my Legion of Terror will attend seminars on Sensitivity Training. It's good public relations for them to be kind and courteous to the general population when not actively engaged in sowing chaos and destruction.
Doctor: Today we'll try to break your reliance on mood altering chemicals.
Vincent: (Has IV line filled with blood attached to arm) It's a medical condition and I'm a little bit sensitive about it thank you very much!
Melkore: (Has IV lined filled with coffee attached to his) Yeah what the bat said!
Reno: (With IV lined filled with clear liquid booze on his) You know, Rufus really needs to find me a safer environment to kick my alcohol problem in. Speaking of my alcohol problem when do are you going to have a breakdown so we can just break out the kegs and party?
# 220 Whatever my one vulnerability is, I will fake a different one. For example, ordering all mirrors removed from the palace, screaming and flinching whenever someone accidentally holds up a mirror, etc. In the climax when the hero whips out a mirror and thrusts it at my face, my reaction will be "Hmm...I think I need a shave."
Cloud: HA! YOU'RE POWERLESS WITHOUT YOUR LONG SILVER HAIR! (Holding section of Sephiroth's hair he cut off)
Sephiroth: (With hair down to shoulders) No, just very pissed off.
OWAN: Okay, sorry about the huge delay, but theater season has started again. Those of you who've stuck with us, thank you SO much. Be patient with us, please.