"OMG!" Mistress Monster yelled, "Guess who's here?"
"Who?" Taang croaked.
"JIA YU of course!" Mistress Monster yelled, as the a-fore-mentioned Canadian entered.
"Toph Monster!" Jia Yu yelled dramatically.
"Jia Yu!" Mistress Monster yelled, equally as dramatic.
They ran up to each other and did some strange Canadian/American handshake/dance/old lady walk/someone on cactus juice thing and returned to some seat in the audience.
"And with that, Jet, Ozai, Avatar Roku, Ursa, Iroh, Zhou and Smellerbee get up there!" Jia Yu yelled.
"It's not creepy like the last one… it's Disney, god," Mistress Monster said, raising the tazer.
"Damn," Avatar Roku cursed, and got up on stage.
Clopin:
Morning in Paris, the city awakes
To the bells of Notre Dame
The fisherman fishes, the bakerman bakes
To the bells of Notre Dame
To the big bells as loud as the thunder
To the little bells soft as a psalm
And some say the soul of the city's
The toll of the bells
The bells of Notre Dame
Listen, they're beautiful, no?
So many colors of sound, so many changing moods
Because you know, they don't ring all by themselves
Smellerbee:
They don't? –
Jet:
No, silly boy.
Smellerbee slaps him, Jia Yu and Mistress Monster laugh their asses off.
Jet rubs his cheek, gesturing to the teleprompter. Smellerbee glares at Mistress Monster and Jia Yu. Taang gestures for Jet to continue. He does:
Up there, high, high in the dark bell tower
lives the mysterious bell ringer.
Who is this creature –Smellerbee: Who? -
What is he? –Smellerbee: What? -
How did he come to be there –Smellerbee: How? -
Hush, and Clopin will tell you
It is a tale, a tale of a man and a monster.
Dark was the night when our tale was begun
On the docks near Notre Dame
Iroh:
Shup it up, will you!
We'll be spotted!
Ursa:
Hush, little one.
Jet:
Four frightened gypsies slid silently under
The docks near Notre Dame
Iroh:
Four guilders for safe passage into Paris
Jet:
But a trap had been laid for the gypsies
And they gazed up in fear and alarm
At a figure whose clutches
Were iron as much as the bells
Iroh:
Judge Claude Frollo
Jet:
The bells of Notre Dame
Smellerbee and Avatar Roku:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)
Jet:
Judge Claude Frollo longed
To purge the world
Of vice and sin
Smellerbee and Avatar Roku:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)
Jet:
And he saw corruption
Ev'rywhere
Except within
Ozai:
Bring these gypsy vermin to the palace of justice
Zhou:
You there, what are you hiding?
Ozai:
Stolen goods, no doubt. Take them from her
Jet:
She ran
Avatar Roku (because Smellerbee gave up on all the hard words.):
Dies irae, dies illa (Day of wrath, that day)
Solvet saeclum in favilla (Shall consume the world in ashes)
Teste David cum sibylla (As prophesied by David and the sibyl)
Quantus tremor est futurus (What trembling is to be)
Quando Judex est venturus (When the Judge is come)
Ursa:
Sanctuary, please give us sanctuary
Ozai:
A baby? A monster!
Avatar Roku:
Stop!
Jet:
Cried the Archdeacon
Ozai:
This is an unholy deamon.
I'm sending it back to hell, where it belongs.
Avatar Roku:
See there the innocent blood you have spilt
On the steps of Notre Dame
Ozai:
I am guiltless. She ran, I pursued.
Avatar Roku:
Now you would add this child's blood to your guilt
On the steps of Notre Dame
Ozai:
My conscience is clear
Avatar Roku:
You can lie to yourself and your minions
You can claim that you haven't a qualm
But you never can run from
Nor hide what you've done from the eyes
The very eyes of Notre Dame
Smellerbee:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)
Jet:
And for one time in his live
Of power and control
Smellerbee and Avatar Roku:
Kyrie Eleison (Lord have mercy)
Jet:
Frollo felt a twinge of fear
For his immortal soul
Ozai:
What must I do?
Avatar Roku:
Care for the child, and raise it as your own
Ozai:
What? I'd be settled with this misshapen ..?
Very well. Let him live with you, in your church.
Avatar Roku:
Live here? Where?
Ozai:
Anywhere
Just so he's kept locked away
Where no one else can see
The bell tower, perhaps
And who knows, our Lord works in mysterious ways
Even this foul creature may
Yet prove one day to be
Of use to me
Jet:
And Frollo gave the child a cruel name
A name that means half-formed, Quasimodo
Now here is a riddle to guess if you can
Sing the bells of Notre Dame
Who is the monster and who is the man?
All on stage:
Sing the bells, bells, bells, bells
Bells, bells, bells, bells
Bells of Notre Dame
"What the hell was that?" Ozai asked.
"That, was the Bells of Notre Dame," Mistress Monster answered proudly.
"AKA: the birth of Scarface over there," Taang replied, and coughed shortly afterwords.
Zuko crossed his arms and began to sulk.
Ozai paused, and opened his mouth to speak.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZT!!
Mistress Monster tazed him and Zhou, and sent them down via trap door to the dungeons below the stage.
"THANK YOU!" Iroh and Ursa yelled, and went off in various directions, Iroh to the bar in the back (which sold tea and cactus juice) and Ursa to Zuko. Cue up the Sound of Music music.