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A special thanks to Stayce for reading, editing, brainstorming…ah heck, for everything!

Disclaimer: I checked, I still don't own anything but the plot

Rating: PG13. Adults talk and act like adults…read at your own risk.

Living on a Prayer

Chapter 17

The kiss started slow and friendly, almost shyly, like a first date kiss. But then there was nothing timid about the way his lips lingered on mine. Ranger tightened his arms around me and traced the outline of my lips with his tongue, teasing them. I put my hands flat on his chest and my initial instinct was to push him away in shock, instead, I fisted my hand into his shirt. His tongue slid between my lips and they parted on their own, I had no control over them.

When Ranger's tongue met mine, a shot of electricity went through me from the tip of my tongue to my toes. I sighed into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck.

Then, out of nowhere, and with a bang, the memory of Ranger's rejection came back. The way he had pushed me away when I needed him so much. The way it had hurt.

I jerked away from Ranger and jumped up. "No!" I said, my voice shrill. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to reject me again. These past few days, I had worked hard at gaining control.

"I'm sorry," Ranger almost whispered, "I didn't…" I cut him off. "Let's just forget it," I said, "I need more coffee."

I took my cup off the coffee table and almost ran into the kitchen. Of course I wouldn't be able to forget it, but I could avoid talking about it.

I tried not to let it show how nervous I was, but my hand was shaking and I spilled coffee all over the counter. I grunted in frustration and reached for the paper towels, but Ranger caught my wrist midway and turned me around to face him. I hadn't even heard him approach.

"Steph," He started, and I tried to pull my hand free, focusing my eyes on it. "Look at me, Steph," He said again, his voice soft. I realized I was overreacting, so I swallowed and met his gaze.

"I'm sorry. I got carried away, I…" He looked like he was searching for the right thing to say. Instead of remembering how good the kiss had felt, all I could think of was the humiliation of his rejection. "It's okay," I said, "Want some more coffee, too?"

Ranger took both of my hands and turned me to face him. "Steph, I'm not sorry I kissed you. I'm sorry I surprised you like that." He said, his eyes boring into mine. I had to lower my eyes and was now staring at his chest. I didn't know what to say. What was he saying? He had pushed me away in his apartment. "You said 'no'." I argued weakly, finally daring to lift my eyes again and now Ranger looked confused. "Let's just forget it," I tried again and wriggled my wrists to free them. But Ranger held on. "What are you taking about?" He asked.

God, why didn't the phone ring or better yet, why didn't a Merry Man barge in? Anything to get out of this situation!

"How long are you planning on staying here?" I asked, my last attempt at changing the subject. Ranger shook his head slightly and blew out an exasperated breath. He let go of my hands and took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair and shook his head again. His eyes never left mine.

"I was thinking we could take today to get some rest after the excitement of the last couple days." He said. I just nodded and finished pouring my coffee. I wanted to say he had an interesting way of resting, but I bit back that remark. I was going to follow my own advice and forget it ever happened.

"I want to go home." I said when I took my cup and returned to the couch. Ranger followed me and sat down beside me. I could tell he was watching me, but I didn't look up.

"It's over, right? We got Teddy. It's time I got back anyway." I said, trying hard to keep my voice steady. What I really wanted to do was confront Ranger, ask him what the kiss had meant, if it meant anything.

We had kissed before, it wasn't like it was new. We had touched, and we had flirted. But all that was before Joe had died. After Joe's death, Ranger had pushed me away. And now I couldn't bring myself to ask Ranger about it, afraid he would hurt me again.

"Okay," He finally said and got up. I thought I heard some emotion in his voice that I couldn't name, but then I figured it was just my imagination. Ranger didn't do emotions, I reminded myself.

He picked up his cell phone and gave the update that we were leaving Point Pleasant. He ordered the team to stay on Ashton and the team on the street to follow us. Then he flipped the phone shut and disappeared into the bedroom. I put my cup down, pulled my legs up and curled into the corner of the couch. Shit, I thought. Whatever I had said, I'd pissed off Ranger.

He came back a short while later with my duffle bag and his suitcase. "Let's go," He simply said and unlocked the door. "Shouldn't we…" I gestured at the mess in the kitchen and the coffee cups, I couldn't find a better way to express my confusion.

"It's taken care of," Ranger said, "You ready?"

What the hell? I'd said I wanted to go home today, not right this second. And why was he mad at me? I opened my mouth to ask him just that, but I couldn't bring out a sound. His face was expressionless, but a muscle in his jaw was twitching. So I picked up my bag and walked past him, opening the front door.

The drive back to Trenton was the longest one of my life. Neither of us said a word. Not unusual for Ranger, very unusual for me. I didn't' know what he expected from me. Did he want me to apologize? I didn't know what to think anymore. I didn't understand his sudden mood change, but most of all, I didn't understand why I was making such a big deal over what happened. As if I didn't have more important things to think about. Maybe it was my new denial strategy, I wondered. Focus on the least important thing. Except it didn't feel unimportant, I was still in a state.

We were almost in Trenton when I realized I was probably just feeling guilty. I had kissed Ranger and it had felt good! I wasn't supposed to feel good. I shook my head at how much sense that didn't make, but I was done thinking about it.

Ranger left the highway and turned towards Haywood. I finally found my voice again. "I'd rather go home," I said.

"I know." Ranger replied and slowed to pull into RangeMan's garage. He remoted the gate open and parked the Cayenne.

"Then why aren't you taking me home?" I asked, irritated by Ranger's behavior. He killed the engine and looked at me for the first time since we had left Point Pleasant. "It's not safe." He said and turned to leave the car, but I grabbed his arm to hold him back.

"If I come in, are you planning on talking to me again?" I asked. I had no idea where that had come from, it was as if something had taken over my brain and made it my mouth say things. Ranger raised an eyebrow, but his expression remained unreadable. I tried again. "Ranger, what's going on?"

Ranger held my gaze. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

Huh? To say I was confused was a gross understatement. I tried to think back to our conversation at the carriage house, I couldn't find the one thing I'd said that would upset Ranger so much.

I did a palms-up. "Back up," I said. I had tried to avoid the whole topic but this was too messed up. We had to talk. "Why are you mad at me? What did I say?"

Ranger's eyes widened slightly. "Babe, I'm not mad at you!" he said, reaching out to touch my face. "I'm trying to give you space."

I shook my head in disbelief. It felt like I had stepped into an alternate universe, or like I had stepped into the theater in the middle of the movie. I wanted to rewind the day to the moment we'd shared when we first woke up. Somehow that seemed ages ago.

I took a deep breath to gain control over my emotions, but it was no good. "As I recall, you rejected me, Ranger. You made it quite clear that you didn't want me the other day. Then you kiss me! How am I supposed to feel about that?" The words were out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying. I thought I saw surprise in Ranger's eyes, but it was hard to tell in the dim light of the car.

He took a deep breath and thunked his head on the steering wheel. "Let me get this straight," He said slowly, turning back to me, and I wasn't sure I wanted to hear what he was going to say. I bit my lower lip nervously. "You think I don't want you?" I thought I heard his surprise that time. When I didn't respond, he shook his head.

"Let's not have this conversation right now. We're gonna go upstairs, we're gonna have lunch and then we're gonna talk." He said and got out of the car.

I agreed with his first two suggestions. It was getting cold in the car with the motor off and I was starving. But I didn't know if I wanted to talk to Ranger any more. I got out of the car and met Ranger at the trunk as he was taking out our luggage. Seeing my duffle bag, I wondered if he had taken the time to pack all my stuff or if he had simply grabbed the bag.

"I got it," He said when I reached out for my bag, then he closed the trunk and walked towards the elevator.

His face was blank when we rode up to the seventh floor, and I was feeling more and more uncomfortable. I had the sudden urge to crawl into my bed and shut out the world by pulling the blanket over my head. I was so lost in that thought that I flinched when the car stopped and the doors opened.

Once we were in Ranger's apartment, he dropped his keys into the dish on the sideboard and flicked on the lights. The silence between us seemed oppressive.

Ranger dropped our luggage in the hallway and went to the kitchen, taking off his utility belt. I followed him and sat down at the breakfast bar. He had his back to me while he was at the fridge. "Want a beer?" He asked and I almost jumped at the sudden sound of his voice. "Sure." I said as calm as possible. He turned around and twisted the caps off two Corona bottles and handed me one, then he walked over to the intercom and asked Ella to prepare lunch for two. Ella asked if I was the guest and Ranger replied "Yes, Miss Plum is joining me for lunch." Probably that meant Ella was going to prepare something other than rabbit food, at least I hoped so, I was starving.

"Let's wait in the living room," He suggested and left the kitchen. On his way to the living room, he called the control room and updated them on our location, although I was sure they had seen us on the monitors. Still, Ranger stuck to the protocol.

I followed him into the living room, taking a long pull from my beer. I should have felt wrong to be drinking when it was barely noon, and shocked to find Ranger drinking at this hour, but I didn't care.

We were both sitting on his black leather couch and the silence stretched between us. I was running my fingers over the condensation on the bottle, just to be doing something.

"Okay," Ranger finally said and put his beer on the coffee table. "You think I rejected you." I nodded, my eyes still on the bottle in my hands. "When you were grief-stricken and had just survived a day in the company of a homicidal maniac and thought you could numb your senses with sex, you thought I rejected you? When I could have taken advantage of you because you didn't know what you were doing, you thought I rejected you?" His voice was calm, belying his cruel words.
Tears were starting to run down my cheeks. Every time he repeated it, it felt like he was slapping me.

"Babe," He said and took the bottle out of my hands. He put his arm around me and pulled me towards him. I tried to pull free, but Ranger wrapped his other arm around me as well and embraced me. "You couldn't be more wrong," He said softly, "I love you."

I nodded against his chest, still unable to stop the tears. "I know," I said and sniffled, "In your own way."

He pulled back and put a finger under my chin so I would look up. "I don't think this is the right time to discuss this," He said, "But I wanted you to know I'm not mad at you and I didn't reject you. I would never do anything to hurt you, Babe, unless it's for your own good." I snorted at that but bit back a comment. I had heard enough and didn't want to talk about it anymore, no now, not ever. I finally managed to pull away from him and got up. "I'm gonna freshen up before lunch." I said and went into the bedroom.

I let out a long breath when I closed the door behind me. When I'd asked Ranger to drop me off at my apartment, I didn't really think he would do it. Although the danger was over, the mission was still technically ongoing. Ranger would see it as his duty to keep me safe. But I had to try, I needed to be alone.

I sighed and sat down on the edge of Ranger's bed. I was quite proud of myself for not bawling my eyes out again. Yes, there had been some crying, but I had been able to get it under control pretty fast. Now I felt too drained to cry anymore. I heard voices from the living room and figured lunch had arrived.

Just as I was thinking about getting comfortable in my thinking position, the door opened.

"Sorry, but we're not done yet, Steph." Ranger said and sat down next to me. I stared at my hands in my lap. "I am done." I said, my voice flat, and truer words were never spoken.

"Babe," He said and tried to take my hand into his, but I jerked it away. "Please Ranger," I said, "I need some time alone." I was sure he'd understand, he'd always given me my space in the past weeks.

He did get up, but instead of leaving, he squatted down in front of me so we were eye to eye and I couldn't avoid looking at him.

"You'll get all the time you need," He said, resting his hands on my knees, "But not before we got this one cleared up. Look at me, Steph." I had tried to lower my eyes and he had immediately caught it. When my eyes found his again, I saw the emotion he didn't usually let me or anyone else see. He lifted his right hand and cupped my face. "I didn't reject you, Babe. I was trying to keep you from making a big mistake. I know you were desperate, and that it wasn't what you wanted. You'd regret it by now. I had to be strong for both of us. You have no idea how hard it was for me."

I sucked in some air. Ranger? Sharing his feelings? With me? His words almost convinced me I was in that alternate reality. I didn't know how to respond. I went over what he said again in my head to try and make sense to it.

"It's okay," I finally said, "I guess I made a big deal out of nothing." Ranger looked like he was thinking about smiling. "I can assure you, that night in my kitchen was the last thing on my mind when I kissed you this morning."

I nodded. "It wasn't the first thing on my mind either…" I said and Ranger's ghost of a smile turned in to a full-on smile. I decided this wasn't the time to bring up that he had acted weird just before we left and on the way back. As far as I was concerned, he still had some explaining to do, but I was tired of talking.

Ranger stood up and offered me his hand. "Lunch is here. You must be starving." Obviously he'd picked up some of my traits. I could have sworn I heard 'We're good, right?'. Ranger was starting to express himself through food. I smiled at that thought and took his hand.

I had been right about Ella. Ranger had something salad-y, and for me, there was a hamburger with tater tots. Ranger looked at my plate and shook his head slightly. I chose to ignore him and dug in.

After lunch, it was time for yet another meeting, but I chose to sit this one out. Instead, I opted for a nap. I hadn't gotten more than a couple hours sleep the night before and I was exhausted. I told Ranger to wake me if there were any new developments and padded back to the bedroom.

This time, I didn't get to think much in my thinking position; I fell asleep shortly after rolling onto my back, fully clothed, on top of the covers.

I woke up when it was already getting dark outside, but for once, I wasn't disoriented. I knew immediately I was in Ranger's bedroom, on the sheets that smelled faintly like him. I took a deep breath to clear my thoughts. I couldn't quite remember the dream I'd had, but it had left me sad somehow.

It was 5:30 according to the bedside alarm clock. I wondered why Ranger had let me sleep so long as I got up and did my thing in the bathroom.

I discovered one possible reason right away: Ranger wasn't in the apartment. The lights were on, but Ranger wasn't home. Since there was no note, I figured he was down on the 5th floor catching up on his work. He'd spent the better part of over a week with me, helping me, he had to have a lot of work backed up. I didn't feel guilty, exactly, but I felt bad enough, so I didn't call him or went looking for him.

Now I had a chance to catch up on my life. I could return my phone calls, check with Connie if she had any new skips for me, get back to normal. The problem was, I didn't want to do any of it. I had no idea how to go about getting back to 'normal', I didn't even know what normal was anymore. But if I didn't start working again soon, I wouldn't be able to pay my rent and my other bills. So very soon, I would have to face reality again. Teddy was out of the picture; it should be safe for me on the streets of Trenton, at least until my next stalker would inevitably come along. When Ranger got back, I would discuss with him when I could return to my apartment, I decided. I missed my apartment, and I missed Rex. Yeah, in a lot of ways, I missed my normal life. I guess normal is not the right term for it, my life hasn't been normal in a long time, but you know what I mean, the every day thing.

Except of course, I would never return to that. My every day life had involved Morelli.

I told myself to quit whining and went into the kitchen in search of food. Ranger didn't have any comfort food in his fridge, so I settled for a beer.

I grabbed my bag and settled on the couch in the living room, suddenly curious as to why I hadn't gotten any phone calls. I fished out my cell phone and realized that its battery had died. I couldn't call my voice mail, because I hadn't asked Ranger how many of the messages he had deleted. There was a chance Joe's message was still on there. Suddenly I remembered our meeting that first day, I was pretty sure Ranger had said Joe had called twice. I didn't have the chance to ask Ranger about it. Now I definitely didn't want to listen to my voice mail messages.

I was slumped on the couch, nursing my beer and trying hard not to think about anything. I knew I had to call my mom, she hadn't heard from me in days. But she would ask where I had been and I hadn't made up a good story to answer that question yet. I definitely needed to call Lula though, Tank wasn't the kind of guy who would share his workday with her, so she was probably worried. Maybe I'd set aside an hour to call everyone and get it over with. Maybe.

Okay, so the truth was, I wasn't ready to talk to people from my 'normal life' yet. I told myself a day more wouldn't matter and dropped my cell phone back into my bag.

The intercom on the wall chirped and I got up. The Merry Men knew were Ranger was, and if it was Ella, I could talk to her. It wasn't like I was picking up Ranger's phone, there was a chance this call was for me.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty!" Ranger greeted me when I picked up, but there was no smile in his voice. I grimaced. "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked like you needed your sleep." Ranger said. I couldn't argue with that, I felt much better than before the nap. I grunted noncommittally and asked, "What's going on? Any news?"

Ranger didn't respond for a beat and my stomach clenched uncomfortably. "We're having a meeting in 15. I think you should join us." I could clearly envision his face as he said this, he had used the tone of voice that went with the blank face. Uh-oh. This meant trouble, I was almost certain. "Is something going on?" I asked. The intercom clicked twice, as if Ranger had to think about his response. "Yes," He finally said, "We'll discuss it in the meeting." Shit!

"I'll be right down!" I said and headed for the door. I pressed the elevator call button and danced nervously from one foot to the other while I waited. A hundred scenarios were going through my head of what could have gone wrong. Did Lester's condition worsen? Did Ashton make a move?

I almost took the stairs because I couldn't wait any longer when the elevator's doors pinged open. I pressed the 5 button impatiently and tried to keep my breathing under control.

"What is it?" I yelled as soon as I stepped into the control room. Bobby and Junior turned away from the monitors to face me. "Hey Steph," Bobby said and Junior waved. "What happened?" I asked again, a little more impatient this time. Junior cut his eyes to Bobby and Bobby shook his head almost imperceptibly.

"The boss is gonna want to tell you himself." Bobby finally said. I huffed and stormed towards Ranger's office. When I yanked the door open, I almost collided with Ranger. He grabbed my elbows and steadied me before I ran into this chest, that is.

"You okay?" He asked before he slowly let go, making sure I was stable again. "No, I'm not okay!" I said, my voice shrill now. "Why won't anyone tell me what's going on?"

Ranger rubbed his jaw and I could tell he was trying to decide whether to tell me or not. "Ranger." I said and tried my best glare. "Tell me!"

"Where's Tank?" Ranger asked Bobby. Bobby went straight to the intercom. "Calling him now, boss."

"Get everyone into the board room for the meeting. Now." Ranger said, his voice completely calm, in charge. He took my elbow and led me to the conference room. I glared at him again but his face was a blank mask and I knew he wouldn't tell me before the meeting, so I sat down next to him and tried to wait.

Bobby came in next, followed by Tank and Hal. Probably Junior had to stay at the monitors and Cal's team was still with Ashton, I figured. But I couldn't keep track of their schedules.

Tank sat down and pressed a button on the Polycom phone in the middle of the table and dialed a number. Woody entered the conference room just as Tank had verified that Cal was on the line. I jumped up and threw my arms around Woody spontaneously, momentarily forgetting my anxiety. I had never been so happy to see him. His face was still a little bruised, but I didn't see any bandages. He looked a little surprised at my display of affection, but hugged me back one-armed. "How're you feeling?" I asked when I released him. "I'm okay," He said on a smile, "How are you?" I'd never talked to Woody much, so I didn't know anything about him, I was just happy to see him alive. "How's Lester?" I asked. "Still a little under the weather," Woody said. RangeMan humor.

Ranger cleared his throat behind me to signal he was ready for the meeting and I quickly went back to my seat. Woody winked at me from across the table.

Hal gave out folders to everyone while Cal was reporting that there was nothing to report on his end. Ashton had left Point Pleasant around noon and was now back at his apartment. The Merry Men were parked outside.

I bit my lip to keep my mouth shut. Who cared about nothing to report? On the other hand, three of my possible scenarios were not the big news. All Merry Men on the case were present and accounted for and Ashton was back in Trenton.

I cut my eyes to Ranger nervously and he nodded at Tank. "Listen up!" Tank said, "We have a code red. Suspect escaped from Jersey Shore Medical Center at 17:25."

I gasped. "What???" I shrieked and Ranger put his hand on my forearm. "Easy, Babe," He said. "We're on it."

"You have him?" I asked, still in my shrieking voice. Tank looked a little annoyed, probably because I had interrupted him, but I didn't give a shit about that. "We have two teams in the area," He said when he realized I wouldn't let it go.

"I thought he was being watched?" I said, glaring at Ranger. "Ram was outside his room when a nurse entered and reported him missing. He never passed the cops at the end of the hall." Ranger said.

My mind went blank. Teddy had escaped. I'd thought he'd be unable to move, and he had outsmarted us again.

"Steph?" Ranger nudged me gently, but I still jumped. "Teddy has escaped." I almost whispered. "We're on it, Babe." Ranger said.

"How can you say that?" I screamed, unable to control my terror, "You just said you have no idea where he is! For all we know, he could be planting bombs around the building as we speak!"

I could hear the Merry Men suck in some air, but they clearly left this to Ranger and myself, not daring to interrupt.

"Steph, calm down." Ranger said, a little louder but still with a steady voice. He put his hand on my forearm again, but I yanked it away. I was in full freight train mode now. I jumped up fuming.

Tank got up and blocked the door. They knew me to well around here, I had been thinking about storming out. Actually, I was ready to abandon the whole mission and do my own thing again. I was sick of meetings, I was sick of sitting around doing nothing and most of all, I was sick of being cooped up and being monitored all day.

Ranger got up, closing the distance between us. "Babe, please." He said and reached for my hand again. I knew I was making a scene and everyone was watching me, but I couldn't calm down. I was scared, but I was also furious. I was also disappointed because things kept going wrong. RangeMan was supposed to be perfect, fuck-ups like this weren't supposed to happen.

I took a deep breath and try to come up with plan B. "Continue this meeting without me," I said and I could see Ranger's eyes widen minimally. Probably he hadn't expected me to calm down. "I'm gonna go upstairs and take a shower." I turned and walked to the door, raising my eyebrows at Tank. It was an empty gesture, of course. If Tank set his mind on not letting me through, there was no way for me to move him. He glanced at Ranger behind me and obviously got the okay to let me go, because he stepped aside.

I left the conference room and closed the door behind me as slowly as possible, then I forced a smile onto my face when I turned towards the control room where Junior was still manning the monitors and phones.

"They're gonna be in there for a while," I said and rolled my eyes at Junior. I would have never fooled Tank with this routine, much less Ranger, but Junior didn't know me well. "I'm gonna go for some air and pick up some take-out for dinner." I said, trying hard to keep my voice chipper, and turned to the key hooks where the car keys to the RangeMan fleet were.

I thought I saw confusion in Junior's eyes, so I tried to be as smooth as possible, grabbed a key and sent him a finger wave. "Ranger said it was okay." I said for good measure and walked out of the control room. As soon as I was out of Junior's sight, I rushed to the stair case and bolted down the steps.

If there wasn't anyone in the garage, I might just get away with this, I thought. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do once I got there, but I was doing something!

TBC

A/N: Is Steph doing the right thing? She would be on her own again…Please let me know what you think.