You guys are the best! I appreciate your feedback more than you can imagine! Thank you so much for all your reviews!
Stayce-Schnuckel, Kuss und Knuddel! Thank you so much for turning this chapter around!
This chapter is for problemcat in the hopes that everyone feels better by now!
Angst warning, just to be safe!
Disclaimer: I checked, I still don't own anything but the plot
Rating: PG13. Adults talk and act like adults…read at your own risk.
Living on a PrayerChapter 18
It occurred to me as I was flying down the stairs that I had nothing on me except the key ring with the car keys and a gizmo to remote the garage gate open. My bag, my wallet, even my dead cell phone were all upstairs and I couldn't risk wasting the time to get them.
I got to the ground floor, completely out of breath, my heart hammering in my chest and black dots dancing in front of my eyes. I yanked the metal fire door open, lost my grip and immediately fell back onto the stairs on my butt. Crap! I recovered pretty quickly, but couldn't get my feet to cooperate with the rest of my body, so I tripped and fell flat on my stomach, knocking the air out of me.
For a moment I just lay on the concrete floor, trying to take a breath. When my vision cleared, I realized I was no longer holding the car keys and I looked around for them. I got up painfully and searched the ground, finally finding the key ring by the last step. I snatched it up and entered the garage.
Four black RangeMan SUVs were parked side by side to my left; behind them were Ranger's Cayenne and the Turbo. I had no clue which keys I had grabbed, and I knew I didn't have the time to try them in all cars until they fit.
When I finally remembered I was holding the key with the remote-entry thingy on it, I giggled nervously. I pressed the button and rushed to the SUV that had beeped, yanking the door open.
I was going to just ram the key in the ignition and take off, but I had to catch my breath first. In addition, Stupid Stephanie and Smart Stephanie were having it out in my head. Smart Stephanie kept insisting that I go back upstairs while Stupid Stephanie kept telling me I was better off alone. I finally told Smart Stephanie to shut up and turned the key. There were some clicks but other than that, nothing happened. I grunted in frustration and banged my fist on the steering wheel. It took me three tries to remember to put my foot down on the brake pedal before I turned the key. I chalked that up to my nervousness but briefly wondered if it was such a great idea to drive if I couldn't remember how.
My hand was shaking so violently, I had to take a few deep breaths before I could operate the gearshift properly. The SUV jumped back when I stepped on the gas. I was lucky I had put it in reverse, or else I would have crashed into the concrete wall in front of me.
I could see movement out of the corner of my eyes, men running, but I didn't stop to check it out. The faster I could get out of the garage, the less chance they'd have to catch me. I realized that I probably couldn't go far; I'd just have to hide somewhere close until I could catch my breath. If I drove around like this, I'd wrap the car around the nearest light pole.
I threw the car into drive and shot forward. There was a thump and I caught a glimpse of black in my peripheral vision. I hoped I hadn't hit anybody as I sped towards the gate. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out how to aim the key fob at the reader while the key was in the ignition, so I wasted precious seconds trying to yank the key out. I finally remembered that the car was still in drive so I shifted into park and finally got the damned thing out.
I was breathing hard when I finally aimed the gizmo at the reader. Nothing happened. I tried it again, but the red light stayed on and didn't change to green, which would let the gate open. I tried to wave it in front of the electronic eye, pressed the key fob against it, and finally I tried to slide it over. The red light just glared at me. Either I'd grabbed a bad key fob or the control room had taken over control of the gate. Shit.
When nothing happened, I really only saw two options. I could get out of the car and run. But then I'd be on foot and Ranger would catch me within a block. I needed the car. So that left only one option: back up and ram the gate with the full force of the SUV's 200-plus horsepower. I'd only ever seen that stunt in movies and I had no idea if it would work with the garage gate, but I was quickly becoming desperate.
I threw the gearshift in reverse and hit the gas pedal. I could see Merry Men to my right, waving their arms over their heads, shouting. I tried to ignore them. Instead, I took one last deep breath, put the car in drive and prayed.
I had backed up as far as I could, about twenty-five yards from the gate. It had to be enough. I grabbed the steering wheel with both hands and pushed the gas pedal down hard. The tires screeched and the car jumped forward. Like in slow motion, I could see the gate coming at me and I panicked when I realized I'd forgotten to put on my seat belt. Obviously it was too late now. I was so close to the gate that I braced myself for the impact. Out of nowhere, at least as far as I could tell, Ranger stepped between the SUV and the gate. I screamed. In the split-second that I saw him, I thought I caught a glimpse of the look in his eyes. There was only determination, no fear or panic. Unlike me, because I was all fear and panic.
If I went with my plan, I'd have to run him over. Shit! I couldn't really stop anymore either, double shit. Instinctively I pulled the steering wheel to the left with all my strength. It was out of pure reflex that I took my foot off the gas and stood on the brake pedal with both feet. Someone was screaming at the top of their lungs, I guess it was me. I was quickly running out of space, since the gate had been my ultimate goal, I was now heading for the wall. I managed to slow down somewhat, but wasn't able to stop before the SUV ran into the concrete wall.
There was a bang and a crunching noise, the airbag exploded in my face and blinded me momentarily. Apparently, I'd been going slower than I'd feared, I thought, since I wasn't part of an SUV accordion. I was too stunned to feel any pain, I couldn't see anything beyond the folds of the airbag, and my ears were ringing.
The passenger side door was pulled open and Ranger had his hands under my arms before I even knew what was happening. I could see his mouth move and he was looking at me, but I couldn't hear anything over the ringing in my ears. Ranger was obviously alive and well and I was fine. I hadn't managed to get way, but I hadn't killed anyone in the process either.
I didn't resist when Ranger pulled me free and carried me away from the SUV. Now I could see I hadn't hit the wall full on, I had almost hit it sideways. Okay, the left front of the car was smush-city, but it wasn't like they'd needed the Jaws of Life to get me out. I only wished that I could faint and wake up when everyone had had a chance to calm down.
Ranger carried me back over to the elevator while behind us, Tank and two other Merry Men got busy cleaning up the mess I'd made. Ranger's face was expressionless, but this time, I knew he was pissed. Definitely mad at me. Probably it was a good thing I still couldn't hear anything.
Bobby met us at the elevator and ushered me in, while Ranger stayed behind. Not a good sign. But what did I expect? Well, I expected not to have to deal with pissed-off Ranger for a while, because I expected to make it out of the RangeMan garage. Somehow the consequences hadn't seemed all that bad when they were at some point in the future, hopefully after I'd served him Teddy on a platter. Consequences like the cold look in his eyes, his tightly set jaw, the flex-and-release of his right fist as he was walking away without looking back. It was a scary sight even though I knew him so well.
I looked at Bobby who kept talking to me; from his expression I thought he was asking me questions. I pointed at my ear and shook my head, the international sign for 'I can't hear you', but I mouthed it to be sure. Bobby nodded and the frown lines on his forehead grew deeper.
The elevator doors opened on the fourth floor and Booby took my elbow to lead me down the corridor. I wanted to tell him I was temporarily deaf, not paralyzed, but that seemed like too much of an effort, sign-wise.
He opened a door on our right and led me into one of the RangeMan studio apartments. This one had a queen-sized bed in an alcove behind the living area. Bobby gestured for me to lie down on the bed and then pointed at it. He was doing a lot more gesturing, but I got that he wanted me to stay here, and he was going to be right back.
I thought the ringing in my ears was getting less by the minute, but I didn't know if I wanted to share that. Maybe I could delay the inevitable by pretending to be sick? Surely, Ranger wouldn't send a car crash victim to a third world country.
Bobby left and I blew out a breath. Now that the excitement was gone, I remembered why I had been running in the first place. Teddy had escaped! A Merry Man and the local cops kept watch over him, and yet he had done it again. Was I even safe inside the RangeMan building? He'd fooled Lester and Bobby disguised as a woman, which brought back eerie flashbacks to Scrog again. What would he look like next time? Maybe he'd been wearing some movie make-up when I'd met him. He was like all my past stalkers rolled into one.
He had Ramirez' delusions, Scrog's talent for disguises, and maybe Stiva's make-up talents. And if that wasn't enough, he seemed to have accomplices and technical skills to rival RangeMan's.
To say I was freaked was an understatement. And now that I thought about what I had almost done, I shivered. Where had I been planning to go? I could have run right into him and never recognized him.
I groaned inwardly at my own stupidity. 'Nice going, Stephanie.' I told myself. No wonder Ranger was pissed. I stared at the ceiling and tried to come up with something to say that might sound remotely sane.
Bobby knocked on the door and I realized my hearing had come back and now that the adrenaline rush was over, I could feel my face burn and my chest ache. Bobby came in followed by another man, dressed in an EMT's uniform. I realized that if I pretended to still be deaf, they could decide I needed to go to a hospital, and gave up that idea.
"I feel better," I greeted the two men and sat up. "Good to hear. Just let Paul here check you out to be sure." Bobby replied and sat down next to me.
Paul put down his bag and faced me. He took my chin in his hand and turned my face first left and then right, nodding. Next, he took my blood pressure, shone a penlight in my eye and made me touch my nose with my index finger. He kept nodding, which I took as a good sign.
I winced when he brought some moist towelette-thing to my face, and I figured I looked like I had rubbed my face on a rug.
"Your wounds are superficial, keep them clean for a couple days, no make-up. And if you feel dizzy or get a headache, you should see a doctor immediately." He finally said and put all his stuff back in his bag. He nodded at Bobby and left.
"See?" I said, attempting a cheery tone, "Told you I was feeling better." Bobby got up. "Still probably not a bad idea if you take it easy for a couple days," he said, "Come on, I'll take you upstairs." He helped me up and made sure I could stand on my own. I'd been wondering about going 'upstairs'. That's where Ranger would be. If not now, then soon. But hiding from him on the fourth floor wouldn't do me much good either, he could easily find me. Also it would be childish, I reminded myself.
I thanked Bobby when we got to the elevator and assured him I could find my way from here. He sent me a sympathetic smile and said to call him if I needed anything and I got on the elevator.
I really wanted to find out if there was an update on Teddy, but that meant stopping on the fifth floor. After my performance in the garage earlier, I wasn't eager to face the Merry Men assigned to the mission. Okay, I was trying to avoid Ranger, I admitted to myself. The irony wasn't lost on me: an hour ago, I could have easily run into a killer's arms, and now I was afraid to face even Ranger.
I let out a long breath when I let myself into Ranger's apartment with the key fob Bobby had given me, no one was there. I padded over into the bathroom, stripped, and took a look at myself in the mirror. I had some abrasions on my neck and cheeks, I figured they were airbag burn, and a bruise was blooming on my left cheekbone. Probably it was where the airbag had hit me, and I was lucky it hadn't broken my nose. I didn't actually remember the impact. Over all, it looked a lot worse than it felt, and I made a mental note not to see my mom for at least a couple days. She'd have a heart attack.
I turned on the water as hot as I could stand and stepped into the shower, lathering and rinsing and scrubbing and buffing until I was pruney.
I knew Ranger was in the apartment as soon as I came out of the bathroom dressed in his robe. I didn't see or hear him, it was just a feeling. I took the time to change into my jeans and a RangeMan sweatshirt and I tamed my hair before I took a deep breath for courage and walked into the living room.
Ranger was sitting on the couch, his arms crossed over his chest, his face blank. He looked up when I entered and his expression didn't change. Oh boy.
I turned to grab a bottle of water from the fridge and took one for Ranger as well, and then I sat down on the opposite end of the couch. I handed him his bottle and unscrewed mine. I figured if I was constantly in motion, he wouldn't notice how nervous I was.
"I can't keep the mission on track if you constantly put it in jeopardy." Ranger said, his voice completely level and calm. I had hoped for a little small talk before he got to the point, but I knew that was too much to ask for. This was Ranger, he didn't small talk.
"I'm sorry. I freaked." I said, unable to look him in the eye. I kept my hands in my lap and was playing with the water bottle. It was the truth though, I didn't have an excuse or a plan, I had simply freaked.
When Ranger didn't respond I looked up to find him looking at me. I couldn't read his expression, it wasn't his blank face any more, there was some emotion I couldn't name.
"I'm sorry I almost ran you over." I added softly. Of my whole escape trip, that part had shocked me the most. I saw the ghost of a smile on Ranger's face as he scooted over. He reached out and touched my face. "Looks like you got hurt more than I did when you tried." He said and ran his fingers over the bruise on my cheek.
"I didn't want to run you over, that's why I crashed the car." I said and sucked in some air. I just remembered that I had trashed one of Ranger's cars! Mental head slap. "Ohmygod! I'm sorry about the car, too, Ranger." Ranger half-nodded, then he took a deep breath.
"Babe, you can't just go running off when something unexpected happens," He said and he traced my jawbone with his knuckle. I wasn't sure if he was still mad at me, it was hard to tell with someone who rarely if ever raised his voice.
"But it was a big something," I said in my defense. Not to mention, it was the third major screw-up. Okay, so I had panicked, but now I was beginning to think it was understandable. I just had to find a way to explain it to Ranger.
"I know," Ranger admitted, "But if you're out there and alone, I have to allocate men to find you, I have to pull them off another job and they're missing somewhere else."
Oh, so I was an inconvenience. Of course, what had I been thinking? I knew Ranger cared about me, but the way he said it made it sound like that was the least of his concerns. It hurt that he remained so calm. Joe would have yelled and flapped his arms and then I would have yelled back. With Joe and I, you were never unsure what our emotions were, when we were angry, we screamed.
"What if I ran off every time something went wrong?" Ranger asked, his hand still cupping my face. "What if Tank or one of the other men did? Ever think of that?" Oh God. I had heard this speech before, decades ago when I had screwed up and my mom or dad sat me down for a 'serious talk'. Ranger was treating me like a rebellious kid. I deserved his anger, I didn't deserve humiliation.
I jerked my head back and glared at him. "I don't know what would happen if you ran off, Ranger," I said, trying to keep my voice low, "I've never thought about it. And you know why? Because it's not what you do. You and your men have another style." I was talking myself into a rage and I knew it. I jumped up and started pacing. "It's what you do! You make a plan, you come up with a mission and you go. But that's not how the rest of the world acts! Some of us have feelings, gut instincts, and we listen to them!" I was getting louder and louder, and I had no control over the volume. What I said didn't make any sense either, I was spitting out the words unedited.
"You should get a medal for always being in control of your actions! I must be such a dead weight with my impulses and feelings and reactions and emotions!" Tears were stinging my eyes now, I had rambled myself into hysteria. Ranger's eyes widened minimally at my words, but he remained quiet.
This was the point in the rant where I would normally turn, slam some doors and run off. The only place I could go here was Ranger's bedroom, and he would follow me.
I threw my arms up in frustration. "Unnnghh!" I grunted and turned, walking back into the kitchen for something stronger than water. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and slammed the door shut so that the bottles in it jingled.
"Feel better?" Ranger asked, standing right behind me, and I jumped. "For fuck's sake, make some noise when you sneak up on someone!" I exploded. A half smile spread over Ranger's face. "Can't sneak noisily, Babe." He said. Now he was making fun of me? I had the strong urge to kick him in the shin. I glared at him and opened my mouth to yell again when Ranger pinned me against the fridge, his hands on either side of my face.
"When you're done throwing your tantrum, let me know. I can't talk to you like this," He said, his voice controlled and with a dangerous undertone. I knew he'd never hurt me, but I was still intimidated. My heart was beating so loud, I was sure he could hear it. His face was inches from mine, his leg was pressing against me, holding me in place.
Unfortunately, I had no way of cooling off. I wasn't like Ranger, I couldn't just take a couple of breaths or meditate. I had to scream and flap my arms and then I had to storm off. It was so much easier for me to throw a real fit than to sit down and talk. And if that's what Ranger was calling a tantrum, fine!
I shoved my hands against his chest as hard as I could and I must have caught him by surprise because he actually took a step back. "I'll let you know when I've cooled off," I said, proud that I was able to keep my voice from trembling. I was angry, I was hurt and beyond reasoning. I was going to walk past him and out the door, probably back to the vacant apartment on the fourth floor.
But I didn't get that far. "Damn it, Stephanie!" Ranger huffed and for the first time, I thought I saw anger flash in his eyes. He grabbed my elbow, stopping me before I could walk past him. He pushed me back against the counter and for a split-second, I thought he was going to kiss me, his mouth was less than an inch from mine.
"Let me go," I pressed out, trying to wriggle free. "I'll let you go when you stop acting like a scared little girl." Ranger growled. I stopped moving and met his eyes. "I am a scared girl, Ranger!" I said, and the fucking tears were back. But this time they were tears of anger and frustration. I wiped at my eyes impatiently and Ranger's grip on my elbow loosened a little. "I know you're scared," He said a little softer, "I'm scared too, we're all scared. Fear is what keeps us alive. You can't let it control you."
I'd so had it with his speeches. First the parent routine, now the drill sergeant one. Why was he unable to see that he was avoiding reality just like I was? And what was wrong with scared little girls? "Stop trying to get me to accept the rules that work for you," I said exasperated, "Just because you live by them doesn't mean I can. It's either your way or no way, right?"
Ranger let go of my arm and pulled back just a little. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a beat.
"New plan," He said, "We're gonna grab a couple beers and go back to the living room. Then we're gonna talk like civilized adults." He raised one eyebrow in a silent question and when I nodded slowly he backed away enough for me to move. I chose to believe he'd meant us both when he said 'adults'. I picked up my beer and followed him into the living room.
We both took a long pull from our beers before Ranger cleared his throat. "Please don't run away again," He said, his voice calm and his face blank. I nodded, not sure how to respond. I got that part, running away was bad and got me into trouble. Jeesh.
"Talk to me if you feel overwhelmed or scared or any other way that makes you want to run, okay?" Ranger asked. I nodded again. So this was his idea of a grown-up talk. It seemed a little Dr. Phil to me, but I didn't object.
"What if you don't listen?" I asked. Ranger's eyes widened in surprise. "That would never happen," He said simply. I snorted and for once resisted the urge to jump up again. "Were you in the meeting earlier? Were you the one who told me you were 'on it' when really you still have no clue where Teddy is??" I managed to stay seated but my voice was getting dangerously shrill again. Ranger wanted to talk? Fine, I was talking.
"I never said we had him. I said we're on it because we are. We are in contact with the cops who are looking for him, and we have two teams in the area looking. No, we don't know where he is, but we will. And until we find him, you cannot leave the building." Ranger said, still the picture of calm. He was irritating me with the way his voice stayed steady. I was exhausted, my face was starting to burn again and I really had had enough of this conversation. In a way, I think an all-out fight with screaming and door slamming would have felt better. I finished my beer and set it on the coffee table.
"I'm gonna stay on the fourth floor then." I said when I got up, not sure if I wanted Ranger to agree or to convince me to stay in his apartment. Ranger nodded. "Get some rest," He said and took a sip from his beer.
Okay, now I was sure I had wanted him to ask me to stay. His indifference hurt. I wanted him to say he was sorry, that he was going to try harder, that he loved me. What??? I gasped at my train of thought. I had no idea where that had come from. Probably an aftershock of the car accident, I figured. I wasn't thinking straight, I needed to lie down and once I woke up, I might even be able to talk to Ranger again.
I slowly turned to go. "There is of course another option," Ranger said from behind me. For a second I was afraid I had thought out loud. What kind of option was he talking about? He got up and closed the distance between us. "What other option?" I asked.
"You need to rest, no doubt about that," Ranger explained, "But first, you need to work off some of that anger." He took my elbow and led me to the front door. "If you're suggesting I should run on a tread mill for an hour, forget it." I said when we reached the elevator.
"Close," Ranger said as he pressed the call button, "But I know you better than to suggest exercise. This will work even for you."
He pressed the button for the ground level floor and I raised my eyebrows. "Going for a long drive?" I guessed. Ranger shook his head. "Shoot the shit out of paper men."
While I really didn't like guns, I realized I needed to do something, anything. As exhausted as I was physically, my racing mind would never let me fall asleep. I had a million thoughts going through my head, I was angry and frustrated.
We reached the garage and stepped out of the elevator. When I had worked at RangeMan a while back, sessions at the gun range had been part of my workday, so I was familiar with it.
Ranger handed me a semi-automatic and a couple boxes of ammunition. Then he grabbed the same for himself before we walked over to the partitions. "Just imagine a face you'd really like to hurt…" Ranger said and smiled broadly when he saw my reaction to that. I must have displayed my evil grin again.
I picked up the headset Ranger handed me and he flicked the switch that ran the pulley to move the paper targets.
I removed the magazine from the gun and loaded it, aware that Ranger was watching me. He didn't pick up his own gun before I took my shooting stance and fired. I missed the target completely with my first shot, but then I followed Ranger's advice and imagined Teddy in front of me. I closed my eyes and fired shot after shot, as fast as I could until I head the familiar click of an empty magazine.
I took a deep breath and realized I hadn't breathed while I was shooting.
"Nice," Ranger said when he looked at my target, "Now try it with your eyes open." I cut my eyes to him, a snippy remark on the tip of my tongue, but he wasn't making fun of me, his face was serious. He was giving me advice, from an experienced shooter to a novice. I nodded and reloaded the gun. I took a look at my first target while Ranger was pulling it in. I hadn't quite gotten the bull's eye, but most of my shots had hit, and the target looked like Swiss cheese. No doubt a human would have been dead. Good.
On my second round, I forced my eyes to stay open and actually aimed. This time, I only made Swiss cheese out of Teddy's heart.
We went two more rounds until my hands and arms ached and my sweatshirt was soaked through. I was surprised to realize I actually felt better.
"This was a good idea," I told Ranger when we returned the guns to the shelf. Ranger cupped my face in his hands. "Feel better?" he asked. I nodded. "So you don't want to scream and kick me anymore?"
I glared at him. "I wouldn't push my luck if I were you." He called my bluff easily and kissed my nose. Damn him for having the right ideas. As exhausted as I was now, I wasn't mad anymore. I even thought I had been acting pretty childish before, but I didn't share that insight. I snaked my hand through the crook of his arm and smiled, a genuine smile this time.
We rode up in the elevator and I didn't protest when Ranger only pressed the 7 button, I didn't really want to be alone any more.
TBC
A/N: Does anyone wonder what happened to Teddy? He's not coming back for Steph, right?