Your reviews are inspiring me to write. I'll be the first to admit I'm a review slave…please let me know what you think, either way.

A special Thank You to Stayce without whom this chapter wouldn't have been possible

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to JE. Except for the characters I invented.

Rating: It's getting tamer and tamer, this chapter is almost G…ok, there IS some language

Living on a Prayer Chapter 23

The next thing I remember was the scent of Heaven on earth. I didn't need to open my eyes to know there were McDonald's fries sitting on my bedside table. My head felt like it was about to explode, muscles I didn't know existed hurt without me moving, but the wonderful smell of fries made it all better.

I knew it was at least mid-morning because the light was bright, even with my eyes closed. When I dared to open one eye, the sunlight was blinding and it had apparently woken up the tiny men with hammers in my head. I groaned and slowly propped myself up on my elbows, blindly reaching for the cure. A super-sized Coke was standing right behind the fries and I sucked it up greedily. Halfway through the fries and Coke, my brain kicked in again and the hammers rested.

For a moment, I wondered why I felt so sore. And then I groaned again when I remembered the night before. Unfortunately, I remembered it all in living color, right up to the point where I must have passed out in Ranger's arms. I would never live that down. But I had to smile at the thought of Alejandro, he'd been quite a nice distraction.

I finished my Coke and heaved myself out of bed to take care of the bathroom thing. When I stood under the hot water spray, I felt my senses return. Hey, where exactly had the cure come from? Since the fries had still been warm and the Coke had been full of ice, they couldn't have sat there for long, and only Ranger could have brought them. I wondered if he was still here or if he figured I'd be too hungover to get myself into trouble for a while.

I rushed through the shower, toweled myself and my hair dry and put on my robe before I left the bathroom. It felt too stupid to holler 'Hello?', so I just shuffled out of the bedroom. I was greeted with the smell of coffee and Ranger on his laptop at the dining table. "Morning," I said by way of greeting and helped myself to a mug of coffee before I sat down. "Sleep well?" He asked, a smile playing around his lips as he looked up.

"Thanks for bringing me Mickey D's," I said, gesturing towards the bedroom. "Pure selfishness," Ranger said, returning his attention to the screen, "I knew you'd be unbearable without it." I balled up a paper napkin and threw it at him but he raised his hand and effortlessly batted it back at me. It hit me in the middle of my forehead and Ranger chuckled, "I can see your reflexes are still off."

"It was your fault I got drunk in the first place," I said, ignoring the napkin ball. "How do you figure?" He asked in mock-confusion. "You took me to the club," I explained and took a sip from my coffee. He closed his laptop and gave me the full-on smile, "So I guess it's my fault you feel like crap this morning?"

"No, that part is Alejando's fault," I said and got up in search of food. The cure wasn't food, it was medicine. I still needed breakfast, and thanks to Ranger, my fridge was again fully stocked.

"You won't be seeing him again," Ranger said when I sat back down. I looked up at him, "Okay, Dad, wanna tell me why?"

He ran a hand through his hair before he answered, "Because Ortiz is a player, has another woman every night, uses and discards them." Oh. I didn't know they knew each other. "Takes one to know one," I shrugged, but then I grinned to signal I was kidding and Ranger winked at me.

"Teddy will be arraigned today," I said apropos of nothing when I had finished my bagel and was on my second cup of coffee. I was focusing on my hands examining my cup and when Ranger didn't respond, I continued, "I'm trying to decide if I want to be there."

"Why would you want to go?" he asked. I didn't know the answer. There was no satisfaction in an arraignment. Probably he'd be accused of kidnapping and assault or something, definitely not for murder. I was praying he was going to be denied bail. Most likely, he'd take the chance to freak me out in some way. So why was it bugging me?

"I got a better idea," Ranger said, "Let's get you back to work. Vinnie must have a ton of skips running around, waiting for us to safely return them." And he winked at me. I grimaced. I knew he was trying to distract me, but running after FTA's was not very high on my list at the moment. Then again, I did need to make some money. Unfortunately, I didn't have the kind of job that came with paid vacations or sick leaves.

I shrugged, "I'll check with Connie and ask Lula to come along." Ranger shook his head slowly, "You already have a partner today."

I'd expected as much, but I had to give it a try. And it wasn't that I was getting sick of his company, I just felt a bit smothered. "I'm sure you have more important things to do than to go skip tracing with me. Unless of course, you need some amusement…" I smiled what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"My job is to keep you safe," he said matter-of-factly, "So I might as well help." I rolled my eyes, "Really, I don't need a babysitter anymore. Teddy is off my list, I'm not gonna do anything stupid."

"I prefer the term bodyguard," Ranger said and took a sip from his coffee. I rolled my eyes. I should have known better than to try and change his mind. Now I was debating if I wanted to go bounty hunting with Ranger and possibly bring in some of the FTA's Lula had mentioned, the ones that were out of our league, but not out of Ranger's.

My phone rang and I managed to only flinch minimally. I got up to retrieve the handset from the living room. The read-out announced the Trenton PD again and I half-expected Thomalla when I answered.

"Steph, it's Eddie," Gazarra said. I appreciated the call; he was probably making sure I was fine after the stress the day before. "Hi, Eddie."

"So Gardner was arraigned this morning. Thought you'd like to know he was denied bail." I sighed in relief. Thank God! I didn't think I could handle to live in fear any longer. "What was he arraigned for?" I asked. Eddie took a couple breaths before he answered, "Assault with a deadly weapon."

I waited for more, but that's all he said. "What about the kidnapping?" I shrieked, "He took my sister and her baby hostage!"

"I'm sorry, Steph. Valerie hasn't pressed charges yet, they're still putting that case together."
"And the murder? He killed Joe!" Ranger came over to me and put his arm around me, trying to calm me. I leaned into him, fighting against the tears of frustration that were stinging my eyes. I could feel Eddie shaking his head. "I'm sorry Steph," he said again. I took a moment to calm down. It wasn't Eddie I was mad at. "Not your fault. Thank you Eddie," I said, swallowing hard. He cleared his throat. "There's something else…and I'm sorry to bother you with this…" Eddie said slowly, as if he was choosing his words carefully.

"What is it?"

"I don't want to tell you over the phone. Are you free for lunch? Maybe we can meet at Pino's?" It was very unusual for Eddie to ask me to meet him. We were friends, but we didn't arrange for meetings. We'd see each other at the cop shop or at local bars, or he'd just come over to see me. "What is it, Eddie?" I asked, my stomach suddenly squishy again.

"I'll tell you all about it. Say 12:30?" I noticed how Gazarra was avoiding my question, but I agreed to meet him and we disconnected.

Ranger looked at me, waiting for me to speak first. I sighed. "Teddy was denied bail, but at this point, he's only awaiting trial for assault," I said, keeping my voice steady with some effort.

"That's only the beginning," Ranger said and pulled me closer, stroking my back. "RangeMan is filing the charges for the attack on my men and for breaking and entering. I'm sure your sister will do the same. The lawyers just want to get all their ducks in a row first."

I put my hands against his chest and pushed myself away from him to look into his eyes, "He's a murderer! He needs to at least stand trial for killing Joe!" I said, and the tears I'd been fighting started to flow.

"He will, Babe," Ranger said, his voice calm, "Just be patient. I promise he'll get what he deserves." He brushed his thumb over my cheek to wipe away the tears.

"He deserves to die! He deserves to suffer! I want him to pay for what he's done to Joe! To Valerie and Lisa! To me!" Ranger tucked a stray curl behind my ear, "I know, and he will. I promise." We locked eyes and his dark eyes were calm and confident. Now I was glad I hadn't been at the arraignment, I would have had this outburst in the courtroom.

"I don't know how much longer I can hold on," I whispered. Ranger held me tighter, "I'm here, Babe. Always." He hugged me, then cupped my face in both hands and kissed my nose, "You can do this. And I have your back." I smiled at him and leaned my face into his hand. "Thank you," I whispered.

Then I got to thinking. Maybe Gazarra had new evidence he wanted to tell me about? Maybe it was something confidential that he wasn't supposed to tell me about?

"Eddie wants to meet me for lunch," I told Ranger and I thought I saw surprise in his eyes at my sudden change of topic. "I'll meet him at Pino's…he wants to tell me something he wouldn't say over the phone," I explained and Ranger nodded. "I'll drop you off and Gazarra can take you home."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, but I didn't say anything. I was tired of repeating myself. Clearly, Ranger thought I needed a babysitter. Fine, I'd let him chauffeur me around. Hell, I could make lemonade when given lemons with the best of them. Then I had a thought and it was the closest to a good idea I could come. "I really don't want the Burg to see us together all the time," I said slowly, "Once the trial starts, people are bound to find out about us in Point Pleasant…" the more I thought about it, the better I liked it.

Ranger didn't look like he was buying it though, "You're sick of me?" he asked, smiling. I tried to push him playfully but he caught my hands easily, twisting them around so I somehow landed in his arms, his face a couple inches from mine.

"Are you?" He asked. His breath tickled my skin and for some reason, I was breathless. Am I what, I asked myself, I'd forgotten the context of his question. But I was too embarrassed to ask him. I squirmed a little to free myself but only succeeded in wrapping myself closer around him. I couldn't read the look in Ranger's eyes, but his pupils were dilated and focused on my mouth. I swallowed hard and hoped he was going to kiss me. No, on the contrary, I prayed that he wouldn't kiss me. Oh shit. Immediately I felt guilty for the almost-lust I felt towards Ranger. I didn't know about forever, but now was definitely too soon to be having that kind of feelings for another man. Except, if I was honest with myself, it wasn't like I'd never had feelings for Ranger. In fact just last year I'd finally allowed myself to admit that I loved both Morelli and him. I sighed and the moment was over.

Ranger pulled back and righted me until he was sure I could stand on my own two feet. I cleared my throat and pretended to be straightening my hair, then I picked invisible lint from my robe and made sure the belt was still holding it closed.

"I better get ready if I want to meet Gazarra at 12:30," I said and looked up to find Ranger smiling at me. He looked like he was going to say something but I beat him to it when I sighed and left for the bathroom. Inwardly, I was a complete mess. I hadn't been ready for my emotions to attack me like that, so I went through the motions of doing my hair and make-up to calm down.

When I got out of the bedroom dressed and ready, Ranger was waiting by the front door keys in hand. Of course there was the possibility of someone I knew seeing us and starting a rumor, but if I was honest, I'd have to admit I couldn't care less about that. What I had realized when I was trying to calm down in the bathroom was that I was getting too used to having Ranger around. When he didn't sleep next to me, I had nightmares. And when was the last time we didn't share breakfast? It used to be I saw him maybe three times a week; we had been together day and night for the last week! And a part of me didn't want the time to end. That part scared the hell out of me. What if he decided I didn't need his protection any more? Would he go back to being the man of mystery, we'd have a couple phone calls and I'd never know when I'd see him?

I was pondering this on the drive over, and with Ranger in his zone, it was a quiet ride.

Ranger dropped me off at Pino's, checking his rearview mirror frequently to make sure we weren't' followed. "You have your phone?" He asked before I got out of the car.

"Yes, Dad." I said exasperated. He shot me a look, "Point taken." He said and ran his hand over his chin, then he reached out and cupped my face, "I just want you to be prepared. I know you can take care of yourself. You have your gun? Your panic button?"

I shook my head slowly, "No, I don't. I'm going to lunch with my friend, not on a weekend trip to Afghanistan!" Really, Ranger needed to learn to relax.

"Babe," he said. Predictably, I might add. He reached over, opened the glove department and took out a small gizmo. "Humor me, take this tracker," he said. I took it and put it in my pocket. I thought it was unnecessary, but it wouldn't hurt me, and I'd gotten in trouble for misjudging situations before. Also, I knew it would get Ranger off my back.

I lowered my head so he could see my eyes over my shades and raised my eyebrows at him, to make sure he was happy, and he shook his head smiling. "Let me know if you need a ride," He said when I got out of the car. I sent him a finger wave and closed the door, heading for Pino's. As much as I was mocking him, it felt good to have Ranger watch over me. I knew Teddy was locked up, but there was a chance his goons were still out there, and God only knew what their orders were.

It was 12:15 and the lunch hour was in full swing at Pino's, the place was packed. There were a lot of cops on their lunch break. I sighed when I took a look around, I just couldn't help picturing Morelli in one of the booths, waving me over. How many meals had we shared here? Too many to count. I gave myself credit for not crying at the memory and moved further into the restaurant, trying to get the hostess' attention to be seated.

Eddie joined me after I had ordered us a pitcher of Coke and a pepperoni pizza. I didn't have to wait for him to know what he wanted, we were good enough friends to know each other's favorites. I would have ordered beer, but I couldn't stomach it yet, and I didn't know if Eddie was still on duty.

"How're you holding up?" He asked when he sat down. I almost rolled my eyes, I was so sick of that question. But I knew Eddie really was concerned for me, so I shrugged, "I'm okay. I'm glad it's over." Eddie was in jeans and a sweatshirt, so his shift must have been over.

He took a deep breath but didn't respond. When I made eye contact he quickly looked away and picked up his glass.

"Okay, Eddie, spill it," I said, unable to play the stalling game with him. Eddie and I had always been able to tell each other anything, however painful. Hell, he had been the one to tell me the details of Joe's murder.

"It's about the investigation…" he said slowly and focused on the beer in his glass. I put my forearms flat on the table and steepled my fingers in front of my chest while staring at him. I could wait, as long as he didn't take more than a minute to find the right words.

When he finally looked at me, he looked pained. "Steph, I don't really know how to say this…"

I sighed, "Eddie it can't be worse than telling me Joe died," I said softly and quickly blinked back tears. That day was the worst day of my life.

"In a way…it sort of is…dammit Steph, I didn't want to tell you at all. But I've known for a day and it's already driving me insane. I'm not saying I believe it or anything…" Eddie rambled.

"Eddie," I said a little louder to get his attention. He took a deep breath and looked at his hands. Our pizza arrived at that moment and the look he sent the waitress was almost relieved. I caught his wrist when he reached out for a slice, "Eddie, please."

He took my hand in his and finally met my eyes, "Steph, Joe, he…oh God…he…I overheard the PC on his case…he…he took money from…he made things disappear…Joe was a dirty cop, Steph." He almost whispered the last part and I gasped. As his words sank in I snorted, "That's not funny, Eddie, if you're trying to lighten the mood, you failed." But he wasn't smiling. It was an eerie déjà vu of the scene in Morelli's living room a few weeks ago. He looked at me, his eyes brimming with tears. I had never seen tears in Gazarra's eyes.

I pulled back my hand and tried to jump up, but Gazarra caught my hand. "Steph, I didn't want to believe it either. So I did some research on my own. I'm sorry for telling you, but you have a right to know. It explains why he was killed…"

I shook my head violently. "No, you are wrong. Joe was honest, the best cop anyone can imagine! And I'm not gonna listen to this!" I hissed at him through clenched teeth. "And I can't believe you would repeat lies like that! You are his friend!" I spat and jerked my hands out of his. Heads came up all around us and half the restaurant was staring at us.

Gazarra sighed and looked at his hand on the table, "That's what I thought, too. I didn't want to believe it. Then I talked to Thomalla and…"

"Thomalla and Morelli were friends!" I snapped and Eddie nodded, "I know. That's why this is so hard for him."

I slowly stood up. I had heard enough, and I didn't believe any of it. "I have to go," I said, "Thanks for letting me know, Eddie, even though you have it wrong." I grabbed my bag and turned.

"Steph, wait…" Gazarra said, but he didn't move to stop me. I didn't even know where I was going, since I didn't have a car. I just needed air, I felt like I was suffocating. Stares followed me on my way out, some people tried to get my attention by calling my name, I ignored them all.

Tears blinded me when I finally reached the door and pushed it open, taking in the air in big gulps. I didn't care what kind of evidence Gazarra thought he had found, it had to be fake. I was disgusted at the way Eddie disrespected Joe's memory. I sunk against the wall, I couldn't believe Eddie would betray Joe like this.

Traffic was heavy, people trying to get back to work after their lunch break, and Pino's parking lot was packed. I was shoved out of the way by people entering and leaving. Once I got over the initial shock, I walked around the corner to have some quiet time to think.

I took a couple deep breaths to get my heart rate back to normal. I pulled my cell phone out of my bag and at it in my hand. The reasonable thing to do was to call Ranger to pick me up. Except I couldn't face him just now, I didn't know how to talk to him about what just happened.

Gazarra said he'd checked with Thomalla. So Thomalla had to know more. I dug around in my bag until I found his card and dialed his number.

"Yeah?" He answered and he sounded busy. Damn. Still, it was worth a try. "Frank, this is Stephanie Plum…"

His voice softened immediately, "Steph, hi. What's up? Everything okay?"

No, nothing was okay, but I had to find a way to say it without alarming Thomalla. "I'm fine, it's just…I need to talk to you." Oh yeah, real subtle, Stephanie.

"Of course. Do you want to meet or should I come over? I'm on my way to…" He paused and cleared his throat, "I was gonna go to the cemetery to visit Morelli," he finished. I sucked in some air. My timing couldn't be worse.

"Do you…I hope you don't think I'm too forward, but do you want to come along? I'll pick you up." Oh boy. It would make my mom happy if I finally visited Joe's grave, but I hadn't planned to do it with company. But I guess since Morelli had been friends with Thomalla it was okay, and I really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible. I told him I'd wait outside of Pino's and he said he'd be right over since he was walking to his car already. Was I doing the right thing? Could I bear to see Joe's grave and could I talk about the terrible news with Thomalla?

Ten minutes later, Thomalla pulled up to the curb in his department-issued blue-ish Crown Vic and I got in on the passenger side. I busied myself with buckling my seat belt, then I pretended to search for something in my bag. It was pathetic, but I was trying to come up with the courage to talk.

I could feel Thomalla cutting his eyes to me, but he didn't say anything. He pulled into the cemetery's parking lot and killed the engine, but didn't get out of the car. Instead, he held the steering wheel with both hands and I could see his knuckles turning white.

"You okay?" I asked, and it felt odd to be the asker for a change. I had lost count of how many people had asked me that same question over the past few weeks.

Thomalla took a deep breath and I almost thought he wouldn't respond when he whispered, "I was one of the pall bearers, you know?" I nodded, unsure where he was going. "It's the hardest thing to do, to take your friend on his last journey." I couldn't say I remembered who had carried Joe's coffin. I didn't remember that part of the funeral. I had no comeback, so I put my hand on Thomalla's shoulder and patted it, hoping it would calm him down. As much as I knew what he was going through, I needed to talk to him about what Eddie had said.

Thomalla looked up and turned to me. I could see his eyes brimming with tears and he was smiling a sad smile now. He took his hands off the steering wheel and brushed some hair off my face. I didn't have the heart to pull back, but he must have sensed my surprise because he dropped his hands immediately after seeing the look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Stephanie. I didn't mean to lose it like this. It's just…" he took another deep breath, scoffing as he let it out, "I guess it's getting to be too much for me to keep it together at work, you know? Cops, they aren't allowed to show feelings. You lose your best friend, you're supposed to suck it up and move on." He shook his head exasperated. I felt sorry for him. I'd had my family and friends, everyone had let me grieve, he didn't have any of that.

"Do you want to do this some other time?" I asked. I didn't mind postponing the trip to Joe's graveside; I didn't know how I would feel when faced with the finality. And when I wasn't sure, I always procrastinated.

Thomalla surprised me when he straightened his shoulders and took my hand, "No, we're gonna do this. We're strong Stephanie. And we have each other to lean on!" With that, he dropped my hand and got out of the car. I didn't know about the leaning on part, put I figured he was once again thinking he knew me well from everything Morelli had told him about me and decided to let it slide.

He came around the car and opened my door, offering his hand to help me out. I took it, expecting he'd let go once I was out of the car, but he didn't. He held on to my hand as if it was a life preserver. I looked over at him, his lips were pressed together in a thin line, a muscle in his jaw was working. For a brief moment I wondered if there was more than just grief for a lost friend, if Thomalla maybe had feelings of a deeper kind for Morelli, but then I dismissed that idea. Joe would have told me about that, he would have picked up that vibe.

The closer we got to the grave, the heavier my feet grew. When we were just a row away, it felt like I was wearing concrete shoes. I had to stop and since Thomalla was still holding my hand, he stood with me. We didn't have to say anything; we both knew how heavy the other's heart was.

After a minute, Thomalla put his arm around my shoulders and started walking again. I didn't resist.

We stood silently side by side, and I had my eyes closed, trying to convince myself to open them. I feared the finality of it. As much as my brain knew Joe was dead, my heart hadn't accepted it yet. Once I read his name on the gravestone, it would become reality. Thomalla pulled me close and suddenly, it didn't matter that I hardly knew him, I leaned against him, slowly opening my eyes.

"Joseph Anthony Morelli," I mouthed the words as I was reading them for the first time and Thomalla's hand tightened on my shoulder. The black marble stone was beautiful and the silver lettering on it was very tasteful. My heart felt like it weighed a ton. "I'm so sorry, Steph," Thomalla said, "It should have been me, not him."

I couldn't respond, part of me wanted to agree with him. If he had gone, Joe would have come home that night telling me his partner had been shot. I would have moved on by now. Not something I wanted to tell Thomalla. I bent down and touched the cold stone, tears were welling up in my eyes. Out of the blue, Joe's smiling face appeared before my inner eye and I gasped. My gaze traveled over the neatly cut grass and the flowers someone had left there.

I sighed and turned, if I stayed another minute, I would have a breakdown, I just knew it. And I didn't want to cry in front of Thomalla.

He followed me a couple steps behind. I walked over to a bench and sat down, pulling my knees up to my chest.

"You alright?" He asked when he sat down next to me and I nodded numbly. I wasn't alright, but I don't know how to describe how I felt at that moment. There was this emptiness in me, and a lot of sadness. I guess it was the first time I let myself accept that Joe was gone forever.

And what exactly had given me the idea that I could ask Thomalla about Eddie's accusations a few feet from Morelli's grave? What had I been thinking? I'd been thinking I had to know, the sooner the better.

I tried to clear my head and took a deep breath, "There was something else I called you for."

Thomalla said completely still next to me, his eyes fixed on something in the distance. "I'm so glad you called," he said. Oh, this would be the mother of all subject changes, I thought. And if the roles were reversed, I'd slap him for it.

Fuck it, I had to get this over with! "I met a friend from the department for lunch," I began, "And he told me something so….so…" I gestured wildly, "Unbelievable, so wrong, so…I don't know. I just had to talk to someone to tell me it was a lie."

Thomalla didn't say anything, he just nodded. I took that as encouragement to explain, "He said," I had to swallow a couple times before I could make myself say it, "He said Joe was a dirty cop. He was killed because of it." I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach when I said it out loud.

I don't know what reaction I had expected, but definitely not what I got. Thomalla just continued nodding. I slowly counted to ten silently before I looked up. He didn't look at me, his eyes were still focused on that spot on the horizon, but now they were burning red as if unshed tears were stinging them.

I touched his arm and he covered my hand with his, finally locking eyes, "I'm sorry, Stephanie. I didn't want you to find out like this." He said, his voice barely above a whisper. I pulled my hand away and stood, shaking my head, "No, no, no, you got it wrong. Probably you were Gazarra's source the whole time and you…you…" I didn't even know what I wanted to say, something that would right this wrong.

Thomalla stood up and slowly gathered me in his arms. He stroked my hair and whispered soothingly. "I didn't know, Steph, I only found out after. It was the hardest thing I ever discovered. I'm sorry you had to find out, but it has nothing to do with your love for him."

I pulled away from him slowly and looked at him, "What exactly did you find out?" When he averted his eyes I touched his shoulder, "Tell me everything! I need to know. I have a right to know!"

TBC

A/N: Thank you so very much for all your reviews. Do you think since Frank Thomalla knows what Steph is going through she should lean on him and distance herself from Ranger?