Thank you so very much for following me on this ride. I appreciate your reviews more than you can imagine.

Stayce, my dear, I couldn't have finished this without you. Thank you so much!

Disclaimer: I'm just wreaking havoc on somebody else's characters, none of them are mine

Rating: There's some very graphic and disturbing content in this chapter. Reader's discretion is advised

Spoilers: None

Living on a Prayer

Chapter 26

The phone rang at that moment and I jerked back. I still expected the worst every time I heard that damned thing.

"Hold that thought," I told Ranger when I got up to get it.

I glanced at the caller ID before I picked up the handset and decided to let the answering machine pick it up. No way was I going to talk to my mom right now, since I already knew what she was going to say. I waited for the beep and smiled at her predictability. "Stephanie, this is your mother…" I rolled my eyes. If I didn't recognize my mother's voice after over 30 years, I'd have to be missing a few parts. Like a brain. When mom was done, I turned to the answering machine to delete her message. That's when I noticed I had another message waiting and I frowned. Did I want to hear this? I took a deep breath and hit the play button.

"Hello Angel," Teddy's voice came out of the speaker and my knees buckled as I slid down onto the floor. I heard a mechanical click as if someone was turning off a tape player or something, then another voice said, "Do you miss him? Did you like his present?"

The beep signaled the end of the message after that. I was shaking uncontrollably and had broken out into a cold sweat.

That's how Ranger found me a few minutes later when I didn't return to the living room.

He squatted down in front of me, "What happened?"

I just pointed at the answering machine, my heart rate still hadn't returned to normal. It had hit me completely out of left field; his voice was the last thing I expected.

Ranger put his arms around me and lifted me off the floor. I leaned into him for a beat, then I took a deep breath.

"I'm okay now. It was just such a…such a surprise." I didn't pull back though; it felt too good to be held, to feel safe.

Ranger ran his hand through my hair and I could hear his heart beat. I put my arms around his waist and borrowed his strength for a minute, then I straightened my shoulders and pushed back, leaving my hands on his chest.

"What was the present?" I asked, locking eyes with him, "He asked if I enjoyed his present."

Ranger took a deep breath and ran a finger along my jaw line. I almost thought he wouldn't answer when he finally spoke. "No," he said softly, "You didn't. In fact you can't even know what it is, trust me on this one."

I pulled my hands away and crossed my arms over my chest. "I think that's a decision you have to let me make for myself. I'm a big girl, Ranger. What was the 'present'?"

He shook his head slightly but didn't respond. I felt a tantrum coming on, but I knew that wasn't the way to reason with Ranger. He was a man of logic. If I went about it logically, he was much more likely to budge.

"Okay," I started, "Can you let me know why you feel you need to protect me from the truth? That's what you're trying to do, right?" I even managed to keep my voice steady.

Ranger never averted his eyes from mine. "You need to trust me, Babe. Do you trust me?"

Of course I trusted him, which was not the issue; I just didn't want him to decide what I could and could not know. I scoffed.

"Do you trust me?" he repeated. "Yes," I admitted, "You know I do."

He closed the distance between us and cupped my face in his hands. "This isn't something I think you're better off not knowing. This isn't something I'm trying to hide from you to control you. There is no advantage for you in knowing what it is, it would hurt you beyond your imagination," he said and leaned his forehead against mine. "You have to trust me on this, please, just this once."

Ranger rarely said 'please'. He knew just how to use it, too. I wanted to know more than anything, but I couldn't argue with what he'd said. And I did trust him. I knew that it wasn't a bunch of flowers or jewelry, that was for sure. Now my imagination was running wild.

He pulled his head back a bit and kissed my nose, "Can you do that for me?"

I sighed. "You're not only asking for trust, you're asking for blind faith," I argued. He ran his thumb over my cheekbone and did the almost smile, "Yeah, that's what I'm asking for. Can you do that? For me?"

Now he was playing hardball. If I said no, I would say that I didn't trust him and that I couldn't do anything just because he asked me to do it for him. And neither was true, he knew I trusted him with my life.

I nodded slowly and his almost smile became a full-on smile. "Thanks Babe," He said and kissed me. No tongue, just lips, but it felt like he poured his heart into it and I felt my misgivings melt away.

The thing was, while I believed Ranger, I still had to know. I trusted him that I would most likely hate it, but if I didn't find out, I'd lose sleep over it. There was one other person who knew, and he said to call him whenever I needed anything.

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath, "Can you at least tell me what I pulled you away from when Tank called?" I felt like it was time for a subject change. He wouldn't tell me, but I had to know. He didn't want me to know, so I had to be sneaky about it.

"Nothing that couldn't wait," Ranger said, "I do recall asking you to stay in though…"

"That was before Lula called," I shrugged, "You didn't say anything about emergency calls." Ranger raised an eyebrow. "Emergency?"

"I needed a donut really bad," I explained and Ranger laughed out loud. "Only you Babe," He said and hugged me.

Ranger's pager buzzed and he did some colorful swearing when he looked at the readout. "I have to go," he said, shaking his head at the pager, "Promise me you stay in this time?"

His eyes were warm and there was a promise in them I couldn't quite name. I wonder if he knew it was irresistible.

"Promise me you'll come back with Pino's pizza and we have a deal." I said, holding my hand out for him to shake. He chuckled and shook my hand, "You drive a hard bargain," He said, but then he got serious again. "You'll be okay for a couple hours, right? I wouldn't leave if it wasn't urgent."

I rolled my eyes at him, "Go already! I'm fine! Just don't forget the pizza!" I said and all but pushed him out the door.

As soon as Ranger had left, I picked up the phone to call Thomalla. I told him about the message and he said he'd be right over. Score! I wouldn't have to break my promise; I'd stay right at home. Thomalla didn't know me as well as Ranger did, I might be able to get what I needed to know from him if I played him right. Think, Stephanie, I told myself.

First off, I freshened my make-up, applying an extra coat of mascara, then I changed into a different top, with the hint of cleavage. Couldn't hurt, I figured.

Then I took it off again and rolled my eyes at how pitiful I was acting. I grabbed a blue V-neck long-sleeved t-shirt that just happened to accentuate my eyes and decided that was good enough.

Suddenly I remembered I'd told Thomalla I'd be searching for the missing evidence, and Ranger had offered to help me find it. I'd forgotten all about it, what with almost losing my job, being replaced by a bimbo, my car being vandalized and psycho phone calls. Thomalla would have to understand, and one day could hardly matter now.

The doorbell rang twenty minutes later, just as he had promised, but I checked the peephole anyway. Nothing good ever happens when I forgot to check.

Thomalla had brought Dunkin' Donuts coffee and coffee rolls, and right away, I liked him a lot better.

"Thank you for coming over so quickly," I said, hoping I didn't sound too distraught. He couldn't get the vibe that I needed his protection, because then he might decide he couldn't tell me about the 'present' at all.

He followed me into the dining room and put the tray down on the table, offering me one of the cups. We sat down and enjoyed our coffee for a minute.

"So, you've heard about what was left at the scene, I take it?" He asked. I nodded, "I even know what the note says. What I don't know is what else was left with the note."

Thomalla frowned. "It's very disturbing," He said. Yeah, okay, I figured that much. I was sure Ranger would have told me if it was a bunch of balloons. But I managed to not roll my eyes. "What was it, Frank?" I asked, sounding as undisturbed as possible.

Thomalla looked at his hands on the table and swallowed. "There were some facts we didn't release to the press, to the public. Facts about Morelli's body," He said slowly.

"Like that he was autopsied?" I asked, keeping a straight face while my stomach started flip-flopping and I was afraid the coffee would come back up.

Thomalla nodded, "That too." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "Whoever did this is sick, Stephanie." Not telling me anything new, but I nodded anyway. "We know who did it, and we know he is sick." I agreed.

"Gardner hasn't been accused officially yet," Thomalla said, "But he definitely fits the profile." I just scoffed.

"What else did the police keep from the public?" I wanted to know. Maybe I should have had a longer talk with Stayce after all. Thomalla still didn't look up; he looked like he was fighting for composure. I realized this was probably almost as painful for him as it was for me. "Frank?" I prodded. He sighed again.

"Morelli's…his body…oh God, Stephanie, I hate to be the one to tell you." He finally looked up and I could read the pain in his eyes, "His body was mutilated. We didn't…we didn't find…all of him."

I sucked in some air, although my heart felt like it had stopped beating. 'Don't freak, Stephanie!' I told myself. If I lost it now, he'd never tell me everything, I figured. I had to appear calm and composed, totally in control of myself. Realization hit me like a sledgehammer.

"But you found the missing parts today?" I asked, hoping I was totally wrong. I saw little white dots when Thomalla nodded.

"I would have told you, Stephanie, but there really was no need for you to suffer more than you already have," he continued, his voice barely above a whisper, "It was one of the reasons his funeral had been closed casket…"

I didn't remember much about the day of the funeral, but I knew I had been grateful when I saw the closed coffin. I was stronger now, but I didn't think I could bear looking at Joe dead even now.

"What was left in my car?" I asked. I was sure it would make me throw up to know, but there was no turning back now.

Thomalla looked up again and I could see tears welling up in his eyes. I could feel my own tears stinging my eyes, but I took a deep breath to force them back. I couldn't risk him turning back now.

"His finger," he said almost inaudibly. I was nauseous. The dots in front of my eyes started dancing wildly and I pushed back my chair to put my head between my knees.

It worked, after a minute of deep breathing, my vision cleared.

"Are you okay?" Thomalla asked, and I lifted my head, nodding. "Yeah, I'm fine. It was just a little shocking." The understatement of the decade, I still wasn't sure I wasn't going to barf. I swallowed hard and made myself meet Thomalla's eyes. "Was that it?" I asked, almost losing the fight to keep my voice steady.

From the look on his face I knew it wasn't it, but I was praying it had been the worst. Ranger had been so right. I really didn't want to know.

"The note was attached to…there was a…" Thomalla stuttered and I almost jumped up to shake the words out of him. He cleared his throat, "It was his left ring finger. It was found wearing a wedding band, and the note was attached to it," he finally said and slumped in his chair, "They ran the fingerprints first…on the…finger…his prints weren't on the ring…"

His words knocked the air out of me, and yet I couldn't breathe. I just stared at him, speechless.

I don't know if I sat there staring for a minute or an hour before Thomalla spoke again. "It's all with the FBI now; the case is being handled by them mostly, because of the murder. It's a very intricate case by now. If it wasn't for RangeMan, we'd have all the legwork still left."

Wait, what? Was I hallucinating by now? I didn't have control over my mouth anymore, that was for sure. "RangeMan?" I asked, finally managing to close my mouth again.

Thomalla looked surprised. "I thought you were working with Manoso? He said he'd get your statement, I just assumed…"

"Excuse me," I mumbled and stormed off into the bathroom. I hunched over the toilet, and my stomach clenched a couple times, but I didn't throw up. I was barely able to stand when I slumped over to the sink and splashed some cold water into my face. My heart rate slowly returned to below stroke level and the white dots faded, but my mind was still racing at 100 miles an hour. My inner eye kept showing me Joe's mutilated body, while my inner voice was screaming to know what else Ranger had been hiding from me.

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "You okay in there, Stephanie?" I groaned inwardly. "I'm fine. Gimme a minute," I replied.

"Actually, I have to go," Thomalla said through the door, "I got a page. Will you be all right?"

Yes! I let out a breath of relief, "Sure, I'm fine."

"I'll call you later, okay? I'm really sorry," I was afraid he wouldn't leave if I said anything but 'Okay,' although I had more questions. They would have to wait.

When I got out of the bathroom ten minutes later, I was alone. My head was still spinning, so the only thing I could think off was to ingest as much sugar and lard as I possibly could. I grabbed both coffee rolls from the dining table and slumped down on the couch.

The horror of the 'present' competed with the feeling of deception and betrayal by Ranger. All this time he had stayed with me, had I been a part of the investigation? When he was on his laptop, had he been updating the feds with my latest ramblings?

The tears were back again, and this time I didn't fight them. I took bites of the coffee roll between sobs and felt pathetic. The nausea returned and I didn't care. If I was going to puke my guts out, I had to stuff my face right now.

I got up to wash the pastry down with the rest of the coffee. That was my mistake. I bolted for the bathroom and barely made it in time. After I'd brushed my teeth I still felt grungy, so I took a shower. It also gave me time to think. My mind went back over the past few weeks and tears were running down my cheeks mixing with the hot water. I'd relied on Ranger completely and I'd felt so safe.

By the time I was toweling off, I'd decided to at least give Ranger the benefit of the doubt, hear what he had to say about it. Maybe it was Thomalla who had it all wrong.

I felt a lot better after I was dressed and made-up again, only the queasy feeling remained when I thought of the note and the token that had been left in my car. I didn't think I could ever drive the car again, and now I was grateful Ranger had taken care of it. Except, I reminded myself, I didn't know anymore if that's what he'd been doing. If he was working with or for the FBI, it could be part of his job to thoroughly examine the evidence. For all I knew, that could have been where he was right now. It's not like he ever told me where he had to go.

I fell backwards onto my bed in my thinking position and stared at the ceiling. It couldn't be true. Ranger was all I had left. He wouldn't betray me like that, I reasoned. But why would Thomalla lie? Unlike Ranger, Thomalla thought I was strong enough to know the truth. And yes, the truth had made me puke and I still couldn't think about it without a sharp pain, but I needed to know.

I blew out a frustrated breath and turned over to lie on my stomach, still reviewing the past two weeks. Apart from the time when I had run away from him, Ranger had always been by my side. And the cops or FBI had never tried to contact me in all that time, why was that? There must have been questions. I'd thought Stayce was sent to ask the questions, but she was a shrink. And come to think of it, how had Ranger known about her?

I grunted in frustration. It was no use to drive myself crazy by thinking about it, I needed to talk this over with someone. But I didn't know if I should discuss it with Ranger first or get another opinion. And if I talked to somebody else first, then who?

The phone rang and I welcomed the distraction, since my deep thoughts weren't getting me anywhere. I jumped up and picked the phone off its base.

I glanced at the caller ID, it was Ranger. Oh perfect, just the man I wanted to talk to, I thought sarcastically.

"You really want pizza?" He asked when I'd picked up. I bit my lip. Whether or not I wanted pizza was not the hard question, I always wanted Pino's pizza. But did I want Ranger to bring pizza and eat it with him?

"Babe? Everything okay?" Damn his ESP. He knew exactly how long it took me to respond when everything was okay. I blew out some air. "Ummmm…I'm not really all that hungry…and umm…kind of tired, and umm…I think I'm gonna take a nap…" Oh, great going, Stephanie, I scolded myself. He's never gonna suspect anything now!

"Babe?" Damn! How do you say 'I really need to talk to you but I can't talk to you right now'? That didn't even make sense to me!

I faked a yawn, "Sorry, I'm just really tired." God, I hated lying to Ranger. It just felt wrong.

"No problem. Why don't you go take a nap and I call you later?" I almost sighed in relief. Yes! I'd get some time to mull it over! Maybe I'd call Lula to talk about it?

"Thanks. Talk to you later then," I said and we disconnected. I really felt bad about lying like that. But if Thomalla was right, I should feel bad after all the lying Ranger had done! I put the handset on the base and thunked my head on the counter.

I heard pine shavings rustle and Rex came out of his soup can. I looked up, "Let's face it, Rex," I said, "You are the only man who's never let me down." Rex seemed to agree, his whiskers were twitching in overtime. I got him a carrot out of the fridge and he stuffed it into his cheek, turning him into the hamster version of the elephant man. I smiled at the sight and decided to clean. I'd tried sleeping and that hadn't worked, so what else was there? Maybe I had some form of my mom's gene that would let cleaning be therapeutic? It had never worked before, but it was worth another try.

I couldn't call Lula because I might indirectly accuse Tank. I couldn't call Connie because she'd offer to have the Family look into it. Nope, it was all me.

I put Rex in the sink and threw out the soup can. Then I poured the pine shavings into the trashcan and took the aquarium into the bathroom to wash it out. I was just sloshing the soapy water around in it when I heard a noise. Shit! Here I was, my hands full and my gun somewhere in my purse in the foyer. I stopped what I was doing and listened for any more sounds, but I couldn't hear anything. Maybe my nerves were just wound too tight and it was just someone closing a door somewhere in the building.

When I didn't hear anything for a minute, I shrugged and picked up the glass cage to rinse it out. That's when the bathroom door opened. I screamed and dropped the aquarium, it hit the sink and smashed into a gazillion pieces.

Ranger appeared in the doorway, his gun drawn, his stance badass. He took a look at me, glanced down at the glass shards and holstered his gun. I finally found my voice.

"What the fuck??" Okay, that's not what I had meant to say, it just slipped out.

I wanted to put my hands on my hips and glare at him, but unfortunately I took a step forward and stepped right into one of the shards. Instinctively, I took the weight off my foot and leaned on the counter, driving a smaller shard right into my palm. I yelped in pain and jumped back.

"Christ," Ranger exclaimed. He took two steps and scooped me up, carrying me out of the bathroom. He put me down on my bed and went to get a towel.

"What were you thinking?" I attacked him when he returned, "I hadn't been surprised in a couple hours I needed another rush? Why didn't you…OW!" Ranger effectively shut me up when he pulled the glass out of my foot and wrapped the towel around it.

"No," He said, "on the contrary. I thought you were in danger." I just stared at him.

"Why would I be in danger in my apartment? Aren't the Merry Men in the parking lot?" I winced when Ranger cleaned out the cut in my hand.

When he didn't respond I jerked my hand out of his so he would look at me. "Am I missing something?"

"You were acting weird on the phone," he shrugged, "I thought maybe it was because you had another visitor." I gasped and let Ranger take my hand to put a band-aid on it. I should have known he would notice something was wrong. So much for avoiding confrontation.

"You weren't tired," He added and I focused on my hand to avoid his eyes. Ranger put his finger under my chin to bring my attention back to him, "Why did you lie to me?"

Shit! I bit my lip. What could I say? This was the exact situation I'd been trying to avoid. Now I was sitting on my bed, bleeding and in pain, I couldn't even jump up and run into the kitchen to buy some time.

I pulled my head away. "You scared the shit out of me, Ranger. And what about Rex? He's homeless now. Cages don't grow on trees, you know. And look, I'm bleeding! Can you get me the Neosporin out of the bathroom?" Ranger didn't move, he just looked at me. I could feel his eyes on me even though I was focusing on my hand.

He sat down next to me. "You'll be fine, Rex will be fine. He'll get a new house. I'm sorry I scared you. Why did you lie to me?"

"What makes you think I lied to you?" Sometimes a question was the best answer, I reasoned. Of course Ranger didn't fall for it.

I was expecting a 'Babe', but he didn't say anything, he just looked into my eyes in a way that made me feel like he could see every thought I had.

I took a deep, shaky breath and lowered my eyes. Now I was looking straight at his mouth, and that wasn't any better. Fine, if this was it, I was as ready as I'd ever be.

"I didn't lie to you. I just didn't want to…I didn't know how to…Thomalla was here," I started.

"I know," Ranger simply said. Probably he did have a RangeMan car in the parking lot. "Where were you? Who was paging you?" I asked.

"Business," Ranger said. "What kind of business?" I prodded, "Thomalla said you were working with the FBI." I could see a muscle in Ranger's jaw move and his blank face slid into place.

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Anything you want to tell me about that?" my voice had risen an octave; I had to be careful not to talk myself into a rage. With Ranger, I had to appear calm and focused to have a real discussion. Ranger lowered his eyes but didn't answer me.

That was the reaction I'd been afraid of. I'd been hoping he'd laugh in my face, tell me I was adding two and two and getting five or some such. His silence was as good as an admission.

I swallowed hard to suppress a sob. "I think you better go now," I pressed out through clenched teeth.

"Babe," Ranger said, putting his hand on my forearm, "You're not part of the job, if that's what you're thinking."

"Then what is? What is part of the job? Surveillance? Interviews? Withholding information from me?" I scooted to the edge of the bed to get up but Ranger put his arm around me. I stared straight ahead, biting my lip to keep from crying. Ranger took a breath and held it a moment before he blew it out and shook his head slightly.

"I didn't withhold anything that you needed to know." Ranger said, his hand tightening on my waist. Tears were burning in my eyes when I looked at him. "You should have let me decide that. And you should have told me you were working on the case."

More than anything else I felt hurt that Ranger hadn't trusted me enough to let me in. I trusted him with my life, and he couldn't tell me he was working on solving Joe's murder.

"Don't you think that if you want me to trust you it would help if you trusted me, too?" When he still didn't respond I added "I think you should go," again and I thought I saw pain in Ranger's eyes at my words.

"Babe," he said and got up, I was still staring at the spot where he'd been sitting. I felt him hesitate in the doorway for a beat, then the left. When I heard the front door close I sobbed and collapsed onto the bed, crying into my pillow.

I pulled the covers up and hid under them, feeling empty and betrayed and very sorry for myself. An inner voice told me to pull myself together and get up but I ignored it.

At some point I heard the phone ring, but I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to talk to, so I ignored that, too.

I didn't get up until the doorbell rang, I knew from experience that whoever it was would probably be banging next. My foot hurt with every step and I looked quite ridiculous with a towel wrapped around it.

I heard a scratching sound from the kitchen and remembered Rex who was still in the sink.

"Hold on," I yelled at the front door and rushed into the kitchen. Rex was given me a reproachful look that would have made my mom proud.

"I'm so sorry," I told him, "I destroyed your house, but I'm gonna buy you a new one!" I scooped him up and looked around for anything that could serve as temporary housing for him. I couldn't find anything, so I put him back into the sink and gave him some raisins to hopefully appease him.

When I got to the door, I checked the peephole. I didn't know who I'd been expecting, but it wasn't Lula. She was looking pretty impatient after having waited all this time.

I opened the door wide to let her in.

"Girl, you look like hell! I thought you was dead in here!" She rushed past me and put a pizza box on the table.

"What are you doing here?" I asked. Lula never just came by. "I tried calling, but you didn't answer any of my calls. Then I got here and Batman hands me a pizza in the hall. You got some explaining to do, girlfriend. Grab us a couple beers and start talking!"

I went into the kitchen and automatically gathered plates, napkins, and two beers before I followed her into the living room.

Lula selected a slice and sat down on the couch. "So talk. Ranger wouldn't tell me nothing. Something's up, isn't it?"

I took a slice and sat down next to her. "You could say that…" I started.

TBC

A/N: Steph just found out she can't trust Ranger. Do you think she can trust Lula, or will everything she says be reported to Tank??