A little 5 chapter on how Callie and Arizona might find they way back together.
Only thing I changed really is Jackson and April went to New York instead of Boston in 15 instead of when the did on the show.
/
Callie Torres laid on an outdoor couch on the terrace of her Manhattan condo just after sundown in early June. She was dressed in the same old faded jeans and a loose fitting t-shirt she wore out when she went and got the sides of her hair buzzed on the sides and shot on top. It was a new thing for her but one that had been a step on the path to figuring out who she was now.
As she laid on the couch, she rolled a joint back and forth between her thumb and two forefinger. She looked out at the skyline as soft music played from a speaker tucked in the corner and smiled.
Sofia was off at a Girl Scout camp for the weekend so she didn't have to worry about her daughter around to see her partake. It was something she did back in college and picked up again when she moved to New York now that it was legal. She had the next two days off and nothing at all planned.
"I thought I was the smoker between us," Arizona said from the open sliding glass door.
"There's a difference between cigarettes and pot," Callie said before turning her head to look over the back of the couch at her ex wife.
Arizona moved from the doorway with a tired smile on her face. So much of her time was spent setting the clinic up lately that she had to set aside OR time to keep herself sane. But having a fresh start in a new city and allowing Sofia to having both her mothers had been worth it.
"Need a light?" Arizona asked. She fished a worn brass zippo out of her pocket. It had belonged to her grandfather, then her grandmother passed it down to her father, who passed it down to her brother before she got it when he was killed in action. It was her good luck charm.
"Thanks," Callie said. She held the joint to her lips while Arizona held the flame to the end until it caught.
"I just came by to drop off Sofia's school bag. She left it at my place," Arizona flicked the lighter closed and pocketed it again. "When you didn't answer the door, I let myself in because you said if I ever needed to drop something off for Sofia and you didn't answer I should use my key. I heard the music so I poked my head out and saw you." Some things never changed, like Arizona's rambling.
Callie blew the smoke away from them as she took in what Arizona was wearing. She was dressed for the clinic with her black dress pants and blazer with her silk dress shirt.
"You look good, Arizona," Callie said before taking another puff.
Arizona crossed her arms over her chest but smiled. "You do too, Calliope."
Callie moved her left hand behind her head as she let the smoke out of her mouth slowly. "You like the haircut?"
"I like the haircut and the person the haircut belongs to," Arizona nodded.
"Sit with me?" Callie asked as she swung her legs so she could sit up.
Arizona moved to sit next to Callie and breathed in the scent of her perfume, the smoke, and something that was just Callie. She relaxed slightly, because being this close to Callie made her relax now in a way it hadn't in years.
The relationship they found themselves in wasn't quite friendship, but it wasn't quite romantic either. It was a liminal place they couldn't survive in forever. They had meals together a few times a week, but Sofia was usually with them unless it was one of the times they shared lunch when both were at the hospital. They had lingering hugs that made both hold on just a little tighter than they did with anyone else. While both had been hurt and had hurt the other, there was still a draw that both felt and neither could really deny.
"It's not just a haircut, is it?" Arizona asked. "Or it's more than just a haircut?"
Callie took another drag in and held it while the feeling of anxiety around this conversation melted slightly.
"No, it's not just a haircut."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
The smoke curled around both of them when Callie let it out. "For a long time my feelings about myself and who I was were wrapped up in our relationship. And before you, they were wrapped up in how Mark saw me even if our relationship was sex and not dating. And before him, or overlapping with him, it was Erica. And before her it was the mess with George. I was weird growing up but my boobs came in early and I knew how people looked at me. So, for a long time I tried not to think too hard about the random thoughts that would pop into my head about how I looked or who I was and just focus on looking the way I was expected to look."
Arizona reached over for Callie's hand and laced their fingers together. She didn't say anything yet though as she let Callie talk without cutting in. That was one of her biggest takeaways from their ill fated therapy appointments. They needed to give each other space to talk without projecting their own feelings on top of the other.
"When I came to New York, I got a chance to start over. For the first time in fifteen years, I could reset who I was," Callie said. "And it was terrifying, but after the terror died down a little I started figuring some things out. And I'm a lot happier for it."
"I'm glad you're happier." Arizona leaned her head against Callie's shoulder.
"I don't know everything else, but there are a few things I do know." Callie said. She tilted her head down so their head was resting against Arizona's.
"Do you want to tell me?" Arizona asked while her thumb traced over the peaks and valley's of Callie's knuckles.
"I added some new things to my closet and took a few things out, but I've worn dresses since coming to the city and a suit a few times, and I'm comfortable in both. It's not that I was unhappy before, but I kept myself in a box and now that box is gone. I'm still me. I'm still a woman, just a little changed." Callie was nervous as she spoke but thought she managed to deliver it in a way that would be understandable to Arizona. She took another hit while she waited for Arizona to process.
"Whatever support you want or need, I'll gladly give it. There have been times in the past when I was really not great to you about being bisexual," Arizona whispered. "I've worked on that part of myself, because who you are should be valued and loved and celebrated. But I've never told you how sorry I was for how I treated your bisexuality when we were together. And I am sorry, Callie, so sorry."
Callie couldn't help the feeling of loss when Arizona called her Callie. "You can still call me, Calliope. You and my father get that allowance where no one else ever will again. It hits me differently when I hear you say it; it always has. And thank you for saying that. It does mean a lot."
Arizona brought her other hand over to rest overtop Callie and her joined hands that rested against her thigh. "I'm proud of the person you are. Of the way you managed to find your footing here in New York."
"I'm proud of you too," Callie smiled. "Addison tells me that you're taking the maternal fetal medicine world by storm. I knew you were good Arizona, but the way Addison tells it you're as much of a rockstar now in MFM as you were in peds."
"I'm still a pediatric surgeon," Arizona said while the hand that wasn't laced with Callie's traced over the more muscular forearm she had. "I take a case here and there when I can. I like to keep my skills sharp."
Callie watched as Arizona's fingers traced over her skin. The way she was doing it almost absentmindedly warmed her chest. Arizona touching her always made something swirl in the air but the effects of the drug in her system heightened it.
"Do you miss me?"
"Of course. Do you miss me?"
"God, Arizona, like you wouldn't believe."
Arizona shifted her head back upright before turning slightly to face Callie. "Can you do that thing where you blow the smoke in my mouth, so I don't have to know anything about smoking pot and can relax? Because I really want to say some things, but I feel like my heart is twisted into a knot right now."
Callie laughed at the description. "You really didn't smoke pot in college, did you?"
"I didn't," Arizona shook her head. "But I did get super high on some lesbian gratitude cookies I was given that had pot in them. Me and half of the senior staff at Grey-Sloan. During work. On accident."
"I'm going to need to hear all about that one day," Callie chuckled before turning more serious. "Arizona, to do what you're asking, we'd need to kiss," she pointed out. "And we'd have to do it a few times if you want a real buzz from it."
Arizona looked down at the joined hands resting on her right thigh. It had taken them so long to find themselves this settled around each other. The path to stability had been so hard won. Kissing Callie would risk that stability and yet Arizona found herself nodding.
"Yes, Calliope."
Callie explained to Arizona how to breath in when she breathed out as they shared what amounted to the open mouth kiss. Her hand shook just slightly as she brought the joint up to her mouth.
Arizona put her hand on Callie's arm to stop her. Her blue eyes sparkled as she offered Callie a dimpled smile. "Maybe we should kiss before we try this? It's been a while, hasn't it?"
"Yeah." Callie's tongue poked out to wet her dry lips as her eyes closed. "Yeah, that's a good idea. Preparing before we add having to breathe to the mix."
Callie looked back into Arizona's eyes and saw they were that wonderful darker shade they turned when she was in the early stages of being turned on. She had missed that sparkle in Arizona's eyes. She missed far more being the person who put that look in her eyes.
Leaning forward, Callie set the joint on the ashtray she had on a small low table. She turned her head and gave a wide smile to Arizona. She sat sideways on the couch as Arizona mirrored the same potion.
"Come here."
"Gladly."
Arizona and Callie leaned forward at the same time. Callie's hand sliding over Arizona's shoulder to rest on the back of her neck while Arizona's hand moved to play with Callie's short hair and run over the shaved parts.
"You have to close the distance," Arizona said as she hesitated at the last second. "It might not be fair, but I need you to be the one to start this again when you're the one who walked out."
Callie's thumb rubbed over the back of Arizona's neck as her brown eyes searched Arizona's blue for a deeper hesitation. When she didn't find it, she closed her eyes and breathed in.
"I'm never going to walk away again," Callie whispered.
"If you did, it would break me beyond repair," Arizona replied.
Callie closed the distance between them without another word. Her hand firmly against the back of Arizona's neck to prevent her from pulling back prematurely. She smiled against Arizona's lips when she felt her trail her fingers over the side of her head; her blunt nails scraping just slightly. Arizona ran her tongue along Callie's bottom lip in hopes of deepening the kiss. A request that Callie responded to without hesitation.
The world might not have stopped spinning and their were no fireworks behind them, but for the first time in too many years they felt at home with each other.
"Arizona, are you crying?" Callie asked when the kiss broke.
"I never thought I'd get to do that again." Arizona used the side of her hand to wipe at her eyes. "I'm good. I am. Just a little overwhelming."
"Come here." Callie stood before opening her arms open.
Arizona stood up and stepped forward into Callie's arms. There was a feeling of familiarity that had always come with their hugs. Even now standing in New York, she thought back to the thousands of times she had been tucked safely between Callie's right and left arms.
"We don't have a great track record with promises," Callie tilted her head to press her face against Arizona's neck. "So I'm not going to make one now. But I'll say I'm different and you're different. So, I really think this time will be different."
"It has to be, Calliope. I can't break again." Arizona brought her hand to the back of Callie's neck and rubbed there as Callie had done to her when they kissed. "You're the only person I've ever given the power to absolutely destroy me."
"You and I became really good at destroying each other for a long time. Some of it we meant, some of it we didn't." Callie held tighter to Arizona as if she worried she would pull away and walk out at any minute. "I don't want to destroy you. I don't want to become who we were when we were wading through everything that happened when the plane went down."
Arizona squeezed Callie tighter. "Get me a little high, so I can say some things to you that terrify me a little?"
Callie couldn't stop the laugh that came out. "Give me your lighter and sit down?"
After relighting the joint and sitting back down, Callie looked at Arizona with a slight challenge in her expression.
"You ready?"
"I am."
Callie took a long drag before leaning forward. As she breathed out, Arizona breathed in and held it. She was fairly impressed as she breathed out how Arizona seemed to handle it.
"How're you feeling?"
"Super."
Callie rolled her eyes. "It'll take about five minutes to really hit."
Arizona settled against Callie on the couch with Callie's arm around her shoulder. When she closed her eyes, she could almost transport herself back to the apartment across from the hospital that had been home for them for so long. A place that held some of their best and their worst moments.
"Do you remember the last time we had sex before Nick showed up in Seattle?"
Callie turned her head to look at Arizona. Her eyes were closed and her head was tilted back toward the shy. "No."
"I remember every moment of it," Arizona whispered while not moving. "It was a Tuesday. Mark had Sofia overnight because Julia had something going on. We ate dinner together at the little cafe just down the street after work. We came home and shared a bottle of wine on the couch and talked about wanting to go on a family vacation soon."
"I miss days like that," Callie whispered when Arizona didn't go on.
"They were awesome," Arizona nodded even as her eyes stayed closed. "After the bottle was empty, I stood up and held my hand out to you. 'Come to bed, Mrs. Robbins,' I said. God, Calliope, you always smiled so wide when I did that. But you would always roll your eyes too. 'I would be happy to, Mrs. Torres' you said with that smile that always made me shiver from the heat of it."
Taking another drag off of the joint, Callie needed to go get another one at this rate, she reached over to take Arizona's hand. She wasn't sure why this was the story that Arizona wanted to tell but she knew she needed to let her.
"I remember every touch. I remember every swipe of your tongue, ever flex of my fingers. I remember the way you laughed when I asked you how it was before you dragged me up into a kiss. It was such an easy night. That last night of stunning happiness at being married and in love and so unaware of the gut punches we were both about to take." Arizona's eyes were still shut and her face skyward. "You wrapped your arm around my shoulders after. And I rested my hand on your side with my thumb brushing over the corner of your C-Section scar. I fell asleep with my head on your shoulder and you on my tongue."
Callie lifted the join up for the last drag with a shaky hand. She was remembering flashes of that night, but it hadn't been committed to memory for her the way it had for Arizona. She leaned forward to toss the end into the ashtray before settling back.
"When I was in the woods. When I was in dark. When I sitting on the bathroom floor holding a mirror between my legs to give me my left one back. When I was broken and bloodied. When I resented you. Through all of it, that moment played like a prayer in my mind. Like a reminder that no matter what happened, I had a perfect moment on this earth." Arizona lifted the hand that wasn't in Callie's up and wiped at her new leaking eyes. "I don't know if I believe in heaven. But if there is and we get to pick a moment to live in forever. A day to relive and to bask in. A day that makes me feel loved and the divine blessings of God's love. That day, that moment, that is my pick."
"Oh, Arizona," Callie whispered as she squeezed her own eyes shut to stop from crying at what Arizona said.
"There's more," Arizona whispered. "Can I have another hit?" She requested as she rolled her head to the side and gave a slightly crooked smile.
"I need to go get a second joint. Stay here, alright?" Callie leaned forward to kiss her forehead before heading inside.
After taking Arizona's lighter back, Callie lit the second joint. She took a long drag before pulling Arizona into a rough kiss as she breathed out and Arizona breathed in and held it. A second kiss happened quickly after Arizona breathed out. Callie just hoped she understood how much Arizona opening up meant to her.
"That moment played in my head at least once a day up until our last time together." Arizona fitted herself against Callie's side before going on. "I remember every moment of that night too. From your hands on my shoulders in the kitchen to you telling me we just don't tell our therapist. I can tell you every detail of how you got me off and then how I got you off. I can feel my teeth biting down on my knuckles, so I didn't wake up Sofia. I remember laying in the same position with your arm around me after and my hand in the same spot brushing the same scar. Except this time it felt different. I thought it was because we had gone through so much. I didn't know it was because that was your goodbye. I didn't know." Her tears came back as she fought to stay in control.
"I thought you knew what that night was," Callie said weakly. It was something she had to believe because if she let herself think that she took Arizona to bed and got her hopes up. It would eat her alive.
"I'm not telling you all this so you feel guilty," Arizona shook her head. It was as light as a feather and as heavy as a brick at the same thing. She closed her eyes to keep the world from spinning too fast. "I'm telling you this to make sure you understand why us getting back together is the biggest leap of faith I've ever taken. Because I am still so in love with you that I can't say no if you want to try again, but I am so scared we'll never get back to the first moment and we'll have another of the second."
Callie took another hit before taking a second and sharing with Arizona. She leaned forward to rest the joint on the ashtray again before wrapping both of her arms around Arizona's middle. "I knew when you let me take Sofia to New York that you were still in love. I knew and I almost told you I was still in love with you. But after what I did? What I let my lawyer do? After you told me you'd never let them say that about me? What right did I have to tell you anything?"
"I would have freaked out," Arizona admitted as she leaned against Callie's solid frame. "Even if I was giving you everything, if you had kissed me that night I would have run."
"Our path here … It's been messy and it's been hard but it's been great sometimes too. And if you need me to prove I'm in, then I'll prove it. I will show you that I've changed in ways that count and get to know you as you are now." Callie stroked Arizona's side under her blazer.
"Do you really think we can start fresh?" Arizona asked. She bit her lip to keep herself from blurting out all of the things she wanted to say. Her filter was severely lowered right now.
"I can't forget how you take your coffee or how you like your steak cooked. I can't forget how to hold you in bed or how to make you lose your mind with that thing I can do with my tongue. And you can't forget the things you know about me either. I don't want to forget because if we do we might fall into the same traps," Callie said with conviction in her voice. "But I think we restart and know going in that there are going to be pain points and things we're going to have to figure out that aren't fun. But there is going to be a lot of fun moments, a lot of joy, and laughing. A lot of love."
"No one else. For either of us. I know coming from me that might sound rich. But if we're going to do this then we need to focus on building something together. So no one else romantically," Arizona asked as she locked her blue eyes on Callie's brown.
"If you ever sleep with someone else again, I'm going to kick your ass," Callie said while hoping that Arizona remembered the slightly adjusted line from them getting back together years ago.
"Same goes for you, Calliope," Arizona cracked a smile and then giggled a little bit as the relaxation she got from the pot hit. "Because I love you and you love me and the rest matters so much less than it used to."
"Stay over tonight? You're not used to being high, and I don't want to worry about you getting home?" Callie asked with a nervous smile. "I have a guest room or you can sleep in my room, and I can sleep on the couch or we can sleep in my room. Whatever you want."
"Guest room would be a good idea," Arizona sighed at her own worries about rushing them forward. "And over breakfast we can talk? I'm off tomorrow, so I have all day if you are up for it."
"That would be nice. To spend the day together and just talk and figure out how to do any of this," Callie agreed before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of Arizona's jaw.
"I need to get my leg off and lay down," Arizona said as she reached up and ran her palm over the side of Callie's head. "If you let me change into something, I'll let you help me to the couch so we can watch something before bed?"
"You letting me help you is important." Callie leaned her head against Arizona's hand. "I know how independent you can be but I like helping when you want me to."
"I'm going to work really hard on being better about wanting you to," Arizona promised even if she knew it was easier said than done.
Callie and Arizona went inside after Callie turned the music off. She got Arizona a change of clothes before changing herself so she wouldn't have to do it later. Wrapping her arm around Arizona firmly, the two moved slowly from the spare room to the couch. It forced Arizona to depend on Callie and provided Callie a stage to show she was worth that trust.
Arizona cuddled back against Callie's side once they were seated. The drugs in her system made her feel calm in a moment she knew normally her heart would race and she would over think. She closed her eyes while Callie looked for something for them to watch. She smiled when she heard the movie playing in the background.
"This feels really good, Calliope." Arizona cuddled against her side with a calm that was partly drug based but partly based on just being with Callie.
Callie turned her head when Arizona spoke and gave a soft smile. "Yeah it does."
Arizona opened her eyes as she and Callie cuddled and watched "Sleepless in Seattle" together.
/
Arizona could smell the coffee in the room before she opened her eyes. She smiled at the sound of footsteps heading toward the bed in Callie's spare room.
"Morning," Arizona said through a yawn when she heard the mug set down on the bedside table.
"Morning," Callie said holding her own cup of coffee with a slightly unsure look at her face. "I didn't mean to wake you. I know you like coffee as soon as you wake up or at least you used to."
"I still do," Arizona smiled as she maneuvered herself to sit against the headboard. "Sit with me?"
Callie obliged, moving to sit halfway up the bed so they were facing each other. "When I woke up this morning, I half wondered if this last night was some sort of dream."
"Nope," Arizona shook her head. "Not a dream. You and I really did have the talk we've been putting off since I got to New York."
Callie brought her mug up to take a drink without taking her eyes off of Arizona. She had so many things to say to Arizona know that it was the morning after. There were so many topics to go over, questions to answer, sins to atone for.
"You're thinking very hard for nine on a Sunday, Calliope," Arizona said from behind her mug.
"I'm trying to figure out how to apologize for the custody battle," Callie admitted. "Because I need to. I wanted to burn my world down and start over again at the time. But in trying to burn it all down you got caught in the fire. I put you in the direct path of the fire. I fed it. So, before we try again and before we talk about whatever you want to talk about, I need to tell you how sorry I am. I didn't make it about what was best for Sofia. I made it a revenge tour because I wanted to hurt you."
"I'm not going to lie and say it wasn't among the very worst things that's ever happened to me." Arizona reached her hand down to rest on Callie's calf. "We decided together that I would legally adopt Sofia after Mark … died. And then all the sudden, you were asking a court to say I didn't deserve Sofia, because I was a workaholic whore. And maybe I work too much and maybe I have a habit of sleeping around when I'm feeling lonely or when my self esteem is low. But I'm a good mom, and I love our daughter."
"You are an excellent mom," Callie corrected slightly.
"You were moving on, and I was trying to move on too. That's why the trivia nights and going out with Richard. That's not untrue, Calliope. But I never put that over Sofia. Surgery was surgery and when it's someone's baby on the line it can be impossible not to pick the phone up. But she was always with you or Meredith or Alex or someone both you and I knew for years and trusted."
"I'm sorry," Callie whispered. "For all of it, Arizona. I mean it." She looked up at Arizona to let her see just how much she meant what she was saying.
"We can never use her like that again. If this works, if it doesn't, if one of us gets mad. We can never do it again," Arizona said with utter conviction in her voice.
Sliding her hand over Arizona's, Callie nodded. "Never, Arizona. I'd say I promise but our track record with that, it's better I don't."
Arizona snorted.
For a moment, neither said anything to the other. They drank their coffee and held hands against Callie's calf. There was a peace in the room now that the most important person in either of their lives was accounted for.
"There were a lot of meaningless one night stands after our divorce," Arizona said, breaking the quiet. "But there were two women I dated after you that I want to tell you about because I want it out in the open. Eliza Minnick who ghosted me and Carina DeLuca who I broke up with to move to New York. She's Andrew's older sister who grew up in Italy."
"I know Minnick. At least a little bit." Callie closed her eyes and pushed down the feeling she got whenever she thought about someone kissing Arizona. "She's a pretty big name in orthopedic sports medicine."
"She sort of pulled an Erica Hahn on me," Arizona breathed out. "Everyone hated her because she was changing up the residency program, but she was hitting on me and there was something about her I liked. It was messy and short lived and her leaving ended up being for the better."
"Having someone leave without a word sucks," Callie said with a firm understanding of just how much.
"Yeah," Arizona agreed. "Carina could have been something. There were real feelings past just liking each other, but Sofia stealing the money and me deciding to move back ended it. And sitting here with your hand in mind and your shirt on? I can't say I regret it." She gave a shy smile as she squeezed Callie's hand.
"You know about Penny," Callie winced as she remembered just how much Arizona knew about that mess. "There were some one offs, but mostly I've been trying to work on myself, on finding some friends, on building a life."
"I don't ever want to kiss someone that isn't you again. And I know we need to go slow, and I know we need to figure out how to deal with jealousy and our schedules and learn to be a couple again. But I need that fact to be clear to you. To be as burned into your mind as how much pressure it takes to break someone's wrist or how to fix a separated shoulder," Arizona said softly but firmly. "I don't want anyone who isn't you."
Callie bent her head down as the words washed over her and filled in the cracks that were left in her chest after the divorce, after the cheating, after the plane crash. "I don't want anyone who isn't you." She lifted her head up to look at Arizona. "I need you to understand that."
"It might take some time for us both to really get it," Arizona said as set her empty coffee cup to the side before shifting to lay back down. There was enough space next to her for Callie to lay down, so Arizona patted the space beside her.
Callie swallowed down the last of her coffee before laying down next to Arizona and resting her head on the same pillow. She didn't reach out to touch her cheek or wrap an arm around her. She slid her hand between them with her palm facing up in welcome. Arizona's hand slid over Callie's open palm until their palms laid over each other. Her index finger traced over the delicate skin of Callie's wrist.
"What happens when we go out and I get hit on?" Arizona asked cautiously. "What happens when we got out and you do?" She closed her eyes as her finger kept tracing. "Will you be able to trust that no matter who walks in that bar, how much they flirt with me that I won't go home with them? Will I be able to get over the damage I caused to be able to feel an acceptable amount of jealous without it triggering the guilt complex I have?"
The questions were not unfair nor were they accusatory but they still made Callie's heart slightly race. Because those questions needed to be answered with a simple yes or the rest of the foundation would crumble. Love wasn't enough to sustain them, trust needed to be added or their best efforts would fail again.
"Before the accident, did you ever want to cheat on me? Through the fight over kids, and the time we were together before the grant, and after we got back together when Mark was being Mark. When I was pregnant and dealing with the fall out from the car accident and that first year of marriage, at any point in all of that were you tempted to cheat?" Callie asked.
"No," Arizona shook her head as her eyes opened. "Even when we were broken up, I didn't sleep with anyone else."
"And laying here now, do you have any desire to take someone else home? Any doubts that I'm who you want to be with?" Callie questioned with an even tone.
"There is no doubt in my mind that you're the only person I want to take home," Arizona said as her fingers wrapped around Callie's wrist firmly.
"I have to trust you, Arizona. Because if I keep holding Boswell and Murphy against you and acting like you're going to cheat the minute you have the chance then this isn't going to work. Our first marriage was blown wide open because of it. I think that's punishment enough for mistakes made years ago," Callie said with the type of confidence she was always able to have in her answers when she decided to jump in with both feet.
"So, you're saying that if I get jealous because someone is hitting on you, I shouldn't feel guilty?" Arizona pulled her hand away to run her fingers through Callie's short hair. "Because this haircut and your leather jacket is going to get you noticed."
Callie laughed and felt some of the tension slid away. "Only person I want tugging me close by my leather jacket and kissing me is you." She said in a lowered voice before leaning in for a kiss.
Arizona kissed Callie back before shifting forward a little to make it easier to deepen the kiss. She let her hand slid over the side of Callie's head before cupping Callie's jaw. Being able to talk and pause to kiss each other felt incredible. It had been years since she felt so light around anyone generally and Callie in particular.
"I don't want a no sex rule again. Not that I want to go right back into having sex," Arizona said once the kiss broke. "But maybe a talk about boundaries and expectations is a good idea?"
Callie settled her hand on Arizona's hip over the blanket. "I like touching you. I like putting my hand on your leg when we sit next to each other or on the small of your back while we walk. I like opening doors for you. It has nothing to do with not believing that you need help and everything to do with who I am." She rubbed over Arizona's hip as she spoke as if to prove her point. "I need to know what you're comfortable with and what you aren't. Because I don't want to go back to the place where you resent me for doing what comes naturally and I feel guilty for offering."
Arizona brought her hand up to trail her fingers over the back of Callie's upper arm. The warm skin under her fingers helped ease the slight tension she felt building inside of her over the nature of what they were talking about. "I remember how things were before my amputation. With the hand holding and the door holding and you always touching me. I can remember the joy of feeling your hands on me. I lost that joy along the way, but I want to rediscover it. Because your hands are one of my favorite parts of you. They are so strong and steady and they bring me joy. So, it'll take some time for both of us to get used to touching each other, but I want you to do what feels natural and if it's too much for me, I will tell you, alright?"
"Does that include your leg and helping you there?" Callie asked to make sure they were on the same page.
"Being independent is important to me. It was before and it's even more important now. I don't like feeling like I'm being a burden or that I need extra accommodation. Even if I sometimes do," Arizona said with a slight frown. "The leg I have now has given me a lot of the freedom back, and I've gotten to a place where my limits aren't all that different than before. Even if they are still different, it's my normal now so I have just had to accept it. I don't want to go back to a place where I feel like you're my doctor but I do want to work on things like letting you rub my leg or asking you a question if I have one. I like talking to you about your work and medicine in general. It will take time and work but I am hopeful."
"I don't want to be your doctor," Callie shook her head. "I know things though because of my job. I am going to try not to let what I know get in the way of supporting you and giving you a chance to lead on this. You've lived with this long enough to have your own routine down."
"Would you be alright if I left a pair of crutches here? Last night worked with you helping me to the couch and then to bed, but I don't like not having a way to move around without asking for help. Even help willingly given," Arizona asked.
"You can bring whatever you want over," Callie agreed. "I'm not asking you to move back in or anything but a drawer, a toothbrush, crutches wouldn't be too much for me."
"Sofia does beg me to stay over sometimes when I put her to bed," Arizona said. "And with my schedule at the center I could stay over now and then if you have to be to the hospital super early."
"We aren't going to rush moving back in," Callie said as much for her benefit as for Arizona's. "But I like knowing a bit of you is here."
"I do want us to focus on having space to go out and to have friends outside of each other," Arizona said. She slid her hand down Callie's hand to lace their fingers. "April and I have a plan to go out every Thursday for a drink or two now that Jackson and April are in New York, so he can run the Foundation. I have some people I know from Hopkins here too that I want to reconnect with. I want us to share friends and nights out and nights in with Sof, but I want us not to totally overlap our friends like before."
"I have some friends at the hospital that I've become close to. Jack Campbell is our head of trauma and we have a lot in common. There are some others, but I agree that we need to have our own friends and some that overlap," Callie said with a soft squeeze of her hand.
"Do you think there is a book out there called "what to do when your ex-wife becomes your girlfriend"?" Arizona asked with a soft chuckle.
"Girlfriend, eh?" Callie flashed a million watt smile.
"I don't think introducing you as my ex-wife to people is going to convey to them what I'd want," Arizona said. "If you don't want to use that term yet, that's alright but giving a name to it so we can talk about the other when we want without a five minute explanation would be nice, wouldn't it?"
"Arizona, shut up and kiss me," Callie said as she moved toward Arizona.
"Oh, yeah, awesome," Arizona grinned before she leaned in to do just that.
Callie slid forward as they kissed even if the blankets presented a barrier to keep them from being flush together. The kiss deepened as she wrapped an arm around Arizona's upper body and rolled back so Arizona's upper body was on hers. She desperately wanted Arizona's weight on her again , but for now this would have to suffice.
"I think we'd both agree that the spark between us is still there," Arizona whispered when the kiss finally broke.
"Yeah, no, no question about that," Callie nodded as her tongue poked out to lick her lips.
"I want to agree to dinner." Arizona stroked over Callie's jaw. "Once a week with you, me and Sofia and at least once every two weeks for us to start."
"Sofia is going to be so happy about that," Callie smiled. "We should be careful around her to start though even if she's going to notice we're going to act differently around each other."
"She's a smart kid," Arizona nodded in agreement. "She gets that from you and that observational look when she reads people from Mark."
"Do you think wherever he is, he gets to watch her grow up?" Callie asked as her eyes closed against a wave of sadness.
"I hope so," Arizona said as shifted closer to press their foreheads together. "I hope he's sitting on a beach somewhere with Lexie Grey holding his hand. A big screen in the sky over the water showing him our beautiful, brave, smart little girl so he can watch. A cold drink and a warm breeze in the air."
"That's such a beautiful thought," Callie whispered.
"I don't believe like you do. I don't know if I believe in an afterlife at all, but I want to. I want to believe Mark is watching even if I think he's be so upset at some of the things he would have seen. I want to believe Tim is watching over me and us and Sofia. I want to believe he found our grandfather and saluted him before watching over Dad and Mom. I don't know if I believe but that's what I hope anyway."
"I wish I met Tim," Callie said. "He was such a big part of your life and I barely know anything about him. Which I get, Arizona. I do. It just makes me sad sometimes how little you talk about him and how much it seems to hurt when you do."
Arizona swallowed as she thought of her brother. "What do you want to know?"
"What's your favorite memory of him?" Callie asked.
Arizona tried to sort all the thoughts in her head she had of her brother. She had so many memories of them growing up that it was hard to pick one. "Will you get under the blanket with me and hold me?"
Callie pushed herself off of the bed before she slipped under the blanket and moved to wrap Arizona up in her arms. Arizona rested her right ankle against Callie's so as much of them could be touching as possible.
"He went to college at The Citadel in South Carolina," Arizona started once she was safely in Callie's arms. "One summer, we did a road trip between DC where I was doing my undergrad to Charleston. It's only about a nine hour drive if you do it in one shot but we didn't. We'd drive for about a hundred miles and find something to do for the day and then the next morning do another hundred miles. Took us five days to get from Charleston to DC but we had so much fun just finding different places to stop and explore. I wasn't twenty-one yet and the honor code he was subject to meant he'd be in trouble if he let me drink. But it didn't matter. We'd find our own fun. It was incredible. He rented this old Pontiac GTO for us, so we were riding in style too."
"That sounds incredible," Callie whispered. She slipped her hand under Arizona's shirt to rest on the small of her back.
"He was the second person I came out to, the day after I came out to Nick. He would have danced with you more than I did at our wedding. He wanted that. To dance with the woman I married, he told me so when I came out. He always just accepted me. For being gay, for being type A, for being me," Arizona said. Her hand slid under Callie's shirt to rest on above the waistband of her shorts. "The day Dad asked me if the rumors were true, if I was a lesbian, Tim stayed in the other room during his and my talk. He said he wanted to make sure if Dad didn't take it well he could step in. But Dad was alright about it. As alright, as I had any right to ask him to be at least."
"Your dad was a lot more alright about it than I would have expected a colonel in the Marines to be about it," Callie admitted.
"He was only a major back then," Arizona chuckled before sighing. "But yeah. I lucked out. When I brought Joanne home and then Carly, he was gruff like he always was when Tim brought a girl home. He didn't act differently with me than he did Tim. I never thanked him for it, but I always was thankful. Same handshake, same rules."
"Rules?" Callie asked.
"They slept in the spare room," Arizona explained. "Like for real. No sneaking to each other's room. Mom's dad had the same rule for him when she brought him home, so he carried it on. And then he'd get me up at six sharp for a three mile skate and breakfast. Joanne and Carly didn't get an invite to go skating. But between you and me, I think he would have invited you."
"Yeah?" Callie smiled at the idea of a version where Arizona brought her home and the Colonel asked her to join them. Even at six in the morning, it would have been worth it.
"He liked you. A lot. I know he didn't always show it, but he liked you." Arizona said as her thumb stroked back and forth over Callie's skin. "He pulled me aside after the wedding and told me he was proud of me for stepping up and being who he raised me to be."
"He didn't say much to me after the wedding but he did give me a big hug and told me to take care of you," Callie whispered as she fought back to urge to make a self deprecating comment on how well she did that.
"When I called Mom and him to tell them about the divorce, it was the first time in my life I felt like I truly wasn't who he raised me to be," Arizona admitted. "I told him about the affairs and he got really quiet and then said 'being dishonorably discharged from your marriage isn't what I expected of you, Arizona,' which you can image how well I took that."
Callie sucked in a breath at the cutting comment from the person she knew very well that Arizona had always tried to make proud of her. "You weren't, Arizona."
Arizona smiled a bittersweet smile as she stroked up and down Callie's ribcage. "He will never see the ending of our marriage as anything other than me not living up to how he raised me. I've had to come to terms with disappointing him in a way I can never undo."
"My father had the same reaction if it makes you feel any better," Callie admitted. "When he found out I kicked you out and then when we got divorced, he gave me speeches on why I wasn't doing the right thing. Moving to New York was something he didn't support either."
"It doesn't make me feel better," Arizona shook her head.
"We're not going to do that to Sofia, right?" Callie asked in a small voice. "If she comes out or doesn't, if she gets divorced or doesn't, whatever she does we're just going to love her and support her, right?"
"Yes," Arizona answered without hesitation. "I want to raise her to be good and to be her own person. I don't want her to feel like she needs to prove herself to us or that if she isn't who she thinks we want her to be that we won't love her anymore."
"We've always managed to be on the same page with her on the big stuff and I am very glad about that," Callie said before leaning in for a soft kiss.
"At least she'll wear tights with dresses now," Arizona cracked a joke.
Callie laughed at that. "She will, yeah."
They were quiet for a little while and both laid there soaking up the feeling of their renewed chance. It felt different than the times they restarted their relationship in the past. There had been distance between then and now, both in terms of which city they were in and how long it had been since their last breakup. The quiet was interrupted eventually by the sound of Arizona's stomach growling.
"What are the chances I can convince you to make me some breakfast?" Arizona pulled back to flash a dimpled smile.
"Pretty high," Callie laughed as she untangled herself from Arizona before standing and handing her the leg that had been carefully placed against the bedside table.
"Thank you, Calliope," Arizona said before pushing the covers back. She was a pro at getting it on with little fuss or muss. She stood up and leaned forward to kiss Callie sweetly.
"Come on, I think I have everything to make your favorite," Callie smiled before they headed to the kitchen.