PART 12

HARM'S OFFICE
NLSO BROFF, U.S. NAVY BUILDING
JUST OFF GROSVENOR SQUARE, W1Y
15 SEPTEMBER 2005
1345 ZULU

"Harm?" Mac's eyes questioned him.

Harm walked quickly to Mac, put his arm around her waist and guided her back into the office.

"What's going on Harm – I really don't like the look I just saw on your face."

Harm just rubbed her back as he closed the door and wavered as to what exactly he was going to say.

"Harm, if you're thinking about keeping this from me, don't. I guarantee you it won't help."

Harm rolled his eyes and ran his hand over the back of his head. "I think you better sit down, Mac."

Mac was starting to get more concerned by the minute. What she'd only been slightly concerned about a few minutes ago, was starting to turn into mild panic.

"I was just putting this file away when I noticed something that took me by surprise. I didn't want to show it to you right away… until, well… until I had some answers."

He took a deep breath and slowly handed the file to her. He then leaned back to sit against the front of his desk – awaiting her response.

Mac read the cover of the file and her eyes widened slightly when she saw the name. She quickly recovered and looked up at Harm. "Wow" was all she could muster as a response.

"Yeah…" Harm countered "… it gets better…" then he suddenly stopped himself at his horrifying choice of words – he hadn't meant that at all – what the hell was he thinking?

"Oh God, don't tell me he's still here." Mac was pretending to be afraid, but in the back of her mind, a part of her actually wanted to run into Mic – especially now that she was pregnant with Harm's child and they were so happily married. A part of her wanted to rub it in his face a little. She knew it was wrong to think that way – Mic left because he had been right – he'd been able to see what she refused to admit to herself. But still, she couldn't help wanting Mic to see her and Harm together with no one between them anymore. Harm's words snapped her out of her thoughts.

"No, he's not here anymore, Mac."

"So what's the problem?" she had to fight a little to keep the disappointment out of her voice.

Harm looked up at her through his eyebrows. He said it as gently as he could. "He's dead, Mac."

"What?!" She went pale and struggled to get up. Not that her stomach was big enough to impede her yet, it was simply that she felt the earth suddenly slip sideways.

"Mac, are you OK?" Harm took a step forward and helped her to her feet. He wanted to comfort her somehow, but she turned and walked away from him. "Mac?" he said cautiously.

She turned to face the wall – desperately fighting the tears that were quickly welling up. "What happened, Harm?"

"I'm not sure. But I'm going to find out Mac. We'll look into this OK? I mean MacRae just only told me right now. There are people we can talk to… we can look into this, OK?"

Mac just nodded her head and Harm stepped around in front of her. When she didn't come to him immediately he put his arms around her and guided her head into his shoulder with his hand. He had expected tears or some sort of response, but there was nothing but silence from her.

Mac just hugged her arms to herself in Harm's embrace. She couldn't cry, she had trouble feeling anything but anger – anger at what she wasn't sure, but all she could think about was her curse. The curse that had killed off pretty much every man that she'd ever been involved with.

"Come on, Mac. Let's get some lunch OK?"

Mac took two steps back out of Harm's embrace and couldn't look him in the eye. "No…" she looked everywhere around the room except for at him. "No. I'm not hungry." Finally, she got the courage to look him in the eye. "Harm, can we look into this right now? I need to know what happened."

When Mac had met his eye, he thought his heart would literally break. 'Damn it' he thought. 'Why is life with her such an extreme emotional roller coaster ride?'

"Sure." He would have done anything right now to take that tortured expression off her face. "Sure… we can do that."

Mac absentmindedly felt out for the chair behind her and Harm automatically stepped up to help her into it. She wished he wouldn't be so wonderful right now – for some reason she wished he would have reacted the way he always had when Brumby's name came up – with jealousy and spite - then she wouldn't have had to feel such conflicting emotions.

Harm walked over to his desk and pushed the intercom button. "MacRae would you come in for a moment please?"

"Aye, aye, sir."

Lance Corporal MacRae entered the office and came to attention.

"Can you tell me which of my officers were stationed here when Lieutenant Commander Brumby was – and especially if you know any that may have been particularly close with him?"

MacRae didn't have to think hard about that one. He'd remembered the incident very well. "Sir, I believe that Lieutenant Commander Walsh and he were mates, sir."

"Is Lieutenant Commander Walsh in his office?"

"Aye sir – I believe he is."

"Could you send him in please?"

"Aye, aye, sir." MacRae dismissed himself and closed the door on his way out.

Harm came over to Mac's chair and bent down in front of her. "Mac? Are you sure you don't want me to do this? Or maybe we can just do it another time?"

"No." Mac continued to just stare in front of her without a change of emotion in her eyes.

Harm didn't know which hurt more – Mac shutting him out, or the realization that Brumby meant more to her than he thought. Sure, he knew she almost married the guy – but he had almost convinced himself of the fact that it had all been out of spite – that it had really been to get even with him for his turning her down in Sydney. Now he was faced with the evidence that she had cared for him much more than he previously thought.

Harm returned to his chair behind his desk and slumped into it. He rested his chin into the crook between his thumb and forefinger and stared at Mac over his knuckles. The silence in the room was deafening and hung heavy in the air.

Mac, for her part, continued to stare out of the window. She was keenly aware of Harm's gaze fixed upon her, but she couldn't move. The only thought in her mind was to wonder whether John Farrow was still alive – or Clayton Webb. Her next thought however was the most devastating – would the curse take Harm as well? The thought almost choked her and she felt she couldn't breathe. She wouldn't be able to live without Harm. Something in her mind kept telling her that it was all just a bad coincidence – she had been in a dangerous line of work – it was only natural that people close to her would end up being killed eventually – but did they all have to be boyfriends? She was yanked suddenly into the present by a knock at the door.

"Enter!"

Lieutenant Commander Harry Walsh entered the office and stood to attention. "Reporting as ordered, sir."

"Sit down please, Commander. This is just going to be an informal discussion if you don't mind?" He gestured to Mac. "I don't believe you've met my wife, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Rabb."

Mac held out her hand, "Mac".

Commander Walsh's expression of confusion as he shook her hand made Mac smile. "I guess that doesn't sound as obvious anymore, does it?" She gave Harm a half-hearted smile.

Harm smiled too – grateful for the brief distraction from their thoughts. "Yeah, I told you you should have kept 'MacKenzie'."

Commander Walsh smiled in clarification. "Ah… understood. It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am." He then indicated her condition and added, "Congratulations by the way."

Harm and Mac both blushed. "Thanks," replied Harm. "We're pretty excited about it ourselves."

"Your first?"

Harm's voice was thick with emotion as he tried to suppress an enormous flyboy grin. "Yeah," he said softly, catching Mac's eye for a brief moment as she returned a watery smile back at him.

Commander Walsh smiled to see the guard let down for the first time in his relatively new Commanding Officer. He had figured this guy to be your typical cocky American. He'd heard he was an ex fighter jock and had completely expected the attitude to accompany it. Although Captain Rabb had kept his cards pretty close to his chest since he'd arrived, Walsh was pleasantly surprised to suddenly see a brief glimpse of a proud-as-punch father to be. Maybe this bloke was going to be all right after all.

"Harry," Harm ventured after a deep breath. "As I was saying earlier – this is just an informal discussion here, but I was hoping you could help us out a bit?"

"I'll do my best, sir." Harry was intrigued.

"It has just come to my attention that an officer that Mac and I were once very well acquainted with used to be stationed here. An Australian Navy Officer by the name of Mic Brumby?"

"Oh." Harry Walsh's chest tightened at the memory.

"MacRae informed me that you and Commander Brumby may have been fairly close?"

"Aye, sir. We were mates." Walsh looked at the floor briefly before meeting his CO's eyes.

Harm continued. "Mac and I were stationed in DC with Mic for a couple of years. We learned of his death only just now and as you can imagine, we're a little shocked. We were wondering if you might be able to fill us in on the details?"

"I'm sorry, sir. Yes that must come as a bit of a shock to you. It was to us I know, but we've had a couple of years to come to grips with it now."

"A couple of years?!" Mac spoke up incredulously. "When did this happen?"

"June 7, 2003 ma'am – I won't soon forget that date."

The blood pressure rose in Harm. He couldn't believe that someone they had once known so well had been dead for several years and they hadn't known about it. Even though he hadn't been a fan of Brumby's at all, it still made him feel badly – he couldn't imagine what it was doing to Mac.

Sensing the couple's obvious distress, Harry decided to continue. "He called me a little after 2100 hours that night, sir. Unfortunately, I couldn't talk – my wife and I were having a hard time getting the little ones out of the bath and into bed if you know what I mean…" he then laughed and added, "… well you will at any rate, sir…"

Harm blushed and smiled again as he looked down at his desk. God he was looking forward to that.

"I told him I'd talk to him the next day…" Harry looked at the floor sadly and then looked up at Harm, "… but that day never came for him."

Mac spoke up again, "What happened?"

Harm cringed inwardly – he had been somewhat prepared for this by MacRae, but he knew Mac would be blindsided. Suddenly kicking himself for not mentioning it to Mac himself, he only hoped Walsh would deliver this with tact.

"Not sure exactly, ma'am – the coroner ruled it 'accidental' but there…" he took a deep breath – still not able to believe this himself, "… well there was a large amount of prescription pain medication found in his system."

Mac gasped and put her hand to her mouth. Her gaze once again returned to it's former spot on the window. "I don't believe it." She almost whispered.

"You and me both." Walsh agreed with her. "I mean, Mic had suffered an injury a month or so before playing in a Rugby match – that's why he had the pain meds… but the idea…" Harry shifted uncomfortably in his seat and looked at Harm, "… I mean, sir if you and the Colonel were as close to Mic as you appear to have been, you know that the idea of that is impossible to fathom…"

Harm nodded his head in agreement "I know, Harry… and thank-you for taking the time to fill us in. I'm sorry you had to re-hash this all for us." Harm was getting worried about Mac and wanted to end this as soon as possible.

"No worries, sir." He stood, sensing the end of the conversation. "If you need anything more, sir – I'll be in my office until 16:30."

"I appreciate it. Dismissed."

Commander Walsh came to attention, "Aye, aye, sir."

"… and Harry?"

"Sir?"

"Thanks again."

"Sir."

Harry Walsh exited the Captain's office and blew out a long breath as he made his way back to his own. He shook his head in disbelief. Captain Rabb's concern for his wife had been clearly apparent, and the humanity of the man had shone through during this meeting – something he'd never witnessed before in his short time here. His CO was definitely appearing to him in a new light and he liked what he saw.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE
MELROSE ROAD
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2
15 SEPTEMBER 2005
1945 ZULU

Harm and Mac had eaten dinner in relative silence. Harm had attempted to bring her out of her melancholy a couple of times, but had resigned himself to the fact that she wasn't coming out of it any time soon and if he pushed he might just make it worse. She had gone out onto the back sun porch shortly after supper and he had remained to clean up the kitchen. Harm wondered how this day had gone so horribly wrong. Tonight should have been spent in the joy of welcoming Mac home from an entire week away. He had planned to discover intimately, exactly how much her belly had grown in this past week – now he was lucky if he was even going to be allowed to kiss her goodnight.

He took a deep breath and leaned against the kitchen counter, absent-mindedly pushing the dishtowel across the already clean counter top. A part of him knew that Mac just needed to come to grips with Mic's death, but he was fearful that there was something more to it. Did she feel guilty that she may have been the cause of his suicide – if it had even had been a suicide – and Harm had his doubts about that. He remembered how he had felt when this same thing happened with Jordan, but had he become this emotionally distant? He didn't think so, but he couldn't remember.

Worse yet, was she now regretting not marrying Mic? What if this had made her angry with him for coming between them? God, he wished she would just open up – all the possible scenarios flying around in his mind were making him feel nauseous again. He was about to turn to get himself a Tylenol when he heard her voice behind him.

"Harm"

He spun around to face her immediately.

"Harm, I can't believe it was suicide." She told him flatly – without any kind of emotion whatsoever.

"I know." He said quietly – afraid to miss-step and inadvertently say something wrong.

"Do you think that maybe someone set it up to look like a suicide?"

"It's possible, Mac." Harm felt his throat going increasingly dry. Mac just stood there and stared at him blankly.

"I'll get all the files he was working on from the time he was stationed there to the time… well… you know."

"Yeah"

"I'll go through them and see if I come up with any leads."

"No Harm." She still was showing absolutely no emotion in her voice and it was scaring him. "Bring them home – we'll both go through them."

"Mac, I don't think that's a good…"

"Harm…" she cut him off with an empty threat.

Harm knew that arguing wasn't going to go anywhere good. "OK, Mac. Whatever you want." His voice was still soft – trying to offer as much comfort as he possibly could. "I'll see if I can scare up the autopsy report too."

"Thanks."

With that, she turned and left the room again.

That night Mac slept on her side of the bed, facing away from Harm, for the first time ever in their married life. Harm couldn't sleep at all. He just lay there and stared at her back – wanting desperately to reach out to her – to touch her beautiful olive skin – to hold their growing baby in his hands and feel it move like he had only a week ago – wanted desperately to make such mad passionate love to her that she would forget Mic Brumby ever existed – but he didn't.

TBC