Meredith's day had went by like a blur, George was assigned to her service, they had yet to sit down and talk. They had scrubbed in on a craniotomy with Dr Smith, a neuro attending, after she had finished she had put George on post op, although she didn't want too. She had still not talked to they reason she had came back.

It was now coming to seven and she was headed towards the resident locker room.

When she was approached by bailey,

"so I have heard you have flew solo many times even though you are only a second year resident,"

"Yes when I was at NYG I threw myself into work, I quickly learned advance procedures that I was not meant to know, but I did them anyway, they chief of surgery there said he was going to push for me to become a third year resident quicker than usual, so he started letting me perform procedures of my own, and well the rest in history,"

"Wow so now when one of my suck up is assigned to you then will be in your or, not Dr Shepherd or Dr Smith,"

"Yeah,"

"Well congratulations,"

"Thanks,"

" I just hope you speak to a certain head of department soon,"

"Don't worry that's is were I am headed,"

Meredith looked around the hospital for Derek, checked the OR bored and every on call room yet she couldn't find him. Then she thought about the look he gave her in the conference room, the look of pain and desperation but also the look of love. So she headed to the once place she knew he would be Joe's.

As she walked threw the doors of Joe's, she looked for his thick head of hair but it was no where to be seen.

So she approached the bar to speak to Joe.

"Hey Joe had Derek been here tonight?"

"Yes he has just went to the bathroom he said he would be right back,"

"Well ok,"

"Can I have a glass of water?"

"What's this Meredith grey drinking water, I'll be dammed,"

"I'm a changed woman,"

"Well good for you,"

They were interrupted in their catch up with a figure sitting down next to them still in his dark blue scrubs.

"I'll go and get your drink," Joe said.

They sat silent for a few minutes.

Meredith broke this silence,

"You know I never intended to leave for ½ a year,"

"What,

"Yes I took a leave of absence for a month; I was then going to return,"

"Then why didn't you?"

"When I reached New York their chief of surgery made me an offer I couldn't refuse,"

"Oh so I see you met mark,"

"how do you know him?"

"He is my Best Friend,"

"Oh My God,"

"He was there for me when I found Addison cheating; he helped me through it all,"

"Really, well he seemed nice,"

"Did he make a pass at you?"

"nope,"

"I'm surprised he is a New York's Biggest Manwhore"

"So what have you been up to since I left?"

"Well I became very focused on my work, I never dated and well Addison she left for L.A., you?"

"Well I too became very focused on my work, I went on dates but every time I did I felt like I was cheating on you, so I became celibate, I haven't touched men or booze since,"

"Wow, all that for me,"

"Yes,"

"Look Meredith I know that our relationship is complicated but I want you, no in fact I need you,"

"Look Derek I need you too but I need you too look at these before we do anything, she handed him a pile of letters,"

"what are theses, they are letters there is about 180 there I wrote one to you everyday, Derek I have been totally honest with, I've only been almost honest with you,"

"What?"

"Just promise me you will read the letters and when you have you will call me,"

"I promise,"

Once Meredith left Derek got straight to work on reading those 180 letters.

Letter No 1 said

Dear Derek

Today I found out I was pregnant, we're having a baby. I'm so excited, I just keep thinking of this little life me and you have created that I am caring inside of me, I can't wait to see you,

Love Meredith

Letter No 20

Dear Derek

Even though I am only 27 days pregnant I am starting to get a baby bump! I can't believe it. I got my first sonogram today, I wished you had been there it was amazing to see our bundle of joy on the screen. I'm currently in NY just now and I'm loving it.

See you soon love Meredith.

Letter No 90

Dear Derek,

When I went for my check up today, the room echoed with the baby's heartbeat tears filled my eyes, I wish you were here. I also found out we are having a girl, she is going to be daddies little princess.

Love

Meredith

Letter No 120.

Dear Derek,

Yesterday I lost our baby, I was in a car accident and a metal pole went through my stomach and hit the baby, I was In surgery for hours, I have a scar up my stomach, I it feels weird not being pregnant, I feel empty.

Love Meredith

Tears were streaming down Derek's face.