I Surrender

by Gibs

A 'postfinale' fic that I wrote in 2005 and am posting here for the first time. Epilogue up 13 May HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

17. Chapter 17

PART 17

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE
MELROSE ROAD
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2
5 APRIL 2006

Mac struggled with the groceries as she tried to fit the key in the lock – 'why the hell was the door locked anyway – Harm was home, wasn't he?' She put the groceries on the counter and scanned the house for her husband and son. She and Harm had learned months ago not to call out for one another upon entering the house – just in case one of them had finally gotten Evan to sleep. It's not that he was a cranky baby by any means, it was just that… well – he was a bundle of energy that never seemed to stop. She strongly suspected he'd gotten this from his father – a suspicion recently confirmed when he started really smiling. Once he started, he hadn't stopped. 'Even at this age he's already working on his 'flyboy grin'' she had once mused with a smile. 'I'm definitely in trouble.' Any time Evan did this, it was usually accompanied by an equally enthusiastic flyboy grin from his father. Harm was absolutely enchanted with everything Evan did – even if it involved creating a mess that Harm eventually was the one to clean up.

Mac finally found her boys out in the sun room. It was the first nice warm day this year and Harm had obviously tried to take advantage of it today after a particularly sleepless night with their little guy. She couldn't help the gigantic grin from creeping across her face when she took in the sight in front of her. There was Harm, lying on his back on the full length swing that they were going to move outside as soon as the weather got warmer. Their son – dressed in nothing but an undershirt and a diaper, was lying stomach down on his father's chest – chubby little arms draped sleepily over the sides, his father's left hand placed protectively on his son's bottom.

Mac did what any proud wife and mother would do – she got the camera and took a picture – a picture that would eventually make its way to coffee room and kitchen fridges all the way from McLean, Virginia to La Jolla, California. Unfortunately, one copy of that photo would also eventually find it's way to the desktop of a prison computer inside of Leavenworth, Kansas.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE
MELROSE ROAD
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2
23 JUNE 2007 (over 1 yr later)
0245 ZULU

Harm stood at the doorway to their bedroom and silently watched his wife sleep. He must have stood there a full two minutes before quietly lowering his sea bag to the floor. He didn't often get sent away, but when he did it was usually just for a quick inspection tour of the offices he was responsible for. Only once and a while did the odd conference or meeting that required his presence drag him away from his family for more, and unfortunately this had been one of those times. A full two weeks he had been gone from here – a place he had grown so fond of he couldn't even fathom it anymore. When he had been single, he had been sent away on assignments much longer and it had never bothered him. Sure he had missed his friends at JAG – missed Mac - but somehow now he could barely stand to be away from her more than a day or two.

He didn't know if he would ever be able to properly explain to Mac how much it meant to him to know that he had a family at home waiting for him when he went away – not just any family, but her and Evan. He had often tried to broach the subject with her – wanting to tell her how he felt, but he never had because he had been afraid of how it would come across. He didn't want it to sound chauvinistic in any way – like he thought that her place was home with the children. A few months after Evan was born, Mac had made the decision not to return to work. Although Mac had assured him that being a stay-at-home mom was exactly what she wanted to do right now, he still didn't feel confident that she didn't miss what she had once had. She had tried to convince him by telling him that she had already succeeded at being a Marine and a Lawyer, now she wanted to succeed at this before it was too late.

He understood, but he stayed away from the topic, just to be on the safe side. He tried to keep work conversation to a minimum, and never made it sound like his job was any more important than hers – mostly because he didn't believe it. He couldn't imagine a more important job than raising his son, their only child, a little life that he had made with Mac – he still couldn't get his mind around that subject thoroughly, even now. He still couldn't believe that he was actually a father to someone. Every time he heard that little voice call out 'Daddy' or saw Evan lift his little arms up in his direction, it literally awed him.

He had always wanted a wife and a family – for as long as he could remember – but never in his wildest dreams did he ever imagine it would feel like this - so wonderfully blissful and terrifying at the same time. And the terrifying part wasn't terrifying for the reasons he always thought it would be. He always thought the responsibility would be the scary part – instead, what scared him the most was the fact that now that he had so much, he had so much more to lose.

It wasn't that he was unsure of whether Mac and he would make the marriage work… at the beginning that had scared him maybe, but not any more. It had occurred to him after only a few months of marriage that he had very little to be concerned about in that department. He had been lying awake one night after making love to Mac – he was holding her in his arms and smiling at the idea that she always seemed to be the one to fall asleep almost immediately afterwards – so much for traditional stereotypes – or her insomnia for that matter. He grinned even wider wondering how she would have responded back that night in his apartment - the very first time they thought Webb was dead - had he suggested that all he needed to do to cure her insomnia was to get her pregnant.

He had been lying there that night, wondering how long this happiness of theirs would last – would he do something to screw it up colossally, and if so, what exactly would it take for him to screw it up colossally? It was then that it occurred to him. He suddenly remembered his own words that day on the Watertown - "this isn't a marriage, Mac" – and he knew how wrong that statement had been. His relationship with Mac had probably been a marriage long before they ever said the words "I do", and it occurred to him then, just why this was, and why their marriage would work where others failed. It all boiled down to the fact that no matter how much they had hurt each other in the past, they had always come back to one other. They just had to. Living without the other person was simply not an option.

He'd heard before that you had to work on a marriage to keep it, and before, he had often wondered if he was the kind of person who could do that. Then he realized that that's exactly what he had been doing all along in his relationship with Mac. They had fought and hurt each other over and over, but they had always forgiven one another, healed and moved on – not in order to fix their relationship, but because there was simply no other choice. For some reason known only to the cosmos, he and Mac needed each other in order to survive.

He had fallen asleep that night with a smile on his face, knowing full well – probably for the first time ever – that this was one relationship he wasn't going to be able to screw up.

No, their marriage not working wasn't the problem at all – the fear of losing all this came from something he felt he couldn't even conceive of yet – something else that might take all this away from him. Although he was pretty good at trying to put these thoughts out of his mind, it left him with a constant nagging feeling in the back of his head – like he was always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

His first stop upon arriving at the house had been to Evan's room. He had proudly watched him sleep for a while too. He couldn't believe he was a year and a half old already. He was getting so tall. He smiled remembering Mac making that same comment several weeks earlier and he had chastised her for it;

"Mac, you're five-foot-nine and I'm six-foot-four – I seriously doubt that any kids we have will end up being short."

He wondered about that phrase now '…any kids we have…' Would they be lucky enough to have more? He almost was afraid to hope – they had beaten the odds when they got Evan. He tried to put it out of his mind, but he couldn't help wanting a little girl that looked like Mac. Evan was all Harm – it scared him sometimes when he looked at him. He had the dark hair and blue eyes – although his complexion was a little bit darker than his, it wasn't quite as dark as Mac's. So far, his eyes didn't change with his mood the way Harm's did, but the other day Mac swore to him that they looked green briefly one time he was crying.

Evan was everything he had ever hoped for, but he so much wanted a little girl with dark complexion and chocolate eyes – wanted Mac to have the joy of seeing her own eyes reflected back at her. Not that Evan didn't resemble Mac – he did in a strange way that no one could really place. Everyone noticed it – but there was nothing you could pinpoint on him and say 'Oh Mac, he has your '. Mac had laughed because she said she often would experience people out on the street remark to her that her son looked just like her – she would usually thank them and smile, but one day she had been waiting outside a shop for Harm to come out when she got that comment. She was just smiling and thanking the lady when Harm walked up and gave her a kiss. The lady had suddenly felt the need to qualify her statement to Mac;

"Oh my dear! Your son definitely resembles you, but of him he's the spitting image!" Mac had teased him for going beet red with pride.

Harm leaned over his son's bed and kissed him gently on the forehead. Evan had moved restlessly and whispered "Daddy", but hadn't opened his eyes – much to Harm's relief. He was hoping that Mac would be happy to see him – he didn't want to be the brunt of her frustration if he had managed to awake their sleeping son immediately upon his return. Harm had smiled and backed out of his son's room without disturbing him any further – half his heartache from the last two weeks having been somewhat relieved.

Now, as he placed the sea bag against the wall of their room, he was overwhelmed with the need to touch Mac. Originally he had hoped he would get here before she had gone to sleep, but when that fell through he vowed he would sneak into their bed noiselessly without waking her – she needed all the rest she could get dealing each day with that bundle of energy they called their son. Now that he was here however, he couldn't help himself – he should have known – it was always this way with them. With other women, the thrill of touching them had worn off within weeks. Sure he had enjoyed them, cared for them, but the overwhelming thrill he experienced with Mac had never gone away – in fact, in ways it had almost increased. He was amazed every day that she still gave him butterflies each time she entered a room – even after almost two years of marriage and eleven years of seeing her pretty much everyday.

Before he realized where he was, he had sat down next to her on the bed and was dragging his fingers down the soft skin of her arm, reacquainting himself with the curve of her hip through the silk nightgown she wore. Mac started almost immediately and grabbed his wrist in a flash – he should have known better than to try and sneak up on a sleeping Marine.

"Harm?"

"Hey beautiful" he whispered.

Mac immediately sat up and hugged him, breathing in the scent of him, of that damn uniform that took him away from her everyday. "Oh God it's so good to see you" she sighed. "You weren't supposed to be home until tomorrow."

"I know," he smiled. "Then I realized that sometimes being a Captain has its privileges. It never occurred to me before that I could order someone to get me home ASAP and it would actually work."

He grinned at her that grin that made her knees weak and then he kissed her. So gently at first she wasn't exactly sure if he was going to kiss her or just hold his lips against hers. Then he sighed and deepened the kiss. He pushed her back down on the bed as he climbed on top of her. "Are you going to get out of that uniform, Harm?" she breathed into his mouth.

Harm's hands roamed possessively over her body, "Oh… most definitely… just need to… do this first… and this…" One of his last fleeting thoughts before he was truly lost in the moment was whether he would ever get enough of this woman. Every time he asked himself that question he got a more and more resounding 'No'. He wondered why he even bothered to ask it anymore.

HARM AND MAC'S HOUSE
MELROSE ROAD
WILLESDEN GREEN, NW2
23 JUNE 2007
0715 ZULU

Harm awoke groggily – unsure exactly what it was that had roused him from his deep sleep. He smelled toast and coffee and it made his stomach growl. He still hadn't opened his eyes when he heard the small sound that he was now sure had been the one to originally wake him.

"Daddy" a little voice whispered.

Harm opened one eye and couldn't suppress a grin as he saw his son peering around the doorframe. "Hey munchkin".

"You 'wate?"

Harm grunted a laugh and closed his eye again, knowing he was now – no matter what he said. "Yes – I'm awake".

An ear shattering squeal filled the house and Evan made a grand running leap for Harm. Luckily, Harm, sensing his son's reaction, had reopened his eye, allowing himself the time to take a well ordered defensive posture to protect the family jewels before any hope of adding to their little family was dashed. Harm managed to stifle a small oath before giving in to the laughter of his son and proceeding to tickle him.

"Shhhh … shhh… daddy … noooo" Evan managed to squeal out between tickles – or something to that effect anyway – Evan was right at that stage where words were coming fast and furious, but they weren't always clear. Add to that the fact that since he was going to a play group and had amassed a number of friends in the area, what words were coming out were coming out with an English accent. Harm had been startled by this at first – the thought had never occurred to him before, but he supposed it did make sense - everyone else Evan knew but them spoke with one. Not that it bothered him, but it still fascinated him to hear Evan talk that way. Mac just hought it was cute, of course.

"Shhh daddy pweeeese!"

"What's the matter, kiddo?" Harm whispered too.

"Mummy get mad –not s'poss wate you."

"Oh, I see – well don't worry, I won't tell, but maybe you better go tell Mommy that I'm awake then."

"Otay".

Harm cringed and covered his head with Mac's pillow as his son went scampering off down the stairs. "Mum-meeee!!! Daddy's 'wate, Daddy's 'wate – Mummy, Daddy's hooooome!"

Harm just shook his head with a smile as he dragged himself out of bed and pulled on a pair of lounging pyjama bottoms. He laughed a little when he noticed his morning erection – judging by his activities with Mac when he got home last night, he didn't expect to see anything like that for a while yet. He grinned when he considered that it was all worth it though. What it all came down to was that it was all worth it – the time he took last night to be with Mac even though it meant less sleep - getting up with Evan this morning even though he probably could have gotten away with sleeping longer… It was worth it because when it all comes down to it, your time is all you really have to spend – the only one thing that is truly yours that no one but God can take away without your permission. Now that he had everything, he was going to spend his time where it was important.

Mac watched her husband stumble into the kitchen – sleep groggy eyes and his short spiky hair going every which way. He looked almost as cute as her little son did in much the same condition – only Evan was wired and happily munching on cereal – Harm was definitely not wired, and definitely making a bee-line for the coffee pot.

Suddenly, Evan jumped off his chair and took a couple of steps towards Harm – his index finger pointing the way.

"Daddy – wut's mattew wif you wiwee?"

Harm managed to quickly snag his son's small hand before he poked the offending protrusion, and then sighed in immense relief. Evan had picked up the expression "willy" from one of his little friends at play group and he downright refused to call it anything else, even though he could barely say it.

Mac just raised her eyebrows and grinned. "Yes Harm, what is wrong with your willy?"

Harm glared accusingly back at Mac and rolled his eyes. "There is nothing wrong with my willy, thank you very much…" he then squatted down to his son's level "…not unless people go poking where they don't belong. Now, it's very important that you remember you don't poke any one else's willy – OK, Evan? People's willy's are their own private business - as is yours. So, no poking OK?"

"Otay" the little boy said dejectedly.

"You promise?"

"Mm-hmm – pwomiss".

Harm smiled and kissed his son on the forehead. "That's a good boy," he turned him around and lightly tapped him on the bottom to send him back to the breakfast table. "Now go finish your cereal, young man."

Harm turned around to Mac and raised his eyebrows, "Thanks Mac."

Mac just smiled innocently back at her husband "What?"

Harm raised his eyebrows knowingly at her again as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

Mac sauntered quietly up to her husband and stood mere inches from him before whispering seductively. "Do I still get to poke?"

"Poke?! No!" Harm immediately countered, then he reconsidered thoughtfully and in a low husky voice he leaned in to kiss his wife, "Well… maybe just a little poke… if you're gentle…"

"Hmmm… and what if I'm good…?" she purred back.

Their lips had only just touched when they were rudely interrupted by a very loud, very excited little voice.

"Daddy, daddy, daddy!!"

Harm smiled tiredly and regrettably pulled away from Mac. "Yes kiddo?" The boy grinned at him and Harm swore he knew exactly what he'd just done.

"We go see Antie an Unca Bud tay?" He didn't even attempt Harriet's name yet.

Bud and Harriet had bought a house just on the other side of the park from them and Harriet had made good on her wish for the two families to grow up together. Today they were going over to the Robert's house for a small, informal wedding anniversary party that Harriett had insisted on, and Evan had been almost as excited at the prospect of the barbeque as he had been about his Daddy coming home.

"Yes kiddo, we most certainly are."

"Mommy!" Evan called to his mom in a stage whisper.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Tell daddy bing ditaw."

"Why don't you tell daddy to bring his guitar?"

"Nooooo!" Evan looked horrified at the thought.

"Why not?"

Evan cupped his little hand around his mouth as if this would prevent Harm from hearing what he had to say. "He too biiiig!"

Harm raised his eyebrow as Mac dissolved into laughter. "Oh, I see" she crossed her arms and pretended to reason with her son, "But Daddy's bigger than me too – why is it OK for me to tell Daddy what to do and not you?"

Evan looked exasperated that he had to explain anything that was so blatantly obvious. "Betuzz - dats what Mummy's doooo!"

Mac immediately bent over double in laughter and swooped her son up into her arms. She smiled and rubbed noses with him. "That's my boy!"

"You taught him that didn't you?"

Mac raised her eyebrow sarcastically. "Yes Harm, I staged the whole thing."

BUD AND HARRIETT'S HOUSE
ANDREW'S CLOSE
DOLLIS HILL
LONDON, NW2

23 JUNE 2007

1450 ZULU

"There's entirely too much testosterone in this household." Harriett observed as she surveyed the crowd that was playing – whatever the hell it was that they were playing - in her back garden.

"Mmmmm" Mac responded lazily as she reclined next to Harriett, thankful that the two biggest carriers of testosterone were the ones distracting all the smaller ones. "Poor Nicki, eh? Although, she does hold her own Harriett. You may just have a Marine on your hands there."

"Yeah, but I think she needs reinforcements." She turned to look at Mac pointedly. "And I think Bud and I have done our share already."

Mac turned defensively on Harriet once she got her drift. "Hey, it's not from a lack of trying – believe me!" Then she blushed slightly as soon as the words were out of her mouth.

"Oh really?" Harriet returned with a smile full of innuendo. Although she loved Bud dearly, the thought of sex and Harmon Rabb Jr. always made her temperature go up slightly.

Mac was suddenly feeling a little warm herself as she struggled on the defensive, "Oh Harriet, come on – give us a chance! I mean, I only just got my cycle back a few months ago!"

Harriet laughed "Awww, I'm only teasing – you know that. I was just trying to point out though, that I'm putting in my request now for a girl – OK?"

Mac smiled back. "I'll do my best."

"Yeah, well make sure that husband of yours does his best because it's ultimately his responsibility how the sex turns out."

This time, it was Mac who raised her eyebrow at Harriet.

Harriet's breath suddenly caught in her throat. "I mean…" she turned red and hit Mac's shoulder playfully, ".. – how the sex of the baby turns out! Sheesh!"

They both laughed and Mac nodded her head with a grin. "I'll make sure he's aware of your preference."

"Thank you." Harriet grinned and took a sip of her drink in a futile attempt to lower her temperature.

Mac did the same and surveyed the scene in front of her. She had been right about him all along. Harm was such a great father – and the fact that he loved it so much made giving up the Marines all that more worthwhile. She had no regrets whatsoever – well, with the possible exception that they hadn't done this sooner. But she had gotten her 4 percent miracle - time hadn't run out on them, so she certainly couldn't complain. Life was good. Hell, it was better than good.

She'd barely gotten this last thought out of her head when the squeaking of the side garden gate brought her back to the present. She turned to see four strangers making their way into the yard. Suddenly Mac realized one of them wasn't a stranger at all – one of them was the NCIS agent Jethro Gibbs.

Mac turned to look at Harm across the yard just as he turned to her. Their faces mirrored each others' intense concern that this couldn't be good. Harm turned to Bud and motioned for him to remain there with the children. He made it to the arriving group at the same time Mac did.

Gibbs was the first to speak up. "Captain Rabb – Colonel MacKenzie." He nodded.

Harm nodded back hesitantly. "I'd say it's good to see you again Gibbs, but somehow I get the feeling that statement wouldn't prove itself to be correct."

Gibbs' barely perceptible nod was the only indication that Harm was right. He turned to Mac. "Colonel – can we speak with your husband alone for a moment please?"

Mac turned to go but Harm quickly grasped her hand without even taking his eyes off of Gibbs. "You can say whatever it is you have to say in front of Mac."

Gibbs shrugged slightly "Suit yourself." He then trained his eyes onto Harm's "Captain Rabb, you are being charged with the crimes of supporting acts of terror and treason against the United States Government."

If Harm thought that his ears were failing him, the sudden flash of handcuffs he saw in the hands of one of the other agents brought the reality of the situation down on him with full force.

"What!" he and Mac both gasped in unison but before the agents could respond, Harm put up his hand. "Wait." He breathed in sharply as he tried not to look at the horror on Mac's face. "This is obviously some sort of gross misunderstanding, but I will come with you, just…" he turned his head briefly to indicate over his shoulder, "… no cuffs. Not in front of my son. Please." He bore a look right into Gibbs' soul.

Jethro prided himself on being immune to emotion, but looking at the little Rabb standing on the grass with confusion in his eyes, he had to acquiesce. There was definitely no mistaking which one of that crowd of kids belonged to him and MacKenzie – and the kid was so damn cute – he suddenly thought he was getting way too soft in his old age. Hell – he wouldn't even have been here if he hadn't thought that there was no possible way that Rabb was guilty. It was just that the evidence against him was almost irrefutable. It was also because he had prosecuted Rabb once before when he was sure he was guilty and had been proven wrong – that was the reason he had jumped at this case. He wasn't quite sure whether he now wanted to be proven right all those years ago, or whether he wanted to make sure that the job was done properly this time too – to make sure that an innocent man wasn't wrongly prosecuted again. He strongly hoped it was the latter that made him want to be here.

Mac's voice interrupted his thoughts "Special Agent Gibbs, what are the circumstances that are leading to this arrest."

"I'm afraid I can't discuss that with you ma'am, if…"

"I'm his lawyer – tell me." She snapped.

Gibbs took a deep breath and put on a front of confidence as he looked back and forth between the couple. He always felt that looking someone in the eye at moments like this was the key determination as to whether someone was guilty or not. He steeled his voice, "A Swiss bank account in the name of Harmon Rabb Jr has been discovered to have provided direct monetary support of the London bombings of July 2005."

TBC