I had mixed feelings about going to church. It was here that I was reminded of our poverty, at home alone with Ma and Pa, there was no contrast and nothing to compare myself to.

But it was also a time for socialising, I could meet up with some of my old school friends who were in a similar position to mine. It was also at these gathering times that I overheard tales of just how my husband Luke entertained himself while he was away from his family.

I remember the humiliation I felt the first time I ever learned of his trysts, not that I was a naive young woman, but it was the pain of inadequacy, of feeling that even in the early days of our marriage, after Tom was born, I was not enough to satisfy him, to make him happy.

I was hurt, but we were married, I had his babies. I had committed myself to this man that I loved, loved without reason and without judgement, unconditionally... forever. So I put this new knowledge away and tried not to imagine or to think about where he was and what was happening while I stayed at home and took care of things.

Occasionally, when it all felt too much and we were all hungry, cold, miserable and Our Jane was wailing and sick again I would try to hurt Luke by throwing this new knowledge in his face. I think, at first, he was embarrassed to be caught out, for his parents to know. I am sure he felt ashamed - to begin with.

After Church we all piled back into the truck and headed back home. I felt upset with Luke still and instead of starting and argument I just stared out of the window and tried to maintain a chain of thoughts over the sound of the engine, the kids and the noise of the tyres on the unsealed road.

I started to feel a bit more cheerful when I remembered the ham rations that Luke had bought for us. It was my favourite and I couldn't help thinking that Luke had thought of me while he bought it. I smiled his way, and he saw my face and smiled back, I felt my heart glowing in my chest and I couldn't wait to touch him and cook his meal for the evening and do all I could tonight to make him happy.

He didn't ask me about those pills that he had given me - and I was glad, I didn't like to lie and as I rarely had cause to I was very poor at not getting caught out.

I smiled even more as I clutched my delicious secret in my mind, I had to be careful, Luke was no fool. I needed to hide the bulk of my happiness lest Luke grew suspicious and demanded to know just what I was up to.

That night as we lay down to sleep together I felt so happy I thought my heart would burst with it all, I held Luke tightly and gave him all the little kisses that I had been longing to give him, he was not an affectionate man but I believe he enjoyed my affections. He took me in his arms and we made love.

Luke left the following morning and was gone for 20 days, we were more than desperate for food by the time he showed up, he seemed to be getting more and more neglectful as time went on.

Not forgetting my promise to myself I had quickly washed my hair and changed into my Sunday dress, I was tired and stressed out from running the house on an empty stomach and having everyone looking to me for comfort, hope and food.

What could I tell them when I was slowly losing it myself?

I smiled weakly in response to his warm greeting, Fanny jumped up to grab hold of him long before he had finished bringing the food in from the truck.

I immediately began to put the food away. I was glad to be able to eat again but I still felt angry at Luke for leaving us alone for too long, but I said nothing while I attempted to cook a nice meal for all of us.

The strain came by the end of the third day when some trivial action on Luke's behalf angered me, we had a fight which ended with Luke storming out of the cabin without saying goodbye to anyone.

I began to do the wash, I was shaking with anger and it wasn't long before the tears began to fall. Heaven was alarmed to see me crying and she quickly came over to comfort me.

She could see that I was under strain, but I knew she was scared because there was so little she could do to help ease my burdens. She already spent all of her spare time helping me take care of everybody.