Title: Vacations
Fandom: FAKE
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Swearing
Spoilers: Dee and Ryo are an old married couple.
Type: Another dark comedy. A companion piece to Postcards
Word Count: 533
Pairings/Characters: Dee, Ryo, Bikky, Carol
Author's Note: I got the idea for this ficlet from some comments made by the talented brit-columbia for my previous story, Postcards. Thanks for the inspiration! You'll need to read Postcards and brit-columbia's comments to understand the connection but this story can be enjoyed as a stand alone.

"Hey Ryo, I got your mail for you." Carol waved the handful of letters as she entered the kitchen. Bikky trailed behind her.

"Thanks Carol," Ryo grinned, "Dinner's almost ready."

"Smells good, what are we having?" Carol slid into one of the chairs.

Dee was at the stove carefully stirring a pot, "My world famous three alarm chili."

"Eww – the perv is cooking?"

"Bikky!" Ryo tossed a dishtowel at him.

"Hey Ryo, look at this," Carol held up a postcard, "You got a postcard from England."

"Yanno it's illegal to read other people's mail," Bikky said.

"Oh like you haven't peeked at Ryo's mail in the past," Carol retorted, "Especially around report card time!"

"What?" Ryo glared at Bikky.

"So what's the postcard say?" Bikky said in an obvious bid to change the subject.

"Don't tell me, not from them again," Ryo groaned.

Bikky leaned over and read the postcard from the side. "Avalon on the Lake? When did you – oh shit Ryo is that that same hotel--?"

"Yes it is and watch your language!"

"No way," Carol said. "Wait a sec – you said 'not them again', this isn't the first card?"

"I got one a few months ago," Ryo drew a pan of cornbread from the oven. "I tore it up."

"Why?" Carol asked.

"Hell, Carol would go back to the place where some crazy-ass old fart had tried to kill you?"

"Bikky, I told you to watch your language."

"Sorry Ryo but that's why right?"

"Pretty much." Ryo sighed.

"But Ryo," Carol said, "I doubt the new owners are homicidal maniacs. What are the chances of anything happening again?"

"You know Ryo," Dee spoke for the first time. "He's a trouble magnet."

"What?" Ryo growled, "This coming from a man who gets his ass handed to him on a regular basis?"

"What the fuck's that supposed to mean?"

"I'd have to say you're both trouble magnets – especially when it comes to vacations," Carol seemed to ponder something for a moment. "Yes, let's see – first there was England and then when you went to Martha's Vineyard?"

"Yeah and that rock star was found in his beach house--," Bikky began

"We know we were there monkey brat."

"And I'm not even going to begin to get into the incident in Mexico--,"

"Okay princess, you've made your point," Dee said petulantly. "Now do you want dinner or not?"

"Set the table would you Bikky?" Ryo asked.

"Why me?" Bikky whined.

"Oh, I'll do it you lazy bum," Carol said.

"No Carol, I said Bikky. Get moving."

Bikky set the table, muttering all the while. When the family was seated and enjoying the chili there was no talking as each concentrated on the spicy dish.

"You know," Bikky said around a mouthful of buttery cornbread, "maybe the best place to be for your next vacation is right here in New York."

All three stared at him in confusion.

"Stay here in New York?" Dee said, "Kinda defeats the purpose of a vacation doesn't it?"

"What makes you say that, Bikky?" Ryo asked.

"Well duh," Bikky said matter-of-fact, "With your track record, New York is probably the safest place for you to be."