That night I couldn't sleep.
I tossed and turned this way and that. Visions of Kitty's scowling face swam before me, turning into Johnathan before changing into Luke.
I fretted, worried and cried all through the night. Not even thoughts of Johnathan made me feel good. Thinking of him put a knot into my stomach, worried of what he thought of me, scared of what he would do if he found out the awful truth about me.
I felt terrible rage at Luke, it felt like a searing hot streak through my belly, I gritted my teeth and balled my fists everytime thoughts of him entered my head. I felt like baying at the moon when I thought of him, my rage was so great.
And Kitty, Kitty my thoughts rested there, what was she thinking? It was impossible to know. As a young woman when I had known her I thought she might be going insane. Was she insane? What were her plans?
Kitty was the only quantity I felt I had some control over, we at least had a history – I knew her a little. I knew she could be dangerous but she could also be manipulated – to a point.
Yes, she was a strange mix, but she was simple enough to understand. She wanted Luke. Even after all these years I knew she wanted him still. I knew she would never, never have him but telling her snippets of information about him might allow me some leverage with her.
I could only imagine how she was treating Heaven. I hoped it was only because Luke hated Heaven that he allowed her to go away with Kitty. He had never like Kitty's aggressive nature, I bet she was violent too. I shuddered.
But what other people had my children? What sort of people would take them in?
I spent the last few hours before dawn worrying and crying over the possible fates of my children.
I knew I wouldn't be able to rest until I had learned the fates of all of my children.
I guess I needed Kitty as much as she thought she needed me.