Ye olde disclaimer: we do not own DBZ. Period. Heck, I used to own a single DBZ video and that was just about it.
Ye olde disclaimer, part two: any resemblance to anyone or any story is purely coincidental. If you feel offended because you write stories like the ones described below, we assure you we're not here to mock anyone… there'll be plenty time for that later!
And now, on to our regularly scheduled programming.
Konrad your host this evening.
"Ladies and gents I'd like to thank you all for coming out tonight"
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THE INCREDIBLE UNCANNY ADVENTURES OF MARY SUE
Part Three
By Bloodpatternblue and Konrad
With Vegeta and Tenshinhan also in tow, Babba teleported Trunks and Chaozu to the Other World, bringing the small group to Kaio-Sama's planetoid.
"Oh, thank heavens it's you! About time!" Kaio-Sama greeted them in relief. "This is a disaster with this Mary Sue person!"
"Hi, Kaio-Sama. So I guess you've seen the strange things that are happening around us." Chaozu replied before seeing two strangers behind Kaio-Sama. One was a tall girl around Trunks' age with sandy blonde hair and eyes that were a mix of green and blue. Her face was beaming with joy when they arrived. The other stranger was a young Black male, about as tall as the girl and sporting glasses.
"So you're Kaio-Sama, nice to meet you. Who are they?" Trunks asked of the two strangers.
"Right, this is Bloodpatternblue and Konrad. They're fan fiction writers." Kaio-Sama said, motioning to the girl and the boy respectively.
"Hi Trunks, hi Chaozu! Wow, I can't believe I'm meeting you guys for real!" Bloodpatternblue squealed. Konrad rolled his eyes.
"Women…" he said.
"Where do you guys come from and how do you know us?" Chaozu asked. "Does this have anything to do with Mary Sue?"
"Yeah, we came here to explain what's going on. We're not from here, you see we come from another universe called…" As he spoke, Konrad put both hands in the air and, with two fingers on each hand, he did a quotation mark sign as he continued. "…The 'Real World'."
"Another universe? What is this 'Real World' like?" Trunks inquired. Bloodpatternblue and Konrad immediately glared at him.
"No, no! It's not the real world, it's…" Konrad put up his hands again and did the quotation sign again. "…The 'Real World'."
"But that's what I said, the Real World." Trunks repeated simply.
"NO! It's…" for the third time, Konrad put up his hands and did the quotation sign again. "…The 'Real World'. Get it?"
"Um, no." Konrad and Bloodpatternblue sighed.
"So why don't you explain to everyone here what your world is like?" Kaio-Sama offered to move the discussion forward.
"Right." Bloodpatternblue replied. "Well to put it simply, in our universe we watch television episodes of your adventures." Everyone, except Vegeta and Kaio-Sama, gasped. Kaio-Sama had already heard this information of course while Vegeta was too busy trying to rhyme 'Bulma' with 'blue'.
"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan said indignantly.
"Us, on TV?" Babba replied in shock.
"That's right." Bloodpatternblue continued. "In our universe, people follow all that you do on a TV show called Dragonball Z. It's really popular. There's lots of stuff like toys, books, videogames, and other merchandise based on the show and you guys. People even write fan fiction stories on you guys. Konrad and I are big fans of your show and we're also fan fiction writers. That's how we know you. By the way, Trunks, YOU ROCK!" she exclaimed abruptly before putting her hand on her mouth and blushing."
"I brought them here when I heard of the Mary Sue danger. I couldn't believe the warnings but I did so just in case." Kaio-Sama said.
"Though we don't look like this in our universe." Konrad said with a growing indignant look on his face. "Being transferred here made us look like people from this universe. This is an outrage! Why do Black Anime characters have big lips! This is discrimination!" He growled in anger, while Bloodpatternblue giggled.
"Aww, someone's a little upset. I'm happy about my Anime look. Check these out!" she said pointing to her enormous Anime-style chest. "I get really huge boobs like all Anime girls, that's really awesome. Hey, check this out!"
"N-No! DON'T…!" Kaio-Sama yelled in panic but it was too late. Bloodpatternblue, too chirpy to hear him, bounced up and down repeatedly for a few moments.
"WEEEEE! That was cool, huh?"
"Not really, child. Look!" Babba scolded.
"Huh? What… Oh dear!" Bloodpatternblue exclaimed.
Trunks, Tenshinhan, Chaozu and Konrad just looked at Bloodpatternblue with their eyes almost out of their sockets and their jaws to the floor.
"Ten… shin… han…" Tenshinhan could only mutter.
"Whoa! Bouncing boobs… I am so turned on right now!" Trunks barely spoke above a whisper while Chaozu nodded speechlessly.
"Damnit!" Konrad said, clutching his chest. "Bouncing boobs… having a… heart attack… Best… death… ever! AAAACKKKKK!" he fainted immediately.
"Nice going, girl." Kaio-Sama chided.
"Oops!" Bloodpatternblue said, blushing hard.
Moments later, they were finally able to revive Konrad. Luckily enough, his heart attack was very mild.
"Oh man, what happened?" he said.
"I think someone likes this version of me." Bloodpatternblue giggled and joked at Konrad.
"Yeah, Trunks." He retorted with a smirk, earning himself a knock on the head from the girl. Kaio-Sama sighed.
"Can we please get back to some serious talk, people?"
"Right, right. As we were saying, in…" Bloodpatternblue put her hands up and did the quotation sign. "…The 'Real World', there are lots of people like us who are fans of your show and write stories about you guys, which makes it called fan fiction."
"Wait a minute, it's really flattering that people like us and I know it's impossible for everyone to be a good writer but still a lot of it is good, right? I mean you authors don't make us do stupid things, right? Chaozu said, worry etched on his face.
"Besides making Trunks' mother get with Piccolo, of course not…" Konrad replied.
"Oh okay… huh, wait, WHAT!" Trunks stuttered.
"… There's nothing wrong with fan fiction even when it's bad." Konrad continued.
"Yes, it's a great homage to us." Kaio-Sama added.
"However there are some problems. Lots of authors write up some stuff where you people are downright unrecognizable. Sometimes it can be good but sometimes it can also be really bad. It's called 'out of character' or OOCnes in short." Said Konrad.
"Wait, what's was that about my mother and Piccolo?" Trunks said, his face livid.
"There are lots of these types of stories in all sorts of fan fiction universes and they're written especially by teenage writers. They often have an original female, or sometimes male, character is created and is some sort of ultra perfect and ultra powerful being." Bloodpatternblue continued. "In Dragonball Z fan fiction, she's always perfect in every way and she's made to be like Goku's long lost mother or Vegeta's long lost sister or something like that."
"Wait! Mary Sue said something like that." Chaozu said.
"Piccolo… my mother… oh God!" Trunks whined.
"Precisely!" Bloodpatternblue replied. "This perfect girl is referred to as Mary Sue, or Marc Sue if it's a guy, and she ruins any story she's in because the author can't write good stories!"
"Except that now there's so many of these crap stories in fan fiction that all the negative energy that they bring has created a foul creature, a living manifestation of Mary Sue!" Konrad spoke in a dark ominous tone. "Through crappy fan fiction, she infiltrates universes like yours and tries to take them over gradually by making everyone act in an OOC manner. We at the Anti-OOC Alliance have seen what she can do! She has almost completely destroyed the Pokemon, Sailor Moon, Inuyasha and Greek Mythology universes." He said before lowering his head and sighed. "Neon Genesis Evangelion will never be the same again…"
"Because of her influence, everyone in your universe will start acting according to OOC fan fiction stereotypes until they are completely her slaves." Bloodpatternblue explained. "For example, Goku is always written as an idiot in fan fiction so now he's turning into a complete retard here. And Yamcha is a womanizing cheat…"
"Krillin is always a joker so now he's always making stupid jokes. And Piccolo is somehow always obsessed with women and sex despite being basically a Martian without balls!" Konrad continued.
"You don't know that he doesn't have testi… ooh, please continue!" Trunks said, catching himself before he said something incriminating.
"Chichi is a frying pan-wielding harpy while Gohan is a little bitching intellectual emo." Said Bloodpatternblue. "And Tenshinhan, the few times that people actually bother to write him in a story, he's given no personality at all so all he does is say his name all the time."
"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan replied indignantly.
"Whatever, big guy." She chided gently.
"What about my dad?" Trunks asked and everyone turned to look at Vegeta who was still trying to write a love poem.
"Oh Bulma!" he started to read out his poem out loud in an attempted romantic tone. "You are sweeter than the air that surrounds you, you make my life so sweet, and I'm not blue because your hair is blue too, because of you! Err, I need to write more of that!" And he continued to work on his poem while everyone sweat dropped.
"Well, Vegeta is written as a bleeding-heart romantic pansy too often so that's what influencing his behaviour now. It seems now he's a really bad romantic poet." Konrad explained. "And Bulma always wants a real man so she's now attracted to Tenshinhan."
"Ouch!" Trunks winced. "Thank goodness Father isn't in his right state of mind to hear this!"
"Tenshinhan!" Tenshinhan proclaimed proudly, thumping his chest.
"If everybody's being affected, what about us?" Trunks asked.
"Oh, for you it's simply because you come from a timeline, so Mary Sue can affect you right away." Konrad said.
"And me?" Chaozu asked. At this, Bloodpatternblue and Konrad bowed their heads slightly.
"Well, like I said, she makes your friends act like they're written in bad fan fiction." Bloodpatternblue started.
"So you're not affected because no one writes you in their stories to begin with. You're just not popular, Chaozu." Konrad finished. At this, Chaozu hung his head low in sadness.
"Oh, I see. I guess there's just no place for me in fan fiction." He said pathetically.
"Awww, cheer up, little guy! Don't be so down. Hey, listen up! When this is all over and we've gone back to our world, Konrad and I will write fan fiction with you starring in it, what do you say?" Bloodpatternblue said sweetly. Chaozu perked up a bit.
"Do you mean it?" he asked.
"No." Konrad responded, smiling back. "We don't mean a single word of that."
"Aww, now I know you're my friends because you're honest!" Chaozu said in joy, throwing his arms around Bloodpatternblue.
"There! There, you cute little clown boy emperor whatchamacallit thingy you!" she said as she returned his hug.
"Sorry to interrupt the moment but we have a plan." Kaio-Sama stated.
"Right. We'll need to distract Mary Sue, we must rejoin the Z Senshi like nothing happened." Bloodpatternblue said.
"Wait, what do we do with him?" Trunks inquired while pointing at Vegeta.
"Oh Bulma, my love of my life, you wear the smiles of a thousand suns on your jade face… Wait, a sun can't smile, right?" The Prince interrupted himself in the middle of his latest bout of inspiration. "Oh dear, I'm gonna have to change that!"
"We'll take him with us so it doesn't arouse any suspicion." Bloodpatternblue replied. "So, me, you and Tenshinhan will go back to your world."
"Alright, I guess the rest is up to me and Chaozu." Konrad added. "We must travel to the dimension of Ultra-Creatively Retarded Anime Publishing, or Ultra-CRAP, to get the only thing that can scare Mary Sue…" Kaio-Sama gasped.
"NO! You don't mean…?"
"Yes." Konrad spoke ominously in a dark tone. "We must get a DBZ High School fan fiction! And it can't be just bad, it must be absolutely horrendous."
"It is the only way!" Bloodpatternblue said, in an equally ominous tone. Kaio-Sama sighed.
"If you say so. But please be careful, it's a dangerous weapon that can even turn against us." He pleaded.
"Don't worry, we'll take every precaution necessary to…" Konrad started but a loud beeping sound coming from his watch interrupted him. "Huh? What time is it…? Oh crap, it's time for a commercial break!" He turned back smiling at the television camera that was following the whole scene. "We'll be right back after these messages!" Bloodpatternblue groaned and shook her head.
"I can't take him anywhere!"
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A word from the sponsors:
"Good evening everyone.
While you're reading fan fiction, it is important to note that YOU can make a positive difference in someone else's life. While there is lots of fan fiction out there to read, some people aren't so fortunate as to have fan fiction written about them. I'm here to talk about one such person; his name is Chaozu.
Like every Anime character, Chaozu dreams of starring in his own fan fiction. But, sadly, there aren't many of those with him in it, even when he doesn't have a starring role. This is unfortunate and unfair for underprivileged characters like Chaozu.
Please donate to the 'Chaozu Fan Fiction Wish' Foundation. Every contribution, even a penny, will go towards helping this poor character get his own fan fiction stories. Together we can make a difference in Chaozu's life."
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Bloodpatternblue: "Just so you all know, I don't act like that in real life!"
Konrad: "Nice try!"
Bloodpatternblue: Whistles innocently "What? I don't act like that! It is obvious YOU wrote this chapter!"
Konrad: "And how can you tell I wrote this chapter?"
Bloodpatternblue: clears throat and quotes Konrad "I'm happy about my Anime look. Check these out!" she said pointing to her enormous Anime-style chest." gives Konrad an evil glare
Konrad: "What!"
Bloodpatternblue: "Just so all the readers out there know… even though Konrad gave me enormous boobs in this story he didn't at all receive a huge dic…"
Konrad: Screams over the top of Bloodpatternblue "AAAAAAARRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Shut up Bloodpatternblue! Just so the readers know… I didn't need an enlargement, it's already too big!" Pouts
Bloodpatternblue: "Now who's lying!"
Konrad: "Get lost!" pushes Bloodpatternblue away
To be continued…
DUN! DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!