BK: Installment number two!! Part one was better written tho. Suoh is HARD to write – especially when he's in denial, poor boy.
Temptations 2
Temptation.
I know the word well. As a bodyguard I have and will be tempted many times. I will resist them all, as I have been trained to do. I will let nothing get in the way of my duty. Noko—Kaichou will have no reason to doubt my loyalty or abilities. I frown slightly, my hands stilling in their work. That has been happening more often lately. That little slip. Calling my Kaichou by his given name. Thankfully, not speaking, but in my thoughts I have become to think of him as...
A distinct 'thunk' attracts my attention and I glance up to his desk. He is frowning a bit, mind obviously on other topics than that of the papers he is (albeit forcefully) stamping. Satisfied that the sound does not require my attention, I return to my work. And, unfortunately, my thoughts. Before, there were always times when I would refer to Kaichou as Imonoyama-san or some other more...familiar name, but it was only once in a while and never required a conscious effort to prevent. Well, it must stop – we will be entering the business world, the adults world, soon and it would not do for Nokoru – for Kaichou, dammit, to be seen being familiar with his bodyguard.
Even if he is my closest friend.
My hands move of their own accord, moving papers into the correct files and stacking the finished files on the corner of my desk. It is mindless work, but needed, and my thoughts wander on to topics I'd rather they didn't. Like Nagisa.
She is as pretty as ever but, our relationship is...not what it was. Our dates, if one can call them that, are polite, and quiet, and she is content to simply hold my hand and part with a mere kiss on the cheek, whereas I want, well, more. But I refuse to push her. She is to delicate, I doubt she even is aware of what 'more' entails. I, however, have gossipy classmates with endless supply of stories and comics and such. I wonder if Nagisa knows what happens beyond a proper kiss, she is so innocent. I suppose that comes with the gap in our ages, she seems so young now, and our relationship is...frozen. Stilted. Scripted. Like ice, unmoving and cool. It is ice, and I want fire. Fire like I have in my dreams.
Dreams that, I might add, are keeping me up at night. I fight back a yawn. I know why I am having them, adolescence and all, but why is...my eyes begin to drift in a dangerous direction and I hurriedly stand to put away the files I've completed.
Why is Noko-Kaichou, dammit, in them? I've been dating girls, alright, a girl, since the 5th grade – why am I suddenly having dreams about my male best friend? Well, I pull open the file cabinet, perhaps not so suddenly. The dreams subject had been faceless for years until I stumbled on Nokoru-san (I give up...) changing for gym a few months ago.
He is beautiful. All cream skin and and wide blue eyes with a pretty blush across his cheeks when he saw me...no. No. Stop it. Stop it right now. You are Takemura. You have a girlfriend. You cannot, can not be...attracted to your employer. It is not seemly. It is not done. He is my boss. My friend. My...
My one. I would give my life to protect him. I can not be attracted to him. I will deal with the dreams. Somehow. But not – as I have been – by delaying sleep. I stifle another yawn and move to the next filing drawer. The steady 'thunk' of Nokoru-san's stamp pauses, and I feel his eyes on me.
He is watching me again.
I wish he would do more than watch.
Stop it. This is foolish and it will not continue. This must be from lack of sleep. It has to be. Filing. Concentrate on the filing. Not on the pressure of sapphire eyes slowly moving down...I shut the cabinet with a good deal more force than necessary, and whirl around to go back to my desk. I have got to get more sleep. I'm hallucinating. I slide into my chair and stare blankly at the computer screen in front of me. What to do next? I vaguely hear Ijyuin strike up a conversation with Nokoru-san behind me but I cannot raise the interest or energy to pay attention to what they are saying.
"Suoh!" Nokoru-san calls to me. I jump, and turn to look at him. "Any requests?"
I blink, dragging my thoughts to the subject at hand. "Something caffeinated for me, please."
Ijyuin nods, says...something, and leaves. My mind is even more clouded than normal. Sleeeep... I shut my laptop and put it away, then fold my arms on my desk for a pillow. In seconds I am drifting off.
Half asleep, I hear Nokoru-san get up and walk over to me. There is a rustle and a brush of air, and then my uniform jacket settles over my shoulders. I shift, but in my laziness, refuse to open my eyes. There is a slight pause, then a hand rests on my shoulder and warm breath flows over my cheek. I start, and go to open my eyes when soft lips brush mine.
I freeze. No...
"Ai shiteru, Suoh," Nokoru whispers, and the the hand is gone from my shoulder and he moves away. I am stunned. The door opens and closes, Nokoru-san and Ijyuin talk. I hear Nokoru-san return to his desk and settle in his chair.
Impossible.
He can't.
He can't.
But...I can still feel the warmth from his hand on my shoulder, so this cannot be a dream.
So...now what? Do I act, peruse this...interest? Do I pretend that I was asleep and act as though I have no memory? What do I do? What can I do?
I want, so badly, for Ijyuin to be gone – to get up and go over to Nokoru-san and kiss him for real. Taste him. Have him.
And yet...I can't. He can't. It would never be allowed. He has his whole future planned. I have my future planed. It...could not happen.
Dammit, Nokoru, why can't you ever keep things simple?
Temptation, indeed.