This is an update. Already, I know, but there have been Complaints as to Clarity. So, now that I am fully conscious, I have reread, revised and reposted. Which just leaves you to review and we've got a full circle! La-la-la.

Chapter Four: Blackmail

--

Silence.

The ticking of a clock, rain on the windows.

Otherwise, silence.

Then I felt like my head had imploded.

"Aaaaahhh!"

"Aaaaahhh!"

"Aaaaahhh!"

I sat up and looked at my fellow Marauders, all of whom were squealing. "Shut the fuck up!" I shouted, diving back under the covers and covering my head with a pillow. Padfoot dragged the quilt, Remus and Peter got ahold of my feet, and the next thing I knew I was sprawled on the floor wondering what the hell was going on.

"What the hell is going on? You're going to ruin my hair!"

I must have fallen back asleep or I would never have said anything so retarded. I looked at my watch and groaned. "Tell me this is a horrible nightmare."

"Only if you screw up. Today is the big day!"

"No time for beauty sleep, up you get!"

"Here, boy!" Sirius lolled his tongue around and dropped to all fours. I kicked him in the ribs.

"Don't you remember what's going on?" Remus asked, obviously horrified at the thought of me forgetting something that HE had said. "I thought you actually focussed when we spoke of your One True Love."

"Clearly that isn't the case," I mumbled, scrubbing my face with a hand.

"It is now 6:59. You have one hour to get dressed, get breakfast, and get your arse to the Italian classroom."

I snarled at him but complied. He was doing me a favour. Fifty-nine minutes later had my arse seated in the Italian classroom and the rest of my body sleeping in my very uncomfortable desk.

But it was not to be. One minute later there was an explosion from below, and Evans leaped into action so effectively that she knocked me to the floor, where I was promptly trampled. The Plan was working out far too well. By the time I got out of the classroom Evans, along with the rest of my peers, were out of sight.

I bolted for the stairs to the dungeons in the vain hope that Evans had done what Remus thought she would. The first thing I saw when I hit the bottom step was Snape trying to put his hand up her skirt. I came to a dead halt.

"Ew, gross," I said. Snape heard. He turned. I launched myself at him. He whipped out his wand and I crumpled in what I can only hope was a well-mannered, attractive heap.

--

I woke up in the hospital wing. I knew where I was before I even opened my eyes; it just has that post-battle feel to it. The sun-warmed sheets, the concerned faces, the rabid fan-mail.

I risked opening one eye a crack, and spotted a heap of fan-mail at the foot of the bed. I opened the other. Sun-warmed sheets. I picked my head up and looked around.

"Hello?" I said. "Evans? Padfoot? Madame Pomfrey?"

Nothing. I scowled and felt the bump on my head. I was going to kill Snape.

--

Silence.

The clicking of our heels. Rain on the windows. We were on patrol.

Silence.

"Okay, look, Evans," I said, unable to take it any longer. "Are we going to discuss this issue or not?"

"I didn't think there was one."

Why do I even like this girl?

"The issue is that you snogged me and then let Snape – Snape! – put his hand up your skirt."

She let out a breathy sigh. "First of all, Potter, you snogged me."

"I beg to –"

"Secondly," she said, raising her voice, "I did not let Snape put his hand up my skirt, in fact I was turned the other way – not that that gives you any right to kill him."

"I still think I should –"

"And thirdly it is NONE of your business whose hand is up my skirt because I know for a FACT that you snogged my entire dorm last week and didn't feel the need to stalk them, or kill their next conquests, or machine any stupid private patrols with them, or – or –"

"Conquest?" I said. I wasn't a conquest.

"The point is not that you snogged them! And you didn't care!"

"That's exactly the point, Evans, I do care about you and therefore I have every right to –"

"Ah, but I do not care about you. Therefore you have no rights."

Damn it. Lost again.

"Okay, but what I'm trying to say is that it must have meant something."

"What must have meant something?" she said, astutely stupid. I smacked myself in the forehead.

"Us! Snogging like fiends, remember?"

"I try not to think about it."

"I don't see why not. It's a perfectly respectable pastime."

She rolled her eyes.

"And you're not me, you don't snog just anyone. In fact, by the sounds of it you don't snog anyone at all."

"That would be because everyone is too scared to risk the wrath of YOU." She stabbed me in the chest with her finger. "So would you KINDLY remove your BLANKET BAN –"

"Okay, okay. Relax. All I'm saying is that if you hated me so much you wouldn't snog me."

"Obviously I would."

"But not if you hated me."

"Then what is this feeling?"

"Maybe it's lo –"

"Don't even," she growled. "The feeling is hate."

"And there we must agree to disagree."

"It isn't a happy feeling."

"No one ever said love is fun."

"By unhappy I mean it wants to rip your guts out."

"Let's try starting this conversation over, shall we?" I said pleasantly, hoping to distract her before she attempted to act on that feeling. "Evans, in a mature, adult fashion, I would like to discuss the events that have taken place these last few days in order that we might come to a healthy conclusion."

"We might come to the conclusion that you staying away from me would be nice."

"You might. I, on the other hand –"

"Don't start again, please, Potter," she said in a tired voice. "We were getting along so well."

"We were fighting. I distinctly remember you raising your voice."

"I mean last week. It was like you were finally saying things that weren't intended to drive me insane, and now you go and wreck it."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you have any idea what you're apologizing for?"

"If you explained in a bit more detail I might have a better –"

She waved me away. "I have a headache, Potter. Can we just walk in silence?"

Back to that. I shoved my hands in my pockets and scuffed my feet. She looked at me sideways.

"Um… okay so you were friendly last week and I thought we might be able to get along so I let you snog me but then you went back to being obnoxious and I didn't know what to think but I'm glad you're sorry and you're acting like a normal person again," she said in a rush. Then she squeezed her eyes shut. I walked up to her.

"You let me snog you because I was nice?"

She nodded, eyes still closed. She swayed a little and leaned against the wall for support.

"And then because I was being obnoxious you let Snape put his – shh, shh, I'm joking." I put a finger on her lips. She leaned into me this time, hands still flat against the wall. I put mine on top of hers. "And now I'm nice again."

Her nod was barely perceptible, but I knew what it meant. I kissed her mouth.

"No, stop," she said, "what are you doing?"

Hm. Not exactly the response I was hoping for.

"I thought that meant we could snog."

"It means we can try to be friends, Potter. James," she said.

"Lily," I said.

"James."

"Lily."

"Quit interrupting me, I know what my name is. Don't do that."

I stopped what I was doing. "Sorry."

"I want to get along with you. No, let me finish. I don't want to snog you in every empty corridor we pass."

"I know a lot of empty corridors," I said helpfully.

"Exactly. If we do that I won't be able to tell if you're turning back into an obnoxious prick. Which is not the kind of person I want to snog."

"What does it matter who they are once you're snogging them?"

Whoops. She tried to back away, but I had her in a corner. She got as far from me as she could and glared.

"It matters because of the emotional aspect."

"The what?"

"You're being an obnoxious prick," she said. I let go of her arms but didn't give her room to get away. She's a slippery fiend, that one. "I don't find it attractive."

Ah. That I could understand. "I see."

"Do you?"

"Yes."

"Oh." She blinked a few times. "Oh."

"So are we going to have to talk and get to know each other? I feel like I've been stalking you for long enough, I must have told you all the things I love about you by now. Not that there is any limit on them." I was still new to this not-being-a-prick mentality and wasn't too sure where the lines were drawn.

She laughed. I made a mental note that compliments were good. "Yeah, talking about something other than me would be a nice change."

"Really?"

"Yes… what do you talk about to other people?"

"Um. You. And sometimes me."

"Together or seperately?"

"A bit of both."

"I see. And may I ask what other people's reactions are?"

I thought about that. "First they roll their eyes."

She grinned.

"Then they start to yawn. Then they start to shout. Then –"

"But you keep talking?"

"Sure."

She laughed again, the kind that said she knew more about me than I did. But not in a good way. I felt very exposed.

"Listen, Ev – Lily. I'm really not comfortable talking about this."

"You mean about me?"

"No, about me."

"I thought you did it a lot. Let me rephrase. I know you do it a lot." She was mocking me, I could tell.

"Very funny. Can we get back to the real issue here?"

"Which is?"

"What we're going to do about – huh. We finished our problem."

"Yes we did." I wish she would stop grinning at me.

"Normally we just fight until I leave, or you leave, or we snog."

"This in your ideal world."

"Yes, well, the latter is a rare treat."

"Here, boy!" she said suddenly, slapping her legs like she wanted me to come trotting over. I stared at her like she was crazy. That being because she was.

"What are you, Sirius?"

"No, I'm joking. You sounded like a puppy on a string."

"I would consider the option were the string long and the other end had you on it. I mean you had the other end. Or whatever."

"Like a leash," she suggested.

"Sort of."

"Like a love slave."

"Yeah, that's exactly it." Now she was starting to get my drift.

"I was joking," she said, and all my dreams shattered. "We should keep walking, we're supposed to be on patrol."

We walked in silence for a while, this time more contemplative than awkward. Or, for that matter, explosive. I was trying to remember Remus' next step to The Plan, now that I had remedied the first.

"Lily," I said, a brainwave having kicked in, "you're good at Italian, yes."

"Sure, I'm all right."

"You're the best in the class."

"I thought you were."

"That's the thing," I said. This was very wounding to my dignity, so I decided to draw it out. "Snape is much, much worse than me."

"Get to the point, Potter."

"Willyoututormemydarling?"

"Bless you," she said.

"Will you tutor me? I'm very bad."

She looked at me like I was crazy. "James. You speak Italian fluently. Your family has a cottage in Italy. You were there three months ago."

I couldn't believe she knew this much about me. It was scandalous gossip, and what was more it was ruining everything. "Yes, but… the Italian they speak in Italy is… different."

"Different how?"

"Like… slangy different."

"You mean you swear a lot."

"In the circles I move in, I don't need to know much else."

"I see."

We had stopped, and she had folded her arms and was looking at me closely. "I think there are better ways we could spend our time together," she said.

"Yes, but… if we do this we'll have more to spend." I smiled winningly.

"I lead a very busy life."

"Is that a no?"

"That's a no."

"How do you feel about me, Lily?"

"I feel that you're pushing it right about now. Remember, I just started tolerating you."

"Okay." I chewed on my lip a bit, wishing it was hers. "How do you feel about Snape?"

She threw up her hands and marched away.

"How do you feel about the whole school knowing that you let Snape feel you up?"

She froze. "You wouldn't."

"Probably not," I admitted.

"But you might?"

"I suppose it would depend."

She took a slow, deep breath, turned around, and marched right back. "James Potter," she said in a low voice, "I never believed you would so degrade yourself."

Uh-oh.

"You are hypocritical, you are perveted, and you are mean."

She took another breath and headed back toward the common room. I didn't complain that she was leaving me alone on duty; if the Death Eaters didn't kill me she certainly would. It looked like evil was the safer bet at this point.

"So will you tutor me?" I shouted after her.

"Fine!" she snarled back.

"You won't regret it!"

"I can't think of a reason that you'd be right!"

"You don't need a reason for love, honey, it comes naturally!"

I guess by that point she thought it was a bit silly to continue the conversation. After all, she wasn't even in sight.

But it didn't matter.

I had her right where I wanted her.

--

A/N: ooh, the viscous James appears! V. Sirius of him. Hopefully this was more entertaining than last chapter, I wasn't quite so bored writing it…

I want to make sure here that when you review you tell me whether James is starting to get sterile or not (so soon! Then how do we explain Harry?). No, really, is he becoming the dull-ster? This story is kind of resting on his shoulders. In the next chapter, more plot! Unless you protest. I wish to involve Action and Lord Voldemort.

I also want to salute all the Blaisers in the world who are doggedly posting anything to do with that god among insects. They are troopers. Or at least some of them are. Some of them are pure, unadulterated fluff (not that I'm one to point the finger here), and also don't do Blaise justice.

And I also want to advertise for Girl in a Yellow Dress, a chapter of which I hope to post shortly. If you haven't read my other stories you must now, for no reason at all but my own self-involvement!

Until next time, bat-folk! I'll meet you at the same bat-time, same bat-channel!