Summary: Buffy sees the torture Spike endured to protect her and her sister. Wracked by doubt about her calling and her coming fight with Glory she turns to Spike. Takes place at end of S5 Intervention and goes off-canon from there.

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Joss Whedon, and Mutant Enemy, and were made flesh by the actors that gave them life. I borrow them here out of reverence, with respect and for fun, not profit. I promise to return them when I've finished with them (but can I keep Spike, pretty please? I'll treat him well, sooo well!).

Chapter Four - Tears

"I can't keep this up anymore. I'd just got my head round never being 'normal', you know, being the Slayer, not being able to have a normal boyfriend, kids, or, …. " her voice trailed off, " … a long life."

Spike said nothing, letting her continue to unburden, but his hand began gently tracing small circular patterns over her back and his eyes shone with unshed tears for her.

"But as if that wasn't enough, every man I've ever loved has left me, I had to find my mother's dead body and now I've had to give up college. And being a parent for Dawn is difficult enough, but now I have to keep her safe from an evil, mad bitch-god who wants to use her to end the world. A god! I can't defeat a god!" A sob caught in her throat.

"Then I go to the desert with Giles to learn more about my destiny and the First Slayer just talks in riddles like I'm supposed to know what she's on about. And my friends want to tell me what to do all the time and they expect me to just deal with everything. Well, I can't anymore, I just can't!" Buffy's voice was shrill as she finished her rant, slumping against Spike's chest again, sobs shuddering through her body, tears and snot dripping onto Spike's already damp t-shirt.

For several minutes Buffy sobbed quietly while Spike' rubbed her back in silence, Buffy too exhausted to speak and Spike too overwhelmed by his emotions to trust his voice.

At length Spike took a deep, unnecessary breath and said gently, "You're wrong you know, Slayer."

At Buffy's questioning look, he continued softly, "You CAN defeat Glory. And you will. I know it doesn't seem like you can but I know you, I know what you are capable of, Slayer. Glory doesn't stand a chance against you."

"I wish I could believe you Spike," Buffy mumbled despondently.

"You will, He replied, with more confidence than he felt. "But for now you don't have to do anything. You can stay here as long as you like and have a break from everything 'til we can sort out what to do."

"But I can't, I have to go home, I've got Dawn to look after and Giles expects me to plan to take down Glory and the others will expect me back and…." She fell silent as Spike pressed a finger lightly to her lips.

"Shhh. All that will wait. Might do 'em good not to rely on you for everything for once. Red and her mate'll look out for Niblet. Just stay here for a bit, Slayer and have a rest: you obviously need one."

Buffy nodded, not quite knowing what to make of her changing relationship with this evil, self-proclaimed Big Bad, master vampire. How long ago was it that they were both determined to kill each other? But they could never quite manage to take their fights to the logical conclusion for a Vampire Slayer and a vampire Slayer of Slayers. Had they ever really intended to use lethal force, or was it just a ritual dance?

Then her mother died and suddenly they are both grieving for her. And Dawn was spending more time with Spike and it should have worried her but it didn't because she knew Spike would never let anything happen to Dawn. Hadn't he just proved that beyond any doubt by taking the torture that Glory had inflicted on him without revealing Dawn's secret? She had so much to thank Spike for and now he was offering her sanctuary.

Buffy's thoughts were interrupted by Spike moving her off his lap, saying, "Niblet's on her way here. I can sense her. She's back from school. Pop below and I'll talk to her."

Buffy nodded silently again and made her way to the opening to the lower level.

"It'll be okay, Buffy, luv. You'll see." Spike said as he moved to open the crypt door to the Slayer's sister.

He called me 'Buffy', she realised with surprise, as she disappeared down the ladder into the chamber below, feeling a gentle warmth come over her at his informality.

Spike stepped outside the crypt into the shade that the wall of the crypt provided from the last rays of the setting sun and shut the door before speaking to Dawn so that Buffy couldn't hear. It wasn't that he was going to say anything Buffy wouldn't want him to say but she didn't need to hear a commentary on her problems just now.

Meanwhile Buffy slumped on to Spike's bed where Spike found her a few minutes later. "Why don't you get some more rest Buffy, luv?" he murmured, standing close beside her, "We can talk some more later but you're worn out now."

Buffy half smiled at him, then bit her lip before she asked quietly, "Spike? Why are you doing this? Why are you helping me?"

He answered with a question of his own; "Why did you help me, luv? You could have just as well of staked me when you had the chance. It's your calling, pet. I know that. Wouldn't have faulted you for it. But you didn't just help me. You gave your blood to me. Without it I couldn't have healed enough to feed. You didn't need to do that."

Buffy raised her head to lose herself in his gaze. "You protected Dawn," she stated simply. "You didn't need to do that."

"It's all I could do, luv," he replied frankly, "Com'on, get some sleep for an hour or so." He held the covers for her as Buffy slipped under them, melting into the comfort of the bed. Before Spike had made his way back to the upper level the Slayer was sound asleep.

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Spike descended the ladder with a mug of piping hot tea in his hand. Buffy was just rousing herself and took the tea he offered gladly, whispering her thanks.

After a couple of sips of the calming brew, she smiled, "You can tell you're British by the amount of tea you drink."

"English, luv" he grimaced, "I don' like to be lumped with the Celts. M'not like Peaches. Saxon stock, me."

"Jeez, fussy much?" Buffy laughed. Spike smiled from ear to ear.

Then, as if dismayed at her laughter given the serious situation that existed both outside and inside the crypt, Buffy's eyes clouded over and her bottom lip trembled. "What am I gonna do?"

"You're gonna have your tea and bloody enjoy it!" Spike stated emphatically. "Then you're gonna take a bit of a break from all that Glory stuff before we decide what to do next. There's nothing that won' keep and Dawn knows you're here in case of emergencies. Mind, she's telling the Scoobies that you've gone away for a bit to recuperate. An' she's bought over some clothes an' stuff for you, too. You can stay here as long as you like, pet. No strings."

That was all Buffy needed to collapse into another crying fit as her eyes brimmed with yet more tears. She put her mug on the nightstand and covered her face with her hands as she shook with the force of her sobs again.

"Hey, don' cry, pet," Spike said soothingly, sitting beside her and wrapping his arms protectively round her small frame. "It'll all be okay. As me ol' mum used t'say, 'it'll all come out in the wash'. Don' be frettin' now."

When Buffy wailed and pushed herself against his chest, Spike felt something spasm deep inside his chest, as if he had a heart to skip a beat. To distract himself from analysing this new feeling he quipped, "Hey, pet, steady on. You've already made one t-shirt soggy. I ain't got that many left!"

Buffy sniffed loudly and straightened up, stopping her tears with no little effort, and pulling a Kleenex from her pocket to wipe her eyes and nose. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to ruin your shirt. And I must look a fright, all puffy eyes and runny nose and…"

Spike stopped her by lifting her chin so that he could look her full in the face. "There ain't a more beautiful sight in all the world." He took a chance and brought his lips down to meet hers.

To his surprise, and to hers, Buffy's lips parted as she surrendered to his kiss.

What started off tentatively, almost chaste, became amorous then passionate as they both found what they had needed for so long.

Spike was the first to break away from their kiss. "I'm sorry luv. That was wrong of me. I said no strings and I meant it. Why don't you come on up stairs and we can watch a bit of telly. Unless you like cards?" He added hopefully.

Buffy decide to ignore what had just happened, as in all honesty, she didn't quite understand her feelings towards Spike just now. Instead she decided to stick with a safe topic, "Cards sounds good as long as you remember that cheating is a staking offence."

"Hey, I don' cheat!" replied Spike as they climbed the ladder to the upper level, grateful that Buffy had not commented on their kiss.

"Owww, pleeeease!" Buffy rolled her eyes dramatically, throwing herself on to the easy chair. "I remember a certain game of kitten poker."

"That's not fair," he protested as he rummaged in a drawer for his deck of cards. "I wanted to win to save the kitties. It was a noble thing to do. Can't really call that cheating."

"That's sooo not true! You were gonna cash in the kittens for whisky and cigarettes."

Spike smirked, "Guilty as charged, m'lord."

Buffy started to laugh again and Spike beamed at her. Spike threw the deck of cards towards Buffy, which she deftly caught, as he instructed, "You shuffle, luv."

Spike dragged two wooden cartons across the floor, setting one on its side as a card table and placing a folded blanket on the other to serve as a stool for him to sit on.

Buffy shuffled the pack with the dexterity of a Mississippi card-sharp and began to deal as they both settled down to beat the other in a battle neither intended to back down from.