This is the first chapter I have ventured on alone, without the guidance and support of my first-word-girl, who ditched me for Mexico. Thus it is dedicated to my hypothetical Latin lover.

Oh, and I borrowed a line from some fic or other, can't remember which; Lily's comment on James' ego. I thought it was pretty clever, so this is a disclaimer woo-oo woo-oo I did not write it!

Now that I've got that off my consience, I'll see you on the other side…

Chapter Eight: Pranks

--

"Potter," Evans said, coming up to me in the hall several days later, "I've decided to accept your proposition."

"Oh, great." I moved toward her, but she pressed her palm into my chest to stop me. I took her wrist and started kissing it.

"I'll tutor you in Potions," she said. "You obviously need it more than Italian, and –"

"Evans," I said, in mounting frustration, "I don't want you to tutor me in anything."

"Then why do you keep asking?"

Oh dear God, she was actually surprised. "I want to spend time with you. I thought you got that."

"But Potions –"

"Will be just fine."

"Oh." She blinked a few times. "Well, okay, then. I'll see you in Herbology."

I growled and started after her as she walked away. "Will you go out with me or not?"

"There's not much point, is there? We see each other all the time, and –"

"It's just a formality, Evans, do you not get the concept? It's an excuse for me to kiss you in the halls and stalk you without being in your Creepy Stalker Gang."

"But I don't want to kiss you in the halls."

"What are you, asexual? Everyone wants to kiss me in the halls!"

"I don't," Padfoot said. I wish he would quit sneaking up on me like that.

"As much as I love your input –" I started.

"Gotcha. I'm gone." He winked at Evans and left. I turned back to her.

"Evans, please. Just go out with me."

"But where will we go? There isn't a Hogsmeade weekend for, like, two months."

"What do you think the rest of the school does on their mid-semester dates?"

"Snog. Sometimes swim. But not in January."

I waved my arms around. "Remember who you're talking to? I'm James, I can do whatever I want."

She narrowed her eyes. "I'm wanting less and less to be having this conversation."

"Then let's wrap it up. Will you or will you not let me show you the Potter magic?" Ooh, that sounded bad. Quick, how to recover the situation?

"I'm trying to have a conversation with you, not your ego," she snapped.

"Evans, I have an invisibility cloak and a living map of the school. Whatever you feel like doing, we can do. I'm going to wait at the bottom of the stairs on Friday night. If you want me to look like a complete wanker, please, don't come down."

Walking away looked like the best option, so I did, praying that I hadn't riled her up this time. As fun as it was, I hated looking like a wanker on a Friday night.

Especially a Friday night that Padfoot had at least three dates.

--

Dori was back at school the next morning, dry-eyed but grim. It raised a lot of eyebrows that she hadn't waited out the traditional grieving period, but I guess Padfoot hadn't put her off so much as redirected her. And now that she had direction, she wasn't wasting time.

She approached me at lunch. I gathered I wasn't the first by the way she was talking.

"Look, I'm not trying to force you into anything," she was saying as Evans came up behind us. "The last thing we need is another careless little boy. As long as you're willing to be a dedicated member –"

"You're telling me this like you're doing me a favour," I interrupted. "What's in it for me?"

"Saving lives."

"So, like, moral satisfaction." I chewed on my shepherd's pie. "What do you think, Evans?"

"I think you should do it," she said quietly.

I flashed my eyes over to her, surprised at this change of heart. She hadn't sounded nearly so sure the last time I talked to her.

"Dumbledore's organized a Charms program to teach us advanced and ancient magic," she explained. "It's fascinating, and it's possible that it'll get a lot of use later."

"I wonder…" I took another bite while I thought. "Everything we've seen so far has been pretty random – the giants, the raids, that wacked-out Slytherin ritual-burning thing, you know? No connections. It's like ol' Voldie gets an idea and runs with it."

I wondered if Dori would find my calling her parents' murderers "ol' Voldie" offensive. I really hoped not.

So far she and Lily were just looking at me to finish my thought. "Well, who else do we know who does that?"

"The four of you," Evans said slowly. "But pranks are hardly –"

"We need some hot ideas. Padfoot," I said.

"Right here."

"Hot ideas, please."

"I'm thinking girls, I'm thinking mud, I'm thinking Astronomy Tower."

"Does your fantasy involve getting the mud up to the Astronomy Tower, or are you thinking there'll be some up there?"

"Point. Okay, be more specific."

"Weren't you listening in on us just now?"

"I lead a very busy life, Prongs, I don't have time to listen to your prattle all the time."

"You were sitting right there!"

"Yeah, I was listening in."

"So!"

He shrugged. "Dunno. Maybe Scrabble?"

He could be so goddamned difficult sometimes.

"Dori, listen, can I get back to you on this? I'm not sure I'm willing to commit my life to battle here, but maybe I can work something out with Dumbledore, yeah?"

"Sure," she said, "as long as everyone's doing something."

"Thanks, hon." I squeezed her hand. "How are you, by the way?"

"Oh, fine." She smiled widely at me and got up, leaving me in full view of Evans, who was shaking her head. Dori was not fine. But at least she had purpose, I guess.

--

I decided that big life plans or no, I might as well try waiting at the bottom of the girls' stairs Friday night. It got a lot of attention, I won't deny, when I came down in my dress clothes, with a nice flower and such, to stand sentinel-like in the doorway. A couple of first years stared for ten solid minutes, and Padfoot singed his pants in the fire while he was too busy laughing at me to notice.

It didn't take Evans long to come down, looking as lovely as always. I offered my arm and several lavish compliments, both of which she scorned. She did accept the flower, though, and stepped through the Portrait Hole with an air of admirable trust, considering who she was with. I decided to take it as a good sign.

I was nervous as hell and every clever line that crossed my mind I had already used on her friends. "Ever seen the kitchens?" I finally asked.

"No." She looked a bit wary. Maybe she was expecting a nice restaurant.

"We could go out," I said, "but you might want to change your shoes, it's a long trek."

"No, the kitchens are fine."

"Or we could take a look at the Room of Requirement, see what it has to offer."

She sent me a dirty look. Apparently my reputation had preceded me.

"Or… or… the Quidditch pitch? It's really lovely at this time of year, and I've been perfecting a new heating charm – no? Okay, kitchens it is."

She was staring at me. "Perfecting a charm?"

"Yeah." I shuffled my feet. "I'm pretty sure it's not illegal so long as the initial and resulting charms are safe."

"How do you perfect a charm?"

"Play around with it a bit." I looked at her suspiciously. "Why?"

She shook her head as though to clear it. "I'm sorry, you're creating magic?"

"No no no. Magic doesn't work that way. We're just a medium for kinetic forces in the –"

"I know, Potter, don't condescend."

"Sorry."

"Ungh." She slapped a hand to her forehead. "Is it safe to use yet?"

"Of course, I'm not sure if the humidity's quite right is all. We've been finding the air on the stale side when we make it dry out the ground."

"Ungh," she said again. Finally she burst out, "When did you get to be smart?"

I swallowed a laugh, seeing that she was serious. "Come on, we have to pick some stuff up if we're going to eat. I hope you like walking, the kitchens are about eight floors down."

"Don't you have a shortcut or something?"

I looked up and down the hallway and then grabbed her arm. "As a matter of fact," I said, pulling her into an alcove. "Dissocio," I whispered to the wall, tracing a pattern on it, and then stepped back to watch it split in two. "Tada. This'll take us to the floor below the kitchens, but it's well worth it."

"The scenic route?" she said faintly.

"Yeah, there's a nice balcony overlooking the lake partway down." I threaded my fingers through hers and smiled down at her. "Enjoying yourself yet?"

"You're surprising, I'll give you that much."

"Huh. I would have been surprised if I hadn't known a secret passageway."

"I thought those were rumours, about you guys."

"Ha, some of them were. Did you hear the one about the rollercoaster under the Owlery?"

She cracked a smile at that. "Stupid Muggles. And what about the hopscotch fiasco in fourth year? Oh, and someone told me Remus was a werewolf, doesn't that just take the cake?"

I stopped in my tracks. "Who told you that?"

"Um." She was eyeing me warily, so I moderated my tone and said,

"He doesn't need any more rumours about him than there are already. I hope you told whoever it was to shove it."

"Fannullone, I said to him, chiudere il becco." She waved her free hand around to express her disgust. I blinked.

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Was that English or am I crazy?"

"I thought I'd better test your knowledge. Pop quiz, hot shot, what'd I just say?"

I considered. "Lazy bum?"

"Correct."

I shook my head in amusement. "Aaand… shut up?"

"You win a prize." She grinned at me. "Would you like a shiny star?"

"Can I pick my own prize?"

"If you must."

"How about a bouncy ball?"

She looked disappointed but went for her wand. I took the opportunity to take her by the elbows and pull her closer. I kissed her nose. "Or we could compromise."

"Hmph. I can make you a bouncy ball if that's what you want."

"It is," I sighed. "It holds beautiful memories for me. You see, Padfoot and I once –"

"Prongs!" came an echoing voice from down the hall. "What have I told you about mentioning me to your girlfriends? They alwaays leeave yooou!"

"Get the hell away from me, you stalker!" I shouted back. I heard a giggle from his date. And then another, slightly different one. I frowned. How had he managed that?

Evans had covered her mouth with her hand to stop from laughing at me. "Let's go see what they're doing," she said.

"Christ, don't prove him right," I groaned, too late.

When I caught up they were seated in a circle. Padfoot had what looked like twins with him, one on either side, and Evans in front. She patted the ground. "Come, they're playing a game."

"What game?" I said suspiciously.

"Word association," one of the twins said. For clarity, let's call her Twin One.

Twin Two kissed Padfoot's cheek. "Strip word association. Look how good he is at it."

And indeed, Padfoot was wearing far more clothing than either of them.

"Come on, Evans, I don't want them sullying your innocent mind." I tugged at her hand, but she didn't budge.

"It sounds like fun."

"It won't last. Mm, did I tell you what wonderful cake the house-elves make?"

"Sit," she said, in that controlling voice that I love so much. I sat.

"Padfoot, I hate you."

"Does everyone know each other?" he asked, blissfully unaware of my feelings.

"Hi, Lily," The Twins said. "And we assume you're James," Twin Two added. "I'm Gretchen and this is Greta."

"Nice," I said untruthfully. Actually I thought their names were stupid.

"Whose turn is it?" Lily asked.

"Mine," said Twin One. "Sirius started with 'Gherkin', Gretchen said 'pickle', and I'm going to do 'cucumber'.

"Potatoe," Evans said promptly. "That counts, right?"

"Sure," Padfoot told her, sending a devil-may-care grin her way. To her credit, she didn't notice. She was too busy looking at me.

Ha! ha! ha!

I knew how to play this out.

"Salad," I said with all the confidence of a master. Padfoot was keeping a close eye on me but he'd never win.

"Lettuce."

As if that could stop me.

"Vegetation," said Twin Two. I could have kissed her.

"Forest."

"Mountain."

"Lily-of-the-valley," I said triumphantly, and Padfoot groaned.

"Jesus Christ, Prongs, give it up!"

"Take it off kids, you knew I'd get there in the end. Ha ha ha!" I crowed.

Padfoot covered his eyes as Evans took off a sock. "Am I safe to look?"

"No," I said. She slapped my arm.

"It's just a foot, James."

"Showing a little ankle there, are we?" Padfoot said. "I'm shocked."

"Oh! Shocking!" said Twin One. I was starting to get the feeling they didn't have a clue what was going on.

"Well, ladies," Padfoot said, dropping a hand onto each of the Twins' calves, "are we ready to move on?"

"Oh, yes," they said, jumping up. "These two are very boring."

"At last, commiseration." Padfoot put his arms around them and walked off.

I offered a hand to Evans. "Shall we?"

"Let's keep playing," she said, climbing into my lap. I do have that effect on people.

--

A/N: Having gotten no response whatsoever on last chapter's vote, I'm going to give it another go. This one is a pop Word Association quiz. Get from 'Toast' to 'Death' in seven words or less (that was the least I could think of off-hand) and I will incorporate the scene of your choice into chapter nine! Example:

Toast  Jelly  Apples  Snow White  Poison  Death

Get at it, kids!