Wow…it's been almost 2 years since I updated this; I'm so ashamed of myself. I'm sorry guys! But for sure this series will be finished! I promise! The other ones too….

Everything I Wanted

Chapter 6: Blue and Yellow

And it's all in how you mix the two


And it starts just where the light exists


It's a feeling that you cannot miss


And it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

How strange, that feeling you have just at the edge of waking up, the sense that you're not in your own body, like your watching yourself from somewhere far away. You can hear voices talking over you but only feel obligated to listen, never making the effort to speak out. Content to just watch, to be invisible. In that place, that state of mind where worries and pain don't exist, only you.

Duo didn't know exactly when he had woken up; one second he was nothing then the next pain shocked through his abused system, making him retch and sit up suddenly, causing even more pain to race through his body. Amethyst eyes opened sharply as Duo gasped for air, feeling his chest stretch and burn with each intake of air. Only dimly would he realize he was alone in a familiar room, the stark blue curtains that covered the windows and the high white walls registering in his mind like a warning. He was back at the house he had left more than 4 months ago, in his room he had promised never to return to.

The soldier in Duo started taken a damage report, his ribs felt tender but not broken, or maybe already healing. A bandage wrapped around his head, covering a bump he felt in the side of his forehead. His limbs felt sluggish but not too injured. Overall if he needed to, he was able to run.

"Duo………ick…….eld"

Hearing Quatre approaching made him slip back under the covers. He didn't want to be discovered yet, better to figure out what was going on first. Taking a couple deep breathes Duo slowed his heartbeat to something close to sleep and closed his eyes just as the door opened.

Staying at a stillness that only training could produce Duo listened as the sound of footsteps approached his bed, the mattress dipped next to him and a warm hand was placed upon his head. The scent of sweat and earth met his nose making him almost blink his eyes open.

Heero???

"Why hasn't he woken up yet Quatre?" There was no mistaking that slightly nasal voice and Duo's heart skipped a beat.

"Heero, he's suffering from major wounds both physically and mentally. Sally said we'll be lucky if he ever even wakes up the same again. He could be traumatized or worse, he might never wake up again!" Duo felt sympathy as he heard the sorrow in the blonde's voice.

"He has to wake up Quatre," The hand traveled up to run through Duo's bangs in a familiar gesture.

Duo's mind was racing, what was Heero saying, why was he even there? He stayed as still as possible while the boys sat in silence looking down on him. The minutes ticked by like hours, until finally the two boys silently left, leaving Duo to his pondering.

Quatre knew Duo was awake, could sense the moment when pain was the only thing prevailing in Duo's mind. Now as he walked down the stairs by the ever silent perfect soldier he could feel the confusion coming off of his dear friend. How could he help? How could he explain what had happened with Relena? No matter what way he looked at it Duo would be hurt and even more confused.

They had reached the bottom of the stairs and Quatre hardly noticed as Heero broke off to head towards the training gym where he knew Wufei would be waiting. Exiting through the back door he plopped down by the garden he had just put in last week and started randomly pulling out weeds, too lost in thought to even care that his crisp clean clothes were getting dirty.

Duo had been through so much already, what if his trust was completely shattered? What if his heart couldn't take anymore?

"You have dirt on your cheek." Quatre started at the voice beside him and turned to see Trowa crouching in the dirt beside him. Quatre flushed and without thinking swiped his hand across the indicated cheek, only after realizing his hand was also covered in dirt, effectively making the mess worse.

"Quatre." A hand stilled his effort and Trowa leaned forward, his eyes intent on Quatre's cheek.

"Trowa what are you…?" Quatre stopped in mid sentence as green eyes turned their hypnotizing force fully on him. His stomach clenched in nerves and anticipation of the fierce look held in those green eyes that came closer and closer. A soft silky wetness caressed his cheek and only then did Quatre realize Trowa's intentions.

"Trowa stop!" Blushing bright red and embarrassed Quatre tried pulled away. "You don't lick dirt off of people!" Trowa pulled him back and ducked in, successfully capturing the surprised Quatre in a searing kiss. Soft lips met and Quatre groaned, Trowa tasted like spice and lemons, but also like the dirt he had just stolen from Quatre's cheek. The combination nearly drove Quatre crazy, kissing Trowa was like a drug to him, he couldn't live without it, but it felt dangerous and addicting. He let his eyes drift shut and just enjoyed the moment of feeling completely content with the person he loved.

Duo crept around the corner, keeping low and listening hard so he wouldn't get caught. He needed to know what was going on, and Duo knew only one way to do that. He had borrowed a pair of loose sweatpants from Quatre and a black t-shirt, knowing the blonde wouldn't mind in the slightest. He was slightly concerned by the fact that his ribs were hurting outrageously and he was feeling a little dizzy, but he had to go on. His mind was racing through the possibilities, why had Heero been there, why had Heero touched him? He had to find out the answer.

Voices around the corner made him still, his chest clenched as he heard the low murmur of Wufei and Heero. Crouching Duo peered carefully around the corner to see his two former lovers sitting at the kitchen table talking over cups of coffee. Duo ached to join them, to run in the room and jump in Wufei's lap just to see him frown in that cute way that was only Wufei. It had been so long since he had seen them for a long period of time in person, he was so close he could almost smell them, but that just might have been his mind playing tricks on him. Duo scooted towards the edge with his back to the wall, checking the angle to make sure he couldn't be seen.

"We have to go see Relena tomorrow." Duo started and scooted back more when he heard Wufei speak.

"We haven't seen her since this all went on. It's about time we head back." Duo held back a gasp as tears pricked his eyes as he heard Heero's familiar voice. They weren't even going to wait and make sure he survived; they were going to go back to Relena. Clamping a hand over his mouth to keep the scream he felt building from escaping, he edge backward. This was a bad idea, he knew he shouldn't have come to find out, he knew he shouldn't have let hope glimmer for one second, because it hurt so much more when it went out again.

well you're never gonna find it


if you're looking for it


won't come your way


well you'll never find it


if you're looking for it

Duo's mind was in chaos, he wanted to bang his head against the wall, and he wished he had never woken up. So lost in thought Duo didn't hear the scrapping that signaled chairs being pushed away from a table and a set of footsteps walk away while another approached.

"Duo?" The world seemed to freeze as Duo's gaze slowly rose to meet the cold cobalt eyes staring down at him. Heero… the name repeated itself like a mantra in Duo's head making his breath come shallow and his heart race. Heero was standing over him looking down, his face expressionless. Seeing those emotionless eyes made something pull inside Duo and snap. Quickly he stood, trying to cover his embarrassment with being caught with a signature grin.

"Sorry Heero I was coming to the kitchen for some food and had to take a little break, you know, injuries and all that fun stuff." The words spilled, tripped and ran faster than Duo would normally have let them. He looked everywhere but at Heero, it hurt too much to even think to look at the person he loved right now. Emotions built and threatened to spill over and explode, he had to get away, he had to escape.

"Well anyway I'm feeling rather tired so I'm going to head back to bed, seeya around Heero." Don't look at him, don't look at him, Duo's mind was screaming. If he looked at him everything would fall apart, boys are strong, boys don't cry. Duo turned away and started to walk as quickly as his injured body could back to his room.

Fingers like steel rods wrapped around his wrist, halting his progress. Duo stopped, unsure of what to do. He tugged weakly at the captured arm, knowing already that he wouldn't get free that easily.

"Heero I'm tired let me go." Duo stared at the doorway to his room; freedom is the design of simple wood only 30 feet away from him.

"Look at me Duo." It was almost a command, Duo almost obeyed.

"No Heero."

"…Why not?"

Duo saw red, how dare Heero tell him he no longer wanted him, try to kill him, accuse him of lying, save him and then go back to Relena. His fist was flying at Heero' face before he even realized he had acted. Even though his rational mind knew Heero would catch it, he didn't care anymore.

Heero caught his arm mid swing, Duo knew he would, what he didn't expect was Heero to push him roughly against the wall, effectively pinning him with his arms trapped beside his head. So Duo did the only thing he could think of.

"Fuck you Heero! You and Wufei can go fuck that pink bubblegum princess as much as you want." He could feel the tears welling and hated himself for it, hated the weakness that Heero and Wufei brought him. Hated how much he loved them. "I don't care who you love, I don't care what you do, and I care about you as much as you care about me, which is not at all! So you and Wufei can go…"

Suddenly warm, soft lips were covering his own. Duo froze in shock mid sentence as his knees went weak. Heero caressed his bottom lip making Duo open his mouth automatically.

should've done something but I've done it enough


by the way your hands were shaking


rather waste some time with you

Duo weakly struggled, already knowing there was no way he could get away from Heero's iron grip. Heero tasted so good, so familiar, Duo had to groan as the perfect soldier explored his mouth. It could have been a day, a second, maybe an eternity, but suddenly Duo could breath again. He knew his face was bright red and his legs were shaking, Heero always had that effect on him.

"Who do you think I love?" At the question Duo looked up into fierce cobalt eyes. What was he trying to do? What was he trying to say? Duo was confused; he didn't want to hope,

"I don't know Heero." Duo was verging on it; he could feel the tears threaten to fall if he so much as breathed. "I don't know what to believe, I can't think straight. I don't know who to trust."

"Trust me! Trust Wufei!" The answer was fierce and Duo felt in reciprocated in the hands clenching around his already bruising wrists. It was the answer Duo had been waiting for, and yet the one he could no longer understand. It was as if he had waiting to long, the words had lost their meaning along the way. He had imagined himself smiling and falling into Wufei and Heero's arms and just being happy. But he couldn't imagine that anymore, he was scared to.

"How can I?" The words felt like acid spilling out of his mouth. Knew they hit their mark when Heero tensed up. And he hated himself for it.

"What's going on here?" Both jumped and looked to see Quatre stalking down the hallways towards them. Heero quickly let go of Duo's arms in attempt to explain himself, giving Duo all the opening he needed. Duo did the only thing that his confused mind could comprehend, he ran as fast as he could.

rather waste some time with you

Yup I'm leaving you guys there, nice aren't I? Seeya all next time and remember to review!