Why are you back?

Disclaimer: I don't own the outsiders. My only character is Brigette.

Chapter 11:

Dally POV:

I wished that I could kill Ponyboy at that moment. The hurt in Soda's and Darry's eyes was so evident, and so painful that it almost broke me, the toughest greaser in town. Darry and Soda have been nothing but great brothers for him and how does he repay them? He repays them by telling Johnny and Angie that he hates them. Well, he didn't actually say that, but he might as well had, asking for Johnny before asking for them was pretty much like saying that he doesn't need them anymore.

"I'll go find Johnnycakes." Two-Bit said before leaving the room to go get Johnny.

"I can't believe he felt that way this whole time and didn't tell us." Soda said.

"it's alright baby, he'll be fine. You should just talk to him." Sandy told him.

I

I know that, that POV was pretty much useless but I wanted ya'll to know how Dally felt and I wanted Sandy and Soda to say something.

Ponyboy POV:

The next time I woke up Johnny was beside me.

"hey, Pone. How ya feeling?"

"fine I guess." I said.

"where are Soda and Darry?" I asked him.

"outside, the doctor said you were asking to see me so they made me come first." Johnny said, and he started to look nervous.

"everything ok?" I asked him.

"uh…look Ponyboy when Soda and Darry come in here… let's just say that some of your secrets have come out."

"what do you mean?" I asked him.

"well, they were all talking about how you'd be ok, how you wouldn't leave your life now. And it got me so mad seeing as they don't even know you anymore, and you don't even like them so much I just snapped. But don't worry, I didn't tell them that you didn't like Brigette and Sandy, only that you've changed. I also told them how you quit track." Johnny said with a look in his eyes that I've never seen before. There was a little bit of anger, disappointment, disapproval, and sadness in there.

"don't worry Johnny, I would have told them anyway. I mean you were right when you told me that it'd come out sooner or later, I guess it's just sooner. I'm actually happy that you told them, see this way they'll bring it up and I don't have to sit here for the next few days trying to find out how to bring it up." I said with a smile appearing on my lips.

"thanks, well I guess I'll get someone else in here now. See ya tomorrow." Johnny said before leaving. I don't think he believed me that I wasn't mad at him, but I really wasn't.

Angie came in next. We talked a bit about random stuff and then she brought up the dreaded question.

"Ponyboy? Why did you jump in front of me when that soc shot the gun?" she asked.

"I… I just didn't want to see you in that kind of pain, I couldn't bare to even think about you being on that cement bleeding, and when he shot the only thing I could think of was to jump in front of you." I said as I look up to the ceiling, I would have much rather looked at the floor but I was lying on my back and my chest hurt when I tried to sit up.

"but you could have pushed me out of the way! You could have yelled for me to move!" Angie exclaimed.

"Angie… Angie, it's ok. I'm fine, I'll live." I tried to reassure her, but before I got a chance to find out if it worked, Tim came to get Angie. She left and not too long after Brigette and Sandy came in. I wanted to pretend I was asleep but they saw my eyes open.

"hi Ponyboy." Sandy said as they came to my bedside. I fought off the urge to me rude, and replied with a

"hey."

"how are you feeling?" Brigette asked, as she began to stroke my hair like I had once seen her do to Darry. I personally hated when people did stroked my hair that way, Angie sometimes strokes my hair, but not very often, and Soda would stroke my hair after a nightmare, but not like this. I hated it when people stroked my hair like this, cause it's the way my mom would stroke my hair and I hated to have that feeling, like if my mom was there, when she really wasn't. I would have moved away but it would hurt if I did and I didn't want more pain in my chest than what I was feeling at the moment.

"fine I guess." I told them.

"you know, you're a pretty brave kid to go and do that for some girl." Sandy said.

"she's more to me than just 'some girl'." I emphasized the 'some girl'.

"well… still it was very brave of you. I mean getting shot hurts and you did it voluntarily." Sandy said. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't exactly voluntarily but I just couldn't be that rude.

"ya, I don't know a lot of guys that would do that." Brigette added.

"ya, well… Tulsa isn't exactly a place with a lot of guys that care too much, if you know what I mean." I said.

"ya, I guess you're right." Brigette said.

"well, I guess we should go, so they don't end up kicking us out before Soda and Darry get to talk to ya." Sandy said as she and Brigette left.

I only had about 3 minutes to get ready before Soda and Darry came in. I expected them to be a little upset from what Johnny had told me, but their eyes had more hurt in them than I had ever expected.

"hey, Pone. How ya doing?" Darry asked.

"fine I guess." I said. "my chest hurts a bit but I'll live."

"well, that's good." He replied.

"why did you do it?" Soda asked.

"cause I didn't want to see Angie on the ground bleeding. It was the only thing that came to mind, so before I really knew what I was doing I was on the ground bleeding." I said as I looked back to the ceiling.

"oh." It was silent for a long time after Soda said that. I had counted the ceiling tiles about 30 times before I heard Soda and Darry whispering.

"you know it's not polite to whisper." I told them with a teasing smile on my face that faded when I saw even more hurt in their eyes.

"Ponyboy, why didn't you tell us? I mean you quit track? You haven't been very happy?..." Soda began.

"… you feel like you don't belong in this family anymore?" Darry ended. " how could you ever feel that way? How could you feel like you could tell Johnny and Angie but not us? We're your brothers Pony, we could have done something about it!" Darry said with a demanding voice that had too much sadness and disappointment in it. I wasn't sure if he was disappointed in me or himself and Soda, but I couldn't take it.

"and worst of all Angie says that that's not all of it." Soda said.

"tell us what's going on Ponyboy." Darry added.

"Ponyboy… did you jump in front of Angie when the gun went off because you thought you might die and you wouldn't have to feel this pain anymore?" Soda asked, and I was more shocked than ever. My happy-go-lucky brother thought I might be suicidal!

"No!" I exclaimed making sure there was no question about it. "it's just…" I started.

"what?" Darry asked hinting for me to continue.

"it's just that… we've changed. Before Johnny and I killed that soc everything was fine between us but after the trail everything changed." I told them.

"after the trail or after Sandy and Brigette became more important to us?" Soda asked.

"after the second one I guess." I said as tears started to sting my eyes. " I guess that I thought that it'd be great, being just us three and the gang for a while. And then Sandy and Brigette came back and I started dating Angie. And it was fine at first but then… you started going out every night or then you were working or something, and we never hung out anymore. It was like I saw you for 5 minutes in the morning and then that was it. We used to be close and then we drifted apart and when I finally realized that it was happening it was to late, everything was falling apart. I hardly ever saw you two, Two-Bit and Dally started to hang out more with the Shepard gang than me and Johnny, and I had to quit track and it just didn't make sense anymore." I finished.

"there's more that you haven't old us Ponyboy, and I know it. Go on." Soda told me.

"I… I… can't, I can't tell you." I said.

"yes you can… you have to." Darry told me.

" is it about Sandy or Brigette? Both?" Soda asked. How the hell does he know me so well? I thought to myself.

"ya…"

"well? What about them?" Soda asked.

"do you not like them?" Darry asked.

"no, I mean… they're ok. It's just… I'm not sure that I want you to marry Brigette." I blurted out, knowing that no matter how I said it, it would hurt.

"why?" Soda asked.

"…no reason." I said looked back to the ceiling as tears began to roll down my cheeks. I couldn't bring myself to tell my brothers that I didn't want anyone to replace my mom, and Brigette made it seem like she wanted to. She'd come u to me and talk to me as if I was a son to her, or she'd stroke my hair the same way, and I didn't want anyone acting like my mom except my mom.

"there's a reason and I'm not leaving until I get it." Darry said. I was worried, I might have been able to blurt out everything else but I definitely wasn't ready to tell them about this.

"I'm sorry but visiting hours are over, you can stay in the waiting room during the night if you'd like or you can go home but you must leave the room." The nurse came into the room and ushered Darry and Soda out of the room, and I sighed a sigh of relief. I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep that night, but at least I didn't have to tell Darry that his fiancé had been trying to become/ replace my mother. That was something I hadn't even told to Johnny and Angie, I only told them that I didn't like her and I didn't want her vbecoming my guardian.

Thanks for the reviews! The next chapter should be up soon. In the mean time please R&R.