A/N: Can I just tell you how cool it is that everyone really wanted Meredith to stay dead, I thought I was the only
one! I was tempted to keep her dead, but then I thought it couldn't be called Grey's Anatomy. Also, the replies
were out of this world, I'll keeping adding chapters but don't be prepared to even like Derek for about seven
more chapters because he's still McBastard in my book. Also, I'm thinking of writing this story completely in
Addison's POV unless I feel the need to write Derek but with as wishy-washy as he is I don't want to try to get
into his head, let me know your thoughts. This one is kind of short... Thanks again!

Chapter 2

Two Weeks Later

I needed to be on television, I had become a master at evading you. I know when you are coming and I sped up and hide. You want to discuss our sleeping together, and I want to discuss nothing with you. From the moment that you entered into her hospital room and saw her alive all you could do was cry. You didn't speak to me you just soaked her presence in and did your best to ignore mine.

I left shortly after I dropped you off and met Richard in the parking lot. He looked at me and pulled me into his arms. I allowed myself the comfort of my surrogate father momentarily and pulled away and smiled, "It worked out Richard. Everything worked out."

He put his arm around my shoulder and said, "Why do I feel like you are not including yourself in that equation?"

I shrug and pull back and say, "I'm beat. Thanks for letting me know. I'll be at home."

He nods and leans over and kisses me on the cheek and says, "Get some rest. You can come in later tomorrow."

I'm jolted out of my reality at the sound of someone clearing their throat. I turn around and am faced with Meredith Grey. "Dr. Montgomery, I just wanted to say thank you."

I refuse to flinch at her gratitude but I must admit I am curious, "What are you thanking me for?"

Meredith motioned behind her and said, "I know that when Derek thought I was dead he was distraught. He told me that you helped him through the hours afterwards until he found out I was alive. I wanted to say thank you."

I'm tempted to scream but I refuse to say anything. I raise an eyebrow and nod in acknowledgment and walk away. I barely make it to the bathroom before the tears overcome my eyes and I'm overwhelmed in my own grief.

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"What's wrong with you Montgomery?" I look up from my salad at the stern greeting from Miranda as she sat down in front of me and plops her lunch down in front of me, "You've been walking around here like the living dead ever since Grey was found alive."

I lean back and met her eyes with a look of devastation that I can't hide, not from her. "Derek and I had sex that night. In my mind, I tried to justify it and say we made love but he just used me, I knew that he was using me. I knew that I was a substitute but I've spent my life with this man and whatever he wanted I couldn't deny him. We had sex and then he gets a call that says that Meredith is alive and once again I'm on the backburner. I'm in a hold position for the second time in my life, waiting on something magical to happen. I can't keep doing this Miranda; I may have to leave Seattle."

You look at me sympathetically and say, "How could you be so stupid? You knew that he was just using you and you just…"

I felt the tears well in my eyes and the realization that you were saying that you knew how wrong I was. I guess you took pity on me because you slid your hand across the table at me and said, "Don't worry Addison. You will get through this, you are Addison Forbes Montgomery damn it."

I smile at your encouragement, if only I felt so assured.

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" Addison?"

I turn around at the sound of your voice. You had finally caught me; it was ironic that it had been on the way to my car the one area that I hadn't planned an escape route. I turn around and meet your eyes which are full of compassion.

I scowl and turn back to my car and open my backdoor ignoring your presence as I methodically place all of my items in the car and lean against my driver side door and wait for you to disappear. I don't believe in magic but I also don't believe it paying attention to people who still have the power to break you.

I decide to open this conversation, "How's Meredith?"

He clears his throat as he waits for me to turn around and meet his eyes. I turn around and I see the pity that's laced in them mixed in with regret, "Don't Derek, just don't."

He tries to reach for me but I flinch back, "Derek, let's not okay. You made a mistake, one that I'm sure she will forgive you for, that is if you tell her. You were distraught, you thought she was dead."

Derek reaches for my face and before I have a chance to pull away you cradle my cheek in your palm, " Addison, I didn't mean to hurt you. There are no words…"

I grab your hand and remove it from my face, "All I can say is that you needed me and I was there. I'm always going to be there. Divorce, affairs, loss of friendships won't change that. I know that what happened is a regret that you have to live with and I have to live with the fact that I don't regret a moment of our time together."

You stare at me in shock and I know that I have left you baffled, "It shocks you to know that I'm not upset over making love with you? I know for you the fact that you used my body was just for sex, just to slack off this grief that you found yourself in but I made love to my husband. The husband, that I never stopped loving. Even after all this time, even after Mark and watching how you break my heart time and time again, I will never regret that."

I open my car door and turn back to look at you and smile at the look on your face, "It would seem that I have no shame where you are concerned. Sad isn't it, to realize that you've been living in your fantasy world while I've only just been existing in my reality. Don't worry Derek; I'm not going to demand that you leave Meredith or that you even tell her. I just need you to leave me alone, and I'm not talking about talking to me in the halls, I need you to pretend that I've moved back to New York. Because as far as I'm concerned you have to disappear. I won't be able to survive otherwise, that's all I'm asking of you."

You look like you're about to cry and I chide myself for the desire to comfort you and I slide inside my car and drive away refusing to look at your face as it disappears in my mirror.

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Two Weeks Later

I stare at the pregnancy test in disbelief. My hand immediately falls to my stomach to cradle the new life growing within. Derek has kept his word, he avoided me at every turn and even though I was grateful that he had stuck to the terms of our agreement, I found myself looking for him at staff meetings or walking down a hall hoping to catch a glance of his face.

I had almost made myself sick with the realization that you didn't find it difficult to walk away from me when I realized that I really was sick. I was sick, my breasts were tender, and I craved Dill pickles…I craved Dill pickles, and my breasts were sore.

I had fallen against the counter after leaving one of my patients in disbelief. We had created a child, a life that was now residing inside of my body. The child would be dependent on me for everything for its life and for sustenance. It was like my brain kicked into another gear, I could no longer be selfish with my heart. Forasmuch as I still loved you, I refused to wallow in grief if there was even a glimmer of a chance that I was pregnant.

I ran through the rest of my day on a cloud, even Mark smirking at me when he said that Meredith and Derek had announced their engagement touched my happiness. Meredith could have Derek, as long as I had you. I was already speaking to you like you were a person before I even had confirmation that you existed.

I would do this alone. I was Addison Forbes Montgomery after all; I was used to being alone.

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Why didn't anyone warn me that being pregnant with your ex-husband's child while he was walking around the hospital with his happy fiancée didn't help morning sickness? I had done my best act of happy ex-wife, if there was such an act. I tried to fade into the walls and make my presence invisible and had been doing a good job until I was shoved into Richard's office by three of my closest friends.

Richard, Callie and Miranda shoved me into the chair and stared me down as they started firing questions off at me.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Are you sick?"
"Did McStupid say something?"
"Why don't you smile anymore?"

I feel the tears well in my eyes at the look of concern on all of my friends face and I dissolve in tears. Callie pulls me into her arms as the sobs shake my shoulders and I reach for a tissue, "I'm pregnant."

Richard looked at Miranda who smirked and Callie's arms tightened around my shoulders. Miranda spoke first, "You have to tell Derek."

I meet her eyes with defiant ones of my own, "I wasn't going to keep it from him. I just wanted a moment to absorb the fact that I was pregnant and alone. I'm not used to being alone and not with a child on the way." I finish my statement with a flourish as I rest my hand on my stomach to show how serious I am.

Richard leaned against the door, "When did you…?" He lets the rest of the statement drop and I know he's referring to when Derek and I had been intimate again.

Miranda answers for me, "After he thought Meredith was dead, she was helping put him back together and she put him back together in more ways than one."

I feel the blush suffuse my cheeks at her words but I can't deny that they are true. Richard takes my hand and as I stare into his chocolate eyes I falter in my thought process, "What if he doesn't want her?"

Richard squeezed my hand, "He doesn't have a choice. I will kick his ass if he says anything to make you cry."

Miranda nodded and said, "After the Chief is done with him, Callie and I are next." I nod as I look at all of their faces who are so sure of their actions that I can't deny them anything.

I nod once and said, "Okay, I'll tell him."

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"Can I speak to you Dr. Shepherd?"

I watch as Derek flinches at the sound of my voice. He turns around and smiles at me softly and to the rest of the world, it's not obvious the tension in his shoulders.

I realize with a jolt, that he doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't even want to acknowledge my existence. The pain gripped me suddenly and I realize I was close to tears. He didn't want to talk to me.

He must've noticed that I could still read his face because I was confronted with his hand on my shoulder as he gently led me into an empty room.

He flipped on the lights and turned to me apologetically, "I'm sorry about that Addison. I don't know why I did that. I guess every time I look at you, it's a reminder of what I did when I thought Meredith was dead and it makes me hate myself. But you don't deserve that from me, not after everything."

I try to muster up a smile at his word but I'm left cold inside, he doesn't want me, he wouldn't want my child. I turn around and reach for the door when he speaks my name from behind me. I turn around and met his face with a blank expression of my own, " Addison, what did you need?"

I grimace as I fake a smile and say, "I just wanted to wish you congratulations on your engagement." I open the door and make it to the locker-room before I collapse in tears.

I know people might say how cliche, of course she's pregnant but darn it, I'm ticked that we missed our shot at FHB's and
every chance I get, I write one in this story, I hope it still keeps you interested. Thoughts Please:)