A/N: Yea, so since I'm not really watching Grey's anymore, I can write more to
my latest story in peace and quiet. Hey I said I would have more time didn't I?

Chapter 4

I close the door behind you and lean against it. I don't want to enter the living room because I knew you were going to say to me that we needed to talk. Do you think I don't know that? That I'm actually running from the fact?

I exhale softly and ask, "Would you like something to drink?"

He nodded, "What do you have?"

I motion towards the wet bar which was probably gathering dust by now. I had given up alcohol when I found out I was pregnant which wasn't really a hardship considering I wasn't someone who drank a lot, I was more of a social drinker.

He shrugged, "Gin and Tonic?"

I nod and busy myself with making your drink so I can watch you. It was actually the reason I had offered in the first place, I was curious to see what frame of mind you had come in. So far you hadn't sent any accusations my way or spiteful words and I could only pray that it would continue that way.

I hand you your drink then sit across from you and stare, "Derek, why are you here?"

Derek sipped his drink and said, "I think your letter pretty much explained everything. You're pregnant, I'm the father. I don't think it gets much simpler than that."

I shrug at your nonchalant view of the situation and say, "Simple? So does simple include you wanting this child?"

Derek scowled as he sipped the rest of his drink and placed the empty glass down on the counter and said, "I want any children I have no matter what I feel about the mother."

I feel a jolt of pain as it was obvious, what he had been about to say but didn't. No matter what he didn't feel for the mother, my love wasn't enough. I should know that by know but somehow I deluded myself into believing that the child would change things. It would make him see me as I once was his companion, his best friend, his lover and then the mother of his child.

I nod and say, "I'll let you know the next time I have a doctor's appointment and you can attend with me if you like."

He smiled at me and I feel a flush come over my face, "What?"

He shrugged as he leaned against the chair and said, "You, you are so comfortable with the fact that you're pregnant with my child and that I'm not with you. I expected a temper tantrum, I expected….To be honest, I don't know what I expected."

I nod slightly, he didn't know me. Maybe he had never known me, if he had, he wouldn't have expected me to be anything less than nice about whatever role he wanted to play in his child's life.

I clear my throat and say, "I'll have my lawyer draw up some joint custody papers once the child is born and you won't have a problem with visitation."

He glares at me and said, "You have this all planned out don't you?"

I chuckle to myself. Yes, I had planned Meredith being presumed dead, I had planned me being the one sent to take you away from the supposed body of your love; I'm the one who had to take you to your trailer and take care of you. I had engineered that you pulled me into your arms and had sex with me time and time again. "What do you want me to say Derek? That I haven't been concerned about the welfare of my child? Well, I have been. I want to ensure that my child is taken care of."

I watch as you lean back in your chair disgusted, I don't know whether it's with yourself or me. You speak and then I have the answer to my question, "I'm sorry Addison. I'm just upset because I wasn't strong enough to confess to Meredith when it happened that we slept together. She would've understood but I waited too long and when I finally confessed it to her after I read the letter, she threw my ring back in my face and told me to get out."

I long to comfort him, but my self-preservation and my pride is too wounded so I sit back and place my hands in my lap, "She'll come around. I can talk to her if you want, I know how devastated you were and no one can fake that emotion, she'll understand that you thought you had lost your reason for living."

He looks at me in surprise and said, "I actually believe you would do that you know. I believe you would go to her and try to convince her but what I realized after I proposed is that if I lost her, my life wouldn't be over. I was so afraid when I thought she was dead that I would never get a chance to make up for all of the time that we had spent apart so I rushed out and bought an engagement ring, a ring to signify to her that I was in it for the long run. She said yes, and all the right words were there, all the right emotions but something was missing."

I close my eyes, and try to shut out the sound of his voice. The last thing I wanted to hear was the sordid details of your love life with the woman who obviously the love of your life. That hurt too much because in my stupid heart I still imagined you as the love of my life.

I clear my throat and reiterate again, "I'm sure that everything between you and Meredith will work out. Now Derek, if there isn't anything else."

Derek looks around my apartment and for the first time I see him nodding in agreement. When I found out I was pregnant, I bought an apartment. It was the realization that I wasn't alone anymore that made me realize that I needed to have roots in Seattle if this is where my child was going to be raised. He turned around and said, "This place is you. It fits you, I like it."

I smile and say, "It was one of the first places I toured when I was looking for somewhere to stay. I fell in love with the view and didn't look at anything else. It has three bedrooms, one of which I'm planning on converting in our child's bedroom."

He motions to the area and said, "Can I see?"

I shrug, I don't know what brought on this sudden desire to see every part of my home but if it will keep him here for a little while, my heart wouldn't let me kick him out.

He turns to me at the last moment after he has toured all three of the fully furnished bedrooms and said, "Can I use one of these?"

I stare at him in disbelief. He may have had a fight with Meredith but I truly believed that she would forgive him in the end but he needed to be patient and not move in with me. "Derek, I don't think that's a good idea. Meredith is going to forgive you one day and then she won't be too happy that you are living with me. Why don't you just stay at your trailer until you two patch things up?"

You shake your head at me, "It's over between Meredith and me. I've accepted it, and as angry as I am I can't help thinking it's for the best."

I refuse to feel anything but concern for the father of my child as I hear the finality in his tone, "Derek, you two will get over this. You will start a new life with Meredith and you can be a part of your child's life but don't mistake a fight between the two of you for the end."

He turns to me and said,"It's over Addison. I want to move in here, I need to be close to the only true things I have left, my child and you. Please."

I'm helpless to deny him, "Of course you can stay in the spare bedroom. I'll get you a pillow and some sheets."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

I floated through the next four months on a cloud. I had Derek by my side even though we weren't together and we were enjoying the excitement of the birth of our oncoming child, our son. I remember when I found out that the child I was expecting was a boy; I was going to have a son, a little boy who would call me Mommy and who would depend on me for his every wish and need.

Derek had looked me with such a sense of wonder in his eyes and I knew it was the first time that he realized that this child was more than a burden, a reason that he was no longer with Meredith, this child was a reason to live, a reason to go on.

I look up from my chart at Meredith Grey who was glaring at me from across the room. I place my hand protectively over my five-month pregnant belly and shake my head. I had nothing to feel ashamed about, it was true that Derek and I weren't in a sexual relationship we might never be again but that didn't stop us from being friends, friends that would raise their son together.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Bailey assigned you to my rounds today. We need to check out my patient's one of who has been diagnosed with Placenta Previa in her twenty-fifth week of pregnancy and then we have to check on a young girl who's complaining of pains in her stomach."

As I start walking I notice that I seem to be talking to myself and I turn back to see Meredith staring at me with her arms crossed. I walk back to her and exhale softly; this is not how I wanted my day to go, "Is there a problem Dr. Grey?"

Meredith scowled at me, "How do you do that? How do you win everything? How do you end up being the one who comes out smelling like a rose when it's me who almost died, me who lost the love of her life, me who lost everything at your hands?"

I place the charts protectively in front of my stomach as I allow her this tirade and then face her with a patented Satan glare of my own, "Meredith contrary to what you may believe, I don't have Derek. I never have had Derek. Derek has always been yours; from the moment I stepped off the plane in Seattle I have been fighting you, your presence, your memory, your very being. And now, you have the audacity to assume that I get everything I want. I wanted a husband who was willing to fight for our marriage. I wanted a husband who would stop staring longingly after an intern almost ten years his junior. I wanted so many things, all of which I never got. What did I get? I got to watch Derek Shepherd; the most renowned neurosurgeon fall apart at a body bag that he thought was yours. I had to watch Derek Shepherd, stumble into a trailer that he hadn't inhabited for months because he was permanently attached to your hip. I had to help him into bed; he was so overcome with grief for you. He needed me for a moment, one moment where I was no longer the adulterous bitch, but something else, something he needed and wanted. I gave him everything once again and once again, you took it away so please don't presume to tell me that I win everything."

I heave in deep, calming breaths as I allow the stress of my outburst to fall from my shoulders. I turn to her and speak in short, clipped tones, "I'll speak with Dr. Bailey about getting you assigned to another attending."

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

"Addison, what do you want for lunch?" I look up at as Miranda and Callie crowd around my table with a smile.

They sit down and open up their individual's lunches and stare at me awaiting my next move, "Would you like to know the plans that we are making for your baby shower?"

I feel a slight smile touch my lips, "Sure, maybe that will cheer me up."

Miranda looks at me in concern, "What happened? Did McStupid do something?"

I shake my head as I sip on my ginger ale, after that confrontation I needed something to calm my tummy down and the ginger ale always seems to do the trick. "No, it was his girlfriend, ex-fiancée. Whatever you want to call her, she accused me of taking everything away from her. I was so tired of her walking around like the walking wounded that I went off on her. Derek is still hers and nothing will change that."

Miranda and Callie stared me in empathy and I shrugged, "Tell me about the plans for the shower. I'm eager to hear about an event that is conceivably still three months away."

Callie and Miranda launched off into details and I watched the both of them with a look of amusement until I saw a shadow out of the corner of my eye. I look up and smile at Derek's approach, although I feel the smile falter when he stalks over to me with a look of anger on his face.

"Addison, what did you say to Meredith?"

I flinch at his tone. He didn't even ask what she could've possibly said to me that could've upset me or my child; he was just worried because Meredith had been upset. Meredith and Callie glare at him and I clear my throat, "Meredith confronted me Derek but I don't think you care about that right? I'm still the villain in this story."

I stand up as I feel my blood pressure shoot to my toes. I had foolishly assumed that we were starting to come back to where we were as friends and partners. But it was still Meredith, it would always be Meredith and I was tired of it.

I turned to Miranda and Callie and said, "Ladies, I need to go please excuse me. We'll discuss the plans for the shower later."

I refuse to cry in front of this son of a bitch who still cared about Meredith more than my child or I. I heard him call my name from behind me but I refused to turn around. I wanted out, and I wanted out now.

Dude, I'm tired of McBastard, starting next chapter, I think he's going to start to change. Its hard writing him
like this even though it would be in-line with what's on our television now. Also, I never got a Meredith bitch! slapdown on my TV
from our girl Addison who we all know would bring it on like nobody's business so I did a mini-one in this chapter.

PS, Some people might say that the line that Addison had with Derek about talking with Meredith would never happen but
after watching some of last week's episode, I think my Addi is big enough to want the man she loves happy with or without her.
Hence, the line.