Chapter Five: Kiss (Link)

Why did I kiss her? Ilia is just a friend to me! I can't believe I did that. It was a true kiss, and I was giving all of myself to her, but I love you, Midna. I can't face you now. I can't face what I did to you. I can't face what I did to Ilia. I think…I think I'm in love with both of you. And worse still, I think Zelda has a thing for me, though I can't say I like her the same way. Oh, Midna, please help me. Please help me choose the right path. I love you. But why did I kiss Ilia?

I sat awake in my bed. I know I hurt her, and I'm sorry. I was sorry, and that's probably what urged me to do it. But when I kissed her, I wanted so much more. I wanted her to want so much more. It was more than just a kiss of friendship; there was passion in it as well. When I kissed her, I was afraid. I was afraid of what was going through my mind as I did it. It was the same feeling I got when I had first transformed into a wolf…

But I wanted to share my first kiss with you.

I heard a knock on my door, and so I got up to answer it. It was Ilia. I could feel the heat rising to my face. "Ilia, you idiot!" I screamed in my head. "After what I did to you, there's no telling what the beast in me might do this time!" Look, I know she's always had a thing for me, and I suppose that if I had never met you, I might be fully willing to love her in return. But I didn't. Because I don't love her the same way that I love you.

"Link, I can't sleep. Can I stay with you?" she pleaded. Her hair was down and draped around her shoulders, and she wore a knee-length white nightgown. I felt my hands start to pulse. Damn it, this is exactly what happened last time. Ilia, go away before I do something stupid again, please, I'm begging you.

But I nodded my head and let her in, shutting the door and locking it behind her. I cursed myself all the while. She sat down on my bed and curled up on top of the covers. I went over and sat down next to her. She traced her fingers along my muscles and up my arm. I was starting to feel all tingly inside and out.

But then I heard your voice in my head, Midna. "What are you doing, Link?" your voice called out to me in my mind. Your face suddenly appeared in my head, and I snapped into reality. I backed off of my bed and broke into a cold sweat, pushing Ilia's soft hands away.

"Link, are you alright?" she gasped. She got on the ground with me and felt my forehead. Still the same old Ilia, always worried about others I said to myself. But you need to leave. I don't know how much longer I can control myself. Being a wolf hadn't just changed my outer appearance, but over time, part of me reverted to an animal instinct. In the past, I could have resisted this urge, but the beast in me was tearing out at an alarming rate. I didn't know how much longer I could hold out. I was fighting a battle where, for the very first time in my entire life, I wasn't sure that I could win.

But I couldn't give in again. I was still having trouble over forgiving myself for what I had done earlier. Help me, anybody. I can't do this to you, Midna. I can't do this to Ilia. I can't make my hands stop!

But it was too late. The door to my room was closed and locked; there was no one there to stop us. I grabbed Ilia and pushed her down onto my bed. I had her arms pinned down with my arms, and her legs pinned down with my legs. I tried to fight the feeling, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't do it. Your face pushed into my mind, urging me to stop, but Ilia's was there as well, pleading for me to keep going. "Someone please stop me," I whispered. Tears pushed their way into my eyes, but there were too few of them to fall. I pushed my face down into hers, kissing her with a fiery passion. I couldn't stop myself, her lips felt so good against mine.

Ilia looked up to me half in surprise and half like she wanted whatever it was my body wanted to do to her. Her eyes were glazed over with desire instead of the pure innocence that they once knew. I couldn't stand to see her like this. I couldn't bear to do this to her. I pulled out of the kiss and tried to pull myself off of her, but my body would not listen to me.

"Link…" Ilia moaned. There was fear in her voice. "Stop, Link…" But there was also desire in it. The part of me that was the beast was fed by the fear in her voice, and it honed in on the desire, ready to go for the kill.

It was then that I actually spoke. For the first time in my entire life, I spoke to Ilia. "Help me…stop me from doing this…please…" I managed to move my arms off of hers. I was giving her a chance to fight back. I needed her to take this opportunity.

She somehow knew exactly how to subdue me. Where she learned it, I'll never know. She reached up her arms and wrapped them around my neck, pulling my face down to hers for another kiss. Her lips pressed gently against mine as I melted into it, and I relaxed all of my muscles. It was a different kind of kiss than I had given her; I couldn't explain it really, but I could tell that it was less from desire and more from affection. Ilia could then push me off of her. Who knew that a kiss was all it took to slay a beast?

"I'm so sorry, Link, this is all my fault," she said. I just looked at her with empty eyes, breathing heavily. She had never seen me like this before. It was true, I was like an animal. And I was truly sorry. Sorry to Ilia, and sorry to you. But instead of leaving, Ilia crawled over next to me and put her face on my chest.

"Stop…" I whispered.

"You and I both know that you don't really want me to stop," she said to me.

"Please…" I added, equally in a whisper. "I…"

But she shut my up with a kiss. I could feel her tongue tracing mine and her lips pressed against my own. She was lucky that my body was so immobile, or else something really bad could have happened that night.

But the picture of your face was with me the whole time, Midna, taunting me for being unable to control myself for the second time, and if not for that, I may not have been able to keep back the beast this time around. I'm sorry, Midna, I truly am. But I also have to thank you. Thank you for using your powers, even after we have been separated, even if it is just part of my own imagination, to keep the wolf sealed away.

I promise that I will find a way to return to you and apologize to your face. You don't deserve to have this kind of disrespect, and I intend to make up for it with all of my heart. I drifted to sleep, with Ilia next to me, still touching my face tenderly, and then woke up at the first hint of dawn.

I shook Ilia awake. I secretly thanked the goddesses that she was still in her nightgown and that she hadn't been stupid enough to take it off. She woke up and smiled at me. I felt a pang it my heart at the memory of what I had done to her last night.

She nodded her head, understanding my silent apology. She then got up and left my room, closing the door softly behind her so as not to alert the other guards.

I quickly followed suit, and got dressed in my new Hylian armor. It was red with golden armor that matched the princess's armor. I was very proud at having earned this, because it showed that I could really handle the job that Zelda had appointed me with. And it helped me to feel like I was in control.

I opened the door to find Ilia standing there. She was dressed in a short white dress tied tightly around her body with black leather ropes, and with golden armor that matched mine and the princess's. She wore the same kind of head ornaments that adorned Princess Zelda's, except that the jewel was red instead of blue. She wore long boots adorned with golden plating as well that reached up to her thighs. Her arms were covered with white gloves and golden wrist guards. She looked like a warrior princess, especially with the shield and sword equipped to her back.

But a warrior's spirit was not there. She was still just the innocent girl who had come to make a delivery to the castle. Well, mostly innocent. After what had happened last night, I wasn't so sure of it anymore. She had no way of knowing that she was going to get her first kiss, become my assistant knight-in-training, and then almost lose something precious to her best friend.

I took her hand in mine out of brotherly love, despite whatever type of love I had felt for her last night, and led her back down the stairs and into the throne room. Princess Zelda was sitting there in her throne, waiting patiently for us. She saw us and smiled.

"You're early," she said. "I expected you to take a little more time to rest since you have such a gargantuan task ahead of you." There was something hinted in her voice that implied that she meant something else by what she was saying, and I couldn't help but feel a little awkward. Did she know what the two of us had been up to last night? The mere thought of it sent shivers down my spine.

And then Ilia spoke. "That's right; tell me about this Twilight Realm. What is it, and why do we have to find it?"

"Oh, yes, the realm of the Twilight…" began Princess Zelda. She then told her the entire story of the use of the Mirror to send a rebellious shadow people into the other world, the imprisonment of Ganondorf, the death of a sage, how Ganondorf was sent into the Twilight Realm, how he came upon Zant, how Zant almost destroyed both worlds by merging them together, and all about the Twilight Princess…you, Midna, and how you shattered the Mirror of Twilight. And my heart along with it, though Zelda failed to mention that little bit.

Ilia could see the look in my eyes as Zelda spoke about you, Midna. Ilia could tell that I felt something towards you, though I'm not too sure if she knew exactly what. I could see the hurt in her eyes as she saw the regret in mine. I shook away the feeling of uneasiness that I had.

When Zelda finished retelling the story, Ilia announced that she was ready to take on her mission.

"You are to go with Link, your trainer, to the Arbiter's ground and search for any shards of the Mirror of Twilight. Though a normal human could not see them, Link was once more than that. He should at least be able to sense if a shard is nearby. If you find anything, report back to me immediately."

We both saluted to her, and within moments, Ilia's horse, which remarkably resembled Russl's horse, Lilly, and Epona were brought to us as we were brought to the front gates. We saddled up and mounted our mares, and we were off in no time.

This was it, Midna. I was going to find a way to see you again. I was going to find a way to bring you back, even if it killed me.