A/N: So I was trying to emote a kinder Derek and I'm not sure I came across so let me know your thoughts!

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When it was morning, I was bombarded by my favorite interns, attending and Chief who all wanted to give me warm wishes. I was still hormonal about almost losing my life and that of my child so I tried not to speak for too long in case I needed to break out into a bucket of tears at a moments notice.

So when Miranda came in later that afternoon, I was holding my emotions together by a thread and not a very long one. I smile when I look in Miranda's eyes and notice that she's trying to read my thoughts. I swipe an errant piece of hair from my cheek and ask, "What's going on?"

Miranda smirked at me and handed me papers, "These are your release papers but I don't know if I want to give them to you. Ever time I let you out of this hospital; I can't seem to keep you in one piece. I'm thinking, I should get you a permanent room here and then everyone would be more tranquil."

I shudder as I remember the horror of the past couple of hours, she rushes to my side and says, "Addison, this wasn't your fault you know that right?"

I'm too choked up to answer but I shake my head, I know this was my fault. All I had to do was listen to Derek's wish and we would have been at home together discussing colors for Dominic's room and instead I had made Derek suffer a panic attack believing that he was about to lose his son. "It was my fault Miranda and no amount of hoping will change that. All Derek asked of me was to cancel the date, he said he wanted to try again but my heart doesn't trust him, I don't know if it will ever trust him, but what I do know is that if I had followed his wish I wouldn't be in the hospital."

I finish my spiel and look up to see the expression on Miranda's face which has quickly turned into a raging temper and it was directed at me, I flinched back as she stormed out of the room.
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I had been waiting patiently for Miranda's return as well as any news on Alan or Derek. Both had been mysteriously absent from my room today and I was concerned that words were spoken and Richard had to take them aside and discipline both of them.

The door opened and Miranda walked in with the surgery schedule for the week. She handed me the paper and said, "Read. Read the date that all these patients were admitted."

I'm hesitant to not obey any directive from Miranda so I scan the paper and notice that all have the same admittance date, "They were all admitted yesterday?"

Miranda snatched the paper back from me and sighed, she pulled the chair up to my side. "With most of my other patients, I would end up doing reverse psychology but you're a doctor and you know what these numbers mean. I know these numbers may also mean nothing to you because you've already shifted roles from being one of the best damn neonatal surgeon that I've had the pleasure to work with, to being just a mother and a woman who was scared but that sheet shows that there was a twenty-five car pileup last night, one you could just have easily been caught up in instead being the victim of a attempted holdup."

I felt the tears roll down my cheeks at my own insensitivity, I had boxed myself away from the real world not taking time to acknowledge, that other people too could have crisis. I reach for a tissue and start cleaning up my own tears as Miranda smiles at me, "That wasn't so you would feel guilty but it was so you can stop feeling bad for yourself. Derek Shepherd has made too many mistakes, where you're concerned and where your marriage was concerned. He has no authority to demand that you drop any dates because he suddenly had a conscious attack, I happen to like this new doctor. He's cute and if you feel something serious for him, don't let anyone Mark, Derek or even Richard tell you that it's wrong. You deserve to be happy, after everything and if it's not with Derek, then that's his problem for not knowing to appreciate what he had when he had it and nothing else."

I do start sobbing after this, large gulping sobs where I barely stop to inhale breath. I manage to stumble out through my sobs, "Thank you Miranda. You and Callie have truly been the glue that holds me together. I don't know what I would do if I was still in Seattle, alone and pregnant with no friends. It's means the world that you have decided to befriend the mess that I am."

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I want to do this by myself, I want to be able to do something by myself but I'm constantly surrounded by well meaning friends in the hospital who won't let me fully recover. Miranda gave me a clean bill of health with orders that I be on bed rest for the week, since it was only Wednesday and this was my only outlet, the idea of three days at home alone was daunting. Fortunately, I had just got my new laptop synced with the hospital so I could catch up some of my reports, emails and write that paper I had been promising the New England Journal of Medicine. It would be good but I would be bored, bored out of my mind and I would be alone.

Maybe I could use the time, to look for decorations for Domi's room. I send my hand to my pronounced belly and start to stroke the area where my child lay. To think, I had almost lost him still had the ability to make me shudder in horror and make tears well in my eyes.

I pull on my clothes rather quickly as I'm anxious to leave the hospital, I don't want to be here. I don't want to take up a bed where someone who is really ill can use this space. As I reach for the door to open I'm taken aback when Derek sticks his head in with a grin. "Thought you could leave without me didn't you?"

I step back that is exactly what I thought, it is exactly what I wanted actually and even though it didn't happen I'm still tempted to see if I can do this alone, "I know that your schedule must be busy with that pileup that Miranda was telling me about. I can take a cab home, really Derek. I know you're needed here." I wanted a chance to go home and steel myself for the next battle that was coming my way.

I look up as he is scowling at me, "There is nothing more important to me than you and Dominic. There is another neurosurgeon on staff, even though at times it feels like I'm the only one here."

I smile softly and then look down and back away from the door in horror, "Derek no. I'm not using that. Take it back."

I watch as he smirks and pats the back of the wheelchair that he is fiercely guarding and smiles in glee, "These are doctors orders, well actually Miranda's so it's a direct order from the Nazi. But if you want to ignore her directive….."

I scowl and plop myself gently into the chair, the last thing I wanted to do was go home and especially in a wheelchair but I was anxious to leave the place that was still rife with bad memories so I decide to comply.

I flinch when Derek kisses me on the forehead, "That's my girl, always so obedient."

I'm pregnant and I don't use bad words and especially in front of my unborn son so I send him the finger as we leave my hospital room. His laughter can be heard through the halls.
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As I settle myself into the bed, I see Derek hovering over me with a look of concern and waiting. I reach for my laptop and glasses and dismiss him with a wave of my hand. He sits down next to me and pulls the chair close and reaches for my hand. I allow him to take my hand as I focus on what was coming. He had been acting weird ever since the near miss and now I was wary of any emotional declarations that I would automatically dismiss as false due to timing.

"What's going on Derek? Did you need something?" I try to speak in a normal tone so as to not let on that inside I'm shaking. I'm literally terrified that the next words that he speaks will irrevocably change my life.

I allow him to gently massage my fingers as he squeezes my hand and then speaks slowly, softly. It was so low that I had to strain to hear him, and when I did hear him, I felt tears come to my eyes. "I was so scared Addi. When I got the call that you were in the hospital the only thought that ran through my mind was how I was going to live without you. You or Dominic and that's when it hit me, I loved you. I never stopped; I allowed my pride and hatred of your actions to blind me to whom I had chosen to be with for the rest of my life. It was pretty satisfying and also pretty damning to at the same moment recognize that I had finally worked out my feelings only to find that I might never get a chance to act on them. So after saying all of that, Addison, I want you to know that I love you. I know that you may not believe it or even want me anymore but I love you and there I've said it."

I snatch my hand back and close my eyes as the sobs start to slowly wrack my body. He had finally uttered the words that had been my wish, my every desire since the moment we made love that fateful night all those months ago. Now, he was here in front of me ready to put actions to the words and I was scared to death. I didn't know if I could trust him with something as sacred as my heart. I had given it to him once before and he broke it.

"Derek, I can't…" I pause in my dialogue to swipe at the tears that are rolling down my cheeks. It wasn't easy to finally get what you've always dreamed of only to realize that the dream couldn't be your reality. Not yet, not until I could trust the words.

I shake my head, "I love you Derek you know that. But love isn't enough, trust is also an important factor and unfortunately I don't trust you. I don't trust that these words are just not you worrying that something could've happened to Domi or me. I know that you truly believe every word that's coming out of your mouth but I've been there and I don't want to go there again, and especially not until you're sure."

I watch on bated breath for his reaction, I know he wouldn't be pleased that I'm in actuality deeming your sentiments as false but I had to be true to myself as well. It wasn't just me anymore, I had another life that depended on me, and I wanted to do right by both of us.

The scowl that crossed his face is quickly replaced by a grin of acceptance. "I'm in this for the long haul Addison. So it's okay if you don't believe that I don't want you now because I know that after everything I have to win back your trust and the only way to do that is slowly. So prepare yourself because I'm going to woo you, I'm going to make you believe in what's between us again. I'm going to make you believe in our family."

Le Sigh! Not much of a jerk anymore is he? I tried but let me know if it was too over the top or not enough.