A/N: Per someone's request, we get gasphappyAddekgasp! in this chapter! There is about 2
more chapters left and then an epilogue. OH yea!, there's a surprise for my loyal fans, something we've been waiting for!

Chapter 11

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I was going stir-crazy. I had been in seclusion for two weeks, only leaving when I had an appointment at the hospital with my obstetrician and then I was swept back to the apartment. I had plenty of time to rest while I pondered over everything that Derek had told me that night almost two weeks ago. Two weeks since he made it a nightly ritual to crawl into my bed and cradle me in his arms. He hadn't professed his love for me and I wasn't even expecting it. I didn't need him to confess his love for me because he did it every day, in every action, every word, and every gesture that he gave me.

Flashback

Derek had entered my bedroom every night for the last couple of days, and I was beside myself with anxiety on when we were going to get into another fight or end up making love in the middle of my bed. He stopped at the edge of my bed as he stared down at me and slid into the bed next to me and sighed in exhaustion.

I turned over and faced him as I watched the stress of the day create worry lines in his face. I touched his face softly and then chided myself for the impulse and went back to pull my hand back when he prevented my motion by holding my hand against his face as he sighed again but this time I think its in relief because I'm not holding back on offering him comfort that he so desperately needed.

I looked at him and at the sadness in his face, can't help, but ask him the problem so I speak softly, "Derek, what's wrong?"

Derek shook his head as he stared into my eyes and began to speak with a sigh in his voice and said, "I had a cancer patient, a little boy who was not even ten and he has a malignant tumor on his brain and I'm helpless to assist because of the location of the tumor. His parents came because they wanted me to give them some hope. I couldn't I can't and I was watching the parents trying to comfort themselves and each other I thought of you and Domi. If something happened to either one of you…."

I curl my hand around his cheek as I start to realize the problem. Derek had always been affected by the problems of his patients and especially when it was pediatric patients that had grim diagnoses. He starts to cry softly as I pull him into my arms and I lean my head on his chest offering up comfort by my presence, "Addison, you and Dominic mean so much to me and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose you one day. Don't let me lose you or Dominic, please."

I pulled back and kissed his cheek softly refusing to respond to his request because it would let him know the inner workings of my heart and I wasn't ready to open that up to him again. I laid my head on his chest as his arms came around my waist or what was left of it as he fell asleep with me cradled in his arms.

End of Flashback

I was loved by Derek Shepherd again. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time. I wanted to run into his arms and hold on for dear life but I knew that I didn't have that luxury not until I was assured that it wouldn't end up with my heart being spliced open on a platter while he found another woman who took over his time and attention.

Flashback Two Nights Prior

I crept out of bed hoping for a little privacy as I had my own personal pity party. It was the damn hormones that had been plaguing me during my pregnancy. I walked into the living room with my hand cradling the ache in my lower back as I created a pallet for myself in the middle of the couch. I headed into the kitchen and scoured the refrigerator and freezer for sustenance. After settling on leftover spaghetti, I rummaged through the refrigerator for salad dressing and after heating up my dish I head towards the sofa with my box of soft tissues .I was crying at the drop of a hat these days so I always carried a box of tissues with me in case I was caught off guard.

I held the bowl of spaghetti in my lap as I opened the bottle of bleu cheese salad dressing and dumped the majority over my spaghetti and then stirred the concoction together as I began to twirl my pasta on the for. After I had completed my preparation, I started eating my concoction and in between gulping bites and sporadic tears at the commercials on television I became content sitting in the middle of my Italian leather sofa with myself.

I was halfway through my bowl of spaghetti when I noticed that the lights in the living room had suddenly flickered on, I looked up at met Derek's eyes that were full of confusion. He walked over to the sofa and peered into my bowl and screwed up his face as he asked, "What the hell is that Addison?"

I rolled my eyes as I showed him my latest concoction with pride, "This is leftover meat sauce and spaghetti with bleu cheese salad dressing. Do you want to try?"

I looked up at him with hope in my eyes and knew that even though he found the combination disgusting he wouldn't tell me, he had become extremely sensitive to my feelings and since he knew that I was prone to cry at the drop of a hat he tried not to say anything to upset me. He reached for the bowl as he grabbed a forkful and stuck it into his mouth before screwing up his face as he swallowed it down with a grimace, "That's interesting, so you want to tell me why you are up Addison? I went to the bathroom and noticed you weren't asleep in the bed besides me and I started to get worried."

I shrugged as I flipped through the channels on the television and said, "Domi and I couldn't sleep so I came out for something to eat and then started to watch television. There's supposed to be an old movie coming on and since I was already up, I decided I wanted to see it."

Derek sighed as he plopped down on the couch next to me and laid his body out and put his feet under the covers and requested, "Hand me the remote."

I was guarding the remote fiercely ever since Derek had moved in with me. He had personified the role of male must have remote and I wasn't ready to let him have this concession as I looked at him in shock, "Why? You have to go to work in the morning, I don't. I didn't want to bother you, so just go back to sleep in my bed. As you can see, I didn't leave in the middle of the night, I'm okay."

Derek rolled his eyes as he pitched forward and swiped the remote out of my hand as he started flipping through the channels. He stopped after flipping through all 300 of the cable channels and settled back on the channel it had initially been on where my movie was already starting. He leaned forward and set my empty spaghetti bowl on the floor as he pulled me on my side as he faced me towards the television and started massaging my lower back as if he magically knew where the ache in my back was. I sighed in contentment as I curled up into his arms and he draped the covers over the both of us and leaned forward and pressed a gentle kiss to my cheek before whispering. "I don't sleep without you, so just relax and go to sleep. I'll be here."

End of Flashback

Alan had also been a pillar of strength for me while I was holed up in the apartment waiting to be able to return to work. He came over every other day and had lunch with me and we would laugh, cry and talk about everything. I felt a sense of ease when I was with him. I kissed him twice but neither kiss arose any emotions in me other than friendship. I had tried to feel something but I was starting to feel like it was useless.

I heard the knock on the door and I sighed in disgust, I hoped it wasn't anymore door-to-door salesman because I was tired of saying that I wasn't interested. I opened the door and was surprised when I was greeted with my girlfriend's faces plus someone else. Someone who I wasn't expecting.

I stepped back and allowed, Callie, Miranda and Izzie Stevens entrance into my apartment. I closed the door behind me and said, "This is a surprise, it's the middle of the day, what's going on?"

My friends crowded into my apartment and Callie spoke for the group and said, "We thought you could use a little distraction, so we are here to provide you with the best kind. A road trip."

I step back and look at Miranda in question, who must've been reading my mind because she answered, "Your latest blood work looks good, this is only a short trip anyway so go get ready."

I feel my spirits rise as I rush into my bedroom and throw on a pair of loose, green sweats and pull my hair back into a ponytail. I rush out of my bedroom with my purse throw over my shoulder and I head for the door when Izzie shakes her head in laughter at how quickly I've changed and produces a black, blindfold from behind her back. I glare at her and then at Callie and Miranda, "What is this you guys?"

Miranda scowled and swiped the blindfold out of Izzie's hands and pulled me to her side, "Shut up and be quiet. We are taking you out."
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I had been in the car for about fifteen minutes chatting about the events of the day, latest gossip mill news and Dominic in general. It was a refreshing change from hearing myself talk as I worked on my laptop at the apartment by myself or when Derek was there and we would talk about his latest brain surgery. It was nice to be in the company of my girlfriends, with the exception that I still had a blindfold tied over my eyes preventing from knowing my final destination. I didn't understand why it was so important that I be kept in the dark about where we were going so I decided to ask, "Okay ladies, why do I have a blindfold on? What is the deal?"

Callie who had sat beside me in the backseat, patted me on the knee and said, "We are almost there Addison, don't be so impatient."

I lean back and shake my head. My girls are crazy.

Fifteen minutes later, I hear the car suddenly come to a stop and I sigh in relief. I didn't know how much longer I would be able to go before I started whining for a potty break. Miranda cleared her throat and said, "We are here Addison."

I reach for my blindfold but Callie slaps my hand, I scowl in pain, "Why did you do that? All you had to say was not now Addison."

Callie giggled from beside me, "Sorry. Not now Addison. You have to be patient; the element of surprise will make the payoff that much sweeter."

I nod as I'm helped out of the car by Miranda and Callie. Izzie, I noticed had been remarkably silent during the whole road trip and I was curious as to the reason. I turn to the direction, I envision Izzie to be and I say, "Izzie, what's wrong? You've been pretty quiet."

I don't hear anything for a moment and then I start to hear the gentle sounds of someone weeping. I reach for my blindfold and expect to feel a hit on my hand but nothing comes. I remove the blindfold and gasp in shock and disbelief. I reach onto the car for support as I stare at the building that we are standing in front of, 'Denny Duqette Memorial Clinic'.

I'm a hormonal fool and I feel the tears rise in my eyes equaling the ones rolling down Izzie's face. I turn to Miranda and Izzie with a smile, "This is wonderful you guys. I didn't know that it was this close to completion."

The building was a three-story complex with an emergency center, waterfall in the front and an inviting garden in the front. I turn to Callie who is trying to pretend that she's not touched even though I see her swiping away tears. I take her hand and walk over to where Miranda is comforting Callie and I say to Izzie, "So who wants to give me a grand tour of this facility?"
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I was on a roll as we strolled through the complex and Izzie proudly displayed all of the latest machinery and equipment that currently resided in the new building. We came to the Gynecological Wing and I start gasping in amazement as I look at all of the advanced technology that is currently in the place.

I turn to Izzie and Miranda, "So where's my office?"

Izzie smiles as she takes my hand and said, "I thought you would never ask." She takes me down the hall to the office at the end of the hall which says 'Chief of Gynecology and Obstetrics'. I stop and turn to her in surprise, "What's this Izzie?"

Izzie puts her arms around my shoulders, "If you let me, I want this to be your office when you come to volunteer here. I want you to occupy this office and this building so when girls who don't have enough money to come see you at Seattle Grace still have a chance at having the best in the field."

I feel the tears roll down my cheeks as I turn and embrace the young girl who I had always hoped would want to learn my profession but who had now become one of my dearest friends. I pull back and I wipe the tears that are falling down from her face, "Of course this will be my office but it's only transitional because one day this will be your chair. When I get back from maternity leave, you can become my intern again and learn everything by my side and then take this office when you are ready. You have a good heart Izzie, and a wonderful bedside manner. You will be one of the best and I want you to get that."

Izzie starts to cry and rolls her eyes but I shake my head. I had to get her to understand that she was talented, even if she didn't believe anything else that ever came out of my mouth, "Izzie Stevens, you are one of the best. Don't let heartbreak stop you from reaching your full potential. You are as gifted as an intern as any I've met, you just got off course for a moment but you are back and you will become a good doctor. I believe that just as much as I believe Dominic is pressing down on my bladder demanding attention. Sorry to interrupt my pep talk, but where's the bathroom in this place?"

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I shuffled back into the apartment with a full heart and fortunately an empty bladder. I looked up when Derek cleared his throat in frustration at me. He gestures to his watch as I close the door behind me. I set my purse down and wander into the kitchen. It seemed that when I emptied my bladder, I also emptied my stomach and I was starving. I start poking in the refrigerator when I hear him come up behind me. I refuse to stiffen but continue to peruse the refrigerator looking for sustenance, and after locating some edible leftovers I set the container in the microwave and turn to Derek who's scowling at me openly.

I'm not really in the mood for another fight so I try to play dumb, "What?"

I watch as he launches into a tirade, "What? That's all you can say to me? I've been waiting here for two hours with no communication from you; I finally broke down and called Alan. Do you know how desperate I had to be to call your boyfriend?"

I giggle as I hear the tirade and realize that maybe laughing in the face of his emotional outburst, laughing was probably the wrong emotion to emit. Derek growls at me, "You laugh?"

I press the button on the microwave and say, "Derek, I have a cell phone. The whole time, I was gone you never picked up the phone. You have my number, it's Speed Dial 1 on your phone remember? If you called me then I would've picked up."

I shake my head at him as he stalks out of the room and appears ten seconds later with my purse in tow. I stare at him suspiciously and he motions for me to take the bag which I do and reach in and pull out my cell phone which is off. I grimace as I realize that I hadn't charged the battery before I left, "Derek, I'm sorry. I had no idea that the battery was gone. I didn't mean to make you worry."

I hope that my apology comes off as sincere because I truly hadn't meant to make him worry but the fact that I hadn't charged my phone couldn't be helped. I pulled the container out of the microwave and turn to head to the table when Derek is standing by the microwave with his arms still crossed. I look at him in confusion, "I said I was sorry Derek."

He's staring at me so intently that I start to fidget and feel uncomfortable, "Derek, what's wrong?"

I don't like the look in his eyes; it was like he was plotting something against me. He leans against the counter and says, "I think I deserve a hug for all the worry that you put me through."

I sigh in relief, I had worried that he was going to demand that I start taking a pager or letting him know of my movements before I left the house. I put down the container and lean forward and embrace him softly in my arms and sigh in contentment when his arms come around my waist. He kisses me on the cheek as he pulls back and says, "I was worried Addison." I squeeze my arms around his neck in apology and then I start to feel the heat of him close to me. I don't want to admit that even being this close to him is torture. One of the things that I had been fighting, rather valiantly was the fact that my hormones had spiked and I was horny. I had become unbelievably horny during my pregnancy but fortunately I had been able to suppress those urges and focus on another task which is why I was so desperate to return to the work of eating.

I had let my mind wander about my hormones when I feel his lips press against mine softly. I start to pull back but his hands move quickly from my waist to around my face as he pulls my face closer to his and deepens the kiss. I'm helpless to do anything but kiss him back as I revel of the feeling of being back in his arms.
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Two Hours Later

I had just made love to Derek Shepherd for the first time since I discovered I was pregnant. I was in shock as I lay in my bed with Derek snoozing by my side. I had made a solemn vow that I would not jump my ex-husband's bones no matter how tempting it seemed even when he was in my presence looking his regular 'McDreamy' self. I scowled to myself as I realized that I had broken yet another one of my self vows and I turned on my side.

"Stop it."

I was shocked to hear him speak from my side so I turned over and faced Derek who was looking at me with one eyebrow raised while the rest of his face was still hidden by the pillow, "You're feeling guilty when there's no reason to Addison. You and I love each other and we just made love, there's nothing out of the ordinary, there's nothing you need to overanalyze just go to sleep."

I open my mouth in protest when he puts a finger over my lips, "Addison, I love you, I'm in love with you and I just made love to you. If you hadn't worn me out for the fifth time, I would show you again but you did wear me out. I need to talk to Miranda in the morning about the libidos pregnant women have because if that's how you get affected by pregnancy I may keep you pregnant for the rest of our lives. I'm exhausted; you should be exhausted so let's go to sleep. In the morning, we can discuss the reasons why you think this was a bad idea but for now, let it rest Addison."

I was tempted to huff out of the bed in anger but I knew that the words that he was speaking had some validity to them. I did tend to over think and I could possibly be overanalyzing what had just occurred. I sighed in exasperation that he was probably right and I turned over on my back to try to get some sleep.

As soon as I had my eyes closed and I was about to fall asleep I heard a rustling next to me and I cracked an eye open ready to tell Derek off when I notice that he was sitting up and trying to move me from my position. I looked at him through a tired eye, "What are you trying to do Derek?"

I was rewarded for my inquiry with a brilliant smile as he leaned over and pressed his lips to mine, "I told you that I can't sleep unless you're in my arms, so turn around."

I glare at him for a second trying to determine if he's trying to butter me up or if he's just being sincere. I decide to believe the best out of him and I turn over and within moments, I'm cradled in Derek's arms with his hand cradled protectively over my stomach. He kissed me on the cheek, " Addison, I love you."

I want to protest but I can't, the way that we had made love tonight showed otherwise. All of his actions from the past couple of weeks showed that I was still an important person in his life. I couldn't lie so I responded in kind, "I love you too Derek."

So I totally needed some pregnant squee, I hope it wasn't too over the top and see as promised, they are happy! Thoughts, please.