There's a talking head with Karen in this chapter that I think might make a good story in itself... let me know what you think.

The Decline of Scottish Sea Power

Adventure No. 14:

(Part 4)

"That's What I'm Talking About, A Relationship Sub-Plot."

Pam sometimes wondered if the only reason Michael took his promotion was so that he could call everyone together.

"It has come to my attention," he roared at the frontline of Dunder-Mifflin Scranton (with some notable exceptions), "that some of you are worried that you're going to die here."

"Who?" Dwight demanded, his breath bated as he prepared to leap into accusation.

"That... is not for me to say," Michael said steadfastly, somewhat undermining his point by drilling his eyes directly into Pam.

Even Dwight couldn't miss such a clear sign. "Treason," he breathed.

"It can't be treason," Andy chimed in, his tone especially nasal, "we aren't at war."

"Yes, we are," Phyllis reminded him. "With Iraq, remember?"

"No, I knew that," said Andy, who clearly didn't. "But that's the country," he added weakly. "I meant the boat."

"Pam, Michael is our captain and our manager and you have no business questioning him," Dwight snarled.

"The boat isn't at war," Andy mumbled anemically.

"The point is," Michael broke, "No employee of his office..."

"We aren't in the office..." Stanley sardonically inserted.

"...Has ever died on my watch," Michael finished, undeterred.

"Well... there was Ed Truck," Phyllis reluctantly volunteered.

"He was retired," Michael dismissed, "all bets were off."

"What about Tom?" Oscar asked.

Michael looked flummoxed. "Who?"

"He took his own life a few years ago," Pam gently reminded, Michael gave no outward sign of recognition, so she kept on. "He was looking for better support for depression..."

Michael angrily shrugged it off. "Well, that was before we knew about the dangers of depression. If I had known about the problem sooner, he'd probably still be alive today."

"Well, that's kind of the point..." Pam mumbling helplessly.

Michael's face broke. "I will reminded you," he warbled, choking back tears and bile, "that a ship is only as good as its crew. Even the greatest captain in the world can only do so much." He cast his face away defiantly. "So if you're this ship does sink, it's everyone's fault but mine."

"Well, you were the one who forced us to run a cruise ship with no training or experience," Oscar countered.

"I don't want to hear your apologies," Michael replied, huffing off for another part of the boat, far away from his ungrateful employees.

----

Jim: When I was twenty-one, I started dating a girl who worked at a strip club.

He grimaces.

Jim: She didn't tell me that herself, actually... I found out when I introduced her to my family on Thanksgiving.

Pause.

Jim: Yeah, that was kind of awkward...

----

Dwight portioned out cold, hard looks of rancor to each and every one of his coworkers, first as a group, then individually. Michael's bold leadership skills were the only hope they had of getting through a shark attack alive (minus a few "accidents" that had all been a long time coming) and now, like Jesus, they had turned away from him when all he asked for was love, faith, and a total willingness to give their lives in sacrifice to him. Letting everyone know just how disappointed Dwight was in them right now was a herculean task, but it was one he relished.

Dwight was brought out of his reverie by a light tap on his shoulder.

"Dwight," Karen called lightly, "I've been looking all over for you."

Dwight smiled, he had always known this day would come. Karen had obviously tired of Jim's sexual incompetence and had come him to learn how down was meant to gotten. Not that he would cheat on Angela, but... he felt confident that certain arrangements could be made.

"Here," Karen said, depositing a a small bottle in his hand, "give this Angela."

Dwight examined the bottle, one could never rule out poison if one wanted to survive.

"It's just fruit juice, Dwight," she explained, suddenly frustrated for no reason Dwight could grasp. "It will help with her seasickness."

Dwight read each line of the contents as though he were trying to decipher the Dead Sea Scrolls. "This has algae," he finally announced.

"So?" she asked, clearly exasperated. It was probably Jim's fault.

"Angela is a vegetarian," Dwight replied, trying to mask his shame on this point.

"Algae isn't an animal," Karen accurately diagnosed.

"No," Dwight agreed with an air of authority, "they belong to Kingdom Protista."

"Right," Karen nodded. Dwight was frankly baffled that such a smart woman would choose to be with Jim Halpert. Perhaps drugs were involved.

"So..." Dwight continued after a pause, "are vegetarians allowed to drink protists?"

"I don't know, Dwight," Karen replied, burying her face in her hands, "I just thought it might make Angela feel better." Maybe Jim was hypnotizing her somehow.

Dwight considered it for a moment. "We'll just have to take on a protist-by-protist basis." He would have to search Jim's desk from research material on hypnotizing females.

For the good of the office, of course.

And then he was off, leaving Karen to think once again about life choices.

From across the deck, she saw her lover's face and noticed the expression of tortured introspection etched thereon. While the past few weeks with Jim had been easily the best in their relationship, she had to admit that she had seen more of that look on his face than she would have preferred in the past few days.

She also had to admit that she knew the source.

She closed the distance between them slowly, blaming herself for what had happened with every step. When she finally came to him, her voice was barely a whisper as she asked the question that she knew could only be answered one way: "you're thinking about Spider-Man 3 again, aren't you?"

Jim nodded morosely.

----

Karen: Yes, I made Jim take me to Spider-Man 3 opening night. I've loved Spider-Man ever since I was a little girl and... I wanted to him to see the movie with me.

She gives the usual Karen smilet.

Karen: It's not like I make him dress up in the costume or anything.

-----

Karen instinctively switched to an apologetic defensive. "I'm sorry you hated the movie, but..."

"I didn't hate it," Jim murmured solemnly.

Karen was unconvinced. "Jim."

"It's just..." he fumbled for a second, trying to find the right words to paint to convoluted mess his feelings on the subject had become. "It's just hard to watch someone you respect fall so far... you know?" he finally said.

"I appreciate you saying that, Jim," Michael's voice crackled from behind them. "You've always been like a slightly younger brother to me," he said.

Karen and Jim both watched as their boss floated sadly away like a plastic bag caught in an updraft.

Jim looked to Karen and she nodded.

Jim grimaced, he had actually been hoping she wouldn't. "Hey, Michael!" he called.

----

Ryan: Yeah, I usually like things to be casual, but... I've been serious girls before.

Pause.

Ryan: There was one girl a few years ago that... I don't know, I thought it was going somewhere, but...

He shrugs, as close to choked up as he is capable of being.

Ryan: Actually, the week she left me was the same week I agreed to take the job at the temp agency.

He smiles ironically and pauses for a moment to let us all think about that for a moment.

Ryan: I ran into her the other day... She's selling religious t-shirts online now.

----

"What do..." Michael spoke strangely philosophically. "What did you imagine getting out of this documentary?"

"I don't know," Jim admitted. He had actually been terrified about that point since filming began. No matter how sympathetically he was portrayed, the film could hardly help his personal life. Professionally, he would be dead in the water.

It certainly couldn't help his love life.

"A few laughs, I guess," he conceded. "What about you?"

After a pause, Michael mumbled "I wanted to host the re-make of 'Studs.'"

Jim nodded. "Good choice," he said.

"I've got a whole pitch worked out," Michael said, wistful and broken-hearted.

----

Jim: For those of you who might be a little young, "Studs" was a dating show in the 1990s that was widely accepted as being the single most degrading thing in the history of American broadcasting.

Pause.

Jim: We've had much worse since.

----

"Do you know what the first major argument Jan and I had as a couple was?" he asked, he voice rich in a kind of sickly, soupy melancholy.

Jim could honestly say he did not.

"We were going into a meeting with Wallace," Michael explained, "CFO."

Jim nodded, he had actually been about to return a phone call from David Wallace when Michael threw his phone in the lake.

"Jan told me not to make any jokes about my penis... I told her I tired not to, but they kept coming up." In spite of the obvious emotional exhaustion he was going through, Michael couldn't help but laugh at his own joke.

"Michael, I know it's hard to work with someone who dumped you..." Jim began.

"I dumped her," Michael corrected automatically.

"Right," Jim wouldn't have believed it himself if he hadn't outside the door when it happened. As it stood, he still had to keep reminding himself that was what had actually happened.

"She fired me," Michael amended.

Jim blinked. So that's what that phone call was about.

-----

Kelly: My boyfriend before Ryan was SO cute, but we had to break up because he got this really great job in Singapore, and I TOTALLY understood so... it just wasn't a big deal...

Pause.

Kelly: Although I did have to hear that from his mom...